Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
MADDOX
If Austin were a puppy, her tail would be between her legs as she walks out to my pickup a few seconds after the lights go out in the bar. She’s pulled sweatpants and a jacket over her clothes, so I get out and lean back against the grill instead of insisting we talk in the cab of the truck.
I want to open my arms for her, let her know she can always find her refuge there when the world gets too heavy, but I’m the one who made it heavy this time.
It scares me to think about Austin trying to piss me off, hoping to be punished for it, connecting those two things like that. There’s a difference, like I told her, between bratting and what she was doing. Bratting is innocent shit. Flirting with Pat was bratting. Calling me old was bratting.
The past few days, she’s been a bit more bratty than usual and I’ve just been biding my time, hoping she’d come right out and ask for what she wanted. I realized today she may not know that’s an option, but when I told her and she turned mean, my mind wandered.
Pieces of the puzzle were clicking together.
I remembered our first conversation on the phone.
How quick she’d been to talk shit about men and how I’d hung up with this certainty that Austin had been hurt before.
I’d figured then that it was a heartbreak or something emotional, but now I’m worried a man had hurt her physically.
There’s not a single part of me that isn’t murderous at the thought.
She seemed to connect anger to pain, acting out to getting hit. Consensual spankings were different from physical abuse and she knew that, but I think her mind might connect the two anyway—in a cause-and-effect sort of way.
“Do you want to come back to mine tonight?” I ask her when she’s close enough.
She pulls her jacket tighter around her and I curl my fingers into fists so I don’t reach out for her. I second-guess every single thing I do, terrified there’s gonna be a day she leaves and I never see her again. That she doesn’t even say goodbye.
“Not if you’re still mad at me.” She’s not even looking at me. I barely even hear her over the quiet hum of my engine.
I sigh and give up on holding myself back, tugging her against my chest before she can fight it.
“I’m not mad at you, Tex. I just wish you’d realize that these walls you keep throwing up between us are pointless.
Whatever this is, whether you’re here for a long time or just a good time, pushing me away makes it harder on both of us. ”
Austin doesn’t say anything so I lead her over to her pickup.
When she gets behind the wheel, I close the door behind her and climb into mine, following her out of the lot.
My grasp on the wheel is tight, and I don’t even bother with turning the radio up, too focused on praying she turns towards the ranch instead of us going our separate ways.
She does, stopping her truck in front of the closed gate. I pull in behind her and jump out to open it for the both of us, appreciating that she’s learned me well enough to know to stay put.
We pull up in front of my cabin and I swear under my breath when I see the lights still on at Mama’s.
I hope Austin doesn’t notice the silhouette spying through the kitchen window as we drive past. I’m surprised Mama hasn’t already gotten on my case about Austin staying here the past couple of weekends, but gift horse and all that.
Inside, Austin undresses like she’s some terrified bride on her wedding night, so I don’t make a show of appreciating her body, even though I do. I pull my jeans and tee shirt off, tossing them on the chair in the corner and heading to the bathroom.
Austin follows shortly after, wrapping her arms around me from behind while I’m brushing my teeth.
The coldness of her piercings against my back makes me shiver.
She presses a kiss to my shoulder blade as an apology and I watch in the mirror as her hand creeps down my abs to play with the waistband of my boxer briefs.
I grab it, threading our fingers together on my stomach while I keep brushing with the other hand.
She pokes her head around my arm to catch my gaze in the mirror.
When I spit and rinse off my toothbrush, I turn and pull her around to give her another hug. She’s completely naked. “You want a shirt to sleep in, or would you prefer to sleep like that?”
Her brows furrow. I know she expects sex. I’m sure, in her mind, it’ll put us back on equal footing. But as gorgeous as she is right now, the last thing I want to do is fuck her.
“I want a spanking,” she admits quietly and pride surges through me at her bravery, despite the insecurity in her eyes. I hold her face in my hands, running my thumbs over her cheekbones. It’s intimate, but I have a feeling she’s going to want to leave in a minute.
“Good girl,” I say gently, not sure if it’s welcome. She’d said I was trying to force her into a submissive role, one she didn’t feel she fit in. I didn’t think I was, but it wasn’t really up to me to disagree with how she feels. “But not tonight.”
She stiffens and then pulls out of my arms, shoving at my chest. The betrayal in her eyes makes my chest ache. I know she’s thinking I’ve tricked her into being vulnerable, into asking for help just so I could turn her down, but that isn’t it at all.
I grab her chin to make her listen to me. “I didn’t say no. I said not tonight. If you still want a spanking in the morning, I’ll give it to you. Tonight, we’re both in a shitty headspace, and I refuse to punish you when I can’t be completely present.”
“It’s not a punishment. It’s a funishment,” she argues, huffing as she crosses her arms over her chest, hiding her nakedness from me.
“Thems the rules,” I say lightly, pinching her ass to make her yelp and diffuse some of this tension. “Guess you’ll have to stay through the night to get what you want, won’t you? Now, do you want a shirt to sleep in, or would you prefer to sleep naked?”
She glares at me, but I’m not going back on this. I flip off the bathroom light and leave her standing there in the dark, already headed to my dresser because I’m pretty sure I know what she’ll choose. Her body is her weapon, but I’ve taken away her ability to weaponize it tonight, so I’d imagine…
“A shirt.”
I do my best to hide my smile.
A shrill ringing jolts me awake and Austin flinching against my chest has me wrapping my arm around her tighter. We’d gone to sleep on different sides of the bed, but I always woke up with her clinging to me. It was usually a guaranteed way to start my morning off on the right foot.
She groans against my chest when she realizes it’s my phone. “Sorry, baby.” My apology means fuck-all, apparently, because she pulls away from me to the other side of the bed again, pulling the pillow over her head even though I’ve already silenced the phone.
