1
CELINE
"Eddie is the biggest rodent in the northern hemisphere." Gabriella rests her hand on my arm and reaches for a tissue from the box on my dresser, handing it to me before I ruin my makeup.
I dab under my eyes, and grimace. I hate crying in front of people. I'm not usually this broken and pathetic, but I invested a lot of time in the relationship I had with the cheating bastard who has now become my ex, and that wasted time makes me mad as hell.
I didn't want to get serious with him. From the very beginning, I told him I wanted to be free at college, not shackled to the first guy I met freshman year. But he wouldn't let me break up with him. Any time I tried to pull back so we could branch out and see other people, he'd find a way to pull me back in. The man had the sex drive of three average men, and I feel like I've spent most of the last couple of years beneath him in one way or another.
Don't get me wrong, he wasn't bad in bed. The asshole could fuck. But pleasure from fucking, and emotional satisfaction are two very different things. I just didn't feel connected to him, and other than wanting to be up inside my body every half an hour, I didn't feel like he really saw the important parts of me.
Then he cheated, and all our time together suddenly seemed so futile.
I'm mad at him, but I'm mostly mad at myself. I want to erase him from my memory and go back to seize all the months I wasted, but life doesn't come with a do-over, no matter how much we wish it did.
I sniff and wipe my nose. My eyes are bloodshot but still passably made-up. "He might be there tonight."
Ellie, who's sitting on my bed with her legs crossed and one foot shaking, meets my eyes in the mirror.
"What are you going to do if he is?"
She's asking the question because we're not just going out for a good time tonight. We're celebrating Dalton getting a place at catering school and it’s an occasion I don’t want to add any drama to.
"I don't know." It's the truth. My rage is a volcano of trapped lava, a pyroclastic cloud ready to erupt and wipe out all in its path. "Maybe just drink cocktails."
"Cocktails and chocolate are the best when it comes to breakups." Gabriella snaps off a square of the giant bar of Hershey’s she brought me today to help with the heartache.
"Cocktails and chocolate are great, but you know what's better?" Ellie's perfectly arched eyebrow raises in question, and she shifts, leaning forward and grinning like she's about to share the most excellent gossip. Her dark hair falls over her shoulder and her tongue darts out to wet the bottom of her lip.
"What?" I swivel on my stool and ball up the damp tissue in my fist.
"Rebound sex." With a slight shrug, she makes her suggestion seem entirely innocent.
Gabriella snickers. "Ellie!"
"What? It's not like Celine hasn't wanted to experience other guys. Eddie smothered her for way too long. It's time for her to spread her wings."
"You mean my legs," I mutter.
I tip my head at an awkward angle to hear Gabriella's response. She gestures openly with her hands. "I mean, good alternative sex can be freeing…like wiping the slate clean. But it can also be messy.” Ellie snorts and Gabriella rolls her blue eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. “You know me… I'm not a one-night-with-a-stranger kind of girl. When I was hungry for sex, I went next door, and Ellie just crossed the hall."
We all laugh at the strange truth of that statement. Gabriella’s in a relationship with three of her neighbors who are brothers, and her brother’s best friends. Ellie’s shacked up with her triplet stepbrothers and she has a little boy called Noah. They might be lazy about where they found their men, but with three each, that’s where the laziness ends!
"Yes," Ellie gasps. "Get-over-the-asshole-ex-sex needs to be safe and satisfying."
Shaking my head, I rise on weary legs to find my shoes at the bottom of my closet. Going out tonight and painting on a smile feels as appealing as entering hell through flaming gates, whilst being pelted by crap, but I'll do it for my friend.
"So, you're saying cocktails and cock are the solutions to my current misery?"
I slide my feet into uncomfortable sandals, adding three inches to my average height and making me feel more powerful as a result.
Ellie and Gabriella look at each other and then turn to me.
"Nothing makes what you're going through easier except time and perspective," Ellie says. "You're on a new path now. One that Eddie isn't steering anymore. So you do whatever you like. It's your time."
I blink, staring between my friends.
My time.
No time has felt like my time since Mom and Dad called it quits on their marriage. Now, all I do is worry about whether Mom is lonely or if Dad will ever call me or come to visit again.
I don't want to be in this swirly vortex of other people's emotions and demands. I want to call the shots for a change.
"My time. I like that."
Gabriella stares pertinently at Ellie as though she's worried her comment has unleashed a monster. The tears that have burned against the front of my throat for weeks lessen with a swallow and a deep breath.
I smooth my hands over my dress and fluff my hair, glancing into the mirror to check my mass of red curls. They look like they usually do: wild and crazy.
"I guess it's time to go."
At the bar, the music is pumping, and the lights are flashing, casting the moving crowd in rainbow colors. We head over to the back, where our group has already gathered. Colby, one of Ellie's triplet boyfriends, pulls her against him and kisses her forehead possessively. She's passed to Sebastian and Micky and given the same princess treatment. Gabriella immediately seeks out Dalton, Kain, and Blake, her own harem of men, wrapping her arms around them in turn for a long embrace. I stand behind like a spare part, scanning the crowd for someone who can make me feel like I belong even a little. Dornan is leaning against the wall, talking to Gabriella's brother, Travis, and I make a beeline to my friend.
