38. Jet
Chapter 38
Jet
“Don’t,” I soothe. “Don’t cry. Fuck, Ava. Please don’t cry.”
“Why not? You are?” she sobs.
I press my face to hers, screwing up my stinging eyes as I kiss her. She whimpers and kisses me back, tilting her chin up to get closer.
I pull back and rush to undo the rope as quickly as I can. I bring both of her wrists to my mouth and kiss them over and over.
“I’m so sorry,” I breathe, cursing myself for the heat in her skin. For the red angry marks I put there.
“You didn’t hurt me,” she whispers. “What you just said—”
“I love you.” I grab her face and kiss her again. “I’m so fucking in love with you that I might lose my mind.”
She cradles my face. We stare at each other, only the sound of our heavy breaths between us. She’s never been this quiet before. Maybe I did hurt her and she doesn’t realize it yet. I was so rough.
Fuck.
I pull out of her, scanning her face for a wince of pain. Relief washes through me when there’s nothing except the same stunned gaze on her face.
“Hold my neck,” I instruct, scooping her up into my arms.
“What? Why?”
“Do it.”
She wraps her arms around me as I carry her into the bathroom. I whip a towel from the rack and place it down onto the counter, before placing her on top of it.
“I’ve got you,” I soothe as I grab a robe and wrap it around her shoulders, then step away to set the bath running. I throw in extra bath oil, then turn back to her.
“What are you doing?” She frowns at the scented steam rising from the tub.
“Taking care of you, Ava. You’re mine to—”
She slides off the counter and picks up the bottle of oil I’ve just used. “This is the same as my perfume.” She looks up at me, then her gaze darts across the marble counter and comes to rest on a half empty bottle of the same perfume.
I tuck my fingers under her chin and turn her face back to me. “I needed something,” I confess.
Understanding blooms in her eyes, and she blinks, more tears falling. My chest burns at the sight .
“Don’t speak. Just let me do this.”
I push the robe off her shoulders and lift her, lowering her into the water. She sighs as it rises up over her body like a fragrant tide.
“I’m going to wash you, okay? Tell me if anywhere hurts.”
She nods and her eyes follow the soft sponge as I work it slowly from her hands up to her neck. I move around her collarbone and down the other side. The redness on her wrists is already fading.
“Jet? Look at me,” she urges.
I take a deep breath and lift my chin. Her eyes study mine like she’s seeing them for the first time.
“Tell me,” she whispers.
And this time, the words come. Jesus, do they fucking come. One after another, over and over as I look into her eyes and bare my soul. Doing everything I swore I’d never do.
“I did it because I love you… I make difficult decisions all the time. And I always get it right. I make them because I have to, no matter how hard they are… But this one felt like ripping my soul out, Ava. And then I saw you at that show and I knew I’d gotten it so fucking wrong. I wanted to tell you the truth then, even if it meant you’d hate me even more.”
She places her hand over mine, the soapy sponge stopping on her chest. “I never hated you. I wanted to. I said I did. But I just hated what you’d done... What you said you’d done.” Her expression clouds.
“I wanted you to be happy. ”
“I was… Until you let me believe you’d betrayed me.”
I drop my head, scrubbing my free hand down it.
“Why did you start visiting Gramps?”
“Dad had a case of your things to return. I offered to take it. I wanted to talk to someone who understands.”
“Understands what it’s like to make sacrifices for me?” She looks at me, sadness swirling in her eyes.
I shake my head. “Understands what it’s like to love you so much that it feels like their entire existence makes sense now. Because your happiness means more to them than anything else.”
“Jet… You can’t put me before yourself, you need to—”
“Why can’t I?”
Her eyes widen. “Seriously? Look what it’s done to you. Look what it’s done to us. Do you know what it was like thinking you hurt me in the worst way you could?”
I swallow down the shame.
“It was horrendous,” she whispers.
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
She exhales shakily. “And knowing Mum…” She blinks up at the ceiling as she fights to remain composed. “Knowing it was Mum who took it floored me; I’m not going to lie. She said she did it to bring us closer, but I…”
I keep the deep growl locked away in my chest. It isn’t for me to tell Ava how to feel about her mother’s actions. But I’ll be here for her to work through it in whatever way she needs .
“I don’t know what the truth is.” She brings her eyes back to mine, and they’re clear, like she’s gained clarity. “But I know that it hurt more thinking you did it. You think I’ve wrecked you? You’ve wrecked me, too. This past month, I’ve felt so… alone .” Her breath catches in her throat as a pained whimper.
