28
GAbrIELLA
Kain’s been awake for two weeks and has been recovering well. During that time, his father has barely left his side during the day, and when I’ve tried to visit at night for some alone time, there’s always been someone from the team or his extended family visiting, too.
It’s been impossible.
My heart is bruised and there are so many things unsaid between us that he almost feels like a stranger.
Travis isn’t angry with me. He isn’t angry with Mom either. It’s like he went to Germany one man and returned another. Even though I’ve asked him about his adventure, he hasn’t told me anything personal, just rambled on about the building he works in and his colleagues, and the differences between Germans and Americans.
I want to know what made him the way he is now. I can’t work out whether he’s stuffing down his anger because of what happened with Kain or if he genuinely has returned as a philosophical, chilled, mature man. Half of me is worried that he’s going to explode once Kain is home, and the other half is petrified that he won’t question this relationship...and then what?
I have to admit my feelings.
Or I risk Dalton, Blake, and Kain walking away because it was always only supposed to be temporary.
Neither option is what I want.
I’ve been avoiding spending any time alone with Mom, and the distance that has formed between us feels weird and sad. I’m adrift with no anchor. It’s as though there is a wall between me and everyone I used to be connected to.
I’ve even been avoiding Ellie and Celine, too. Their questions will make me face things I’m not ready to deal with.
I’m a terrible daughter, a terrible sister, a terrible friend, and a terrible lover.
In the day, I dedicate myself to assignments and extra reading, and at night I fight my thoughts by falling down the TikTok rabbit hole, until I’m bleary-eyed and my mind is desperate to switch off.
But today Kain is leaving the hospital, and everyone is on edge. Mom’s been baking since early this morning and the whole house is scented with her famous gooey chocolate cake. We’ve been invited to the Nowaks for dinner and Dalton messaged me last night to request that I arrive earlier than Mom and Travis. It’ll be the first time we’ll be alone together since before Kain’s injury and my stomach is a ball of frantic moths searching for their escape.
I’m ready to leave, dressed in a pretty white dress with tie straps and embroidery anglaise detailing, my hair loosely curled and pinned, and gold gladiator sandals strapped up my legs. I’ve even painted my fingernails and toenails in a matching shade of baby pink. When I glance at myself in the mirror, I bite my lip, realizing I’ve subconsciously dressed myself up like a bride or maybe a Greek goddess. It’s too late to change, though, so I grab my purse, hoping no one else will notice, and jog down the stairs. If I’m quick, I can just call out my goodbyes and make a speedy, uneventful exit.
It doesn’t work out that way.
“Gabriella,” Mom calls. “Can you come in here for a second, please?”
I feel like I got a D on my report card, and I am about to get a grilling.
In the kitchen I find Travis at the table focused on his phone, and Mom grating white chocolate over an almost finished cake. She looks up, smiling when she sees me out of my usual yoga pants and baggy tees. Then her expression changes. “I think we should talk before we go next door. There’s a lot that’s been brushed under the carpet while Kain has been recovering and I don’t want it to come out while we’re guests at someone else’s house.”
I nod even though I’d rather just leave everything under the carpet, even our elephant sized secrets and lies.
“We haven’t spoken about me and Lukas since the hospital. I wanted to say that I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that we’re in a relationship. I should have been honest but opening it up to all the potential conflict just didn’t feel right. It’s been a long time since either of us has been happy and it felt fragile. Do you understand?”
It’s hard to find words to answer because I don’t want to sound like a spoiled brat and I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to keeping secrets, but I’m still sad and I still feel betrayed.
If I was ten, the kind of outburst that’s brewing inside me would be excusable, but I’m an adult now. I have to fight for maturity to deal with adult issues. Instead of yelling, I try to convey my feelings in a measured tone.
“When Dad died, and we discovered his secret, it really shook my trust,” I say, watching Mom’s face lose color. Travis finally lowers his phone and focuses on me. “We didn’t ever talk about it as a family. I feel like none of us processed what happened…finding out that he’d been lying and his death. I had no place to put my anger or my feelings of betrayal. I didn’t want to upset either of you by bringing it up. We all brushed that time under the rug, and it has sat between us for so long.”
Mom opens her mouth to speak, but I put my hand up. I’m on a roll now and I don’t want to be interrupted.
“When I found out you’d been lying too, it touched a nerve, Mom. You’ve been the only person in my life that I’ve ever fully trusted and now, I feel like that’s gone.”
“I didn’t ever lie,” Mom says. “I just wasn’t open about the truth.”
“Semantics,” Travis says, and we both turn to stare at him.
“Is this how you feel too, Travis?” Mom asks.
“Yes,” he says, placing both hands flat on the table. “Well, the stuff about Dad. Keeping Lukas a secret doesn’t bother me as much as it seems to bother Gabriella. I just want you to be happy. I’ve been away and I’ve been worried about both of you here. Now I find out that the Nowaks have stepped in to take my place.”
