Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
JONAS
Jonas stared out of the window at another drizzly day. When people had said it always rained up north, he’d dismissed them as exaggerating. Turned out they were pretty accurate.
Still, the weather matched his mood. He kept playing the conversation with Adam over in his mind.
Flu? Bullshit.
With a sigh he walked over to the couch and flopped down.
He stared up at the ceiling. The developers had left the old beams from when the building had been a mill.
They would have seen plenty of hardship over the years.
As a millionaire footballer lying on designer furniture, he was acutely aware how shallow his problems were.
Even so, he was annoyed and couldn’t shake it. He grabbed his phone and connected a call to Heidi.
“Hey, handsome,” she said.
“Hey.”
“Oh dear. That doesn’t sound like a very happy voice. Tell Heidi what’s the matter.”
The words fell out of him like a purge. He told her about Adam wanting to cool things, then changing his mind. Now the pathetic excuse not to see him.
He found it all so confusing.
“We’ve been together two months next week,” he said. “I was going to be all romantic and do something in Stockholm. Do you think he’s got someone else?”
“Surely not.”
“Maybe he’s been waiting all this time for someone to give him a push to be open about his sexuality,” Jonas continued. “Now I’ve done that, he might want to play the field.”
Heidi groaned. “Can we do without the football puns? You said he’s been with a few guys in the past. It doesn’t sound like he was waiting for you to ride up on your unicorn and release him.”
Adam wasn’t exactly in the closet. He was discreet. There was a difference.
“You think I’m overreacting?”
“A little.”
“I guess I’m triggered after Tygo.”
“Yeah well that cheating piece of shit doesn’t deserve a minute of your time.”
Tygo de Lint had been Jonas’ reason for coming to the UK. They’d been together for six years when Jonas discovered Tygo had an inability to keep his penis in his trousers. After living with a cheater for a father, Jonas had zero tolerance for that kind of behaviour.
“I mean it, Jonas,” Heidi said. “Don’t let the past fuck up the future.”
“You’re right,” he replied. “I convinced myself he was cheating. He really didn’t want me going round to his.”
“Babe. He did have a point. If you both get sick, you can’t play. I know you get stressed about this stuff. With Tygo and…”
“And what?”
“Well, your mum and dad.”
Jonas sat up. “It’s got nothing to do with them.”
“You sure about that?”
“Positive,” Jonas snapped. “Do you want to come to Stockholm with me? It’s just a night.”
“Of course I do,” Heidi replied. “We haven’t had an adventure for a while.”
“Will work be okay? I’m going on Monday.”
“Honey, I’m the best they have. They’ll be fine.”
“Thanks.”
“Go out with your friends. Do something to take your mind off it.”
“Okay.”
“I know you’d rather be banging Adam in a private jet. I promise to be the next best thing.”
He was glad she was looking forward to it. His stepmother would have plenty to say about his proposal.
“I’ll see you Monday then.”
“Bye, hon.”
Jonas finished the call. The four walls were looming.
He couldn’t stand it so went along the corridor to Noah’s apartment. He knew he’d find some kindness there.
Udo answered the door.
“Hello?” Jonas said.
“Hey,” Udo replied. “Are you okay?”
Jonas wandered into the apartment. Noah kept it spotless. Jonas knew this because the cleaner regularly complained that she had nothing to do round there. He would be willing to bet cleaning Tito’s apartment more than made up for it.
“I’m at a bit of a loose end,” he replied. “What are you two doing?”
The winter darkness would be upon them in an hour or so. Jonas had never been one for watching television. He might try to persuade them to go for a run. That would clear his head.
“I’m getting serious about buying a piece of land somewhere,” Noah said as he emerged from his bedroom. “Udo said he’d drive me around and get my bearings.”
Jonas bristled.
Why didn’t he ask me?
“Come with us if you like,” Noah added.
“You sure?”
“Of course. I’d value your opinion.”
“Let me grab my coat.”
