Chapter 17 #2
She swallowed hard and turned her head to look at me.
“I know that shit happens, but I also know what occurred right before she got behind the wheel. Her latest boyfriend had broken her heart, and when she left the house she was on the phone with him, begging him to take her back. I’m sure she was crying and sobbing and yelling into the phone while driving, and not paying any attention to the road.
” Her tone was bitter, but there was a rawness to it, too.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said softly.
She shrugged, and I could see the conflicting emotions in her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m not happy she’s dead, but at the same time it was a horrible relief.
I could stop worrying about her. Stop hoping that maybe someday she’d wake up and be an actual parent and put me and Christopher first, instead of some man that really didn’t give a shit about her. ”
I nodded in understanding. “As I told you, my father was absent a lot when I was growing up because of the military,” I said, trying to give her something in return.
“Dedicated to his job. Even though he was far away, he made the most of our time together when he was home. I always knew if I did well or got into trouble, I’d be hearing from him, whether that was by letter or over the phone.
He found ways to show he cared, and I think that’s why my parents were able to make their marriage work, despite the difficulties of him being in the military. ”
Violet gave a small, painful laugh. “You were lucky. All my mother cared about was her latest boyfriend or husband. Not that the marriages ever lasted long. Some were short enough they didn’t even get divorced, they just annulled it.
She just wanted a man to sweep her off her feet and save her from the life she was living, and make everything easier for her. ”
She exhaled a breath, her eyes flickering with her own anguish.
“I don’t think she ever really wanted kids.
I know that both Christopher and I were accidents.
I think she would’ve liked us if we’d successfully helped her baby-trap a guy.
But Christopher’s dad split pretty early on and my dad…
he was already married. He’d come around but he was never going to leave his wife, not for my mom and not for me.
Then when his wife did die, he still wouldn’t commit. Broke my mom’s heart.”
“From what I heard…” I hesitated, not wanting to sound like I sat around gossiping, but I wanted to be honest about what Chase had told me. “Your father had a bit of a problem with money.”
Violet snorted indelicately. “Yeah, you could say that. He gambled and he drank. He took out credit cards and loans in Andrea and Madison’s names so he could keep gambling, and it took them forever to climb out of that hole after he died and they realized the debt he left them in.”
That was crazy to me, and it also baffled me when people consistently chose partners who were bad for them. “Why do you think your mother kept choosing men like that?”
She pursed her lips, something in her gaze hardening. “She was weak. She wanted love, even if it was the cheap kind. I honestly think she believed she could fix these men. That if she gave enough, they’d finally give back. But all they did was take and she just…kept letting them.”
Hearing Violet describe her mother, knowing that was the type of role model who’d raised her, it helped me to understand why she was so guarded when it came to men. It made sense that she’d rather build walls than risk repeating her mother’s mistakes.
“In my experience,” I said carefully, “if you love someone, you step up. But you don’t waste your time waiting on a man to get his act together. Find one who already does.”
Like me, I almost blurted out, but refrained from doing so. This wasn’t the time to pitch myself as the man who could be different, even if I knew I was and could be for her.
Violet’s mouth twisted in a humorless little smile. “Or just don’t find a guy at all.”
I reached out and tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear, just as an excuse to touch her. “That sounds lonely.”
A sound of disbelief escaped her as she rolled back to her side, facing me. “You really believe in all that romance and forever stuff?”
“Well, I saw it with my parents,” I admitted, knowing I had a much better foundation than she’d had with her mother and father.
“They didn’t have a perfect marriage, but they loved each other.
They respected each other. They chose each other, even when it was hard.
And they’re happy together. I’d like to have that kind of relationship and marriage, too. ”
She swallowed hard. “I wish I could believe in that.” Her voice softened, almost lost beneath the whisper of sheets as she shifted beneath them.
“But the last thing I want is to go through a series of broken hearts like my mother. She lost herself in every man she latched onto and believed their promises until there was nothing left of her.” She hesitated a moment, then added, “And the men I’ve come across sure haven’t given me a reason to believe otherwise. ”
“The right guy wouldn’t want you to lose yourself or change who you are,” I said, meaning every word. “He’d appreciate who you are on your own.”
She rolled her eyes. “Until I become too much for him and he leaves and it ends.”
I chose my next words carefully. “The right relationship, with two people willing to put in the work and who respect one another, doesn’t always end.”
Violet scoffed. “You’re talking to me like I’m Madison or Andrea, but I’m not like them.”
“And what are they like?” I asked, curious to know what she believed set them apart.
“They’re the sweet girls who get happy endings,” she said, her tone flat. “That’s not me.”
“You’re not sweet in the way that most people would think of it,” I admitted, my gaze steady on hers. “But you are kind. And loyal. And strong. You have a good heart and deserve that happy ending just as much as they do.”
Her expression stayed guarded, but her eyes betrayed her, shadowed with a longing that told me she wanted to believe that possibility really did exist, even if she’d convinced herself that love wasn’t meant for her.
Violet didn’t say anything more and I didn’t want to press. I was grateful that she’d shared so much with me, and knew one conversation wasn’t going to convince her to believe in something she’d spent her whole life doubting.
So, we both remained quiet, lying there next to each other until her eyes drifted closed. I watched the rise and fall of her shoulders until her breathing evened out and she slipped into sleep.
I’d spent plenty of nights on bodyguard detail watching over people as they slept, but this wasn’t the same. The fact that she’d let me into her bed, had given me so much insight into her as a person and allowed herself to be vulnerable in that way with me, felt monumental.
She thought she wasn’t the type of woman who deserved a happy ending, but she was wrong. Violet deserved a love that didn’t strip her down but built her up. She deserved to stop bracing for the worst every time she let someone close.
And if she’d give me the chance, I’d show her exactly what it felt like to be chosen every damn day, even when she fought me on it. Especially when she fought me on it. To make her believe she was enough.
Enough to be loved. Enough to be mine.