“No one could ever take your place, Travis,” I say, shocked.
He shrugs, which is a blatant brush-off, but I’m not standing for that. Not now.
“No one will ever take your place,” I repeat, moving to sit next to him. I put my arm awkwardly around his shoulder and inexplicably he leans into me, wrapping me in the kind of hug we’ve never really been comfortable with before.
“They love you, you know,” he whispers in my ear. I jolt back, his words stinging my heart.
“What?”
“Kain told me,” he says. “If you want them, it’s up to you.”
I stare into my brother’s eyes, searching, desperate to know he’s okay with what he’s saying. He’s a good man. Unselfish and stoic. He’d bear what made him unhappy if he thought it was what I wanted. “And your friendship?”
“They’re my brothers. Maybe they’ll become my brothers-in-law.” His smile is rye, but his eyes are sparkling.
“Trying to marry me off already,” I snort.
“What’s going on?” Mom asks. “What have I missed?”
“I’ll leave Travis to fill you in,” I say, rising and checking my watch. I’m already running late. “See you later.”
Before Mom can object, I’m striding from the house, those terrified moths morphing into excited butterflies. They love me. Kain confessed it to my brother, his most trusted friend, before he admitted it to me. I can’t be mad about it, though. They admitted it to Travis before I had the courage to accept the reality of my feelings.
As I walk the path between our houses, I recall skipping this way wearing my best flowery yellow summer dress, my hair in braids tied with ribbon, and yellow ballet pumps on my feet. Our parents were taking us to the local fair, but I was impatient to wait for the time we were all leaving. I wanted to show Dalton, Blake, and Kain my new dress. I wanted them to see how pretty I was.
The lump in my throat is large as I remember them in their button-down shirts and dark jeans, hair brushed to the side, faces glowing from the scrubbing their mom must have given them. Their eyes had widened when they saw me, and I knew it was because I looked nice. I looked different from the scrappy Gabriella who tagged along on all their escapades. I looked like a princess, and their appreciative gazes had made me feel so special.
When Dalton opens the front door, his eyes widen in just the same way as all those years ago, drinking me in like I’m an iced drink and he’s desert parched.
“Gabriella,” he breathes, reaching for my hand and drawing me into an embrace that’s tighter than it should be. “You look…”
I beam up at him, reaching out to caress his thick black beard, the solid column of his neck, his bulky shoulders that speak of power and capability. “I missed you,” I say, watching his eyes soften and his body relax with relief.
“I missed you, too,” he breathes. “So much.”
And the sound of his voice, low and gravelly just for me, sends heat right through me. I have to bury my face into his warm shirt that smells of the ocean on a clear fall day and grip him as tightly as he hugged me. We stand that way, framed by the open doorway for longer than I’ve ever been held by Dalton, and I never want him to let me go.
When he eases his hand from my back to push the door, Blake’s voice calls out, “Is she here?” before he appears at the top of the stairs.
Dressed in a tight gray shirt that shows off his lean muscular frame and the swirls of ink that stretch down his arms, Blake looks ready for a fight, but his smile tells another story. That smile that illuminates his face speaks of fun and laughter and humor that can make even the saddest day lighter. His brown hair flops over his forehead as he nears, and he pushes it back impatiently. I’m drawn into his embrace as soon as he’s close enough to reach me, and kisses are pressed first to the crown of my head, then my forehead, then my nose and finally my lips. I’m swept into the whirlwind of his affection and never want to return to the ground.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he says, gripping me by the upper arms and looking me over. “That dress is…” He leaves a shake of his head and his raised eyebrows to communicate his appreciation. It works well enough to make me blush.
I touch his stubbled cheek, watching his lids lower in satisfaction. “I missed you,” I tell him, not wanting him to hear anything different from his brother. We are in this together, and that will require a level of fairness.
“Where’s Kain?” I ask.
“Dad went to collect him from the hospital. He’s desperate to come home. Poor guy is sick of hospital food.”
At the mention of food, the delicious aroma in the air registers. “What’s on the menu?”
Dalton grins, and the soft skin above his thick beard flushes an adorable shade of pink. “Come see.” He takes my arm and leads me into the kitchen. Laid out on a trestle table is a hot plate with several warming dishes covered with aluminum foil. On the counter there are numerous large bowls filled with Greek salad with crumbly white feta cheese, a potato salad with celery and finely chopped scallions, a pasta salad with sun-dried tomatoes and olives and what looks like a homemade focaccia bread with rosemary. I step forward to peek beneath the wrap of the hot dishes, finding spiced chicken, a casserole in a rich sauce, and a spicey rice. Everything smells mouthwateringly delicious.
“You did all this?” I ask Dalton, my gaze flicking between him and Blake, who’s leaning against the doorjamb with his arms folded and a smile curving his kissable lips.
