17
GAbrIELLA
“The music is electric tonight,” Celine yells, her right arm pumping the air like she’s pulling a whistle on an old steam locomotive.
“Yeah. Apparently, the DJ’s a freshman with some awesome skills.” I yell back, dancing and trying to focus on enjoying the moment. The Red Devil has always been my favorite bar, and we always have a great time here, but tonight I feel under pressure to be bubbly, as though I’m putting on a front. I can’t resist the urge to scan the far corners, hunting for three specific men. The pull they have on me makes me feel weak, an emotion I’m wholly uncomfortable with.
Over Celine’s shoulder, I spy some movement by the bar. Ellie has arrived, with Colby, Sebastian, and Micky. Behind them, Dornan, and some of the football team lumber in, blocking the entryway until one of the doormen barks at them to move inside.
I glance at my watch, wondering where Kain, Dalton, and Blake are. Maybe they’ve thought twice about coming to celebrate my birthday. When I invited them, they seemed pleased, but when I told them we’d have to pretend that there’s nothing going on between us, their faces fell.
I was annoyed at first because this deal was always supposed to be a secret, and they made me feel like the bad guy for not wanting to kiss them all in public. I don’t know what they expected, but we’re not in that place. We can never be in that place. Gossip spreads like wildfire. There’s no containing it.
And if Travis found out…
I shake my head even at the idea of him rushing back from Germany to confront us.
“Why is your face like that?” Celine asks. She tosses her auburn curls over her shoulder and wrinkles her freckled button nose. “It’s your birthday. You’re supposed to be happy.
“I am happy,” I say.
She frowns and purses her lips. “Something’s going on with you, and I don’t know what it is.”
I’ve kept details of the deal to myself. Even Ellie, who encouraged me to go for it, doesn’t know what we’ve been doing. It’s easier to keep it a secret rather than face up to the obvious questions that any of my friends would ask.
Celine turns to the bar and waves as Ellie starts to make her way to us, her dancing walk through the bobbing throngs of people making me smile despite all my angst.
“I am so happy to be out tonight; you guys don’t even understand.”
Hugging Ellie tightly, it hits me how different her life is now. “Who’s looking after Noah tonight?”
“My mom. Any excuse to have cuddles. I swear, she’s so great at being a nana. I didn’t expect it at all.”
“That’s good to hear,” I say. My friend didn’t plan to become a mom so young, and knowing she’s got family support is a relief. She’s never been good at asking for help. Like me, she doesn’t trust easily. Maybe that’s what drew us together, a familiar wariness.
“Have you guys been drinking? Colby’s buying me a Red Devil. I’m practically salivating. Can you believe it’s been a year and a half since I drank one?”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. With the pregnancy and breastfeeding…I just haven’t been able to.”
“I’m still over here dealing with bullshit like which ramen I should buy at the store and you’re raising a whole human,” Celine says.
“I don’t have to worry about ramen,” Ellie says. “I leave Colby to do all the grocery shopping.”
“Lucky you,” I say, glancing at the huge man responsible for feeding my friend. His arms are bulging against his shirtsleeves, probably from all the groceries he’s been hefting!
The dance floor becomes more crowded as Colby, Micky, and Seb shoulder their way through, each holding a red cocktail and a bottle of beer.
“Happy birthday, Gabs,” Seb says, planting a kiss on my cheek. He hands me a Red Devil. Micky passes one to Celine and Colby gives his to Ellie. We clink our glasses, and they both yell happy birthday before we drink them down in big, freezing gulps.
“Wow,” I gasp. “That was good.”
“Look who it is,” Colby yells, nodding at someone in the doorway. I peek around his bulky shoulder to find Kain nodding and smiling back. Behind him, Dalton and Blake are searching the crowd for us. I put up my hand to wave but pull it down quickly, embarrassed. I’ve forgotten how to be natural. Would I wave at them, and smile if I wasn’t having sex with them? Ugh. I hate that sex makes everything complicated.
“Oooo…Kain is looking fine,” Ellie says, licking the cocktail from her lips, eyes gleaming with suggestiveness. “And are they his brothers?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Dalton’s the big one, and Blake’s the one with the tats.”
“Yowzer. That’s a trifecta of hotness right there.”
Seb throws his arm around Ellie’s shoulder. “You know we’re standing right here?”
She kisses his cheek. “Of course I know. Why? Are you jealous?”
As they continue their jokey conversation, my focus zeroes in on Kain’s tall frame. At six-two, he stands a few inches taller than a lot of the men in here, but amongst the football crowd, he just seems normal sized. I watch as Kain shakes hands with Dornan and a few of the other players on his team. Some know his brothers. Others get introductions. Dalton seems restless, as though he doesn’t want to be dragged into game talk. He whispers something in Kain’s ear, and he and Blake draw away, heading straight for me.
Shit.
