24
BLAKE
The sounds of the machines are driving me fucking crazy. And the sight of Kain laid out like a corpse makes me want to punch the wall until my fist is shattered and bloody. I rub my face, and then my eyes. The dryness caused by the air-conditioned air is adding to my exhaustion and frustration. I haven’t felt like this before. Completely out of control, unable to find the funny side of a situation to relieve my stress.
There’s nothing funny about seeing your baby brother in a coma. There’s no bright side to knowing he could have died.
He did die before they brought him back.
It’s a fact I can’t wrap my head around.
It’s quiet now that Dalton and Dad have returned home for a shower, to get a few hours’ sleep, and to gather things for when Kain wakes up. Dad said that last part so loudly it was as if he hoped Kain would hear him and spontaneously open his eyes. It was as though he believed he could will the life back into his son.
Gabriella is convinced that Kain is aware of what’s going on around him. I’m not so sure. I’ve been searching for signs, but there’s nothing. It’s like sitting next to a Resusci Annie.
All I can do is talk because that’s what I do when I’m nervous. Fill the dread-laden silence with something that won’t feel like it’s cutting my heart in two.
It’s amazing how many memories have jumped to the front of my mind so that I can recount them to Kain. Things I know would make him smile if he was awake. The pranks we used to play on Dad and Dalton with whoopie cushions and fake insects. The best one was the plastic poo we left in Dad’s bed. I swear, he was apoplectic before he realized it was a joke. I laugh, but I’ve always felt a little bad for giving Dad such a hard time. We probably shortened his life with all our childish antics.
“Remember when you had your first kiss with Dora-Lee?” I ask a motionless Kain. “You came home looking like someone had stolen your cookie. And when I asked you what was wrong, you told me you wished you waited for it to be with Gabriella.”
I sigh at the picture of us I have in my head. Kain a skinnier, younger version and me without any tattoos. Those days were filled with longing for a girl we never thought we could have. We gave up and settled for other women, passing the time and hoping that someone would measure up, but they never did.
“You got your chance, Kain. You kissed the girl of your dreams. And if you come back, you can kiss her again.”
His arm twitches beneath mine and I hold my breath as I search his face for signs that he can hear what I’m saying. “She was here, Kain. She was with you the whole time, crying all over you, bro, like the state of you was breaking her heart.”
I squeeze his arm. “When you wake up, we need to end this deal. We need to tell her that we want her, and nothing else will do. It’ll be hard, but I don’t think any of us can handle more of this halfhearted arrangement. The longer it goes on, the less real it feels. I don’t know. Maybe I sound like a sentimental dick. Maybe we should all just take what we can get. But I really think she wants more from us…”
“Who wants more?” Gabriella’s voice rings out and I jump so violently my ass leaves the chair. Even at first glance, I can feel the weight of distress she’s carrying.
“Fuck, Gab. You trying to put me in a hospital bed too?”
“Not funny, Blake.”
I stand, drinking in the sight of her. She’s showered and dressed in pink yoga pants and a white oversized shirt that hangs from her left shoulder, revealing her tanned skin. With her hair pulled up into a messy bun, and her face scrubbed bare of makeup, she just radiates natural beauty in a way that takes my breath away. Beauty darkened by her concern. It’s there in the shadows under her eyes and her pinched lips. “Sorry, baby. You just scared the bejesus out of me.”
In two paces, I’m in front of her and I wrap her in my embrace, needing to feel her body against mine, and hoping our closeness will distract her from anything she might have overheard.
“Has he moved? Do you think he can hear us?” she asks, drawing out of the hug and staring past me at Kain.
“When I talked about you, his arm twitched.”
“Really?”
She seems happy to know but distracted. There’s something restless about the way her eyes are darting.
“Yeah, Gab. Of course.” Her shoulders lower, and her frown smooths. “You should sit next to him.” I lead her to the chair closest to Kain’s head and grab another one from the adjacent wall. Silence spreads thickly between us as we keep a vigil for Kain, me desperately praying for him to heal, and Gab…well, I’m not sure what’s going on in her mind.
Even when we were as close as two people can be, I still didn’t feel like I could read her. It’s as though she only ever wants to give a part of herself — whatever is safe — and keeps another secret part buried deep.
I take her hand, holding it on the blanket that warms my brother. “What’s going on, Gab? Are you okay?”
She exhales long and low, bowing her head and closing her eyes. “Your brother is in a coma, and I just found out my mom is fucking your dad. Life’s great right now, Blake. It’s never been better.”
“What?” I twist in my chair to face her, wondering if I heard right or if my addled brain just made up her last weird sentence out of delirium.
