Chapter 12
Hudson
For some insane reason, I let the guys drag me to an actual club tonight.
The timing made it hard to say no. Phoenix doesn’t work weekends, I go into the fire station tomorrow with Knox, and Jake is still hit or miss on volunteering.
I think he’s suffering from PTSD, even though he says he’s fine, just busy with shop stuff.
But Phoenix said that was the worst fire they’d ever been to, and the fact that Jake almost didn’t make it out rattled everyone—himself most of all.
I choose not to pry because (A) he’d tell Dylan first and (B) I’m barely holding my own shit together, so I doubt I’d be much help right now.
“Hud, order me another Busch Light, will you?” Phoenix plants a hand on my waist and yells directly in my ear because it’s so loud in here.
I feel too old to be in this scene anymore, but Dylan loves to dance, and honestly, we all needed to shake things up for once.
We’ve become too comfortable with Knox’s boat and the fire station as our only hangouts.
Although we may be too old for this club, we’re all too young for such a rigid social life too.
“You do know you can afford good beer, right?” I ask, turning my head.
He just gives me a classic Phoenix smile and presses in against my back. “Like what? You won’t catch me drinking a Stella with my pinky in the air.” The dig is meant for Jake, but ever since Jake found Dylan, he’s a lot harder to rile up.
Jake’s left side is pressed against my right and Dylan is standing behind him, next to Phoe.
“I have something a lot fucking better than beer coating my tastebuds these days, Phoe.” As if to demonstrate, Jake turns and grabs Dylan by the back of the neck and kisses him with so much tongue my fucking dick perks up.
I expect Phoenix to come back with something snarky, but he just keeps his mouth closed and watches them with pinched brows and a clenched jaw. I don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it, but his hand tightens in my shirt where he’s gripping my waist.
“Alright, you two. Are you ever going to stop rubbing your love in our faces? Phoenix is feeling left out,” I tease.
Jake and Dylan break apart, and Dylan leans in and says something to Jake that the rest of us can’t hear.
When he pulls back, Jake’s eyes narrow at Phoenix before he nods at Dylan who grabs Phoenix by the biceps.
“Come on. You’re coming with me to the dance floor.
Jake can’t even clap on beat and I’m dying for someone to grind against.”
Phoenix looks at Jake like a deer caught in the headlights. “I don’t think—”
“Go,” Jake says, literally shooing them away. “My man wants to dance and you’re the only person I trust and the only member of this group that has rhythm. Just pretend he’s Cassie.”
Phoenix gives him an exaggerated eye roll. “Not the same thing.”
“Whatever, the whole club will think you have the hottest boyfriend in here. Enjoy it while it lasts.”
I’m surprised Jake is being so carefree about this. He is one possessive motherfucker and doesn’t even like when we comment on how hot Dylan is, let alone strangers in a club.
As we watch them go, I inch closer to the bar, waiting for my turn to order when Jake solves the mystery of why he pushed them away.
“So, the Knox and Phoenix told me you have the hots for a married chick. Were you ever gonna clue me in?”
I lean forward to look around him and glare at Knox, who’s clearly uncomfortable in this establishment. He stares at me in challenge and yells, “He was going to find out sooner or later.”
As luck would have it, four barstools open up right in front of us as a group of girls heads to the dance floor. We swoop in to take the seats, but I notice one of the girls lags behind, clearly flirting with Knox.
She must have a daddy kink because although he’s attractive, Knox looks every bit the forty-three-years-old he is.
Jake and I leave him to it as we place our orders with the bartender.
“So, what do you know about her…other than the fact she’s married?” Jake asks.
I spend the next fifteen minutes yelling over the music about every interaction she and I have had, and how I’m going crazy since it’s been so long since the last one, how I hated that the energy between us had shifted, and how I don’t know how to stop thinking about her.
I’m sure I’ll be hoarse the next morning from both the amount of words I speak and the volume at which I have to speak them.
“Look, I’m not telling you to do something crazy, but maybe give yourself a little grace, man.
The heart wants what it wants. Doesn’t necessarily mean obtaining it is going to be easy.
