Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
SAM
“Ouch, you got glitter in my eye!” I rub my eye with my fist for one second before Quinn slaps my hand away from my face.
“Don’t touch your eyes; you’ll smear my masterpiece!”
I look behind him to check myself in the mirror and see that I didn’t even touch the rainbow going across my face. “It’s fine.”
Quinn is painting my face for a day full of Pride festival activities. June is always an exciting month for him, and he’s constantly busy with his friends. I’ve been going to the festival with him ever since he came out to me at age 13.
Every year, I let him paint my face and pick out my outfit. Though I do have ultimate veto power in case he tries to put me in fish nets and booty shorts like he did a couple years ago. I put a hard stop to that.
I’m all about supporting him and going all out, but I do have boundaries. This year, he put me in a crop top that says, ‘Ask me about my brother. He’s fabulous,’ and jorts with little rainbows embroidered on them. Now, he’s painting a large rainbow stripe across my face and insists on using glitter. I’m not against wearing glitter; I just hate how messy it is.
“Are you almost done?”
“Yes, you big whiny baby.” He finishes it by wiping off the excess glitter.
I look at myself in the mirror and have to admit that it looks pretty cool. He did a good job.
“Who is all meeting us there?”
“Just some friends from the club and a few guys from work.”
“You convinced the guys from work to come? I hope for your sake they finished up the Anderson project and didn’t just leave it half finished to go to this.”
I’m a pretty chill boss, but I hate disappointing clients, so I’m strict with promised deadlines.
“Don’t worry, they finished it up yesterday afternoon.”
“And you signed off on it?” I recently started letting Quinn do final checks and sign off on projects. It’s been a big help, especially during the busy season.
“It looked really good. Now quit fussing; today is about fun!”
It’s hot as hell out, and I’m regretting the face paint. We spent the last hour mingling in the beer garden area, and now we’re just walking around and checking out the different vendor booths. We walk past a drag show and stop to watch the contestants for a bit, getting brief relief in the shade. A drag king takes the stage and dances. At the end of their performance, we cheer, and they run backstage. Up next is a drag queen in a large gown. I have no idea how she isn’t passing out from the heat in that outfit. Her performance is very entertaining, and one of Quinn’s friends runs up and throws some money on the stage for her.
We keep walking around and stop to buy some pottery from the booth of a local studio. I don’t have many mugs at my place, so I buy one that has a curvy female figure etched on it. All of this artist’s pieces have nudity on them, and I respect the commitment.
Our group is constantly changing as we lose people and gain new friends, so I can’t keep track of who’s in our group and who isn’t. I know Brian from New Year’s Eve, the guys from work, and a few of Quinn’s other friends, but Quinn is currently flirting with someone I don’t recognize.
He waves me over, and I go to join them.
“Sam, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is my brother Sam.” We shake hands, and Quinn points a finger at me while whispering to Daniel. “I know he’s adorable, but he’s horribly straight, so don’t get any ideas.”
I never get tired of him introducing me like that at these events, where I am clearly in the minority.
“I’ve DJ’d a few of Daniel’s parties. Tonight, he’s throwing a big one, and we’re all invited. I turned down his request to work it because I plan on being completely wasted.”
I scoff at him. “Shocker. I guess that puts me on babysitting duty then.”
“Oh shut up. I want to see you having fun tonight, too. I want you to be so in the moment that you question your sexuality.”
I roll my eyes because we’ve been over this before. Just like he can’t picture sleeping with a girl, I can’t picture it with a guy. It’s that simple; I’m very straight. All I can do now is shake my head at him and laugh along. I love Quinn, and I hope he never changes.
I look to Daniel, who is also rolling his eyes at Quinn. “Thanks for inviting us, sounds like it’ll be a fun time.”
We just arrived at Daniel’s party. I wanted to swing by the house to wash my face paint off, but Quinn was in too big of a rush to get here, so it’s somehow still on my face. With all the sweating I did today, I’m shocked it’s still in as good of shape as it is. Quinn better not have used anything that is permanent or stains skin. I can’t imagine showing up to a project on Monday with a slightly faded rainbow across my face. Though I’m sure Quinn would piss himself laughing if that happened.
We mingle for a while near the bar before I wander off and find a quieter spot to sip my drink and chat with Brian. I guess he needed a little social breather as well. We’re talking about all sorts of random things, and then the conversation takes a turn to the spicy side.