This is weird.
I can do anything with these men. Hell, I’ve sucked their dicks and sat on their faces. I’ve been fucked in just about every position I’m flexible enough to achieve. But somehow, greeting them in a social setting seems weirdly intimate. They’ve seen me naked so why does dancing in front of them make me cringe.
“Happy birthday, Gabriella,” Dalton says when he reaches our group. His big hand cradles my elbow as he leans in to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek. It’s just right for the kind of relationship we’re supposed to have, and I’m grateful that he’s listened to my rules for tonight, but my heart presses against my chest wall uncomfortably. My hands itch to touch him, my arms ache to embrace him. When he steps to the side so Blake can greet me, too, the space between us feels cold and sad. When my eyes meet Blake’s, a sizzle of electricity passes between us, and I have to lower my lids momentarily to regroup. His kiss on my cheek is equally chaste, but his hand on my waist is not, and I shiver from the buzz of nerves that climb my spine and scalp.
Fuck.
I’m a mess. A mess of a human being who doesn’t know what she wants. There’s no way I’m going to be able to stand near them and not react. They’re like magnets, drawing me into their orbit, sending all my senses scrambling.
“So, are you going to introduce me?” Celine asks, her eyes scanning the length of Dalton lasciviously. He’s definitely her type. She likes her men big and brawny. Her current boyfriend, Eddie, is a little like Dalton in appearance although they’re nothing alike in personality.
“This is Dalton, and this is Blake. They’re Kain’s brothers.”
“Kain’s brothers! Hi, I’m Celine.”
They smile at her politely but seem uncomfortable with the flirty way she’s looking at them. There’s a pause that I don’t know how to fill. My tongue is tied, and my mouth is dry.
A hand rests on my shoulder from behind. A hand joined to a man who smells just like Kain. When I turn, he smiles down at me, and winks a piercing blue eye. “Hey, birthday girl.”
“Hey yourself.” I turn and give him a kiss on the cheek, hoping I can avoid any flutterier feelings if I just take control and keep things businesslike. I check to see if Celine is watching, but she’s dancing with Ellie.
“Are you having a good time?” Kain asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “Awesome.” I chew my cheek, feeling the hot creep of embarrassment heat my neck.
“Hey, Gab,” Ellie calls. “Come dance with us.”
I join them, grateful to be saved from stilted conversation so I can lose myself with my friends.
When I get close, Ellie grabs my arm and leans in to speak into my ear. “If you’re not fucking those men, I’ll eat my shoe.” Her eyes search mine, but I blink and look away.
“What?” I splutter and pretend to look around for who she’s referring to.
“You know what I’m talking about, Gabriella Cross. Don’t pretend with us. We’re your besties. If you can’t be honest with us about your sexual exploits, who can you be honest with?”
I sigh, knowing that there’s no way I’m going to keep up any kind of denial now Ellie’s got this bone between her teeth. “Okay. I’m banging them, but it’s a secret. You absolutely cannot tell a soul, okay? Promise.”
Celine stares at me like she’s about to choke on her own tongue. Ellie throws her head back and laughs, the pretty gold chain at her throat bouncing with every chuckle. “I knew it,” she says. “I absolutely knew you wouldn’t be able to resist gathering your own harem.”
“Shit.” Celine squeezes my arm as though she’s about to tell me something serious. “Now I’m the only one without a harem.”
I roll my eyes, still trying to dance and maintain the appearance that I’m having a great time. “I don’t have a harem. I just have three fuck buddies who need to remain a secret. It’s never going to become anything serious.”
“What do you mean?” Ellie asks. “Why the hell not? Are they bad in bed?”
“Hell no!” I gasp; the very idea that Kain, Dalton, and Blake can be seen as anything less than sex gods is too outrageous.
“So, what then?” She pats her curly hair and adjusts her black mini dress. Even after having a baby, she still has a gorgeous figure. She’s probably got her body back from all the amazing sex she’s been having.
“They’re my brother’s best friends,” I say, expecting my statement to draw a line underneath the conversation, but it doesn’t.
“So what? That must be one of the top ten ways girls meet their significant others. I mean, what the hell’s the point of having a stinky older brother if he’s not going to hook you up with his hot friends?” Celine shrugs her shoulders and then glances behind me to where the Nowak brothers are chatting to Ellie’s men. They’re all in the middle of the dance floor but they don’t seem to care.
“Do you think Eddie will be up for adding a couple more dudes to your relationship?” I joke with Celine.
“Errr…no. Definitely not. Shame though.” She purses her lips, “‘cos there are some hot guys in here tonight.”
“Trouble in paradise?” I ask, desperate to move the focus of the conversation.
“I don’t think so,” she says, “although he has been a little withdrawn lately.”
“That must be a relief,” I say, knowing how demanding Celine’s boyfriend can be. The guy has a permanent hard-on, and she’s always trying to escape his voracious sexual appetite.