I know Dornan well. We’ve been friends, through Ellie, since freshman year. His size makes him an overwhelming presence but as soon as he speaks, his face softens and his eyes light up, and all the menace that makes him an invaluable member of the football team, slips away.
"Hey." I touch Dornan's arm, interrupting what sounded like a conversation about sport. His sky-blue eyes find mine and crinkle at the corners.
"There she is." He throws his massive arm around my shoulder and tugs me against his solid chest with vigorous affection. I half-grin, half-grimace at Travis as I'm squashed like a beetle. Dornan doesn't seem to be conscious of his immense strength.
"Hi," I squeak.
"Hi, Celine." Travis uses his hand to brush over his neatly trimmed, light brown beard as he studies me. I didn't think he'd remember my name. We've only met a couple of times, and he generally keeps to himself.
"Hi, Travis." His eyes are a deeper shade of blue than Dornan's, like dark sapphires, and they sparkle beneath his fair brows and lashes. It's weird looking at him because he seems more familiar than he should, probably because of how much he looks like his younger sister, Gabriella.
"You guys took your time. I swear Gab left to go get you three hours ago."
"A girl needs time to look her best," I say, but my eyes are already roving for Eddie. If he's here, I want to find him so that I can avoid him. I need to know where he is before he spots me.
Travis turns, glancing over his shoulder, and his light blue shirt pulls over the very nice muscles of his chest and arms. I haven't ever told my bestie that I think her brother is a hottie, mainly because of Eddie and because it feels a little weird to lust over your friend's older brother.
I haven't told Ellie that I think Dornan's sexy, either. Well, maybe sexy is the wrong word for a man who's more wall than human. He's got the kind of masculine presence that feels safe, like a hug but as solid as granite. The funny thing is, he's a big softy underneath all the brawn.
"He's over there." Dornan indicates the far corner with a jerk of his head, where a large group of the football team and their cheerleader-type girlfriends are gathered around a table. Eddie isn't visible from where I'm standing, but I guess Dornan saw him arrive.
"Who?" Travis turns, completely unaware.
"My ex." Blood spreads heat over my fair skin.
"Oh. An ex you want to avoid?"
"At all costs."
Travis nods, and Dornan gives me a reassuring squeeze. "The douche cheated on my girl. Can you believe he'd have the audacity?"
One of Eddie's friends laughs raucously and almost falls off the tiny stool he's sitting on, and I shiver. Travis's expression turns grim, his strong jaw ticking like a heartbeat.
"Fuck people who cheat." It's said with so much venom that my head jerks back in surprise.
"Yeah. Fuck them," Dornan agrees.
If I could kiss them both right now without it being weird, I would. I swear, the number of dudes I know who have cheated on their girlfriends is obscenely high. I don't know why I thought I'd experience anything different. Men have a problem, otherwise known as a dick, and they can't help themselves. I think there is something very wrong with Eddie because we'd fuck twice a day, most days, and he still found the time and the urge to wander.
"I need a drink."
The bar is way over the other side of the dance floor, which seems like ten miles away in my ridiculous shoes, and moving from where I am, sheltered between Dornan and Travis, feels risky. Maybe sensing my unease, Dornan steers me so his body shields me. "I'll come with you."
"Me, too." Travis leads the way and clears the dancing throngs like Moses parting the Red Sea.
At the bar, I order two of my favorite peachy cocktails and drink them both so fast, I gasp from the immense brain freeze.
"Easy, tiger." Travis orders me another and pays before either Dornan or I can offer. Dornan tips his beer at Travis gratefully, and I sneak a sideways glance at Travis's profile, watching his throat move as he swallows down his drink. Damn, there's something really masculine about him. Maybe the extra years he has are enough to set him apart. He has that strong jaw and brow thing about him that's seriously sexy, and his biceps are more than lickable.
"So, what's the plan?" Dornan leans against the bar, still using his body to shield me from Eddie. "Are you going to hide out over here all night because that cocksucker is marking his territory over there?"
"You think he's there on purpose?" Travis asks, resting his beer on the wet bar top.
"He knows Celine is hanging out tonight. I caught him listening while I was talking about it with Ellie in the coffee shop earlier. There are plenty of other places he could have chosen to go with his friends, but he happens to pick this place where he can intimidate Celine."
"I'm not intimidated." Without thinking about it, I draw myself taller and push my shoulders back.
"Down girl." Dornan touches my arm, his big, rough hand warm against my skin. "Maybe intimidated is too strong. Where he can make his presence felt."
"I'm done with him. I don't care where he is."
"So, let's get back over there."
For all my bravado, I'm not eager to face Eddie, especially in front of everyone. But Dornan is looking at me expectantly, and I don't want to lose face in front of Travis. Ellie's words are still simmering in my alcohol-loosened mind. Rebound sex seems mercenary, but maybe a little fun could help take my mind off things and show Eddie how unbothered I am by his infidelity.
