Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
DORI
Jamison stares at me like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
My eyes narrow as I stand and show him the piece of paper with all of Ava’s contact information written on it.
He snatches it from my hand. “I was considering reaching out to her.”
“I see that. Why?”
“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m a horrible person.”
“Then I guess we’ll be on even ground. You think I’m bad because of what happened with Hunter, so tell me. It can’t be any worse than what I did.” I pop my hands to my hips and give Jami a you can’t argue with that look.
He steps around me and returns to his desk. “It’s vindictive and humiliating.”
I spin toward him. “Again, it can’t be any worse than my actions.”
“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He blushes and tries to hide his eyes from me. “I thought about asking her out.”
He’s thinking about asking her out?
I’m more than shocked. Jealousy ignites out of nowhere .
My jaw drops. “What? Why?”
“To pay Hunter back for being with you.” He shrugs and his blue eyes glow in mischief.
Relief floods over me. “Are you serious?”
It’s such a juvenile move and unlike Jami. I choke as I try not to burst into laughter.
Jami holds back a smile. “Yes, I’m serious.”
“How does taking Ava out get back at Hunter?”
“The public thinks he dates her. They’re always in pictures together and all over the internet. I figured if I could steal her away, I could be the one pictured with her. It takes him out of the limelight, and I sever any relationship they have.” Jami pulls out his chair and sits.
“I hate to burst your bubble, but their relationship is nothing but business allies.”
“How do you know that?”
“He told me. I guess she gives Hunter information her dad tells her and he gets her in the media so she can land a high-caliber modeling contract. If you don't have media contacts, you won't achieve anything.”
Jami looks me over as he considers something. An expression I’ve never seen from him flashes across his face. He peers at me with a veil over his eyes, and I’m lost as to what it could be.
I go back to the chair and recline. “What? Does that upset you?”
“No. I’m just surprised you and Hunter have discussed it.”
“I asked him about their relationship once and he explained it to me. It’s not a big deal, so I don’t think about it anymore.” I gesture between us. “Can we get back to why I came down to talk with you?”
“Of course. Anything is better than talking about him.” Jami shifts to give me his full attention. “Continue with what you wanted to say.”
“I’m sorry for how I treated you and my actions that day. I was doing anything to pretend it wasn’t real. You didn’t deserve to get the brunt of that.”
“I owe you an apology of my own.” He walks over to the chair beside me and takes a seat next to me.
“Why do you owe me an apology?”
“You were hurting and going through something that you already had a tough experience with. You were dealing with the grief of both your miscarriages that day.”
A zing of pain strikes me. “That doesn’t excuse my behavior.”
“I know, but instead of showing you the understanding you needed, the grace and support, I got defensive and gave you hell. For that, I’m sorry.” His loving gaze connects with mine.
He’s literally a saint to forgive me, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He always does.
I peer deep into his eyes. Our connection sparks. The tension in the room hangs heavy. My chest heats and my stomach clenches.
It’s the first time since this all happened I’ve had a genuine sexual response. I couldn’t stop it if I tried.
I cross my legs and break our stare. “That’s more than considerate to give me that kind of grace. I don’t deserve it, but I accept your apology.”
“Thanks.”
“Jami, I wish I would’ve allowed us to deal with it together. On the contrary, I pushed you away and buried my grief with Hunter. Neither one of you deserved what I did.”
“I wish we would’ve been there for each other. It would’ve been nice to hold you, knowing I was giving you what you needed.” He leans over and squeezes my knee.
I place my hand over his before he can pull away. “Me too. I’m not sure how we would’ve gotten around Aiden, but we needed each other and I ruined it.”
“We made a mess of something incredibly painful. Maybe in the future, we’ll have a better understanding of the deeper issues at play and treat one another from a place of compassion and love.” He squeezes my leg one more time and then pulls his hand away.
“Do you think you can forgive me for what I did?”
He takes a breath and runs his hand down his cheek. “I won’t lie to you. What you did still bothers me, but I’ll work toward forgiving you.”
“Thank you.”
He nods. “I’m sure you were doing anything to forget what you were going through. We all do strange things to get through terrible occurrences.”
“That’s exactly what I was doing. It goes a little deeper than that, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. When I am, I promise I’ll come to you.” The fear of ever getting pregnant again presses on my chest.
Jami wants kids, and I don’t know if I can get to the point where I’m not terrified about being pregnant. I glance at my hands, and my strength takes over.
I can’t lose him.
For whatever reason, I feel complete when I’m with him. My heart pounds as I let down some of my walls.
“Jami, I don’t have any right to say this, but no matter what I’ve done, I still love you. I’ve missed you so much. I don’t deserve it, but can we try to rebuild what we had before all this?”
