Chapter 5 #2
He looks away and I get the sense he’s uncomfortable talking about it.
‘Mostly because it interfered too much with my tennis training. There’s nothing worse than running round a court with a hangover, being bellowed at by your coach,’ he replies, picking up his knife and fork and cutting into his fish.
He’s still not looking at me and I could swear his shoulders and jaw have tensed.
Then it hits me. Of course. His mother died from liver failure. Although he never explicitly said so, I got the impression she was an alcoholic and that’s what had caused it. Which actually makes a lot of sense to me after what shook out after my mother’s death.
Jamie had very rarely talked about his mother, who he’d lost when he was only fifteen, and whenever he did mention her, I’d got the feeling he’d struggled to come to terms with it – he’d certainly become very morose whenever the subject had come up – so I’d never pursued it.
And I wasn’t about to delve into that sticky topic now. Too personal.
I pick up my knife and fork and begin to eat, savouring the soft, creamy texture of the fresh fish in my mouth.
Thinking about it, perhaps something happened to make him think he was heading towards alcoholism too. Perhaps it was after what happened with us.
A hot rush of distress hits me.
But I can’t let myself think like that. I’d done what I’d done to protect him. To save him from losing everything that had meant something to him.
Anyway, it was probably just the training, like he said.
‘I heard you’ve given up playing professionally,’ I say to distract myself from the sinking feeling in my gut. ‘What happened?’
He looks up at me, his brows pinched together.
‘I had a bad fall on the court during a training session a couple of years ago, which my shoulder never fully recovered from, and it put paid to my winning streak.’ He rolls the shoulder in question as if the mere thought of it had sent a throb of pain through him.
‘Even after a year of physiotherapy the mobility in my shoulder hasn’t entirely returned so I can’t put as much power behind my strokes any more.
’ He shrugs. ‘I still play a bit, though, when I get a chance. I sometimes do stints of coaching for kids from underprivileged backgrounds through a couple of sports-focussed charities, to give them opportunities they might not ordinarily have. And I run scholarship programmes to help with club and coaching fees if they show talent and interest.’ He flashes me a self-depreciating smile.
‘At first I thought it would drive me insane, watching all those bright young things priming themselves to take my crown, but actually it’s been incredibly rewarding. ’
I realise I’m staring at him, a forkful of food en route to my mouth. ‘I didn’t know all that,’ is all I can think to say, caught off-guard. I didn’t realise he had philanthropic leanings, but then I’ve avoided him – and even conversations about him – as much as possible over the last ten years.
He laughs at my surprise, his whole face lighting up.
My breath catches in the back of my throat and warmth pools in my belly at the sight of it. He looks so different when he’s not being angry with me. I’d forgotten how much his smile affects me. How my whole being responds to it, as if I’m being shot through with pure pleasure.
Another thing to watch out for.
‘There’s no need to look so shocked. I know you think I’m just some self-obsessed player, but that couldn’t be further from the truth,’ he scolds me, dipping one eyebrow in mock consternation.
‘Yes, well, we haven’t exactly spent a lot of time around each other recently, so I’m going on past experience.’
I have to look away from him after that and concentrate on forcing down some more of my food so he doesn’t see how much this conversation is bothering me.
It was hard enough being around him when he was being cruel and offensive, but now he’s actually acting like a human being I don’t seem to know what to do with myself.
It’s a charm offensive, all right, but I’m not sure where it’s leading.
He chooses not to respond to my jibe and out of the corner of my eye I see him continue to eat his meal.
The silence is tense and as soon as we’re both finished and have carefully placed our cutlery on our empty plates he gives a frustrated sigh and shakes his head.
‘Look, April, can you at least try to relax? I’m not that much of a bastard, am I?’
‘Relax?’ I scoff, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair. ‘How do you expect me to do that when you have me captive here, just waiting to exert your will?’
He waves a dismissive hand at me. ‘You know that’s bullshit. You could leave any time you like. I won’t stop you. Just say the word and I’ll sail you straight back to the mainland.’
‘But then you won’t sell me your company,’ I point out.
