Chapter Twenty-Five
Clay
A cool breeze sweeps up Observation Hill, where Pepper and I are cuddled beneath a blanket watching the sunrise over the campus. She shivers, and I hug her against my side, pulling the blanket further around her as gorgeous streaks of yellows, oranges, and pinks paint the sky.
“We need a picture for your grandpa.”
I love that she thinks of him, and I take a picture of the sunrise, and one of us, which I’ll send to him later.
Pepper rests her head on my shoulder. “Do you think watching sunrises counts as a hobby?”
“According to the great Bradshaw Braden, watching the sunrise is the most important part of the day, and it should be a habit for all beings great and small.”
“I’m starting to think he’s right. I can’t believe I never took the time to watch a sunrise before you and I got together. It’s a calming way to start the day.”
“Other than when my grandfather used to pressure me to watch them with him, I’ve never been able to sit still long enough to enjoy them. But I can with you. I think you’re my calming force.”
“That’s funny, because you get me out to do more than I’ve done in years. I guess that’s kind of a calming effect, too, since my brain is usually too busy to focus on anything but work, and with you it’s all about pleasure and fun.”
I kiss her temple. “Pleasuring you is fun for me.”
She smiles, and I know she’s thinking about our sexy night in front of the fire, too. We made love and slept there all night. My shoulder is paying the price for sleeping on the hard floor, but it was worth it. I’d sleep on nails if it means being with Pepper, but I hope I don’t end up with a headache.
“There’s a hill like this back home that overlooks the Jerichos’ barn. Brindle and Morgyn loved sneaking out to watch the Jericho brothers hold midnight rodeos. They’d drag us all with them. Sable would try to keep them in line, which never worked, and Grace loved going when we were young, since she and Reed were secret lovers in high school, and he was always there. Amber went just for the sisterly camaraderie, and Axsel went anywhere there were hot guys.”
I love how she knows her siblings so well. “What about you?”
“I only went when they forced me to. It wasn’t my idea of fun. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. But I learned early on that getting too caught up in boys led to trouble.”
“That’s true in many ways, but what kind of trouble did you get into?”
“None on those nights.”
“But…?” When she doesn’t respond, my mind starts making up shit. “Did you get in trouble with Ravi?”
“Not with him. I let Sable talk me into going to a party one night so she could see Tuck—”
“The guitarist from her band?”
“Yeah. They went out when they were young. She really cared about him. It was when I was seeing Ravi. He was away with his family, and I was waiting to hear from him. I didn’t want to go to the party. I hated parties as much as I hate driving at night, but Sable was desperate to see Tuck, so I went. It started to get late, and I didn’t want to be there anymore. I begged Sable to leave or at least drive me home, but she wanted to stay with Tuck, and she told me to drive myself home. I was on my way when I got a text. I knew it was Ravi, and I was crazy about him. You know how when you’re young, everything feels like it’s life or death? That’s how it felt when that text came through, but I couldn’t reach my phone on the passenger’s seat.”
There’s a sinking feeling in my gut. I tighten my grip on her shoulder.
“I only took my eyes off the road for a few seconds to reach for the phone, and when I looked up, a deer was right there , just standing in the road. I was going too fast to go around it.” Her eyes dampen. “I don’t remember the accident, and I have no idea how I got out of the car. It was wrapped around a tree, and there was blood everywhere. On the broken windshield and the hood, and all over me.” Tears spill down her cheeks. “The next thing I know, I’m huddled in the grass by the dead deer, shaking and covered in blood, and Sable is sprinting down the road toward me, shrieking.”
My chest constricts, and I wrap her in my arms. “It’s okay, baby.”
She shakes her head against my chest. “I’ll never forget the fear in her screams.” Her voice is ragged. “She’s always been fearless. But that night—” A sob steals her voice.
“It was an accident, sweetheart.” I pull her to me, and she buries her face in my neck. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
“It’s not okay,” she says angrily, and pushes out of my arms, swiping at tears. “I could’ve died, and my family never would have gotten through that.”
“But you didn’t, baby. All kids get into accidents. My mother always said, It’s not if your child will get into a car accident; it’s when , because kids are kids. They’re always distracted and thinking of a million things .”
“But I wasn’t usually like that. I was reckless, and that night broke us. It changed the course of both of our lives.” Her eyes dampen anew. “I lied to Sable about the deer. I told her it came out of nowhere, and I didn’t tell her about the text. She took the blame because she felt guilty about making me drive at night, and I let her do it. I didn’t know it would change her.”