“I did,” Dalton says.
“He wouldn’t let any of us in here. Not even for a glass of water.”
“What does your dad think?”
Dalton folds his arms, determination lowering his brow. “I told him I want to become a chef…own a restaurant one day.”
I straighten, smoothing my hands over my dress. “Are you serious? You really told him?”
“I did.” Dalton reaches for me, tugging me forward and kissing me gently on the lips. “If it wasn’t for you, Gab, I never would have found this thing that I love…I never would have been brave enough to take this step.”
“What did he say?”
“I think he could see I wasn’t going to hear a word against it.” Dalton’s fierce determination about his new direction in life is evident in the way he stands, the way he talks, the way he moves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.
“That’s amazing,” I say, my swell of pride heating my skin.
Blake nods his agreement. “Finally, he can stop bitching and boasting about how hard his job is.”
“I don’t know,” I say, touching Dalton’s ropey forearm. “Chefs have it tough, especially the ones who are training.”
“Don’t encourage him, Gab.”
I grin and we all laugh, Dalton’s excitement about his future filling us with a contagious buoyancy.
“Kain is changing his path too,” Blake says. “He’ll tell you more himself.”
I stare at Blake, waiting for him to tell me more. Kain isn’t in any position to be thinking about the future. He needs to fully recover first, and that’s going to take some time.
Blake’s hands go up, and he steps into the room. “He’s decided to drop out of the team.”
“He has?” The relief I feel is so visceral, it makes my knees weak. After watching him drop like a stone on the field, I don’t think I would ever be able to face attending another game or knowing he was out there in danger.
“The doctors told him they could sign him off to play again, but that there is an increased risk of him having issues in the future. His heart was bruised. Kain’s decided he’d rather live a long life than take a risk for football.”
“And he’s going to work with Dad…take on all the business side…when he’s finished studying.” Dalton says. There’s relief in his voice and I realize that this is part of the reason Lukas has let him go and follow his dreams without a fight.
“He always did want to go into business,” I say.
“Yeah, but not the family business.” Blake rubs the back of his neck. “A lot has changed.”
“What about you?” I ask. “Do you have any bombshells to drop?”
Blake shakes his head, then shrugs his left shoulder. “Anything I have to say shouldn’t be a surprise.”
I stare at him, waiting for more, but the sound of a key turning draws all our attention.
When Kain walks through the door, taking each step slowly, I can’t hold myself back. I rush toward him, so relieved to see him on his feet, overwhelmed by how much older he looks with his full beard, worried by the hollows that remain beneath his beautiful blue eyes. My arms envelope him before he has a chance to respond, pinning his arms at his sides. Tears I didn’t know were coming stream down my face.
So much relief pours out of me, my knees shake, and my body is wracked by sobs that turn into relieved laughter. “You’re back.” I say, my words muffled into his shirt.
“I’m back.” His voice is gruff with emotion as he eases his arms from my tangled embrace and holds me against this body. He feels different; slimmer, maybe. The time he spent in the hospital has robbed him of his training bulk, but he’s still solid and so much bigger than me that he makes me feel safe and protected, even in his diminished state. The kiss he presses to my forehead is chaste, like a brother would give a sister, and I remember that Lukas is behind him, closing the front door, relieved to have his son safely home.
There are so many things I want to say to them all, but this isn’t the time. We’ve had years to build up to this moment. Years to get to know each other, years to develop feelings. To want to rush things now is selfish, but I can’t help myself. A switch has flicked for me. Hearing Travis giving his blessing and hearing confirmation that they love me, it’s everything I need. It’s allowed me to relax enough and to accept what I want, what I feel.
The doorbell rings, and when Lukas opens the door, Mom and Travis greet the Nowaks, stealing Kain away from me with happy relief at his recovery.
I walk back into the kitchen, half in a daze. Everyone is so happy; the air feels alive with it. Lukas steers Mom with a gentle hand on the small of her back. Travis greets his buddies with quick, sharp embraces, and a wide smile. Everyone gushes over Mom’s welcome home cake, and then Dalton’s food, and I stand back and observe these people who I love, and who love each other.
And it doesn’t feel wrong to me that I love Dalton, Blake, and Kain anymore. It feels like I’ve arrived home from a journey that’s lasted a whole lifetime.
We fill our plates with food, and moan over the deliciousness. We listen to Kain talk about his recovery and how grateful he is to be at home. Dalton rests his hand on my thigh, a possessive and reassuring action that keeps me grounded, and everything feels so perfect, I have to swallow back tears.
I catch Mom staring at us all with a soft smile on her face. I guess Travis told her everything. I guess she’s not going to give me the same kind of grief I gave her about her choices. Lukas is the last to know, and maybe his reaction will be different, but as Blake finds my hand beneath the table and Kain’s gaze slides to mine, filled with love and heat, I feel sure we can accomplish anything, as long as we’re together.