Chapter Seventeen
~Beckett~
After a rough shift in which he and the probie had to deal with a group of kids setting off fireworks in their school parking lot and not one, but two medical calls, Beckett wanted to do nothing more than climb into bed with Willa and hold her in his arms, letting her presence wash away the tension of the day. The kids had been an easy enough call to handle. After reading them the riot act for not only doing something illegal but also dangerous seeing as how they had some of the more powerful explosives on them, he and Dale confiscated the rest of their haul and sent them home to their parents.
They could have called the sheriff over or fined the parents, but usually with younger kids they start them off with a warning while also getting their information in case of future incidents. The group of wannabe pyros grumbled and complained, asking why they could buy fireworks but not set them off. It was a reasonable question, but Beckett didn’t want to get into the finer points of the state wanting the tax money but not the fire hazard and just sent them on their merry way.
While that call had been routine, the medical calls were what had really gotten to Beckett that day. Most of the time the calls were pretty uneventful, always someone thinking they were having a heart attack and it only being heartburn or gas, or maybe someone tripping over a fallen tree and needing a little bandaging until they could get to the doctor. Those calls were quickly handled with no unpleasantness. On other days, like today, things could be a bit more serious and didn’t roll off your back quite as easily.
The first call was to Old Man Werther’s house where they found him at the bottom of his stairs, and after a cursory examination, they had determined that he’d broken his hip. At his age, that type of injury could be a death sentence, and even though they’d managed to get an ambulance to take him to the urgent care one town away, Beckett still worried that his recovery might not go the way he hoped it would. The man was practically a town staple at every event, his toothy grin and bald head easy to spot amongst the others. It would be a shame to lose him. That call had been tough, but the other had been far worse.
The manager of one of the older apartment complexes in town called the station when he couldn’t get the door to one of his residences open despite it being unlocked. The tenant had been overdue on rent and when the manager had come to collect, it was like the door had been blocked. The minute Beckett and the probie approached the door, he knew what they were going to find. It wasn’t often that the scent of death and decay hit his nose, but when it did, Beckett always had the same reaction. His body would stiffen in an instant as he readied himself to see something awful.
After informing the manager to call the county coroner, the two men pried open the door as gingerly as possible, trying not to disturb anything anymore than they’d had to. Once inside, they opened a few windows and covered the older woman’s body with a sheet before sending up a silent prayer that her exit from this world had been as painless as possible. From the state of things, she’d likely had a heart attack before collapsing, but that was just Beckett’s educated guess paired with some wishful thinking.
Even knowing she most likely went easily hadn’t made having to witness it any easier, and after heaving up most of his lunch around the side of the building, the probie spent the drive back to the station quieter than a mouse. The man was usually fairly chatty, wanting to fill any silence with a joke or some of his awful music. This time Dale simply stared out the window, most likely contemplating what every firefighter did at one time or another: am I cut out for this?
The question had gone through Beckett’s mind a few times over the course of his career, but for him, the answer was always yes . As hard as this job could be at times, he wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. It was a heavy burden, but Beckett’s shoulders were strong enough to carry it. That didn’t mean it never affected him, and after the events of the day, he was looking forward to seeing Willa soon. She was a fighter, the same as him, so she would understand better than anyone how he was feeling.
With a heavy sigh, Beckett pushed open the door to the apartment, nodding at his brother as he sat at the kitchen counter, his fingers flying over the keys of his laptop. Strolling past Nate, Beckett walked up to the stainless steel fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, downing the whole thing in seconds. The cool liquid hydrated his bone-dry throat and perked him up slightly. There were times when the job got so crazy that Beckett forgot to eat or drink, and that had been especially true today.
Nate’s eyes widened as they gave Beckett a once over before understanding dawned on his face. “Rough shift?”
A humorless laugh filled the empty space between them. “You could say that,” Beckett replied.
Scanning the place, he took in the dark gray walls, gold lighting fixtures, and modular furniture. Normally, he found the space too clean looking and much too formal, but tonight the somewhat somber atmosphere was almost comforting, like a cool, quiet cave that Beckett could just slip into and feel his feelings without interruption or judgement.
Nate smiled sadly. “Want to talk about it?” Normally his answer would be yes, but Beckett didn’t want to have to go through his day more than he had to and as much as he loved his brother and had taken advantage of his listening skills in the past, he wanted to save it for Willa.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll let my girl comfort me this time.” Even the thought of it made Beckett feel marginally better already, so by the time he would get to cradle her warm body against his, he had the feeling he would be almost back to normal.
