Chapter Sixty-three
I’m not sure what hurts the most. My leg or my heart.
It’s been a week since I was shot and a day since I was let out of the hospital. I didn’t go home, even though he tried to demand I did. Willow collected me from the hospital, apparently Sebastian filled her in on everything, and now she’s walking on eggshells around me.
Malakai came to see me every day at the hospital, begged me to talk, pleaded with me but I refused.
He didn’t choose me.
He can pretend he did all he likes but he didn’t. Not from the very beginning. I just hadn’t realized it when I was wrapped up in him. Us, we were always contractual, fake from the very start.
And laying on the warehouse floor, listening to them while Stefan gave him the ultimatum, I saw the hesitation. It was there, just a flash. Me or his so-called throne.
For a second, he hesitated.
Fresh tears heat my eyes, but I quickly clear my throat and shake my head.
It didn’t matter that no matter what he decided, it would have ended with me dying anyway, and he got us out, or rather Killian and Dean fixed it to be that way.
And then the bet with Sebastian, the ego and cockiness that he was so sure he’d be able to get me into bed. Well, I guess it wasn’t misplaced. He did get me.
All of me.
I use my crutches as I move through Willow’s penthouse, heading for the fridge to grab some water. I have a shit ton of pills to take and I’m not even mad about it. The painkillers are strong enough they knock me the fuck out, and for the few hours of dead sleep I don’t think of him. I don’t dream of him.
It’s only when I’m awake that he haunts me.
I take the water awkwardly back to the couch where my pills are, abandoning the crutches as I carefully lower onto the plush cushions, reaching for the pills.
I pop the antibiotics first and then grab the pain meds, shaking two of the pills into my hand. I’m swallowing them down when Willow gets back home, a bag of groceries hanging from her hand.
“Hey,” she says, placing it on the side.
“Hi,” I croak, voice raw. I’ve barely spoken, and I’ve cried a lot so now my throat is sore, to add it to the long list of shit that hurts right now.
“I got us ice cream,” She pulls two pots from the bag, “I was gonna get wine but figured with all those meds…”
I nod, “Can’t drink right now.”
“How are you doing?” She continues, placing the ice cream in the freezer before she unpacks the rest of the groceries and puts them away.
“Fine.” I answer, turning around to stare at the wall of windows, waiting for those meds to kick in if only to drag me into oblivion for a few hours. I’ll take anything if only to avoid this conversation. I love Willow. I appreciate her and need her, but I can’t talk about this. Especially when she is still seeing Sebastian and she’s on the fence between me and Malakai. She says she’s on my side but the ‘just give him another chance to explain’ tells me she’s more on his side than mine.
That man doesn’t deserve another chance.
And I know I’m stuck in this marriage now. He won’t allow a divorce and has enough power to stop me from getting one in any form. He controls all.
Prick.
“Have you taken your meds already?” She asks and I nod, laying down on the couch, ready for it to hit.
“You’re about to pass out on me, aren’t you?” She huffs, stepping in front of me with her hands on her hips. She looks pretty today, in her tight leather pants and red knitted rollneck sweater, her red hair bundled on top of her head.
“I am,” I agree. And I can’t fucking wait.
I miss him despite my better judgement. Miss his chuckles and his kisses, miss the way he holds me at night and cares for me. I just miss him. And it hurts so fucking bad, like I left my heart with him.
But he crushed it.
A single tear slips from the corner of my eyes as the pills finally take hold, dragging me swiftly into sleep.
When I finally wake it’s dark beyond the window, the city around me alive with lights. It’s nothing like the estate, with its fathomless dark and endless starry skies. You can’t see the stars here or hear the wind in the trees or smell the earth. It’s just smog and city traffic.
I can hear Willow somewhere in the house, speaking softly and figure she’s just on the phone until I hear a very male voice reply.
“He’s going fucking mad, Wils.” Sebastian says, “He needs to see her, just so he knows she’s okay.”
Slowly, I sit up on the couch. I can feel my hair standing up, stuck in the same position I fell asleep in. Those pills really do make me dead to the world, I don’t even move when I sleep.
“She’s not ready.” Willow replies.
“Have you tried talking to her?” He asks.
I rub my hands over my face, running my fingers over my eyes to remove the sleep, “I’m awake.” I grumble loud enough for them to hear.
“Olivia!” Sebastian comes barreling over, full of restless energy.
“Hello, Bast,” I give him a small smile, as much as I can muster.
“It’s good to see you,” He sits on the coffee table, his face full of compassion and I know he isn’t just saying it to be kind. “You’re looking better. How do you feel?”
“I’m not seeing him,” I get right to the point. “I can’t.”
“That bet…” He winces.
“Don’t Sebastian,” I warn, “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Olivia,” his shoulders sag, “He needs you.”
“Yeah, well,” I snap, grabbing my crutches, “He should have thought about that before he tossed it all on the ground and set fire to it.”
“He didn’t,” Sebastian argues, “He never meant for any of it to happen.”
“But it did happen, Sebastian.” I hobble to the kitchen though I’ve no idea why. I guess just to escape the conversation. “He didn’t choose me, Sebastian. We all know this was never going to work anyway, so why don’t we all move on from it.”
“He won’t move on, Olivia. Ever.”
“Then it’ll be a lonely life for him.”
“He killed them all.” Sebastian lowers his voice, but I know Willow is listening. She knows anyway but I haven’t had the confidence to ask her how she feels about it. She hasn’t brought it up so neither have I.
“He killed them because they were a threat to his organization and a threat to his leadership.”
“You know that isn’t true.”
“All I know, Sebastian,” I level him with a glare, “Is that Malakai only cares about his needs. It’s how I ended up here in the first place.”
“You’re as stubborn as he is,” He grumbles.
“Him and I are nothing alike.” I snap.
“You’re right,” he huffs impatiently, “You’re not alike in anything but that damn stubbornness. No wonder you fought all the time in the beginning.”
I roll my eyes, “Is that all?”
“Just think about it,” He pleads, “Just think about seeing him.”
“No,” I answer immediately, “Tell him it’s over and if he has any respect for me, he’ll send me divorce papers, so we never have to see each other again.”
“I’m not telling him that.”
“Coward.”
“Olivia,” Sebastian warns.
“It’s over, Sebastian. Over.”