Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I woke up on my stomach. The first thing I felt was slashes of pain. The next was a wave of nausea. The next was fear.
“Tucker—”
“Shh, Liza. He’s in the other ambulance.”
Allyson.
I closed my eyes against the bright lights.
“What ambulance?”
I lifted my hand but didn’t get very far when a big, male hand wrapped around my wrist and placed it back on the sheet under me.
“Don’t move, Liza. We’re following Tucker’s ambo.”
Was that Greg?
“Greg?”
“Right here, Liza.”
I was confused.
“How’s Tucker?”
Silence.
“How’d we get out?”
The last thing I remembered was an explosion.
“The firefighters got you and Tucker out. This guy…I mean, your partner Greg, showed up as the paramedics were loading you in.”
“How’s Tucker?” I tried again.
This time Ally answered. “I don’t know. I couldn’t see what they were doing. It was…I didn’t want to bother them. I’m sorry, Liza.”
“Greg?”
“They’re working on him.”
Working on him.
“He’s alive?”
More silence.
Why was no one talking?
I pried one eye open and saw a woman dressed in blue doing something with an IV.
“Ma’am?”
Startled, kind brown eyes landed on me.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like someone took a cheese grater to my back.”
“I’ll give you a little more?—”
“How’s the other patient, Tucker Mitchell?”
“Just something for the pain.” Was all she said as she leaned forward.
“Tucker—”
“We’re almost there,” she told me.
The pain started to recede. My eyes went heavy and warmth cocooned me.
“His neck,” I slurred. “They sliced his…”
Everything felt heavy, even my breath.
The last thing I heard as I slipped back under was Allyson crying.
No one likes sniveling women, Liza.
Fuck you, Dad.
I love you, Ally , I thought.
Why didn’t she leave me?
“Tucker…”
I woke up to arguing.
Well, not arguing, yelling.
I was on my side, my shoulder and hip throbbed, my back felt like I’d been whipped, my head was fuzzy, and it hurt when I opened my eyes.
“Where’s Tucker?” I croaked.
“Hey.” Allyson came into view and cooed.
“Where’s Tucker?”
Allyson’s gaze went over my shoulder, her eyes narrowed, and her lips pinched.
“Can you please take that outside? You woke up Liza.”
“Out!” That sounded like Lenox but my head was so foggy I couldn’t be sure.
“Tucker?”
Ally’s attention came back to me.
“They medevac’d him to Nashville,” she gently told me.
My eyes drifted closed. Pain that had nothing to do with my back seared through me.
“Hey.”
I slowly lifted my lids. Allyson had scooted to the side to make room for the newcomer.
Carter Lenox—the senior one.
He must think I’m a total failure. A hack. A stupid woman who did stupid things .
“I’m sorry,” I croaked.
It might’ve been the drugs but I’d swear I saw his eyes glitter with anger before he cleared the emotion and gentled his features.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I couldn’t?—”
“Liza.” Lenox leaned deep into my space. So close I could see the dark striations cutting through the green of his eyes. “I don’t know how you and Allyson did it. I’d say it was a miracle but it wasn’t. It was all you. You and Allyson and sheer force of will, the two of you got Tucker up those stairs and saved his life. There’s not one damn thing you should be apologizing for. If you’d listened to me, Tucker would be dead.”
Would be dead.
Did that mean he was alive?
“His throat,” I whispered.
I knew it wasn’t the drugs that time when Lenox’s face went hard.
“Mostly superficial. A clean slash across the throat but not deep enough to damage his trachea or jugular. Two stab wounds to his right side. Probably due to the angle of attack, the knife missed Tucker’s kidney and liver but nicked a rib. Contusions and lacerations on his face from the beating he sustained. No broken facial bones. Orbital socket intact. But the swelling is being monitored. Last update was an hour ago. He’s out of surgery but hasn’t regained consciousness.”
I took a breath, my first full one that didn’t feel like my lungs were on fire since Dylan called to tell me Tucker had been separated from his phone and taken off the compound.
“Now you,” Lenox continued. “Minor scrapes and cuts from the glass on your palms. A deeper laceration on your hip that required three stitches. You have second-degree burns on your back. One is high—shoulder blade diagonal across your spine, stopping right above your left hip. Another is down your right side. The other is lower middle back. You’re also being treated for smoke inhalation.”
I twitched my nose feeling the nasal cannula tickling my nostrils.
“Allyson was looked over by paramedics on the scene and was again checked for smoke inhalation here at the hospital.”
My attention went to Ally. She was in clean clothes, and looked like she’d recently had a shower.
Then Lenox concluded with, “She’s fine. Now that’s a miracle. Allyson got out the door right before the explosion. Firefighters were coming in the front, more were preparing to pull off the back door when she opened it. That’s how they got to you and Tucker so quickly.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Lenox asked back.
I shook my head and focused on Allyson.
“Why’d you come in after me?”