As I follow Dornan back across the room, sipping on my peach cocktail with Travis at my side, the alcohol makes me wobble. Yowzah! I'm going too fast, or maybe it's my mood combined with the drink that has me spinning out of control.
Ellie grins at me from where she's resting with her back against Colby's front. Her stepbrother-boyfriend has his arm across her chest, protectively holding her in place and sending the ‘mine’ signal to anyone looking. A pang of envy shoots through me. Eddie was never like that with me. He'd be sexual in front of other people, grabbing my ass or groping beneath my shirt, and I'd swat him away, but there was never any protectiveness in the way he treated me in public.
Dornan stops to talk to Colby, and Travis slides into a booth. I crane to look in the direction of Eddie's table, and my head spins. My feet seem to get tangled, and suddenly, I'm stumbling right into a huge, rock-hard chest. Big beefy arms close around me, and I scramble to stabilize myself, grabbing handfuls of soft, warm shirt.
When I look up to see who's holding me like a log, I find Elias staring down at me with one dark eyebrow cocked.
Elias. Fuck.
A flash of him hefting me against him with just one hand and then pinning me against the wall momentarily blinds me. The furious way he fucked me knocked the breath from my lungs then, and the memory of it does the same.
"You're drunk."
"I'm fine." I try to push away as his onyx eyes bore into me, deciding something different, but he lifts me like a sack of potatoes and tosses me into the booth next to Travis. I brace my hands on the cool table before me, my mouth hanging open. Angry, indignant words catch in my throat, but Elias grins as he slides in next to me as though he intends to use his big, strong, unbelievably muscular, sexy body to block me from leaving the booth.
Idiot.
The picture of Eddie cheating flashes into my mind. He was in a booth like this with his tongue rammed down another girl's throat and his hand up her shirt.
Distantly, Travis asks me if I'm okay. I blink as his familiar blue eyes, filled with concern, trail over me. If Eddie can do it, so can I.
Without seriously considering the impact of my actions, I shift closer to Travis and press my lips against his. We both have our eyes open so I can see his surprise, but then he moves his mouth over mine in a sensual, slow, spine-tingling kiss, pushing his hand into my long hair and pulling me closer.
My head spins, but this time, it isn't from the cocktails. It's all Travis.
The scruff on his chin scratches my face in an arousing way, and when his tongue slides against mine, my pussy clenches between my thighs.
Jeez. Gabriella's brother has skills.
"Come on, Celine. You don't need to be doing that…" Elias's huge hand scoops me around my middle, and he hauls me off Travis. I blink, woozy in too many ways, turning to rail against the interrupter of my fun. Except, when I do, I find Elias's expression is quizzical rather than aggressive or judgmental. He has a smile playing at the corner of his mouth and eyes that seem to light with amusement.
"Celine." The way he says my name is like melted chocolate, and I'm immediately transported back to his dorm, where he moaned it loudly as he came inside me. It was a one-time thing when Eddie and I were on a break, a one-time thing that shattered every preconception I had about Elias. In daylight hours, he's a bear with a sore head with enough snark to cut through steel, but by night, he's a man of determined passion.
Those lips did things to me I can't think about without messing my panties.
I kiss him before the ramifications of my actions have time to register. The familiarity in how he kisses me back is like slipping into a warm bath with a glass of wine.
Jeez. Elias kisses me like he's searching for my soul in the rubble of my mind. His hand clasps my hip, and in a flash, I'm on his lap, straddling his big, solid body, pawing at him like we're alone and naked rather than in a bar, surrounded by our nearest and dearest.
A hand rests on my shoulder, pulling me back, and Dornan's voice cuts through the passion. "Hey, Celine…" I blink up at him, finding soft, concerned eyes. His blond hair flops as he tries to help me stand. "It's okay. You're okay." He's always the one looking after everyone. As soon as I'm on my feet, I grab the back of his neck, rising on my tiptoes to kiss him, too.
It's stupid. He's my friend. We've been through a lot together, and he's shown himself to be a good and reliable person. I don't need to mess with good relationships because a bad one turned sour.
But instead of shoving me away and telling me to stop, Dornan kisses me back, and it's good. So good.
I moan as he pulls me closer, his huge hand on my ass.
But before I have a chance to enjoy the experience fully, a familiar voice cuts through the bliss. "Come on, you guys. Pack it in." Ellie pries us apart with surprisingly strong hands.
Dornan blinks as though he's emerging from the depths of hell into the midday sunshine, and I sway as a broad smile breaks out across my face. I turn to my friend, suddenly feeling lighter than I have all evening.
"What's wrong, Ellie? I'm just gathering my own harem."
She grimaces, and pity widens her eyes and makes her shoulder rise in a dismissive shrug. "I don't think that's how it works, sweetie." When she pats me on the shoulder, words that would cut slash through my mind. Somehow, even though I'm drunk, I manage to keep a handle on them.
"You know, those drinks have gone right to my head." I laugh, and it sounds a little unhinged, then I laugh some more because it's funny as shit.
"I think you need some water, honey."
As I follow Ellie into an empty booth and, as she tells Seb to get us a bottle, a different idea about what I need forms into a plan.