Chapter 41
Gracie
“How many texts has he sent you?” Tatum asks on our FaceTime call.
“So many. I’ve lost count.” I bustle around my office, where I’ve pushed my desk toward the center of the room so it no longer has a direct view of the practice field. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing out at the players every five minutes and debating what to say to Hunter.
“And you’re freezing him out?”
“No. I’m not a ‘freezing out’ type of gal. I’m responding politely every few times he texts.”
“So you’re freezing him out, but being polite about it. I like it.” She laughs, and I can hear her typing. Her phone is positioned against her computer screen, so even though it seems like she’s looking at me, I know she’s also working. I’m doing the same.
I scan the recent string of texts to see if she’s right.
Hunter: I’m so sorry, Gracie. I love you.
Hunter: Not much to add, except that I hope we can get through this
Hunter: I know I have work to do
Me: Glad you know
Hunter: I do
One text to his four. Does that qualify as freezing him out? I don’t think so. It would give the wrong message if I were bantering with him when he needs to sort through his issues without my influence.
I didn’t respond at all to a drunk, rambling message where he professed his love for me and told me he didn’t deserve me all in one long, slurring sentence.
“You should have betterrr, Tinnk. I know that.” I shake my head at the memory, hoping he doesn’t believe that I deserve or want anyone other than him.
“He texted this morning and I was a little more effusive,” I tell Tatum, recounting our exchange.
Hunter: Thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you. Have been since I was sixteen, FFS
Me: Me too
Hunter: We can get through this. I’m working through my shit. Started therapy
Me: Glad to hear it.
Hunter: I know I need to be a better man for you
Me: No, you need to be yourself
Hunter: I love you
I should respond and say I love him too. But it’s almost like I’m holding back a tiny piece of my affection, urging him to love himself so I can give myself over fully. It’s too much to explain in a text, but I know Tatum understands because she knows me so well.
“He needs to feel like he’s worthy of you, and you can’t do that for him.”
I nod and stare at my phone screen, wishing Tatum were here in person. She’d get me out of this office and away from the players distracting me beneath my window.
Then again, I shouldn’t need someone else to do that for me. “Hey, Tate. Lemme call you later. I just remembered something I need to do.”
After straightening up my desk, I leave the building, heading for a soccer gear shop on Wilshire where I know they sell team jerseys with player names on the backs.
I want my very own Reyes jersey to wear to the game this weekend.
I want a tiny connection to Hunter, even if he doesn’t know about it.