Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Natalie
I went with Kristen and Cat for a short drive downtown to check out the cute shops.
Not that I was in the market to buy anything, because hey, I wasn’t the one marrying a gazillionaire football star and my dad didn’t rake in millions a year as an NFL coach.
Not that I was resentful, but I didn’t look forward to the inevitable argument with Cat over her wanting to buy me something.
Kristen had more money than I did—because who didn’t?
I was a poor schoolteacher. As far as I could tell, she didn’t mind splurging once in a while and she’d clearly designated this day as her day to splurge.
Waiting outside the dressing room, I slipped my phone from my bag to check the time and for messages.
Cat emerged with Kristen and they were both wearing the most outrageous bikinis I’d ever seen.
What I wouldn’t have given to be able to buy one of those.
But the designer suits started at about the same price as one of my monthly college loan payments, so I reined it in.
“What do you think?” Cat twirled. I slipped my phone back in my baglet.
“Of course it looks fabulous. You both look great.”
“You don’t seem very enthusiastic,” Cat said. “You get any messages? I saw you checking your phone.”
Kristen said, “I don’t know why you don’t at least try one on, Natty. With your body, you’d put us both to shame.”
I smiled at her kindness. Kristen had always been generous with compliments. Almost as much as I was. I waved my hand.
“To tell you the truth, I’d rather be back at the Inn’s pub watching the darts tournament, knocking back beers and eating popcorn.”
“Of course you would,” Kristen said. “I saw the way you and Max were so totally into each other at lunch. You didn’t pay attention to anyone else the whole time.”
“Is that right?” Cat perked up with one of those cat-that-ate-the-canary smiles.
I nodded and said, “Sounds more exciting than it was. We were in public. He gave me a kiss goodbye—on the cheek.”
Cat laughed.
“There’s always tonight. After the rehearsal we’re having a bonfire party on the beach—very casual and romantic. Under the stars and plenty of opportunity for cuddling.”
“Sounds good. The problem is I’ve learned I can’t take this guy for granted. I have no idea if we’ll be together tonight. For all I know he’ll decide to play touch football with the guys.”
I refused to think about the possibility that he might get friendly and cuddle with another woman. I knew a lot of the women at the party, but not all of them.
“Besides,” I bravely gave voice to my fear. “There are some pretty ladies on Hunter’s side of the guest list that could catch Max’s eye. Tonight’s rehearsal will highlight those beauties, give him a chance to check them out.”
“Who are you?” Cat said.
“You can’t be serious,” Kristen said.
“I know, I know. Not my style to get all insecure about a man, but this whole scenario is so different for me.”
“You’ll be fine. I agree with Kristen. He’s into you and he’s not about to start ignoring you now and go with someone else. Max isn’t like that. Not his style at all.” Cat paused. “You should know that by now.”
“You’re right. He is a true gentleman. I guess that means he wouldn’t desert me for someone else. But it doesn’t mean he’ll sleep with me. He’s been very skittish.”
“He’s a mature adult man. You’re not used to the type,” she said with a teasing smile and a pat of her hand on my arm.
“Go get dressed. The two of you. You’re making me feel cold and overdressed at the same time.”
Cat laughed. “Yes ma’am. We’ll buy these and get back in time to see the finals of the darts tournament. It’ll be fun.”
When we got back to the Inn, I went straight to the pub while Cat and Kristen went to their rooms to stow their purchases.
The tournament was in full swing and I stood at the edge of the crowd, unnoticed.
I watched him with his teammates. He joked and drank with them, held their esteem, but where they let loose like they were still frat boys, he held back like he was the responsible adult.
And for some reason, that melted my panties more than anything else about him.
He looked my way and nodded. I watched him thread his way through the crowd in my direction, keeping his eyes on me.
“You look like temptation,” he said. Putting an arm around me he put his lips to my temple and I thought I would pass out with the surge of orgasmic pleasure that hit me like a gunshot.
“You look like you’re enjoying yourself.
” It took me a beat to recover enough to speak and, even then, there was a tremble in my voice.
I was so wound up with wanting him I didn’t care if he was the last man I ever had.
I was far too desperate for him, for more than just his cock.
So much more. But I would settle for whatever I could get no matter how bad that would end up for me.
