Chapter 3
This wasn’t happening, Kristen kept telling herself as she stood there, blindly reaching back and tried desperately to get the doorknob to cooperate while she watched as a freakishly tall clown with smeared makeup, thinning red hair matted against his balding head, and a stained outfit at least two sizes too big for him stepped out of a black van covered in dents and rust and-
Released a whimper when bloodshot eyes landed on her.
Really hoping that this was just a bad dream, Kristen watched as lips smeared grotesquely with red paint pulled up into an evil smile, revealing two rows of yellow teeth before a flash of movement to her left drew her attention to a single red balloon floating above his head.
Swallowing hard, Kristen slowly, ever so slowly, turned her head and forced herself to meet bloodshot eyes only to forget how to breathe when he shot her a wink.
She-
“Shit!”
-found herself watching in fascinated horror as Garrett, who kept sending her hopeful smiles, tried to stop the clown from crossing the street and making this day even more memorable only to end up releasing a muttered curse and was forced to take the clown down with a headlock when he tried shoving past him.
“That is, without a doubt, the creepiest thing that I’ve ever seen,” came the softly murmured words that had her nodding solemnly as what she was really hoping was a double-chocolate milkshake was held in front of her face.
“Thank you,” Kristen murmured absently, unable to look away from the disturbing scene before her as she accepted the milkshake from her assistant and took a sip only to release a satisfied sigh when the creamy chocolatey goodness hit her tongue.
“What did he do to piss you off today?” Amber asked, taking a sip from her water bottle as they watched the clown that could have only come from the bowels of hell give up trying to break free from the chokehold that Garrett had him in and-
“This isn’t enough?” Kristen asked, gesturing with the delicious milkshake that was already making this horrible day better towards Garrett as the evil bastard was forced to give up his hold so that he could press his hand against his stomach when the clown that was determined to get to her brought him down with an elbow to the gut and-
“It’s definitely creepy,” Amber murmured as they watched Garrett stumble back only to release a curse as he threw himself back at the clown.
“You wouldn’t by chance have the spare key that I gave you, would you?” Kristen asked as they watched the clown struggle to break free only to give up, reach down and pull off one of his oversized red shoes held together with duct tape and-
“Never leave home without it,” Amber said, reaching into her oversized handbag and pulled out the key that Kristen gave her a year ago when she started to work for her while she stood there, unable to help but wince when the clown gave up trying to beat the shit out of Garrett with his shoe only to rip the red ball off his nose and tried to shove it down-
Deciding that it was probably for the best if they went inside now, Kristen cleared her throat and murmured, “Please open the door,” when the clown managed to break free.
She watched as he dragged himself to his feet, his bloodshot eyes locked on her as his red-smeared lips pulled back up into that deeply disturbing smile.
“I’d really like to go inside now,” Kristen mumbled weakly as she stood there, struggling to remember how to breathe while she watched the clown that would no doubt star in every single one of her nightmares for the next fifty years, make his way across the street and-
“Bless you,” Kristen mumbled when Amber grabbed hold of the back of her shirt and dragged her inside just as Garrett managed to get to his feet and stumbled after him.
Within seconds, she had the door shut, locked, and was debating barricading the door with the couch when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Swallowing hard, Kristen found herself looking towards the large bay window to her right and-
“Beep, beep, Kristen,” came the slurred words as Kristen found herself looking into bloodshot eyes staring at her through her window and-
“I’m never going to emotionally recover from this,” Kristen mumbled weakly to herself as she watched Garrett slam into him before deciding that it would probably be in her best interest to close the curtains for now.
Ignoring the pained grunts and muttered, “Son of a bitch!” Kristen turned around to find Amber watching her curiously. “Why was the bastard-that-I-swore-I-would-never-speak-his-name trying to stop the demon clown from stealing your soul?”
“He figured out that he was Tristan,” Kristen said as she found her gaze shifting back to the front door and decided that it would probably be in her best interest to double-check the deadbolt.
“How?” came the curious question after a slight pause.
“He pissed me off,” Kristen said, wondering if he was finally going to let this go now that he knew the truth.
“He does seem to do that a lot,” Amber pointed out.
“And this time he took advantage of the fact that I locked myself out of my house and followed me onto the roof,” Kristen explained as she double-checked the deadbolt.
“How did he take the news?” Amber asked, dropping down on the couch with a soft sigh.
“He glared, went to open his mouth only to rethink that decision, went back to glaring before muttering to himself, scaled the roof, fell off the rose trellis only to have the dead rose bush break his fall before grabbing the ladder, dragged it back over to the house, climbed back onto the roof, and kidnapped me.
That was followed by taping me to a chair, a nervous breakdown, tearing his office apart, skimming through one of my books, and quickly realizing just how badly he'd screwed up,” Kristen said, shrugging it off as she-
“And the book…” Amber drawled with a pointed look at the tower of Twinkies on the coffee table that Kristen had been in the middle of building when she decided to check the mail.
“It’s coming along,” Kristen said, lying her ass off as she rubbed the bridge of her nose, hoping the move was enough to hide her wince as she took in the pile of Twinkies stacked on top of her laptop along with a bottle of Elmer’s glue and the bottle of black glitter that she grabbed during her late night run to Walmart last night to give it some pizazz.
