36. Ava
Chapter 36
Ava
“It was you all along.” I stare at Mum as tears fall freely down her cheeks. She looks like a stranger to me. She grips my hand tight, like she’s scared if she lets go, I’ll run away.
The nurse eases her away, encouraging her to sit in the chair beside Gramps’ bed as they continue checking me over. I answer their questions, my head heavy, like a fog has filled it. Once they’re happy that my dizzy episode was nothing more than lack of food and all the traveling, they help me sit up, and I eat a sandwich and drink a juice that someone fetches for me.
The entire time Gramps and Mum sit in silence.
The second the door closes behind the nurses, Mum starts spluttering.
“I’m sorry, Ava. I…”
“Shut up!” I snap.
She flicks her gaze to Gramps as if looking for back-up. But he stays silent, his warm fingers wrapping around my hand in a show of support. He’s always been the one there for me. I squeeze it back gratefully as my chest shakes.
“I thought it was Jet,” I cry. “You let me think it was him!”
“I didn’t know,” Mum sobs. “You never told me that’s why you two fell out. I would have said something if I’d known.”
“Would you?” I pin my gaze on her, ignoring the pang in my heart as I study her, try to work out if I know her at all. Because I don’t understand how she could do this. There’s remorse in her eyes. But I don’t know what the hell to do with it.
“Of course I would!” She sobs louder, pressing a tissue against her eyes and soaking up her smeared mascara. “You said you were thinking about it. I thought you wanted to do it, that you’d be excited once we got started. It’s brought us closer. I’ve loved every minute. We’re going to be working together, filming and—”
“Was it for me, or was it for you? For your career? Because you sure seemed quick to suggest you play the role yourself.”
“I… It wasn’t like that. Mitch sent it. He thought—”
“No one should have thought anything! Except me!” I jab my finger into my chest so hard I might bruise. “Me!” I choke. “That was no one’s call to make but mine.”
It doesn’t matter if it was her idea or Mitch’s. She went along with it. She’s known this whole time.
“He forged my signature. ”
Mum gasps, and the way her eyes widen tells me she didn’t know.
“Didn’t you ever wonder how Ophelia got the rights to it?”
“You gave them to her.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t.”
“B-but… I thought he sent the script so she’d read it and see how amazing it was. And that after when she called, you agreed to proceed on your own accord. I thought you were okay with it. I swear!”
“I never agreed to anything. She had the signed contracts before I ever knew she’d even seen it.”
Mum squeezes her eyes shut, her shoulders trembling. The fact that I blamed Jet and never told her, means what she’s saying could be true. That she thought I’d made the decision myself to go ahead. But she still knew Mitch was sending my story to Ophelia to read. Something I’d never consented to.
Something occurs to me as she’s crying.
“The only copy of it is on my laptop.”
She opens her eyes, guilt swimming in them.
Nausea threatens to spill up from my stomach. “The password is your name… I’m such an idiot.”
“No, darling, you’re—”
“I can’t believe I never saw it. This is you all over. All these years your career has been more important to you. I made excuses for you. I told myself you were grieving, and that you had to leave. But really, I was holding you back from your selfish dreams of fame. I was never the child you wanted, was I? The love of your life has always been your career. It’s always been about you!
“Mitch might have forged my signature. But he couldn’t have done that if you hadn’t given him the script in the first place.” I press a hand to my mouth and swallow down the acid in my throat. “The sad thing is, I’d have given it to you if you’d just asked. If you’d explained how important it was to you. If you’d just told me, then I’d have let Ophelia read it. And I’d have signed production rights to her.
“Because as stupid as I feel admitting this now…. Being with you in LA has been like a dream come true. And working on it together has been incredible. But you’ve tainted every moment of our time together. Can’t you see that? I’ll never know if you did this for us, or for yourself. I’ve had you on a warped fucking pedestal for years. But enough of that shit, Mum. It’s time I woke the hell up.”
“Ava,” she gasps and then crumples into more sobs, pressing her hands over her face.
“I’ll never know, Mum. Can’t you understand that? You did what was right for you all those years ago.” My chest deflates and tears sting my eyes. “Maybe this was just you choosing yourself again,” I whisper.
“I thought it would bring us closer after all these years apart. I thought we’d do it together.” She hiccups, her whole body shaking as she cries. But I can’t bring myself to comfort her. I can barely look at her .
Gramps squeezes my hand and I look up into his kind eyes. “This is a lot to take in, love. What do you need?”
“I…”
The look in his eyes is one of pity entwined with anger as they slide over to Mum. Maybe he sees the same broken woman she was after Dad died. One that chose herself over her daughter.
I’ve been so desperate not to lose her, too. Not to feel alone. I missed all the signs. Like Gramps downsizing his house so he could get me into the best school. Giving up traveling and staying home to be there for me whenever I needed him. The way he’d give me grace when I was sullen and moody for days after my mother returned to LA at the end of a visit. The times he’d sit up in the night with me because I’d had another nightmare.
He put me before himself.
My mother didn’t.
“I need to speak to Jet. He told me he was the one who sent my story to Ophelia. Why would he do that?”
“Why does anyone do anything that doesn’t make sense?” Mum says in a shaky voice.
Gramps squeezes my hand again as my chest tightens.
“We make our decisions out of love, darling. But sometimes, we get it all wrong.”