“My mom is fucking your dad. They have been at it for two years and kept it a secret from us because they were worried we wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
I splutter with laughter because it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, and when Gabriella doesn’t join in, I realize that she’s being serious. The irony of the mess of all of our secrets dampens my laughter immediately. “You mean, we’ve been sneaking around behind our parents’ backs while they’ve been doing exactly the same thing?”
“Yep.”
“Shit…you don’t look happy.” It’s an understatement. Gabriella’s face is severe, and her narrowed eyes seem redder than usual.
“I can’t believe she lied to me,” she says, twisting the hem of her shirt between fiercely gripped fingers.
“It must be hard to hear, but sometimes people keep secrets for good reasons. Like us…”
“It’s not the same thing.” Gabriella sighs. “If Mom wanted a boyfriend, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. Your dad is a good man. I would have accepted it. I’m sure you all would have too.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“The lying.” She shakes her head and looks to the ceiling as though she’ll find something that will help her cope amongst the stained ceiling tiles.
“Not all lying is the same,” I tell her, keeping my tone low and easy, not wanting to provoke her and make things worse. “Like our lie, for example. We’re not lying to hurt anyone. We’re lying so that people don’t get hurt. Isn’t that the same as your mom?”
Gabriella sighs, and shakes her head, then a tear rolls down her cheek.
Fuck. As quickly as I can move, I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, kissing her forehead as she sobs. “I just…I thought I could trust her, and now it feels like there’s no one in my life I can trust.” Her words cut more than they should.
“What about us, Gab? You can trust us.”
“Can I? You’re happy lying as much as my mom.”
“As much as you…” I remind her. “I would never lie to you, Gab. But I’d lie to protect you. I’d lie to keep you safe. I’d lie to keep you in my life. We’d all do anything for you, Gab. Don’t you know that?”
She tips her face to mine, her forest green eyes searching. I don’t know what she’s looking for in my gaze. I don’t know if she’ll find it either. “Blake,” she whispers as she sags exhausted against me.
I bend to kiss her sweet mouth, wanting her to feel how much I care for her. Wanting to let all my love for this woman linger on her lips and rest on the tip of her tongue. And she kisses me back, her tears making our sweet kisses salty. I don’t know if she’s accepting my affection as a balm to soothe her or just as a distraction, but for now, with everything shifting beneath our feet, it will have to be enough.
Until someone clears their throat behind us.
Gabriella stiffens, pulling away from me so quickly I unbalance and jerk forward in her wake. We both turn at the same time, finding Travis standing a few feet away from us, his eyes dark, his expression blank. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, and in that time he’s cropped his blond hair short, and grown a light brown beard that’s hardened his jaw. He’s filled out too, like the environment in Germany suits him.
“Travis.” I stand as my guilty heart skitters in my chest, crossing the short space between us as I would have done if he hadn’t just witnessed me kissing his sister.
“Blake,” he says. His voice is clipped, and his nostrils flare as he inhales a deep breath. I expect him to punch me in the face or shout obscenities about touching his sister, but he doesn’t. He pulls me into a fierce embrace, banging me on the back with the flat of his hand, and I’m so stunned, I almost lose my balance against him.
“Fuck, Travis. You got here so quickly.”
“I jumped on the first plane,” he says. “Fuck.”
I draw back and turn to face Kain, seeing what Travis is seeing. My brother, skin pallid, his chest moving in a jerky rhythmic cycle that makes him seem more machine than human.
Gab is frozen, standing with the backs of her legs against her chair, staring at her brother. She watches as Travis rests his hand on Kain’s blanket-covered foot.
“Kain,” he rasps. “It’s me, Travis. What the fuck have you gone and done now?”
I snort, shaking my head. “Fucked himself up, that’s what.” My voice feels overloud, inflated by nerves.
“You’ve got to wake up, Kain,” Travis says. “Seeing you this way is killing us. You’ve got so much to live for, bro. And I’ve just spent a fucking fortune on coming to visit, so it would be nice if you were actually awake.”
We all start to laugh then, like the slightly unhinged laughter of people who are all on the brink of crying.
I tell Travis to sit where Gab was sitting, and as he makes his way around the bed, he hugs his sister. When he sits, taking Kain’s hand in his own, Gabriella rests her hand on his shoulder. She’s still wearing Ellie’s engagement ring, but Travis doesn’t notice. He accepts her comfort as he talks to Kain, searching for words that might reach him through the darkness.
And Gabriella and I stand by with fear in our hearts that when Kain wakes up, Travis won’t be so forgiving and everything will shatter, driving a wedge between our families for good.