“‘Lo?”
“Sorry, bro. I know your girl’s over, but the power’s out and the barn generator didn’t start. Calves are getting cold.”
“Shit!” I’m out of bed like a rocket, holding my phone between my ear and shoulder as I grab my jeans and start tugging them up my legs. “I’ll be there in a minute. Any idea why it didn’t start? How long’s the power been out?”
I pull the phone away to tug my shirt over my head like I didn’t just ask him a question I needed to hear the answer to. Austin sits up in bed, blinking blearily.
“—went offline about an hour ago, so that’d be my guess. Think the fuel line has gummed up—fuck!” I jerk the phone away from my ear. “Sorry, man. Just get here.”
The call ends and I stupidly try to flip on the lamp by my bed so I can get the flashlights out of my nightstand. It takes me a few tries before I realize what an idiot I am.
“What’s the matter?”
“Power’s out. I’ll turn the fireplace on before I leave, but I’ve gotta go get the generator started up and make sure the calves don’t get too cold. It’ll probably take the rest of the night. I’m sorry, baby.”
I find the flashlight blind and shove it in my back pocket just in time to see the silhouette of her slipping out of bed. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Home,” she says through a yawn. The bed jostles slightly as she bumps into it. “You’ve got work to do. Figured—”
“Figured wrong,” I cut her off, snatching her sweatpants off the floor and tossing them on the bed.
She’ll need them to stay warm, but she’s not putting them on to leave.
“I want you to lay your pretty self back in my bed and go back to sleep, so when I get done with what I’m sure is gonna be a miserable morning, I know I’ve got you here waiting for me as my reward. ”
“But—”
I press a kiss to her lips. “Bed. I don’t have time to fight with you, Tex. Calves are getting cold and Jamie’s waiting. I’ll have my phone. Be a good girl for me.”
Leaving without making sure she’s gonna obey me is hard, but the ranch comes first right now, no matter how much Austin means to me.
My brother’s arguing with one of the mamas when I get there, shining the headlights of my pickup into the barn’s open doors like Jameson did. “I’m not taking her far, goddamn you, calm down!”
“Last I knew, cows didn’t take English classes.
She doesn’t understand a damn thing you’re saying,” I bellow over her mooing, quickly offering a second set of hands to calm the cow so my brother can focus on carrying the writhing calf to the tack room, where I imagine he’s already set up a kerosene space heater.
“Shut the fuck up and get the next one,” Jameson grumbles.
We need an extra set of hands. There are about twenty-five calves in this barn, all born within the last seventy-two hours and needing warmth.
Jameson can’t leave a days-old calf alone in a tiny room with a gas heater.
Usually, calves this young instinctively freeze and try to make themselves smaller when they’re separated from their mama, but on the off-chance they do the opposite and knock over the heater, we’ll have a whole new issue.
It’s times like these I resent the hell out of Colt.
There’s no reason I should have to pull our twenty-year-old neighbor out of bed at two in the morning to deal with an emergency on a ranch that’s not even his.
If Colt was here instead of off risking his life on the back of a bull each night, I wouldn’t have to.
“We need another set of hands. Did you already call Tyler?” I call out loud enough that Jameson can hear me in the tack room over the calf’s bleating.
“Not yet, he’s off today! Was trying to avoid it if I could.”
“I’m already here.” Tyler pushes into the barn a second after his voice does, looking around to assess the situation. “Our power’s out, too. Couldn’t get back to sleep and figured I’d come check the calves, just in case. Looks like that was the right call.”
I can’t help but gape at him for a second. This kid blows me away daily with his maturity. When I was his age, nothing could’ve dragged me out of bed on a chilly spring night, especially not voluntarily.
“Remind me to give you a fucking raise,” I mutter as he takes over tying off the cows so they won’t fight when I take their calves.
With three sets of hands, the process is much quicker. Jameson stays with the calves, Tyler stays with the cows, and I ferry the calves from the stalls to the tack room.
It takes another hour and a half to warm and clear the generator’s fuel line and get it going again.
Sheriff Walker calls to let us know someone hit a power pole and that the power would be out until midday at best. Once the sun comes up, none of this will be as dire.
In the meantime, we’re making bottles for the calves to tide them over til we can get them back in the stalls with their mamas.
“I appreciate you showing up,” I tell Tyler quietly when Jameson leaves with a set of bottles. “I’m sure this is gonna put a damper on your day off, but I’ll make sure Bailey knows to add something extra to your check.”
He’s quiet for a second, twisting the nipple onto a bottle and shaking it up.
I almost wonder if he even heard me, but then he speaks.
“I need you to do me a favor, Maddox. I need you to start thinking of me as a member of this family, because I’m here to stay, even if things don’t end up working out with me and Tate. ”
“What the hell? I do.” I’m confused as shit. How had me thanking him fucked with his ego?
“Does Jameson get days off? Is his check gonna get padded for this?”
“Jameson doesn’t get paid at all, kid. If you want me to stop paying you, I can do that.”
He pauses. Sighs. “Okay, well, don’t stop paying me entirely because your sister’s house isn’t built yet.”
I chuckle at that and grip his shoulder, looking him in the eyes so he knows I’m hearing him. He doesn’t want to be thanked for doing his duty. I feel the same way.
“I get what you’re saying. Bailey’s still going to add to your check because family takes care of family—and like you said yourself, my sister’s house isn’t built yet.
” He grins, shoving at me, but I don’t let loose.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t see you as one of the most important parts of this ranch and this family, alright? ”
His smile gets smaller but more genuine. “Thanks, man.”
“If you guys are done, there are hungry calves out here!”