His eyes find mine. His swirl with love and fear. He stands and strides over to the window.
He clasps his hands together around the base of his neck and gazes at the ceiling. “You don’t understand.”
“I’m not asking for us to jump into anything.” I rush to him.
“Dori, it’s not that.”
“Please, listen to me.”
He releases a heavy breath. “Okay. ”
“Through my therapy, I realized I’ve never given you my full attention. It’s not fair to either of us. For me, because I’ve been lying to myself. And for you, because I’ve been blaming you for my fear of ending up in a relationship and blowing it like my parents.”
He lowers his arms and faces me. “Do you think I’d let you sabotage us?”
“Take what I did. If that’s not proof, I don’t know what is.” I huff a laugh. “You were right when you said I always pick a dangerous man.”
“And why is that? Because you believe if you’re with me, we’d act like your mom and dad?”
“I think I’ve gone out with that type of guy because, on some level, I know it won’t work out. Somehow, I’m safer that way. If I lost you, I’d be devastated, but you’re the one I’ve always wanted and loved.”
“I’m not sure I’m understanding what exactly you’re asking of me?” He stares at me with his eyes turbulent and wary. “Where does that leave Hunter?”
“Here’s what I figured out. It might help you make sense of it. I’ve been playing with both of your hearts. I’ve been living in the excitement or drama it’s caused. It fed my ego in some way and kept me safe from figuring out the crap in my life.”
“It sounds like you’ve discovered some things through your therapy.”
I nod. “What woman doesn’t want two of the most amazing men fighting for her? It was selfish, but I’m done playing games with you.”
“What does that mean?”
I wrap my arms around myself. “I’ve pushed you away for someone else over and over because I’ve been afraid it won’t work out between us and I’d lose you forever. But I’m working through that, so what would you think if I didn’t push you away? ”
His shoulders slump. “Jesus Christ, this isn’t the conversation I was expecting to have with you.”
“I know, but I am done going between you two.”
“And what does Hunter know about this?”
“I haven’t talked to him yet. He doesn’t open up to me. I tried talking to him on Saturday, but we ended up in a big fight.”
“Did you come to this conclusion because you’re not getting along with him?”
“No. He and I just don’t work like you and I do. He won’t share anything with me that has to do with his past. But you… I know everything about you. We don’t hide things from each other. That means the world to me. I feel close to you in a way I can’t describe.”
Jami deflates and he sighs heavily. “Dori, this is coming out of nowhere.”
“It’s not. We’ve had this thing between us since as long as I can remember.” I take his hands in mine.
He stares at them for a second, and then his eyes fall shut. “I’m not where you are right now. I wish I was, but I need more time.”
“Understood, but I hope I didn’t ruin things between us for good.” I squeeze his hands.
He shakes his head as his gaze meets mine. “Let’s work to get on solid ground before we have this conversation.”
My heart shrinks a little, but I understand this is what he needs and I don’t want to mess up again. “How do we do that?”
“Let’s learn to be friends again. You still need to figure out your situation with Hunter. Let’s start with those things and take it from there.” Jami bites down on his lip like he’s fighting something inside him.
He steps closer and cups his hand behind my neck. I swear he’s going to kiss me.
My breath catches as I peer into his smoldering blue eyes. He licks his lips and drops his gaze to mine. His chest fills with a deep roll of air. The air crackles between us.
His hand falls away, and he steps back. “Let’s try our best to do it right this time. We need to go slow while we try to resolve the shit that’s happened.”
“Okay, we can go slow. We can try to be friends again and build from there.” My smile grows. “I’m glad I came down here.”
“Me too. I wish I would’ve been more prepared, but that’s not how life works.” His eyes shine as he flashes me a smile.
“I’ll see you in the meeting this afternoon.” I turn and leave his office with my heart more full than it’s been in a very long time.
“Dori, you have a delivery.” Hailey enters my office with a vase full of red and white roses.
I get up and take the flowers from her. “Wow. They’re beautiful.”
“Who are they from?” She wiggles her shoulder as her smile spreads from ear to ear.
I cringe inside. She’s not going to leave unless I tell her something.
“I don’t know. Let me check.” I set the vase down and read the card.
It says:
Sorry for this past weekend. From your not-so-secret admirer.
“What does it say?” Hailey bounces on her toes .
“It’s an apology of sorts.”
“From Jamison?” She steps over to the flowers and sticks her nose in them. “These smell wonderful. He did good.”
My brows draw in. “Why would you think they’re from Jamison?”
Her cheeks redden. “I always thought you two were dating. Then I heard… Never mind. Whoever they’re from, they’re beautiful.”