The slow bob of Nate’s head and his thoughtful expression drew Beckett’s eyes to him. “Things seem to be getting serious between you two.”
“I guess you could say that.” Beckett would say exactly that if he knew where he stood with Willa.
The feelings on his end were nothing but serious, but he knew Willa might need more time to get there. What happened with her ex seemed to crop up every now and then, something Beckett didn’t expect would go away anytime soon, not that he minded it happening. If anything, it made him feel good that he could be there for her whether it was with reassuring words or a comforting hug. Being able to provide that for Willa made Beckett feel more accomplished than fourteen years at the fire department had.
Nate raised a brow at him as he scratched his beard. “You guess or you know?” he asked, giving Beckett a pointed look. “It’s not like you to guess at anything. You charge into things full throttle, sure, but you also usually get the lay of the land pretty quickly when you do.”
The accurate assessment of his past actions made Beckett’s skin itch, but as much as that used to be him, this was different. “I can’t be that way with Willa,” he told his brother. “You know that.” Everything she’d told him about her ex had stayed just between the two of them, but while Beckett had spared them the details, he had told all of his brothers that she was cautious when it came to relationships.
If anyone should understand that it was the man in front of him. With the exception of Felix and himself, the rest of Beckett’s brothers seemed to survive off hookups or nothing at all. Aiden was too much of a grump for a woman to stand for more than one night, Beckett didn’t think Travis could make it through an entire date unless it was in the quiet of the orchard, and Nate was too busy trying to make the world a better place to give time to a relationship.
Nate dismissed Beckett’s words with a flick of his wrist. “Sure, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find out where you stand. Just talk to her about it.”
Beckett considered it for a moment, wondering if he shouldn’t just bring it up. “Maybe. Not sure my need for that is more important than her comfort, though.” Willa’s needs mattered, a lot, and Beckett knew his own did too, but somehow he wasn’t sure he could put his above hers, at least in this instance.
Nate nodded as he shut his laptop. “You’re used to being the big sacrifice guy,” he said, clasping Beckett’s shoulder. “Just make sure you don’t bury who you really are. That’s who she likes to begin with.”
Grabbing Nate, Beckett pulled him into a hug and ruffled his hair, much to the younger man’s dismay. “Thanks, baby brother.”
When Nate finally managed to escape his clutches, he scowled. His hair stuck out at odd angles, but the corners of his mouth twitching betrayed his true feelings. “Fucker,” he muttered, shoving Beckett lightly. His fingers ran through his hair as he tried and failed to set it right. “Do I look okay? I have a dinner to get to.”
“A date?” Beckett asked hopefully. Before he could get too excited on his brother’s behalf, Nate was shaking his head.
“No, it’s a working dinner. I want to talk to the heads of the downtown business association about doing an art walk or foodie walk once a month to get people out of their houses and into some shops. Nightlife here isn’t exactly anything to brag about.”
Nodding, Beckett watched as Nate stuffed his laptop into a bag and straightened his tie. “Sounds like a blast,” he snarked. When Nate shot him a glare, he held up his hands in supplication. “Just think about taking your own advice sometime, Nate. It seems like you’re sacrificing a whole lot of living for your job.” Nate flipped the bird before silently heading out of the apartment.
Well, that definitely hit a nerve and Beckett made a mental note to talk to his brother more about it later, maybe with a little less judgement in his tone next time. Glancing at the clock, Beckett saw that Willa would be arriving soon, so he rushed into the bathroom to grab a shower. Washing off the day had never felt better, and as the hot water slid down his sore muscles, he felt his posture start to relax and the tension slowly slide down the drain along with the soapy bubbles of his shampoo.
After toweling off and slipping into a pair of sweats, he padded out into the living room in time to hear a soft knock at the door. Smiling for the first time that day, Beckett opened the door to a beaming Willa who stood holding a pizza box and staring at his bare chest with interest. As soon as her eyes traveled up to his face, however, her smile dimmed ever so slightly.
“What’s wrong?” Willa’s melodic voice was tempered by the threads of concern woven into it as she stepped through the door.
Grabbing the pizza box, Beckett slid it onto the entry table and pulled Willa into his arms, breathing in her sunshine scent and letting it drive away the last of his worries. “Nothing now that you’re here.” When he pulled back, he could tell that Willa was not convinced by his words. “It was a bit of a rough shift,” he admitted with a shrug.