‘Well, no. That was the deal we made. Which you agreed to,’ he says with a wolfish grin. ‘So don’t try to make out I’m some sort of sexual deviant. This is a business exchange. Where we both win, remember?’
‘You’re only doing this to pay me back, Jamie. Don’t try and pretend it’s anything else.’
He lays his hands on the table and fixes me with a serious but friendly look. ‘Think of it as closure, April, pure and simple. So we can both move on. Losing my father forced me to reassess my life and I’ve decided it’s time we put our resentment towards each other to rest. Don’t you agree?’
I pause, wanting to refute this, to say I can never get past it.
That too much has happened between his family and mine for that to be possible.
But I don’t. Because that would inevitably open up a whole new conversation with him that I really don’t want to have.
I buried the past ten years ago and there’s no way I’m going to exhume it now.
Nothing good can come of talking to Jamie about it.
Especially so soon after losing his father.
He’ll only hate me more for my involvement in it and I can’t afford to let that happen.
‘Yes, I guess this ridiculous feud has gone on too long,’ I say slowly, uncrossing my arms and placing my hands neatly onto my lap.
‘We’re adults now. We should be able to handle being around each other without fighting.
Let’s agree that we both made mistakes, but it was a long time ago. I can forgive if you can.’
‘Good,’ he says, a wide smile flattening his lips. ‘Then let’s forgive each other.’
But I’m not that stupid.
I know this is just a trick.
Jamie
She looks guarded, sitting there all prim and proper, as we both lie through our teeth to each other.
I know there can be no way she’s actually forgiven me for the way I behaved after we spilt up, and I certainly can’t forgive the anguish she put me through when she so callously cut me out of her life.
But perhaps we can put it to one side, if only for this evening.
In all honesty, having her here on the island has made me realise just how much I miss the April I used to know – at least the person I thought she was, until she turned her back on me.
We’d had such a good time together when we were young.
We’d fitted. And for some unknown reason life keeps throwing her back in my path.
It’s really fucking with my head.
‘Want to go for a stroll on the beach before we lose the light?’ I ask as an awkward silence descends between us again.
Is she thinking the same things I am? Wouldn’t that be something?
I’m not quite sure how I feel about it, to be honest.
‘Sure,’ she says, standing up from her chair and smoothing down the skirt of the dress I knew she’d look incredible in.
She has the most perfect body. It’s all soft curves and strong, toned limbs.
I remember the glorious sensation of her long legs wrapped around my waist and her arms circling my shoulders as I held myself still inside her in that dark office and my body heats with the promise of what’s still to come.
Or who. Hopefully both of us.
We follow the path across the chamomile lawn I’ve had planted in front of the house and down to the beach. Birds leisurely swoop across the darkening sky, getting in one last blast of exercise before bedding down for the night.
The sea is still calm and makes gentle lapping sounds against the wet sand as we walk down to the shoreline.
April’s hair shines in the dying rays of the sun and I can’t help but stare at her. I can barely believe she’s actually here with me. I never thought I’d see the day when we were alone together and not fighting.
How has my life come to this – where I’ve practically had to kidnap her in order to find out the real reason why she left me the way she did ten years ago.
‘It’s a beautiful island,’ she says, dragging me out of my musing.
‘Thank you. It was completely deserted when I first bought it, with just an old ramshackle house and one hell of an overgrown mess. It’s been quite a challenge to get it to the state it’s in now.’
She raises an eyebrow. ‘How long have you owned it?’
‘I bought it at the pinnacle of my tennis career, five years ago. Winning the French Open and Wimbledon in the same year meant the sponsorship money came flooding in, and then the opportunity to set up my own sports clothing line came about, which I grabbed with both hands.’
I glance at her, but she’s looking down at the sand, her brow set in a small frown.
‘My father suggested I invest the money I made, rather than fritter it all away, which I thought was good advice,’ I go on, feeling a need to fill the silence.
‘But I also really liked the idea of having a place where I could both train and holiday away from prying eyes. The press seemed to be particularly interested in me at that point, and I found it exhausting trying to go about my day-to-day business in England.’