“Jesus.” I pull her to me, pushing wet strands of hair away from her face as I kiss her until she’s breathless. “I never want you to feel alone,” I choke, my lips still over hers, our foreheads pressed together. “And I fucking hate myself for making you feel that way. I would give up everything I have to stop you feeling that way. To make sure you’re safe.”
Her hands slide down my body as she strokes her fingers through my chest hair. The feel of her fingertips dancing over my thundering heart brings a calmness over me. I hold her chin in place so her eyes hold on mine.
“I love you, Ava. I’ve never said that to anyone. Never come close to feeling it. I’ve given everything to the airline, it’s been my purpose. Given me control. My life was planned, and I liked it that way.”
She parts her lips to speak.
“Listen to me.”
She closes her mouth and gazes at me, bright blue capturing my fucking soul.
“I had everything I wanted. Then you showed up, throwing me into the biggest reroute of my life. For the first time, it wasn’t about winning. Everything became about you. I could have told you the truth. Kept you to myself. But I cared more about you being happy, even if that meant losing you.”
“Jet.” Her hands slide up to my face. I turn and kiss her wrist.
“I didn’t think you’d suffer like this. I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
She shakes her head. “You’re—”
“An asshole, I know.”
“No… You’re wrong. I missed you. I missed you so much.”
“Ava, I—”
“I love you, too.”
Her fingers trace over my brows as they shoot up my face.
“You can’t.”
“Don’t you dare tell me I can’t. That you don’t deserve it. You don’t get to control the way I feel.”
“I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did. But it’s what made me realize how I felt. It wouldn’t have hurt so much otherwise. I would have been angry, and shocked. But I wouldn’t have felt lost again. I wouldn’t have felt alone, like I did after losing…”
I pull her to me for another kiss. It’s soft and gentle, weighted with emotion.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” she whispers against my mouth. “Because you never thought I’d feel the same. And that’s my fault for not telling you. If you knew how I—”
I silence her with another kiss, practically climbing into the tub with her. Water sloshes over the side as I kiss her over and over.
“It’s not your fault. I never want to hear you say that again,” I growl.
I lift her into my arms and carry her to the counter. I rest her on the edge, and she immediately wraps her legs around my hips.
“I’m uncontrollably in love with you,” I say as she pulls me to her, kissing me and sliding her fingers through my hair.
I kiss her, unable to stop, never wanting to let her go. She widens her thighs and pulls me to her. I shudder as I slide back inside her wet heat.
“Jet,” she cries.
We become a tangle of gripping hands, holding each other as close as possible, mouths glued together, shared air, shared confessions, shared declarations of love repeated until the moment she whimpers my name and I choke out hers.
It’s not until we’re lying in bed together afterward, watching the sun setting through the balcony drapes that I deliver the words that kill me to say.
“You need to go,” I whisper.
Ava hums contentedly, snuggling into my side, her face resting on my chest. “Gramps knows where I am. I told him I’d be back in the morning.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
The seriousness in my voice must be palpable because she lifts her head, her brow furrowing as she looks at me. I reach up and dust my thumb over her lower lip.
“When I told you I would steal things from you that were never mine to take, I was telling the truth.”
“Jet…” Her smile slides from her face as she stares at me. “I don’t understand.”
“You trusted me to tie you up earlier. Now trust me with this. Because this time, I know I’m right.” I fight to keep my voice even. If I let it break for one second, I’ll not be able to go through with it. And I’ll ruin my girl forever with my selfishness.
There’ll be no coming back from it.
“You need to leave. Travel. See the world. You can’t be tethered to me.”
“I won’t be. You own an airline. We can take trips.”
Her eyes search mine and the confusion in them is like a grenade going off in my chest.
“We could. But with the new engines coming, things are going to be nonstop for a while.”
“I can wait.”
I stroke my thumb up, following the curve of her cheekbone. “I can’t hold you back a second longer to do the things you’ve already waited years for. You know I’m right.”
Her eyes turn glassy. “But what about—?”
“I’ll be waiting for you.” I press a kiss to her forehead.
“Jet…”
“Tell me you understand, Ava. ”
She throws her arms around my neck and pulls me close.
“I don’t,” she breathes. “Not for one second…”
“But do you trust me?”
“Don’t make me,” she sobs. “Don’t make me leave.”
“Ava,” I soothe, kissing her hair as she buries her face into my neck. “Tell me you—”
“I trust you,” she whispers through her tears. “I t-trust you.”
Her words piece back together my pulverized heart.
“Good girl,” I breathe.
I stroke her back as she moves to meet my eyes.
“In the bathroom… that was goodbye sex, wasn’t it?”
“No, Firefly.” I stroke away her tears.
“It was don’t forget me sex.”