Chapter 36 #2
Back in Hartwood, ours was littered with bills, papers we thought might be important, and a fruit bowl filled with good intentions and mealy pears. But Sebastian’s was untouched, perfect just like him.
The thought turned my saliva bitter.
Mason pushed me away with a firmness I’d never seen from her.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” she warned with a quiver in her voice.
And that caused me to pause.
“I’m going to touch you. You’re my wife,” I reminded her.
Her chest heaved with uneven breaths. “You brought drugs around my kids.”
The room narrowed. For a second, my brain produced nothing but a long, hollow echo where an answer should've been, and my throat tightened.
“I mean, if you want to be technical, I brought drugs around my kids.” Despite Rosie being a little carrot top, just like her biological father, I was the one listed on the birth certificate.
And, to get technical, I was Jasper and Juniper’s only parent.
“Plus, I kept them wayyyy too high for them to reach.”
Mason’s jaw tensed, and I realized, despite my completely rational line of thought, she was still maybe a little mad.
“I will drop down onto my knees and grovel at your feet if you forgive me right now,” I said, only half joking.
Mason’s face went small as she stared at me as if I’d told her I hated her. Then she barked out a broken laugh, one that rapidly slid into sobs.
My world seemed to tilt, but I stayed in place.
“You–” Mason cut herself off with a heavy swallow before resting a hand back on the counter, as if she needed that support to stay upright. “I promised myself the second I found out I was pregnant with Rosie, that I would break the cycle.”
“What cycle?” I scoffed.
Rosie was the most spoiled baby I’d ever met. She had more love and toys than anyone would ever know what to do with.
“I grew up surrounded by parents who were too high or drunk to give a fuck about me, and surrounded by people who did terrible things, Lucian.” My name fell off her tongue with a barbed tone.
I shrank back a little, suddenly feeling guilty.
“That’s because you’re a good mom,” I mumbled, head tilted toward the ground.
“Am I?” She challenged, stepping closer. “Because like twelve hours ago you told me how shitty of a parent I was.”
I chewed my cheek, unable to come up with a good response that wasn’t I lashed out because you hurt me.
“And,” she continued, now pacing back and forth. “I found out that the four people I’ve trusted more than anything, I shouldn’t trust! Not with my kids, not with me, not with anything!”
“You can trust me,” I said softly, fully ready to offer to let her force me into random piss tests.
Mason barked out one wry laugh.
“Can I?” She scoffed. “Lucian, I don’t know what the fuck you did, whether it was mess with my birth control or poke holes in all the condoms, but I know, in my gut, that you’re why I’m pregnant again.”
I looked up just in time to see her hand drop to her stomach.
“Is that a bad thing? You love being a mom.”
Her brows raised as she looked at me as if I were stupid, and to be fair… I was.
“Lucian, I almost died when I was pregnant with Rosie.” She pointed at her chest. “And it should have been my choice to get pregnant again, not one you made for me.”
My mouth went dry, and I fisted my hands to hide their shaking.
“I just… I wanted to make you stay.” My voice cracked as tears I didn’t deserve to shed filled my eyes.
“And I would have.” Sadness pearled along Mason’s lower lashes. “But now I am so fucking hurt and confused.”
Mason sniffled, rubbing the heels of her hands against her eyes. My heart begged me to rush to her, to say the right string of words to make everything okay. But my feet wouldn’t move, and the lump in my throat threatened to choke me if I even thought about speaking.
“And every single part of me wants to just forget everything that’s happened in our family over the last two weeks–especially because I don’t want to lose any of you guys.
Lucian, I love all of you more than I can say.
” Mason placed her hand on her chest as if that was the only thing that could hold her crumbling heart together.
“But I feel like I’m failing my children by not leaving, and I feel so fucking selfish.
” She choked on the word and took a deep breath. “I’m just like my mom.”
Somehow, Mason seemed to shrink as she said that, and slowly, I shook my head.
“You are nothing like Holly.”
“I am choosing partners over my children.” Her words came out angry, but I knew the second her shoulders slumped forward, she wasn’t mad at me. “I’m just like my mom, and you’re just like my dad.”
A few choked sobs erupted from her lips, and she responded by clamping a hand over her mouth.
She thought I was just like her dad. James Albright, the frontman for Necrotica. A man who chose his vices over his child and pushed her onto anyone who would raise her. And, as much as I wanted to argue, when she boiled it down to the simplest comparison, Mason was right.
I’d chosen getting high over spending time with Jas and Juni.
I’d gotten high and let that sour the way I talked to Mason.
I scratched my temple before dragging a hand down my face, jaw open just slightly. My gaze unfocused as I took a deep breath, not daring to exhale. I was just like James Albright, and not in a good way.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, snapping myself out of my haze before reaching for my wife. “Mason, I’m–”
The second my hand hit her shoulder, she shoved me off and pushed past me before heading out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” I asked, turning to follow her.
“Stop!” she snapped, heading up the steps before tossing me a half-hearted look over her shoulder. “Don’t follow me. I’m going to bed.”
“But, you were hungry, Mason. For the love of God, just come sit down.”
Her knuckles blanched as she tightened her grip on the banister. For a beat, I thought she’d turn back. Maybe she’d sit down and let me make her instant ramen, or french fries, or something disgusting like a bowl of pickles and ice cream. Whatever she wanted, I would do.
But instead, she slowly shook her head, like she was tired in ways sleep could never fix.
“No, I’m going to bed, and that’s final.”
I froze as I watched her vanish up the steps, both because I had no idea where she thought she was going–Sebastian and Cam were in the master suite, Sophia and I were sharing the upstairs guest room, and the twins were downstairs on air mattresses in a formerly empty room–and because I was torn between the desire to chase after her, to not leave this unfixed, but I was so afraid I’d make it worse.
So, I just stood at the bottom of the steps, still as a statue, hoping that if I thought about how sorry I was for long enough, maybe she’d get the message.