“I guess. I told him to come tonight, but he has something else going on.”
I shrug, not bothered that Eddie didn’t see my birthday celebration as a priority. He’s not my favorite person in the world. Celine could do so much better. I scan the crowd, wondering who she might consider hot. Dornan is looking sharp in a crisp white shirt and dark navy jeans. Elias too. Jermaine has a bandage on his face — probably an injury he picked up on the field — so he isn’t looking his best. Gareth and Bobby wouldn’t be her type. I guess she could be talking about a stranger.
Kain touches my arm to attract my attention. “Hey…would you like another drink?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s your birthday,” he says. “Of course I have to buy your drinks and…” he trails off, checking to see if anyone else is around, “...we each have a gift for you.”
Shit. My heart makes a funny squeezing beat and I bite my bottom lip, not sure how to respond. Birthday gifts weren’t a part of this deal and they definitely aren’t appropriate if we’re keeping our thing secret.
“Errr…thanks…”
His hand slides into his pocket, and he pulls out a tiny black box. It looks like a fucking engagement ring. “Open your purse,” he whispers.
I unzip my little black pouch purse that is hanging across my body. He slides the box inside, trying to do it as quickly as possible. “You can open it later.”
“I will.”
Blake steps forward and bends, trying to get me to hear him clearly over the loud music. “My present is your very own Nowak original tattoo…anywhere on your body, any design.”
“Really?” I gasp.
“You could even get the sleeping angel if that’s what you want.”
My instinct is to throw my arms around his neck, but we’re surrounded by people we know. “Thanks,” I mouth, holding myself tightly. “That’s awesome.”
Blake steps to the side, and Dalton takes his place. “My gift is at your place,” he says. “You’ll find it later; behind that giant pot your mom has in the front yard.”
I imagine Dalton skulking around at the front of my house, searching for somewhere to hide a gift. What kind of gift would he choose to leave there rather than bring here? A big gift, potentially. “Okay,” I say. “Thanks.”
He forces his hands deep into the pockets of his black jeans and it feels as though he’s trying to restrain himself from reaching out to me. I feel that way too. Desperate to touch them and having to use all my strength and reserve to hold me back.
Everything about this situation sucks.
More people gather on the dance floor until our corner is filled with friends here to celebrate my special day. Usually, I’d love to be the center of attention, but it feels weird, almost as though I’m playing a part and none of the feelings are mine. I dance but I am conscious of every movement, wooden where I’d usually be fluid, conscious where I would usually be filled with abandon. Celine buys more drinks and I down a shot of vodka and another Red Devil, hoping the liquid courage will make me less awkward, but it doesn’t seem to work. Instead, a dark blanket settles over my heart.
My skin is magnetized to the three men who are politely socializing with my friends but should be touching me. They should be kissing me. They should be making it clear that I’m theirs and they’re mine.
Except that isn’t true.
We have a deal. A stupid deal that has confused me to my very core.
I’m about to make my excuse so I can head to the restroom and gather my thoughts when Celine makes a gasping sound. She’s staring at her phone, with her hand pressed over her mouth. I’m quick to get closer, sensing there’s something wrong. “Celine. What is it?”
She turns her phone screen in my direction, and I squint to focus on an image of what looks like a party. In the background of the picture is a man with a girl straddling his lap. I lean in, trying to make out what I’m looking at, and then I realize.
It’s Eddie. Celine’s boyfriend is somewhere else, with another girl in his arms.
“Oh shit,” I say, grabbing the phone and holding it closer to my face, wanting to make one-hundred-percent sure before I say another word. “That asshole.”
Tears begin to stream down Celine’s face, and I immediately wrap my arms around her, rubbing her back and making soft, soothing noises. At first, she sags against me, her sobs wracking her body. Ellie wraps her arms around both of us, asking what’s wrong in a frantic tone. “She just got a photo of Eddie cheating,” I say.
“That asshole…” Ellie gasps and Celine begins to laugh in a manic way that is more worrying than the crying, pulling away and resting her hands on her knees.
“Exactly. That asshole. I mean, who the fuck does he think is? He’s been hounding me about staying together. I kept telling him these are our college years, and we should be having experiences, sowing our oats. I kept trying to break up, at least to have a bit of space to breathe, and he kept saying no. And all the time, he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Well, fuck him. It’s over. I need another drink.”
Before I have an opportunity to dissuade her, Celine is striding from the dance floor to the bar. She orders an obscene number of cocktails, and Ellie and I watch with dread as she downs them all, one by one. She’s okay at first, dancing like it’s the last night of Cancun spring break, but then suddenly she hits a wall. All the color drains from her face and she clutches her stomach.