“Have you ever hooked up in public?”
I choke on my drink, and his eyes get big.
“You have! Tell me!”
“I hooked up with a girl in the private bottle service bathrooms on New Year’s Eve.”
“What?”
The shock on his face tells me that he probably didn’t even notice I left long enough for something like that to happen.
“When I went to say hi to Quinn, a girl spilled her drink on me, and we went to the bathroom to clean it. One thing led to another, I was shirtless. I don’t know, it just happened.” I shrug and take another sip of my drink.
“Quinn said you were boring, but boy, was he wrong. What else have you done, Mr. Dirty Pants?”
“First off, it was my shirt that got dirty.” I wink at him in an attempt to cover up my bad joke. Thankfully, he laughs. “What do you want to know? A few more of these, and I may be spilling all my secrets to you.” I lift my drink up. The drinks here are strong, and I am definitely not driving home tonight.
Right as he’s about to say something to me, Quinn walks up to us and sits on the arm of Brian’s chair. “What are we talking about over here?”
“Your brother was just telling me how he fucked a girl in the bathroom on New Year’s Eve.”
Quinn’s jaw drops, and his eyes get big. “You did not tell me that.”
“We didn’t fuck, we just fooled around. And I didn’t tell you because it never came up.”
Brian leans in like he’s going to tell me a secret. “Honey, fooling around, fucking, sex, whatever you want to call it. It’s all the same to gay people. That's a very hetero thing to say.”
I hadn’t really thought about it like that. But I guess what we did would be considered sex if we were both women.
“Then, in that case, yes, I had sex in the bathroom. But not the public one with stalls. It was a private one.”
Quinn puts his hand over his mouth to fake a gasp. “You dirty dog. I’m so proud of you. But I’m still mad you didn’t tell me.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and leans onto Brian’s shoulder .
“Was that the first girl after her ?” He puts emphasis on ‘her’ as if I’m supposed to know who he’s talking about.
But the truth is, I do know. He means Lou.
Brian perks up at the sound of more potential tea about to be spilled.
“Yeah it was.” I nod slowly, my face neutral.
“You’ve gotten some since then, right?” Brian asks it like he’s concerned for my well-being.
I run my hand over the back of my neck because I know they’re going to freak out at my answer.
“Actually, no. I haven’t.”
Shock and confusion are written all over both their faces. But it’s Quinn who pipes up. “So you’re telling me that you just ‘fooled around” with that girl in the bathroom, which means you haven’t gotten your dick wet in over six months!”
“Seven, actually.”
They both obnoxiously gasp as if I just told them I never brush my teeth.
“Seriously, guys. That’s not that long.” I’m ready to move on from this conversation.
Brian leans over and puts his hand on my knee. “Sam, we need to get you laid.”
“No, you don’t. But you can get me another drink.” I lift my drink up and rattle the ice in my empty glass.
Brian and Quinn look at each other, having a stare-off. Eventually, Brian gets up, grabs all our empty glasses, and heads toward the bar. I didn’t actually expect him to get me one, but I appreciate it.
“Thank you, Brian.”
Quinn plops down into the chair Brian was previously occupying and looks at me. “Sam, I’m worried about you. ”
This time, there is a little less joking in his tone and a dash of actual concern.
“Quinn, I promise you I’m fine. With Jacob and everything, I just really haven’t been prioritizing that part of my life. Plus, I went a whole year without sex prior to her . So it’s not anything new. You know I’ve been busy.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t want you to blink, and you’re a 30-year-old born-again virgin.”
I laugh so hard my eyes start to water, and Quinn laughs right along with me.
“I promise I won’t let that happen.”
“Good.”
Brian is back already with our drinks, and I thank him again as I take mine out of his hand.
“What did I miss?”
Quinn takes a sip of his drink and rests an ankle on his knee. “Sam here has promised to get laid tonight.”
I glare at him. “I did not promise that,” I say sternly.
Brian turns to Quinn and says, “And how the hell is he supposed to find a girl at this party who likes straight men?”
We look around, suddenly remembering we’re at a Pride party. The odds of that happening are very slim. We all burst out laughing, and again, my eyes are watering.
Not long after, Quinn and Brian hit the dance floor. I chose to hang out here for a while longer. Every now and then, a new person sits down to relax for a second, then leaves to go dance or mingle again.