Willa’s brow furrowed and Beckett wanted to smooth out the little vee that had formed between her eyes, but before he could she was wrapping him up in another tight hug, her hands running up and down his back in soothing circles. His body relaxed almost instantly at the tough, the skin-to-skin contact just what he needed, “Tell me about it,” she commanded.
“Are you sure you want to know?” When Beckett looked down at her again, he saw a somewhat irritated expression on her face.
“Of course I want to know, Beck.” Intertwining their fingers with one hand and nabbing the pizza box with the other, Willa dragged him over to the couch. As soon as his butt hit the cushy black leather, the tiredness he had been holding at bay all day long started to settle into his bones. Grabbing a soft throw blanket, Willa draped it over his lap before gently touching his cheek. “You always take such good care of me. It’s my turn to take care of you now.”
Willa strode into the kitchen and rummaged around for plates and drinks. The whole time she was there, Beckett focused on her, marveling at how she had offered to do for him what he did for just about everyone else all the time. Most people saw him as this big, strong man who could take care of everything and everyone, and Beckett liked to think that was still true, but it was nice to know that someone saw that he didn’t always want to have to be that. Sometimes he needed to take a little something for himself and the fact that Willa wanted to give it to him had Beckett teetering over the fine line he’d been walking all month before falling completely into being in love with her.
When Willa returned to the couch, she plated up a slice of veggie pizza for him and passed it over before grabbing her own. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I think it might help,” she advised.
The warmth in her voice soothed the last of Beckett’s frazzled nerves and he started to fill her in on his day. As they ate, he told her all about the calls he’d had to go out on, leaving out unnecessary details while making sure he didn’t hold anything back that would keep him from feeling better. By the time Beckett finished, the pizza was gone, his belly was full, and his head was on Willa’s lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. It felt like he’d purged every awful thought and feeling from his mind and body, his breathing coming easier as her nails scratched lightly against his scalp.
Willa made a soothing noise as she continued her ministrations. “I’m so sorry, Baby. That’s awful.”
Beckett’s mouth ticked up at the endearment. “It was, but I feel a lot better about it now.” Blinking up at her, he brushed his fingers against her cheek. “Thank you. I can handle the job, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to about it.”
Willa nodded. “You’re welcome.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead, the last of tension dissipating at the sweet touch of her lips. “Do you not talk to your family about this stuff?”
“Occasionally,” he admitted quietly. “We’ve always been open with our emotions, but sometimes I wonder if they only see me as the strong one. The one who can take the hard stuff without needing anything in return.” Looking up at Willa with a sad smile, Beckett shrugged. “I also wonder if I don’t like it that way. When people call you a hero on a regular basis, it’s hard to not keep all the mental anguish the job can cause to yourself, try to leave it at the station and not bring it home with you.”
Willa nodded thoughtfully, eyeing his face. “That makes sense, but I don’t want you to worry about that with me.” The hand that wasn’t currently tangled up in his hair cradled his jaw where she ran the pad of her thumb along the stubble that was just starting to come in. “I can handle carrying that with you, Beck, but more than that, I want to,” she vowed. Her warm hand moved lower, coming to rest over his heart. Beckett didn’t know if it was a silent promise to carry his heart as well, but he hoped so.
Closing his eyes and enjoying the weight and softness of her hand on him, Beckett filled his lungs with her comforting scent as he let her words settle over him. “If anyone can do it, it’s you Wild Woman.”
Whether he was referring to her ability to help him carry his work burdens or her capacity to hurt him deeply if she wanted to, he wasn’t yet sure. Willa wouldn’t do it on purpose, of course, but the possibility that she could break his heart was something he had considered often enough. Beckett wasn’t entirely sure if she was aware of the fact that of the two of them, she was the one that held all the power. That was what happened when someone fell madly in love with you. They gave you their power and he had definitely given her his. He would do it again and again each time too.
As Beckett lay in the cradle of her lap, his eyelids grew heavy and he started to feel himself drifting off to sleep, but he didn’t bother to move. Even with the prospect of what they shared not being a forever kind of love like he wanted it to be, with Willa watching over him the way she was, Beckett felt safer and more cared for than he had in a long time. He just hoped that the heart she held in her hands was as safe as the rest of him.