Jonas went to his apartment. He did feel jealous that Udo had been summoned for this task. Not that he had any right to. Noah could ask whomever he liked.
They met at Udo’s car. Jonas climbed into the back and off they went. As they drove through the town, a few people waved at them. Jonas returned the favour.
“Not including the protestors,” he said, “they’re pretty friendly round here.”
“Some,” Udo replied.
It didn’t take long to clear the outskirts of Brockton. The countryside was spectacular. Jonas hadn’t spent enough time exploring his new home. He realised he’d been too focused on Adam.
“Are you sure you want to build your own place?” Udo asked Noah.
“Yeah. I’ve been searching online. There are a few plots with planning permission already granted so I reckon I’ll go for one of them.”
For a young lad, Noah had his head screwed on. Jonas had also neglected spending time with him.
“Steven has shown me all the best places,” Udo said. “He loves it up here.”
“It’s going well then?” Jonas asked.
Udo nodded. “We had a shitty start. The media are still coming for us now and again. It’s all a bit lacklustre. Thank goodness.”
Jonas stared out of the window. A couple of cyclists were stopped, admiring the view.
“If you don’t do anything exciting, they generally do,” Jonas replied.
“Got it in one.”
“It’s so unfair,” Noah said. “Look at the way Jerzy and Alain carry on.”
“The world isn’t fair,” Udo replied. “I’ve learnt that the hard way. Still, we all survived and we got you three as a bonus prize.”
“The star prize, thank you,” Jonas fired back with a raised eyebrow.
“It’s decent of Javier to support you,” Noah said.
“I can’t thank him enough,” Udo replied. “He made everything so much better. He’s a decent guy.”
They carried on the country road. Udo seemed very used to dealing with the narrow bends. Jonas hated it. He was terrified he’d prang his car on the way to Adam’s and not be able to explain what he was doing.
Even though he’d made a vow to leave Adam to stew in his own juices, the temptation to contact him was strong.
In the end he retrieved his phone from his pocket.
“Sorry we argued. Hope ur ok. Text me if u want a chat.”
He pressed Send.
“In five minutes, you’ll see the view of your lives,” Udo said. “It’s a shame the weather is shit but you’ll get the vibe.”
“The weather is always shit,” Jonas added.
Udo laughed. “Not always. You have to seize the moment. We had an amazing summer.”
“I’m surprised you saw the outside,” Jonas said.
Sure enough, in no time the woodland cleared and exposed a truly breathtaking vista. Udo stopped in a layby and they all hopped out.
“Go and take it in,” Udo said, clapping Noah on the shoulder. “Imagine waking up to something like that every morning.”
Noah wandered over to a gate that he climbed and sat on top of.
Jonas checked his phone. Adam hadn’t read the message.
What is he doing?
“I’m going to have a nosey down the road,” Noah called to them.
He jumped off the gate and dashed down the lane.
“He’s a nice guy,” Udo said.
He and Jonas leant against the car. It would be special to live in a place like this. The silence except for birdsong entranced him. Jonas had always lived in cities. Maybe he should get a place in the middle of nowhere. Try something new.
“He needs to loosen up a bit,” Jonas replied.
“Like Tito?”
Jonas chuckled. “Not quite that loose.”
“Are you enjoying your time here? Looks like it on the pitch.”
“The season is flying,” Jonas replied. “Not sure what I’ve been doing with myself. I wish I was as organised as Noah.”
They watched Noah peeping over walls and taking photos.
“Are things okay with you and Adam?” Udo asked. “I’ve not heard from him all day.”
“We were supposed to spend this evening with each other. Now he reckons he has flu.”
“And you don’t believe him?”
“Not sure.”
They both wandered over to the gate Noah had sat on. Jonas leant against it. His body ached. He wasn’t sure if it came from training that day or from stress.
“Adam isn’t the type to mess you around,” Udo said, eventually. “I’ve gotten to know him pretty well. He cares about you.”
“I don’t know if caring is enough.”
“What is it you want?”
Jonas faced Udo.
“I want everything. God help me.”