“Of course you didn’t,” I say gently. “You were just a kid.”
“But I never told her the truth until last year, when a friend told me about something similar she went through and how it affected her.”
I frame her face with my hands and brush away her tears with the pads of my thumbs. “Kids lie to cover their asses all the time, and from what I know about Sable, she’s very protective of you. I’m sure she forgives you.”
“She does .” Pepper sniffles, managing a small smile. “But she blamed herself for wanting to be with Tuck. She broke up with him that night and never let a man get close to her again. Until Kane, and he had to bully his way into her heart. I hate that I made her into that person and stole all those years from her.” More tears slide down her cheeks.
“You didn’t make her into anything, sweetheart.” I wipe the fresh tears away. “She made a choice to protect you, and she became whoever she was supposed to be. Is this what you were referring to in Paris when you said hurting someone you love or putting them in danger can change a person?”
She takes a shaky breath, nodding. “I was never very adventurous, but I wasn’t as careful or rigid as I am now, either.”
“You’re not rigid, baby. You’re disciplined, and careful is good. I’m not negating that you might have changed, but you’re such a special person, I don’t want you to lose sight of that. I love who you are.”
She swallows hard and takes a deep breath. “Thank you. But I did change. You know how everyone thinks I did great at school because I’m smart, and it’s just who I am?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s not just that. I was always a good student, but I blamed my recklessness on being too boy-crazed about Ravi. I broke up with him and threw myself into schoolwork to keep from thinking about him or any other boy. It wasn’t because I was smart. It was because I was scared. When I let my guard down in college and got hurt, it renewed my determination to keep my walls up and focus on making something of myself so I wouldn’t notice my lack of a personal life.”
“And then I came into your life and blew all of that out of the water.”
She smiles. “Pretty much.”
“I’m sorry you went through that. It must have been hard keeping all those feelings in check for so long. I wish I could go back in time and be there for you and help you through it. I’m sorry I called you Reckless. I won’t call you that anymore.”
“It’s okay,” she says earnestly. “I like it when you call me that. You make me feel reckless, and that scared me when I left Paris because I’ve worked so hard not to be that way. But you also make me feel safe, which makes me want to be a little reckless with you. I like who I am with you.”
“That’s good, because I like who I am with you, too.”
That earns another smile. “Being with you has made me realize that I’ve either been suppressing a lot of myself, or maybe I just never allowed myself to grow, and change, and explore, in the ways I am with you. I think you were right when you said I’m becoming who I was always meant to be, but that’s because you make me feel safe enough to do it.”
I hug her again, trying to wrap my head around the emotions stacking up inside me. “I adore everything about you, Pepper. From the way you fidget when you’re nervous to the way you communicate cautiously until you truly trust completely, and then you share the most intimate pieces of yourself clearly and purposefully, as if everything is on the line. And it is, because it’s your heart you’re exposing. I’m glad you feel safe with me, baby, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you always do.”
“Thank you,” she whispers. Blinking away a few more tears, she wipes her eyes dry. “It’s a little scary, opening up like this. I’m not a crier, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t ever apologize for showing me how you really feel. I want to know the real you, good, bad, happy, or sad. What we have is powerful, baby, and it’s moving fast. It scares me, too. I’ve never cared about anyone outside my family as much as I care about you. You’re right up there with football.”
“Given who you are, I’m going to take that as a compliment. But I’ve spilled my soul, and I feel a step behind. You’re here in my world, and you know all about my life, but I don’t know that much about yours. You’ve been here for days. When do you have to go back?”
“Are you trying to get rid of me, Montgomery?”
“No. I’m just curious.”
“Your curiosity has good timing. I was going to mention that I fly out tomorrow morning for a photo shoot. I have dinner with my agent and a potential sponsor tomorrow night, but I’ll be back early Tuesday.”
“ Oh , okay,” she says with a hint of surprise. “How long can you stay when you come back?”
“However long we want. There’s nothing in Jersey that can’t wait, and I like it here. I’ve got great company, a full gym all to myself, and a kid to mentor, which I’m really enjoying. If you get sick of me, you can let me know.”
“Oh good. Then I’m not stuck with you,” she says teasingly, and snuggles in against my side. “I’m glad you’re coming back. I just don’t want to hold you up from doing whatever you need to. I don’t even know when your season starts.”
“We report back mid-April, and we play through January.”
“It must be nice to have so much time off. This might seem like a silly question, but is there a lifespan for your position? Do guys still get tackled at forty-five? And for that matter, what comes next? How do you top being Mr. Perfect?”