One person sits down that I recognize as Daniel, the host of the party. I lean closer to him and yell over the music, “Great party. Thanks again for the invite.”
He looks over and recognizes me. He stands up and moves over a few seats to sit next to me so we can hear each other better .
“It turned out great, didn’t it? Quinn seems to be having a fun time. It’s funny to see him on the dance floor instead of behind his table.”
I nod. Those are two different versions of Quinn. He takes his DJing very seriously and doesn’t drink much when he’s working. He gets really zoned in on what he’s doing, and it’s like the dance floor doesn’t even exist. He’s not one of those DJs who is constantly talking on the mic and getting people hyped up. His mixes do that for him.
“So what do you do for work, Sam.”
We still have to talk loudly to hear each other, but at least we don’t have to scream. “I run a small landscaping business. Quinn actually works for me during the busy season, which is most of the warm months.”
“I didn’t know that.” He eyes Quinn, scanning him up and down as he moves around the dance floor. “Say, I need someone to redo the landscaping around one of my vacation homes. Send me your portfolio, and I’ll consider you for the job.” He reaches into the inside pocket of his neon pink suit jacket and pulls out a business card.
“That would be great. I’ll send it over right away. I’d be happy to come out any time and give you a bid for the project.” I take it from him, my hand shaking a little with excitement. Getting a client like him is an incredible opportunity; it would open so many doors for me.
He smiles, and as he’s about to say something, we’re interrupted by a girl. She runs up to Daniel and puts her hand on his shoulder. He looks back and says, “Hello, darling.”
She leans down and says something in his ear. I don’t think she’s trying to be secretive; it’s just really loud in here. When she pulls her face away, I hear him say, “Yeah, that’s fine, just lock it up when you’re done.”
I immediately recognized her purple hair. It’s B, Lou’s little sister.
She runs off without acknowledging me. I don’t think she knows who I am then I remember I have a giant rainbow painted on my face, making my features a little harder to see.
My heart races, and I glance around, looking for Lou. She has to be here, right? They do everything together. I want to throw up from feeling so many emotions right now. Do I go look for her? Should I just sit here and hope she comes over?
Then, the most obvious choice dawns on me. I lean over and ask Daniel, “That girl, was that Briella Blake?”
“Sure was. She’s my assistant and a damn good one. Do you know her? That was rude of her not to say hello if you do.” He turns, looking to where B just ran off to, but she’s long gone.
“No, I’ve never met her, but I know her sister, Lou. Do you know if she’s here tonight?”
“I don’t think so. B didn’t have me put her on the list. I think she’s studying or something responsible like that.”
My heart sinks, and I sag back into my chair.
“Gotcha. Just curious.” I smile at him to hide the fact that I’m dying on the inside.
I go round and round with myself, debating if I should find B and ask how Lou’s doing. I also debate just texting Lou and asking myself. I can use seeing B at this party as my excuse to check in.
No, Sam, stop that. That’s not fair to her.
I ended things pretty abruptly, and the more I think about it, the more I realize she may have been hurt by it. Because I know I am .
I’m sure she’s moved on by now, and hearing from me would likely just annoy her. Plus, if I talked to her again, I’d feel like I owe her more of an explanation, and I don’t want to tell her about Jacob.
People get really weird when you tell them your sibling died, and even more so when you tell them he did it to himself.
I try to wipe away the thoughts of Lou because there's no use dwelling on it. What's done is done. I screwed up my chances and have no one else to blame but myself.
LOUISA
I open up a snap from B, and it’s of her dancing with Daniel at his Pride party. B begged me to go, but I honestly wasn’t feeling up to it. I used studying for my licensure exam as an excuse since that should be what I’m doing. The date of the exam is quickly approaching, and I have really been slacking on studying.
I thought this year was supposed to be a fresh start for me and that things would start looking up again. Unfortunately, over the past several months, I’ve done quite the opposite. B’s been gone for work a lot, and I’ve been extremely lonely. It’s made studying, or any task for that matter very difficult.
I forced myself to stay home tonight in hopes that I would get through the study material. I’m only about a quarter of the way through and have a long way to go, so I pour myself another cup of coffee in hopes that it’ll help.
Once my exam is over, I can relax. That is until I start studying for the next one. At this point, it seems like I’m never going to get to the finish line, and I’m already so exhausted. I already feel like a failure.
I send back a picture of me studying. I lock my phone again and shove it to the other side of my desk so I’m not tempted to check it.