At my question, Allyson looked offended.
Offended and pissed.
“You’re my friend,” she angrily explained.
Well, that had been our cover.
But…
“You’re my friend, Liza,” she affirmed. “I couldn’t let you go in there alone.”
Most people would’ve.
Or at least I thought they would.
I wouldn’t let a friend go into a burning building alone but I knew nothing about friendship being reciprocated. No, that wasn’t true, Tucker had always been my friend.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You don’t thank friends for being your friend,” Ally haughtily educated.
Yes, Allyson could be vicious in the best of ways.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Seven hours,” Lenox said. “Give or take.”
Seven hours?
How was that possible?
“How much pain meds did they dope me with?”
“Not much. You were in shock, your body needed rest,” Lenox informed me. “Which you need more of. So I’m gonna give you this last part, then you’re gonna take another nap.”
“I want to go to Nashville. I want to see Tucker.”
“And you will after?—”
“No. Now.”
“Liza.” Lenox pulled his authoritative growl. “I swear to you, Lily and I will personally drive you there as soon as your doctor gives you the all clear. He wants you under observation for twenty-four hours. You’re seven hours into that. You got seventeen hours to go, then we’ll be on the road.”
I didn’t want to wait seventeen hours.
I wanted to go right now. I needed to see Tucker. I needed to tell him that I wanted him to tell me he loved me so I could say it back. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I wanted to thank him for sticking with me. I wanted to tell him I wanted that family he’d talked about.
I didn’t get a chance to tell Lenox I was going to check myself out against doctor’s orders before he went on.
“Luke’s in Nashville with Tucker. Trey and Carter are out hunting. Allyson gave me the thumb drive she found in the basement. I gave it to Greg. There are STL and CAD files for a variety of different calibers of weapons. Ally also gave us the video she took of the basement. Jake’s house on the compound was raided, as were the outbuildings. All the ingredients needed to cook meth were present. As was fentanyl. Mackenzie’s in custody claiming she had no idea Jake was cooking drugs. She admitted to lying about Jake being her brother but saying she did that so the members would feel comfortable with him living there. And he was living there because she felt sorry for him and he needed a place to stay and she needed a handyman. That’s all they got out of her before she lawyered up, and nothing was found in her home when searched.”
My gaze slid to Allyson.
“I haven’t been back,” she told me. “But I spoke to Colleen and she told me people are already packing up and moving out.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t infest our community with drugs.”
She was right, but I still felt horrible.
“Sorry. I couldn’t stop her,” a woman I couldn’t see said.
Lenox and Ally both looked to the door behind me. Since I was on my side facing the windows and the chairs meant for visitors to use while sitting vigil… vigil , ugh, I never wanted to hear that word again, I couldn’t see who had entered the room.
“Oh my God.”
I knew that voice.
My mother.
“Your back. It looks horrible.”
Well, that was nice to know it looked like it felt. And being that it felt horrible I didn’t chance rolling onto it.
“What are you doing here, Mom?” I inquired.
Allyson vacated the chair and came to stand close to my bed near my head. Lenox didn’t move but he did take my mother in from top to toe and he did this with a scowl.
“I’ve been trying to get in to see you for thirty minutes,” she informed me.
That didn’t explain why she was in Tennessee when she herself had just been released from the hospital and according to my father, needed home care.
“Your father was notified of your accident.”
Ah. There it was. My parents were my emergency contact. The agency would of course notify them of injury or death.
“Is Dad here?”
“No,” she said from closer. I tipped my gaze down the length of the bed and there she was standing at the foot of it looking like she always did. A Monroe, well put together and always presentable. “He sends his love but couldn’t make it.”
He sends his love .
His love .
That did it.
After nearly dying, after nearly losing Tucker in an even more kind of way that meant I’d never see him again, never hear his voice, never touch him, I snapped.
“Cut the shit, Mom. That man doesn’t love me.”
“Of course he does,” she lied. “You know his job?—”
“Mother, he’s not working, he’s in Atlantic City. And even if he was working, his only child almost dying would be an acceptable reason to miss work.”
My mother jerked back and lifted her hand to cover her heart—the perfect picture of civilized affront.
“What has gotten into you?”
“Some sense.”
Allyson moved closer, her hand gently going to the mattress.
“He’s—”
“Stop making excuses for him. Honest to God, I’m so tired of hearing your excuses. The man does not love me. He doesn’t care about me. He never has and he never will.”
“That’s not true. I cannot believe how ungrateful you sound after the life your father has provided for you.”
Ungrateful.
I’d heard that a time or two. Or five-million times.
I glanced at Lenox. A man who’d served his country, who’d gone on long deployments, yet still had given his time and attention to his two boys. A man who openly loved them. A good father. A man I knew would drop everything to rush to their side if one of them was injured. A man who cared enough about me to rush to my side and sit in my hospital room.
