Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
ADAM
It was a crisp October morning. The grass still had a faint suggestion of frost. Adam went over to the buggy. He had wrapped Olive up snugly, which had sent her fast asleep.
A smile crept onto his face.
“A round of golf takes a bloody long time when you have to keep checking on her before every shot,” Ewen grumbled.
“I’m a simple working dad desperate for a trip round the green with his chum,” Adam replied, returning to his place. “And introducing my first born to the concept of making a ball do what you want it to.”
Ewen grinned at him “You’ve got it bad, my friend.”
“Guilty.”
He lined up his shot.
“I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Are you trying to break my focus?”
Ewen snorted. “Me? Never.”
Adam swung his club. The ball soared into the air and landed nicely on the putting green.
“Jammy bastard.”
“Can I help it if I want to impress my daughter?”
“Because she looks blown away.”
They both glanced over at Olive. Her face crumpled up as she was lost in her dreams.
What the hell do babies dream about anyway? Boobs?
“She is cute,” Ewen said. “Must take after her mother.”
Adam scowled.
“Sorry,” Ewen added. “Sore point?”
They had come to the golf club early so there wasn’t anyone else around. Adam perched on the side of the golf buggy.
“Honestly? I don’t know,” he replied. “I’m terrified she’s going to take Olive away.”
Once more he took in the beauty that was his daughter. It had been breathtaking how quickly he had grown to love her.
“Do you think she will?”
“Perhaps. She’s pretty messed up about the whole news story bollocks. I want to do the right thing by her whatever happens. We’re not getting back together. Neither of us want that.”
“I’d imagine Jonas is pleased to hear the news.”
Jonas hadn’t answered any of his calls for the last couple of days. It would have been nice to hear how things had gone in Stockholm. Adam supposed that wasn’t any of his business now.
“I’ve told him until I’m blue in the face. He doesn’t believe me.”
“I never had you down as bi,” Ewen said. “When did you know?”
Adam shrugged. “I’ve always known. I’ve had flings with guys all my life. I kept it quiet and who can blame me? Look at Udo and Steven. There’s no way I’m going through that.”
“Yeah, it’s scary.”
“I guess we can’t all be Tito.”
“We?”
“You know what I mean,” Ewen said, gruffly. “He puts himself out there and doesn’t give a fuck.”
Adam stared at Ewen. “But you hate him.”
“I don’t hate anyone,” Ewen replied.
Olive cried out.
“Oh shit,” Adam said. “We might have to cut this short.”
“Fine. You’re doing better than me anyway. Next time we should go to a ball pool.”
“She’s a bit young for that,” Adam replied. “Maybe Uncle Ewen can take Olive and Petar in a few years. Give the parents some time off.”
“Once they’re out of nappies, you’ve got yourself a deal.”
“They’re not too bad. Wouldn’t you want a mini Ewen running around one day?”
Ewen ran his finger down Olive’s cherublike cheek. “Perhaps. I’d have to find their mother first.”
“Not necessarily. It’s a shame not to be in love though.”
Ewen stared off toward the clubhouse. “You know me. I prefer the single life. Miles easier. Are you saying you’re in love with Jonas?”
He’d let too much slip clearly.
“I am,” he replied. “Sad thing is I only realised it when it too late.”
Olive gave another holler. This time more insistent.
“Club house now. She’s got lungs on her, this one.”
As they got into the buggy, Ewen shook his head. “If you love him, then fight for him. Show Jonas there’s trust between you.”
“How do I do that?”
“Fucking hell, Skipper. Do I have to spell everything out to you? There’s a chance for you to grab everything you’ve wanted and more. Bloody sort it out. Then at least Jonas can babysit and we’ll get a decent round of golf in.”
Adam flipped Ewen’s cap off his head.
“Oi.”
“Thanks for the talk,” Adam said. “If you have anything you ever need to chat about, I’m always around, you know.”
“Everything’s rosy,” Ewen replied. “But I’ll remember that.”
Adam watched Ewen retrieve his hat.
I wonder.
To the untrained eye, the locker room was exactly like normal. Some of the lads were in the showers. Udo was getting a post-training massage. Yet Adam was throwing his clothes on like it was a race.
“You’re in a hurry, Skipper,” Colin said.
“Got to be somewhere.”
He caught Jonas’ eye. They’d barely spoken all day except when absolutely required.
I’m going to sort this.
He followed Jonas out to the car park.
“Hey,” he said, jogging to catch up to him.
“Hey,” Jonas replied. “I’m not in the mood for this, Adam. Let’s avoid a scene.”
Jonas got into his car.
“I’m not having this,” Adam muttered to himself.
He dashed over to his own car and fired it into action. In no time he’d blocked Jonas from leaving.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jonas shouted out of the window.
He might be bringing heat onto them, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Adam hopped out and let himself into Jonas’ passenger side.
“Don’t you have to be somewhere?” Jonas said. “Surely Jen needs you.”
“I told you there’s nothing going on between us.”
Jonas appraised him. “You’re a dick.”
“No I’m not,” Adam replied. “I’m a father.”
“You’re a what?”
“Do you promise to follow me to mine?” Adam asked. “I’ve got a special person to introduce you to.”
Jonas nodded.
“You’d better or I’ll hunt you down.”
With what he hoped was a reassuring smile, Adam went to his own vehicle. As he sped out of Newby Park, he half expected Jonas to turn off toward his own apartment. To his joy, Jonas continued to follow him.
“He must still be interested,” Adam said. “He has to be.”
By the time they got to his, Adam’s palms were so sweaty he could barely grip the steering wheel. The gates swung open and they both went up the drive before parking.
A wary Jonas got out. Adam came over and went to give him a hug. Jonas held his hand up.