“I can see that,” Amber said, slowly nodding as she looked from the tower of Twinkies that Kristen was hoping would help clear her head to the painting supplies that she threw in the corner last week when the inspiration to paint the house had her making a quick trip to the hardware store and-
“Are…are those Christmas ornaments?” Amber asked, drawing her attention to the Christmas ornaments that she’d decided to make after a Google search for writer’s block took her down a rabbit hole that ended with her ordering five dozen Christmas ornaments, red and green paint, and a year’s worth of glitter.
Clearing her throat, Kristen murmured, “I wanted to get ahead of the Christmas rush this year.”
“It’s March,” Amber pointed out as her gaze shifted to her right and-
“Why is he dressed like a pirate?” Amber asked while Kristen stood there, taking another sip of the delicious creamy concoction, absently noting that the large golden retriever that she really needed to come up with a name for was still glaring at her through one eye.
For a moment, she debated taking the eye patch off him only to decide against it since it really brought the whole ensemble together.
Well, that and the last time that she’d tried removing the eyepatch he’d grumbled at her.
She should really come up with a name for him, Kristen thought even as she tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t make her look pathetic.
When she couldn’t think of anything, she decided that perhaps now would be a good time to change the subject.
“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming until Thursday,” Kristen said, following her assistant’s gaze as it moved around the room only to take in the books that she’d color-coordinated before taking in the paint samples she’d strategically placed across the living room wall to see which one complimented her Goonies poster, and ended by taking in the chess board she’d set up by the window only to promptly abandon after she remembered that she didn’t know how to play Chess.
“Besides saving you from the clown determined to steal your soul?” Amber asked as she took in the discarded candy bar wrappers leftover from Kristen’s 80s movie binge the other night.
“Besides that,” Kristen said even as she found herself glancing back at her bookshelves and wondered if she should organize the books by height instead.
“To stop you,” Amber said, making Kristen frown as she glanced back and-
“I can explain,” Kristen said, although, to be fair, she wasn’t sure that she could.
“This is just sad,” Amber said with a pitying look as she picked up the fake thermometer that Kristen found online.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Kristen mumbled weakly as she followed Amber’s pointed gaze to the empty cardboard boxes leaning against the wall, the same ones that she was supposed to fill with books and swag for the signing in Providence this weekend.
“So, you’re not trying to get out of the signing?” Amber asked while Kristen schooled her features, knowing better than to give anything away.
“Now, why would I do that?” Kristen asked, blinking innocently as she met Amber’s curious gaze.
“Because you’re a coward, trying to cancel another signing because you’re afraid that one of your readers is going to ask why you haven’t published a book in over a year?” Amber said, blinking back at her.
Wincing, Kristen mumbled, “There is that.”
“You need to go,” Amber said with a look that had Kristen swallowing hard as she gestured weakly towards the fake thermometer.
“I’m sick?” she said with a hopeful smile only to follow that up with a forced cough, a sniffle, and just for the hell of it, a murmured, “I might even be contagious,” which, of course, was followed by another cough.
“You’re pathetic,” Amber said with a sad shake of her head as she reached over and helped herself to a Twinkie.
“Which is why I shouldn’t go to this signing,” Kristen said with a heartfelt sigh and a solemn nod. “The readers deserve better.”
“True,” Amber murmured, sounding thoughtful as she took her time ripping open the thin plastic wrapping, “but unfortunately for you, I already contacted Amy and told her to ignore you if you tried to cancel.”
“But I have the sniffles….” Kristen mumbled hollowly, following that up with a sniffle with the hopes that it would be enough to help her case.
“You’re going,” Amber said firmly, making Kristen’s shoulders drop. That was followed by pouting, which was immediately followed by grumbling to herself when someone knocked on the front door.
Deciding to take the opportunity to figure out a way to get out of this, Kristen took a sip of the delicious beverage as she made her way to the front door only to realize that she’d made a tactical error when the delicious shake in her hand was suddenly snatched away.
Frowning, she watched as Garrett, who was standing on her front step for some reason, struggled to catch his breath as he ripped the cover off her milkshake and finished it off before handing her the empty cup, making her frown and-
“What the hell are you doing?” Kristen demanded when the large bastard that owed her a milkshake picked her up and threw her over his shoulder with a satisfied sigh.
“Finishing our conversation,” Garrett said as he turned around and headed across the street, leaving Kristen with no choice but to drop the empty cup on the ground, grab hold of his shirt and mentally prepare herself for the impending impact when she heard it.
The unmistakable sound of a rubber balloon being contorted.
Praying that she was imagining things, Kristan swallowed hard as she slowly, ever so slowly, looked up and-
“Move faster,” Kristen mumbled weakly while she watched the clown that belonged in hell as he held up what could only be described as a balloon pitchfork and-
“Definitely move faster,” Kristen said as she was forced to squeeze her eyes shut and when that wasn’t enough, she pressed her face against his back and promised herself that she would make the life-ruining bastard pay for this one day.