” He gives me a wistful smile and I know he’s thinking about Dylan.
I appreciate that he didn’t immediately jump on my ass for even bringing it up like everyone else.
That is…until he opens his mouth again. “But crazier shit has happened than you falling in love with a married woman.”
“Whoa,” I say, holding up my hands. “Who the hell said anything about love?”
“So, you’re telling me that you’d let her risk her marriage, custody of her child, her home, her income, her entire life, just because you think what? She’d be fun to fuck? A good conquest?”
His statement makes my fucking blood boil.
“What? Fuck no! Fuck you! How could you think that?”
His smile tells me I fell for his trap. Okay, so I feel something, but love is a bit strong for the few conversations we’ve had.
“As I was saying, your options are to pursue her honestly, tell her your intentions, and see if she’s down to explore it or—”
“Like what? Date her?” I ask incredulously, grateful when my flight of tequila shots is set down in front of me. I throw two of the six back immediately, because fuck beer for this interaction.
“No, dumbass,” Jake continues. “Just tell her you’re into her. She needs to choose to stay or leave on her own, but I think she should at least know she’s got options if she chooses to go.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon?” I ask in disbelief over his advice.
“Of course, it’s too soon, but that leads me to the other point I was trying to make before I was so rudely interrupted.” He gives me a pointed look and I wave my hand.
“Please continue,” I deadpan.
“Or you leave her alone. Erase her from your heart and mind as an option. Completely shut this down and move on. You can’t be her life raft, Hud,” Jake says, slapping me on the back.
“And what was Dylan for you, hm? You were prepared to marry a woman until you found him. You parked your car in his fucking blind spot so he’d back in to you just so you could talk to him for fuck’s sake,” I say, starting to get angry.
“He wasn’t married,” Jake defends.
“But you were practically engaged to Cora!” I shout. Thankfully, the noise in the club makes my outburst barely audible to those around us.
Another two shots down.
“Look, all I’m saying, is if she’s really unhappy, you need to make sure she decides to leave because she wants to.
Not because she thinks things with you will fix all of her problems. But I also think being honest about how you feel is fair.
And for the record, I didn’t want to be with Cora from the start, Hud.
I’m gay. Dylan just gave me the boost I needed to get out of a relationship I never should have been in to begin with.
If Shannon loved her husband enough to marry him and have a child with him, then you don’t want to be the reason she leaves.
Because there’s no guarantee it’ll work out with you, and the last thing you want is for her to implode her life only to resent you for it later. ”
What he says makes sense, even if I don’t like it.
“I crave her, man. More than just physically,” I admit. “I’ve never felt anything like this.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I’m the last one that’ll judge you, trust me. And if you say it’s something special, then I believe you. But consider it from a different angle.”
I look over at him with a brow raised, wondering what angle he’s suggesting because hell, I feel like I’ve been through them all already.
“Fires that burn with high airflow spike with a rush of energy and then burn out quickly. Are you sure it isn’t the forbidden you’re craving?
The energy rush that comes from sneaking around?
Because what will it look like when you’re raising someone else’s kid, coming home to an exhausted wife who gives you shit about the nights you spend at the fire station or out with us?
Without that rush of energy, things have a tendency to burn out. ”
Suddenly Knox’s face appears on the other side of Jake. “Lot of fuckin’ help you assholes are.”
Jake laughs. “Did you need help? Looked like you were handling her just fine.”
Knox punches Jake in the arm. “She kept calling me Daddy,” he snarls in disgust.
“Ow, dude, fuck. Do you forget how big you are from wielding hammers all day?” he whines while simultaneously laughing and rubbing his shoulder.
“Also,” I add, “you probably should not have told us she called you that because I’m changing your name in my phone.”
“I will end you, Hudson Goddorah,” Knox says, jaw still clenched. Feeling bold from the shots, I reach in front of Jake and pat Knox’s cheek.
“I hope you do…Daddy.”
“Jesus Christ. I’m going home,” Knox declares, pushing his stool back.
“Stop being such a baby. Sit,” Jake commands.