“If this is a goldfish,” Jonas said, “then I’m going to be really pissed.”
“Come.”
He led Jonas into the house. They found Paloma in the lounge holding Petar. Olive was fast asleep on the couch next to her.
Typical. She screamed most of the night.
“Here he is…oh. Jonas.”
“Hi, Paloma.”
“I’d better leave you to it,” she said.
Bless Paloma. She’d been a lifesaver over the last few days. She leapt to her feet with a babbling Petar.
“Don’t rush,” Adam said.
She kissed him on the cheek. “You don’t need an audience. I’ll let myself out.”
Jonas appeared to be rooted to the spot. He stared at the bundle of slumbering joy on the couch. Paloma had made a nest of cushions for her.
Adam reached out for Jonas’ hand, which he took. It was their first non-soccer related contact in far too long. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
“Jonas. I’d like you to meet my daughter, Olive.”
“Your daughter?”
“Correct. This is who I was cheating on you with.”
Jonas looked floored by everything. “I…I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Adam sat carefully next to his daughter. He certainly didn’t want her waking before he’d had a chance to properly explain himself.
Jonas took the opposite couch.
“Jen turned up out of the blue,” Adam said. “She’s in a bad way.”
“Where is she now?”
Adam sighed. “The media interest fucked her right up. She’s gone away for a while to get her head straight.”
“And left you holding the baby?”
“Yes.”
Jonas stared at Olive. It felt weird to have the two most important people in his life together in a room at last. A future was opening up to Adam that he wanted to grasp with both hands. Yet, the expression on Jonas’ face suggested he’d ruined his chances of that.
“Why was Paloma here?”
Adam shook his head. “Paloma and Goran have been amazing. I can’t risk getting an agency nanny. There’s a five-figure news story right there. I’ve even cancelled the cleaners. Paloma is the only one I can lean on at the moment.”
Poor Olive was on the run from the media before she’d taken her first step.
“You could have trusted me,” Jonas said, quietly.
“My head was all over the place.”
“You told Goran and Ewen.”
Adam held his hands up. “I told Goran because I hadn’t a clue what the fuck to do. Ewen was more of an accident.”
As if on cue, Olive opened her beautiful blue eyes. When she saw Adam next to her, she grinned. Once again, Adam’s heart turned to mush.
“Hello, sleepyhead,” he cooed.
She stretched her tiny body. Adam had learnt that this was the calm before the storm. He scooped her up and got to his feet.
“I’d better get a bottle going,” he explained. “We are living on borrowed time. I can even do it with her in my arms now.”
Jonas stood and held his hands out. “Why don’t I help you?”
“Really?”
“Of course. I was great at settling Anna when she was this age. Let’s see if I’ve still got the knack.”
Adam handed his daughter over to the man he loved. His bottom lip trembled as he watched Olive studying this new face.
“I love you,” Adam said.
Jonas looked at him. “You do?”
“Very much.”
“Those are easy words to say. Harder ones to prove.”
“Can we try to get on track again?” Adam asked. “I’ll beg if I have to.”
“You don’t have to go that far. But hiding something as big as this? I can’t handle it.”
“I accept that. To be fair, you jumped to the conclusion I was cheating pretty quickly.”
Jonas raised an eyebrow. “A photo of you hugging your ex is hardly jumping to conclusions.”
“It kind of was, as it turns out.”
“I guess we both have trust issues.”
They walked into the kitchen. Jonas held Olive like a pro.
He even looks sexy doing that. Or is it more. Lovable?
“I mean what I say,” Adam said. “I’ve never cheated in my life and I’m not about to start now. I’m also not a liar.”
Jonas sighed. “I know you’re not. Deep down. After everything that happened with my parents, I’m paranoid.”
They had skirted around this subject on too many occasions. If they were both going to have a new beginning, they had to be fully on board.
“Can you tell me?”
“I suppose I’d better. I can’t very well have a go at you for being secretive.”
Adam focused on measuring out the formula for the bottle. He didn’t want to spook Jonas. Something inside Adam told him this was vital for them moving onward in their relationship.
“My father cheated with Tuva,” Jonas explained. “When he left, it broke my poor mother’s heart.”
Adam stole a glance at Jonas. He gazed down at Olive, who seemed equally as transfixed by him.
“Then Anna was on the way,” Jonas continued. “My mama couldn’t take it.”
The slow rumble of the kettle boiling was the only noise in the kitchen.
“What happened?” Adam asked, quietly.
“I went on a weekend football training camp,” Jonas replied. “Her best friend found her.”
“Oh, Jonas. I am so sorry.”
A solitary tear rolled down Jonas’ cheek and dropped onto Olive’s sleep suit. Adam crossed the distance and put his arm around Jonas. Nestling his nose into Jonas’ hair. Taking in the smell of him.
“I am so very sorry.”
Jonas wiped his eye. “I guess we’re both as fucked up as each other.”
“Now we know everything. Can we try?”
Jonas sighed. “I want to. So badly. Yet…”
“Yet what?”
“Do I look like an evil stepmother?”
There was a glint in Jonas’ eye that mainlined straight to Adam’s heart. It gave him hope.
“Not at all,” Adam replied. “You look like someone who would be the most positive influence on my daughter’s life that I can think of.”
Now it was Jonas’ turn to look astonished.
“Really?”
“Of course. I love you and I mean it.”
“I love you too.”
Boom. Adam reached across for Jonas’ hand.
“You do?”
“I do.”
Adam squeezed him tightly. “Oh God I’ve missed this.”
They both stared down at Olive. For the first time in weeks, Adam had a calmness inside him that he’d never had before. It felt like home.