She dips her head and leaves my office. Her answer makes my stomach twist. It doesn’t bother me that people think I’m dating Jami, but she’s talking about the rumor about me having sex with him in my office.
That’s not who I am professionally. That thought makes me roll my eyes at myself.
I might not have sex in my office, but I’ll have sex with my boss. Not only that, but I’ll drag him through a whirlwind of chaos because I can’t get my head straight.
“What’s that look for?” Melanie strolls into my office. “Oh, beautiful roses.”
“The flowers are gorgeous.” I lean over and breathe in their sweet aroma. “The look I had goes back to what we talked about over the weekend.”
“In that case, this needs to be closed.” She shuts the door. “What’s bothering you?”
“I talked with Jami. We’re not back to where we were, but he agreed to work on our friendship.”
She takes a whiff of the flowers. “Have you talked with the other one about breaking things off for good?”
“Not yet. The roses are from him, apologizing for overreacting on Saturday.”
“He needs to see someone about his jealousy.” She plays with the flowers, rearranging them to her liking.
“The first time he lost it, he had a reason. Not to the level he took it, but I understand what made him snap. Saturday was different. I could see it on his face before Jami came into the conversation.”
Mel glances my way. “Really? What were you guys talking about?”
“I was asking why he gets so triggered when I walk away from him during a fight. He wouldn’t answer the question and started escalating. There’s something there, but he won’t share it with me.”
“Why push him to talk about that when you want to end it with him?” She finishes messing with the flowers and stares at me.
“It’s the same problem as always. I get around him and I fall right back to wanting to get closer. He’s tried with me and a part of me feels like I owe it to him to give him another shot.”
“Not a good idea, my dear.”
“I love him, Mel, but not like I do Jami. I love Hunter for loving me and trying so hard. He’s trying to be a good man for me. Jami, on the other hand… I just love.”
“I’m going to say it again. You can’t keep doing this to them. Figure it out once and for all because when you juggle both, things get really fucked up.” She gives me a motherly look.
“I know. I’ve been on a teeter-totter with them, going between two worlds. It’s not fair to either of them.” I glance down to hide my shame. “I’m responsible for one hell of a toxic dynamic between us all.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. Just fix it.” She tilts her head and gives me a once-over. “You had the weekend to think about it. So, what’s your plan? Because the one is going to lose his shit when he realizes your heart is with Jami.”
“I thought about it all weekend. I love them both in very different ways, but when I heard Jami and you talking about leaving, my heart had an instant void. In therapy, we discussed why. It opened up everything I’ve shared with you today. ”
“I’m going to push you a little because you tend to get confused. What would you do if Hunter moved?”
“That’s the thing. I would miss him, but he travels all the time. I’ve learned to be with him in spurts. I don’t want that with the man I marry.” I shake my head. “Even when he flies me away for weekend getaways, he works half the day.”
“Is there anything that would stop you from going forward with Jami?”
“The obvious thing is he still has to forgive me. He needs to want something to happen between us. If he ever gets there, then we’d have to deal with Aiden. The bigger issue is children.”
“Don’t forget dealing with the aftermath with Hunter.”
“Don’t remind me. The good news is it’ll take a while for Jami to forgive me. If he does and he’s open to dating me, his time here would be coming to an end or completed.”
“And what about Hunter?”
“I’m not sure how he would act with me, but my heart says he wouldn’t be an asshole.” I lean over and arrange the flowers again.
“It sounds like your choice is made. Now you just have to stick with it and quit waffling.”
“I know and I plan on it, but I don’t know how to do it.”
She plops down in the chair. “Do you want my advice or just an ear to vent to?”
“Advice, please. As long as it isn’t about dating someone new.” I join her in the seating area.
“In that case, go forward with conviction. Otherwise, you’ll be a selfish bitch who enjoys watching the men she loves be tortured.”
Someone knocks on the door and I tell them to come in. The door opens and Hailey comes into view, standing beside a stunning brunette with hypnotizing hazel eyes.
Hailey steps in with the woman following. “Sorry to interrupt. This is Isabella Carter. She’d like to speak with you.”
Melanie excuses herself as I stand and greet the woman.
“I’m Dorothy Fisher, but you can call me Dori. Please come in and take a seat.” I point to the chairs.
Hailey and Melanie leave the room as Isabella takes a seat in a chair. I sit next to her and turn to address her. She crosses her legs, and I can’t help but notice her long, lean legs. They’re amazing.
“What can I do for you, Isabella?”
She smiles with a mysterious twinkle in her eyes. “I wanted to have a conversation with you and get to know you. Hunter and I know each other, and I thought we should meet.”
I pull back with warning bells going off. “How do you know Hunter?”