Before I pound my last two shots, I place an order for Phoe’s nasty-ass beer when Jake holds up his own.
“To Shannon. May she choose the path that brings her the most happiness,” he toasts. It feels out of place in a club full of Gen-Zers dry humping each other, but Knox and I raise our glasses anyway.
I down my last two shots and decide to go looking for Phoe. Oddly, I wish I would’ve hung out with him alone tonight because he would have given me terrible advice and told me to just go for it, and honestly, that’s what I’m after right now.
I just wanted one of my friends to tell me to scale the tower wall, slay the dragon, and take the fucking princess for my own.
Assholes.
I leave Knox and Jake at the bar and make my way across the crowded dance floor, but pull up short when I see Dylan and Phoenix.
They are way too close for comfort and Phoenix looks like he’s about ten seconds from busting a nut in his jeans.
He has one hand in his hair, gripping his own roots like he’s trying to make sure that hand stays put instead of wandering across the body of our best friend’s husband.
His other hand however, has already entered the Promised Land and is currently across Dylan’s stomach, holding Dylan against himself as Dylan’s ass makes tantalizing circles against Phoe’s crotch.
The biggest problem? These two disappeared before they started drinking so they can’t even blame their closeness on the alcohol.
They both have their eyes closed and I have to admit, they look damn good moving together to the beat of whatever dubstep is currently blasting through this place. I pause to watch, but only for a minute because if Jake comes looking for Dylan and finds them like this, it isn’t going to end well.
Stepping up to them, I pull Phoe’s hand off Dylan’s stomach and put his beer in it, which causes him to open his eyes.
By the time those eyes land on me and focus on the situation, he takes a step away from Dylan and downs his beer.
I’m not judging, not by a long shot, because hello…
pot meet kettle, but the look on my face must display my concern because Dylan leans forward and pulls me to him, placing his thigh between mine and putting his hands on my hips, keeping my uncoordinated-self moving to the beat on the dance floor with him and Phoenix.
Leaning in, he yells, “We’re just dancing, Hud. No need to look so worried.”
I want to ask so many follow up questions, but mostly, I’m wondering if he’s trying to get ahead of this. Like by him telling me it’s just dancing, maybe he’s hoping I won’t say anything.
Christ, my own questionable interactions with Shannon have caused me to become suspicious of the people I trust the most. As if the universe realized I needed some confirmation of the truth Dylan just spouted, Jake comes up behind me and sandwiches me between him and Dylan, laughing in my ear.
I wasn’t homophobic before Jake came out, and I’m definitely not now that he has, so the closeness doesn’t bother me. In fact, I find myself relaxing into the two of them. As long as Jake and Dylan are good, it’s like the rest of our group’s drama is manageable.
Jake reaches around Dylan and grabs Phoenix by the wrist.
“Get back over here!” he yells. “Don’t you dare leave my husband’s ass exposed, Phoe! Any greedy bastard could just walk right up and start grinding on him!”
Phoenix eyes me warily and moves back into position, making me wonder if they’re having a threesome or something with the way he’s acting, although I really can’t picture Phoenix liking dick or Jake letting that happen.
“Where’s Knox?” I ask anyone who has an answer.
Jake laughs. “Look to your left.”
Sure as shit, Knox is leaning up against a wall trying to stop the advances of the girl from the bar. She’s pulling on his arm, trying to tug him out onto the floor.
“He’s going to kill you for leaving him,” I yell over my shoulder.
“Eh, he needs to get out of his comfort zone or else he’s going to end up alone forever,” Jake says.
We spend another hour or so drinking, letting loose, and making fun of Knox before we decide enough is enough since Knoxy and I have to be at the fire station tomorrow.
I keep shooting glances at Phoenix wondering what’s on his mind, but just like with Jake, he’ll tell me when he’s ready.
The good time with my friends works wonders for my mood, but once I’m back in the solitude of my own house, all the thoughts of forbidden trysts with a brunette I’d been able to keep at bay come rushing to the forefront of my mind.
Letting it go isn’t going to be easy, but keeping my feelings from her is going to be damn near impossible.