Hearing her call me that makes my gut twist. “Please don’t call me that.”
“You don’t like it?”
I shake my head. “ No . I used to. I got off on the fame and notoriety. I worked my ass off for years to get there, and I lived for that limelight.”
“I think most people would.”
“I don’t know about that. Flynn gained national attention for being the youngest person to win Wilderness Warrior when he was twenty-one, and he hated the limelight so much, he disappeared and went to live off the grid for several years. Back then, I was in the thick of it. On magazine covers, getting more attention than anyone could ever hope for, and I couldn’t understand his distaste for it. But the last few years changed that. It’s turned into a dog and pony show. I can’t even go out to dinner without people staring at me.”
“I’ve noticed that. You’re good at ignoring them.”
“That comes with loads of guilt. I’m Mr. Perfect . I’m expected to play flawlessly on the field and be this charming, amiable, approachable guy off the field. But I’m not that indestructible kid anymore. My body takes longer to heal, and my throwing isn’t what it used to be. Nobody else has noticed, but I can feel the difference, and my patience for the bullshit of being Mr. Perfect twenty-four-seven has worn thin.”
“That’s understandable. What’s going on with your throwing?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t play macho with me.” She bumps her shoulder against mine.
“It’s just harder to get a perfect throw. It used to be like something would click in my head and I’d know when to release the ball. My shoulder injury has messed that up, making it easy to miss the release point. After I let the ball go, I know immediately if I’ve missed it, even by a fraction.”
“Are there exercises or something you can do for that?”
“Short of having a buzzer go off when I’m in the perfect position, no. But that’s just part of the game taking its toll. That will work itself out, but I’ve been who everyone else expects me to be for so long, I’m not sure I know who I’d be without it.”
“Does that mean this”—she motions between us, her beautiful eyes suddenly cautious—“is all part of an act?”
“ Hell no . You’re one of only a handful of people I don’t have to be Mr. Perfect with. That’s one of the things that drew me to you from the beginning. You couldn’t care less about my notoriety.”
“That’s not true,” she says adamantly. “I don’t care if you’re rich or famous, but I’m proud of you for going after your dreams and achieving a level of success that not many people can.”
“Thanks, babe.”
“I’m sorry it’s become stressful for you, but I get that. I made my dreams come true, and I’m proud of that. But I also want to have a family one day, and I have no idea how I’ll ever get to have one and spend time with my kids without losing everything I’ve worked for.”
“Women work and have families all the time. I’m sure owning the business presents certain challenges, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
“I keep telling myself that, and I know I have plenty of time to figure it out. But every time I see Emma Lou, that clock ticks louder. What about you?”
“Emma Lou could make anyone think about having a family. She’s adorable.”
“It doesn’t hurt that she loves you. She’s always running into your arms.”
“I am irresistible to females of all ages,” I tease.
She shakes her head.
“I think about having a family a lot, too. Some of my buddies have kids, and most of the families travel with us, but there’s a fair share of bitching among the wives.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that would be with kids, but I can’t even figure out how I’ll ever have kids and keep my business afloat, so there’s that.”
“Like I said, where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
She sighs. “It sounds like you and I are kind of in the same boat. Not with fame, but in the process of discovering who we are and what we want. It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it? To be this age and just learning about who we really are.”
“It sure is. But I’m glad I get to figure it out with you.”
She looks at me with the sweetest smile. “Me too.”
I lean in to kiss her, then look out at the sun rising high in the sky. “The sunrise is almost as pretty as you,” I say as I stretch my injured shoulder, moving it in a circular motion.
“Is your arm hurting from all the activities we did yesterday?”
“Nah. It’s just tight from sleeping on the floor. I’m fine.”
“I brought ibuprofen. I was worried you’d be sore today.” She digs a bottle out of her bag and shakes a couple of pills into my hand.
How can something as small as two little pills make me fall even harder for her? “Thanks for thinking of me.” I take the medicine with my hot chocolate.
“You inserted yourself into every aspect of my life, making it impossible not to think of you.” A tease rises in her eyes. “Besides, we have a boatbuilding competition today, and I don’t want you to have any excuses when you lose. In fact, I’m going to rub your shoulders and neck, and then you’re going to lie here with the sun on your face while I rub your head and get those pressure points that helped the last time you had a migraine.” She moves behind me. “Maybe we can nip it in the bud and you won’t get a migraine.”
“I have a feeling my shoulder is going to be hurting every day from now on.”
She laughs softly and starts massaging my shoulders, working her magic in more ways than one.