“It’s unbelievable I have to explain to you that providing a roof over my head, putting food on the table, but nothing else, does not mean he provided me with a good life.”
“He also put you through school and bought you a car?—”
“Yes, he bought me a car. What was I thinking? A car—that makes up for all of the times he told me I was a waste of time. And yes again, my education makes up for all the times he told me I wasn’t good enough, I’d never find a well-suited man because I was too much .” I rolled to sit upright. Pain burned through my body but I’d be damned if I was having this conversation while lying in a bed as my mother stood over me. “Next you’re going to remind me he clothed me as well. But that doesn’t make up for the times he told me I was weak-minded and used my attitude as a crutch because I was too stupid to formulate an intelligent argument.”
“What would you have him do, Liza? He works hard. You know how important time management?—”
Time management?
Was she for real?
“Are you listening to yourself?” I hissed. “A child isn’t something you fit in.”
Suddenly, she snapped straight and her face twisted in anger.
“I did my best,” she told me. “When I fell pregnant with you, I took on the responsibility of rearing you. That was the arrangement.”
I was stuck back on ‘fell pregnant’ like she tripped and mysteriously an embryo found its way into her belly. So it took my brain a second to catch up to the rest of what she’d said.
“Arrangement?”
“Your father never wanted children. I got to keep you as long as I kept you occupied…”
She might’ve said more. I mean, I knew she said more because I watched her mouth form words, but I could no longer hear them.
Keep me .
Never wanted children.
Well, that explained a lot.
I was unwanted.
“I think you should leave.” That was Allyson.
“Yes, that’s a good idea,” the other woman in the room said.
“I’m not done speaking to my daughter.”
“You are,” Lenox contradicted.
“Do you know what the fucked-up part about all of this is?” I inquired. “Growing up, I would’ve preferred the truth. I would’ve preferred knowing he didn’t want me over your excuses and lies. Instead, I was made to feel unlovable, weak, not good enough. And that’s on you. You made me feel those things by making excuses. It wasn’t until recently that I learned what love is—real, selfless love. The kind that is given freely. I used to think it was him. But now I see it clearly, it was you. He spewed his hateful words but you did the real damage. And you know what, I’m not mad about it. I actually feel sorry for you. Whatever arrangement you made, I hope it was worth it. Because it’s you who has to live with a man that cares more about going to Atlantic City than caring for his ill wife. It’s you who has to live with a man who is utterly incapable of giving love. And it’s you who has to live with the knowledge that you are a shit mother who never should’ve brought a child into the quagmire that is your life.”
“I had you?—”
“Yes, Mother, you had me, then you allowed that piece of shit you call your husband to harm me.”
It was interesting my mother didn’t look stricken or upset her daughter had called her a shit mother. Instead, she looked put off and irritated I’d called her out.
My father would call it gall.
I called it finally finding my voice.
“I love you.”
I swallowed down the bile hearing that lie caused.
“You don’t love me. And if you think you do, I want no part of that kind of love.”
“I love you,” Ally piped up.
How sweet was this woman?
“Now that I believe. See, she ran into a burning building to save my life. She helped me carry Tucker up a flight of stairs instead of running to save herself. She stayed by my side. That’s love. Now tell me, Mom, would you risk your life running into a fire to save me?”
“I don’t have those skills.”
I blinked.
Just that.
My only response was to flutter my eyelids because my mother’s answer was so insanely preposterous I was rendered speechless.
I didn’t bother explaining Allyson wasn’t a firefighter, she wasn’t trained in saving lives, it wasn’t her job, nor had she known me my whole life or say…birthed me.
It then dawned on me, this was actually a waste of my time.
I had more important things to do than listen to another second of this nonsense. I had a man to get to and a life to start, one that didn’t include history weighing me down.
“Goodbye, Mother.”
I moved to lie back down. Allyson immediately moved in to help ease me back down. When I was back on my side, Ally stayed close.
Lenox stood from his chair, blocking my view of my mother.
Tall.
Strong.
Protecting me.
That was what a father did.
And Ally staying at my side…that was what a friend did.
That was love and protection.
I closed my eyes, not because I wanted to block out the hurt, but because I finally, finally got it. What Tucker had been showing me. What he’d shown me over the last decade. I’d always had his love, his care, his concern, and it was worth the repeat…his love.
A few seconds later I heard feet shuffling, a door slamming, then more shuffling.
“Hi, Liza, I’m Lily Lenox.”
Oh my God. Lenox’s Lily had witnessed that horrible scene.
How embarrassing.
My eyes snapped open and there stood a very beautiful woman with the kindest amber eyes I’d ever seen.
They got infinitely kinder when she leaned forward, reached to grab my hand, and gave it a careful squeeze.
“We’re gonna get you through this, sweetie.”
Who knew a single sentence—a handful of words—could simultaneously cut to the quick and begin to stitch back the pieces my mother had torn from me.