“We need to get her outside,” I say. “Fresh air.” I put my arm around Celine’s waist and quickly guide her to the door. The doormen shoot me knowing looks as I bustle past them with Ellie trailing. As soon as we’re in the parking lot, Celine loses the contents of her stomach, groaning loudly. I just about manage to keep her upright while she’s vomiting, but then her knees go out from under her and I’m just not strong enough to manage.
“Shit,” Ellie says, trying to help, but even with the two of us trying, Celine’s a deadweight. She lolls forward, her eyes dropping shut, and I start to panic.
“I think she has alcohol poisoning,” I say, trying to at least keep her upper body upright.
“Should we call an ambulance?”
“I don’t know.” The racing beat of my heart blurs my thoughts. Celine groans and my guts clench, recalling the freshman who died last year from drinking too much.
“I’ll get Colby. He’ll know what to do.”
Ellie rushes back inside, leaving me balancing the deadweight of Celine. The poor thing is totally out of it, making more low groaning noises. She doesn’t respond when I ask her if she’s okay. She’s dazed and confused, lost in a world of her own.
The cold creeps over my skin, my body aching from the position I’m in. But in less than two minutes, Ellie is back with a whole entourage of worried people. Colby is already on the phone calling an ambulance. Micky kneels to check Celine’s pulse.
“Her heart’s racing,” he says, as worry furrows his brow and narrows his lips.
“Shit. Should we get her some water?” I ask.
“She’ll probably just throw it up. Better wait for the ambulance. They might give her an IV.”
“Right.”
Micky rises to speak with Colby and Dornan squats down to check on Celine. “What the hell have you done to yourself?” he asks her softly.
“Eddie’s such a stupid asshole,” I say. “He’s always been so fucking controlling. I just can’t believe he’d be that way and cheat on her.”
“I know.” Dornan pushes Celine’s hair back from her face so tenderly, my brow rises in surprise. “She already knew she’d be better off without him, but just didn’t have the heart to let him go when he was fighting so hard to keep her.”
“It’s for the best,” I say. “I don’t know who sent that picture, but whoever it was did her a huge favor.”
“I’m going to get her up,” Dornan says. “Her knees must hurt on the asphalt.”
In a move that takes Herculean strength, he scoops Celine up into his arms and stands. When Celine’s head lolls, I rest my hand behind it, balancing her against Dornan’s bulky chest. In the darkness, he looks like a Viking carrying his slain bride.
I glance around to find Elias talking with Kain, Dalton, and Blake. Dalton nods in my direction as if to say, ‘we’re here if you need us.’ It’s the sweetest gesture that hurts so bad.
Ellie strokes Celine’s cheek, whispering soft reassurance, and we wait for the ambulance.
It only takes ten minutes to arrive. The paramedics take one look at Celine and decide that she needs to go to the hospital. Dornan carries her into the ambulance, resting her gently onto the gurney. I watch as he smooths her hair back from her face and bends to kiss her forehead. Again, I’m startled by his tenderness. I mean, I know we’re all friends, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dornan act this way before.
When he lumbers out of the ambulance, he turns to me. “Who’s going to go with her?”
“I’ll go,” Ellie says. “It’s your birthday.”
“Forget it,” I tell her. “You need to get home to Noah. I don’t have anywhere I need to be.”
I climb into the ambulance, taking a seat at Celine’s feet, watching the paramedic check her blood pressure and attach an IV. When I turn, I find Dalton, Blake, and Kain looking on worriedly. I can almost feel their concern and frustration rolling from them in waves.
If our relationship was in the open, there’s no way they’d be standing back this way. They must be itching to provide me with support because that’s who they are. They’ve been raised to be good men, reliable men, strong men. All the qualities that are on my list of traits for a future partner.
As the doors are closing, I raise my hand in a small wave.
It’s not the way I thought I’d be spending my birthday, but as long as Celine recovers, that’ll be the best birthday gift I could receive.
In the hospital, when the doctors confirm that Celine is going to be fine, I remember Kain’s gift. When I open the plush little box, I find a silver chain and a dainty angel’s wing pendant. It’s so pretty, and I almost tear up at the image of him searching for such a sweet gift for me.
Later, when Celine is safely home and the birds are starting to sing their dawn chorus, I finally make it home. Remembering Dalton’s instructions, I find a wrapped box exactly where he described it would be. Mom’s still sleeping, so I creep to the kitchen to open it.
Inside is a small chocolate cupcake covered in pink hearts. The card reads, Forgive my first attempt at baking. Happy Birthday sweet girl.”
I hold the card against my heart, swallowing down the wave of emotions tonight has taken me on. I gently remove the cake from the box, pull down the wrapper, and take a huge bite. It’s melt-in-the-mouth-perfect, filled with chocolatey goodness. Dalton’s so damned talented, it makes me want to cry.
When I flop into bed, I struggle to sleep for a long time, now more conflicted than I have ever been.