“I’m wrapped up in the tournament right now. I’m sorry.” He nuzzled my ear, whispering.
He was so close. So hot. I could smell the sweat, the beer, the enticing manly essence that was all him, only him. Squirming, I knew I would be sitting on my stool in a puddle of desire if he kept this up.
“I . . . understand.” He gave me that smile with the dimple and quirk to one side of his mouth.
“I’ll see you later tonight at the bonfire. Promise.” He gave me a squeeze with one well-muscled arm, the hard strength of him sending sparks of heaven through me, making me senseless. I nodded. He sauntered back to his tournament and picked up some darts.
I’d better get out of there. It felt too much like those darts were aimed at my heart and I was way too vulnerable, way too far gone.
Panic seized me at the foreign way I felt, forcing me to jump off my barstool and head back to my room in a hurry. I needed the comfort of familiarity and friends all of a sudden, feeling like I’d just jumped back from the precipice of a wide gaping black hole.
And even though moments before it had all seemed to exciting, so enticing, now that I was so close to the point of no return I wasn’t so sure. Doubt had sprung up again and this time it held a giant red flag of warning that waved in front of my face until I could see nothing else.
I went inside the suite I’d been sharing with Cat and went straight to my bed.
I wanted to throw myself down and close my eyes and stop the spinning doubt, block everything out, take a step back from everything.
How the hell had I gotten to this place where I was about to cast my heart into the abyss and hope that a man I’d met only two days ago would catch it?
“Natty? You okay?” Cat knocked on the door, forcing me to open my eyes and face the world. But she was familiar, someone I knew. She would talk me down from the edge.
She opened the door and came inside.
“What’s going on? You flew in here like you were being chased?”
“Only by my own demons.” My voice sounded normal. I sat up.
She frowned and sat beside me. “What demons, honey?”
“Self-doubt. Am I really up to this? Am I worthy? Am I crazy and rash?”
“Whoa, slow down. Let me reassure you one question at a time.” She put an arm around me.
“Yes, you’re up to whatever you want to be up to.
Hell yes, you are the most worthy person in the world to be some lucky man’s special woman.
No, you’re mostly sane, maybe a little crazy, but that’s who you are and it’s okay.
Rash?” There she paused and I sank back on the bed.
“I knew it. I’m being rash. Jumping at Max too fast. But it’s like some crazy sense of urgency has taken me over and I need to have him and I don’t even recognize myself right now.”
“I recognize the problem. It happened to me once.” She paused and I pushed myself up to sitting next to her again.
“Okay, you have my attention, Yoda. Speak.” She swatted my arm. I was starting to feel myself again, the panic receding, though the troubled feeling was still there.
“You’re falling for him. I mean you’re smitten with the love bug. You have a wild irrational crush—”
“Wait a minute. Tell me something I don’t know.
The problem is I hardly know the man. We just met.
How could this be anything more than extreme lust?
” It had never been more than minor lust before with men.
Fun and easily quenched. But this was a whole different animal, felt like nothing I’d ever experienced before.
She shrugged. “I don’t know how it works.
Past my pay grade. I only know that it’s a real thing because I’ve been there before.
Exactly where you are. With some inexplicable connection, some kind of crazy hold on your senses.
I guess some call it chemistry, but in my experience it went far deeper than that. ”
“And look where that got you.”
She grinned. “Exactly. Isn’t that what you want, Nattie?”
I nodded. Then I shook my head. “It’s scary, Cat.” I lowered my voice. “What if he doesn’t—”
“Stop it. You never win the game if you don’t play.”
“Is that Coach talking? Thanks for the pep talk.” I knew she was right.
It was inevitable. Even though I’d run away fast and furious ten minutes ago, afraid and confused, that feeling was still there, simmering just beneath the surface.
That need, that force pushing me to go for him with everything I had as if my life depended on it.
I’d have to make the leap without looking down because in so many ways it felt like my life did depend on it.
“What if I fall?” My question made no sense, and I was glad she hugged me then because I didn’t want to hear the answer. She’d been through hell before she got her happily ever after. I might need to go through hell too. And there was no guarantee about that happily ever after.
With my eyes closed, Max’s face was all I could see.