3. Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Laura
J ax is late. Later than normal, and I keep checking my watch. He’s never on time, and I know he drags himself out of the house. For me. Even if he’s late, at least he does it for me.
For the fifth time in fifteen minutes, I glance at the time, just like everyone else is doing. I know they are. He should be here by now, and everyone knows it. I can feel the eyes of our friends on me. The ones who don't fully support our relationship, let alone engagement. But, they support Jax, so they're here.
Pitying eyes. That’s what they all have. It’s how they’ve always looked at me. Poor Laura without any friends. Poor Laura who doesn’t have a boyfriend. Well, guess what? I’ve got the best of both worlds now. A best friend and a lover about to be my husband. Finally.
"Is he showing up?" asks Benji Lang.
It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes in pure disgust. He's one of Jax's best friends, and the one I despise the most. Not that I can tell Jax that .
Jax's brother, Seth, looks around the room. He’s a handsome man, much like his brother, but he’s the discount Jax. The one you go for if you can’t have the real thing, and the one I almost tried to entice. "If he was coming, he'd be here by now, right? This was supposed to start over an hour ago."
"He'll be here," I snap, pushing the piece of my hair that falls in my face away with more force than necessary. Not even my hair’s cooperating with me tonight.
I can sense my curls already losing shape, and I don't think I could feel any warmer if there was an actual spotlight on me right now. It’s like I'm in the hot seat, and it's melting away the hours I spent this afternoon on my hair and face. Give it another twenty minutes, and the facade of my confidence will melt away, too.
"Are you okay?" my best friend asks as she walks up to me.
Seeing Natalie Gill with her charcoal hair and larger frame makes me feel instantly at ease. Nothing is ever that bad when Natalie's around, and I let her pull me away from the crowd, turning my back to everyone.
"I'm scared he's changed his mind," I whisper, once we’re out of earshot. Only she will ever hear these fears come out of my mouth. She's the only one who understands.
"Why?"
"Are you kidding me, Nat? It took five years for him to even think about moving on from his precious Allie. She will always have his heart. I mean, I was there the night he planned to propose. I helped him organize that elaborate party, and all I got was a box handed to me and him saying we should probably get married . I acted like it was everything I'd ever wanted, but deep down we both know we're both settling. Jax is settling for me, and I’m settling for a man I love who’s in love with someone else."
Her hands grab my shoulders and shake me. "You deserve this. He's not settling. If he didn't think he could spend his life with you, he wouldn't have given you a ring. He's probably just gun-shy about big proposals. Remember, his last girlfriend disappeared before he could do it."
Nodding, I know she's right. "That's true. I'd be scared, too."
"If he's running late, we both know it's for a good reason. He's not the kind of man to drag his heels just to avoid showing up to his own engagement party. Something probably came up at work. Or he's stuck behind an accident. You know Jax. He'd be the first one to jump out and help someone just because that's who he is."
I smile and think about the man I'm going to call my husband. The man I've loved since I was a kid. "That's true. His compassionate nature is why I fell in love with him in the first place. Before you came around, he was my only friend. He was kind, and he didn't care that other people thought I was weird. He still spent time with me."
"Exactly. Plus, look at you. You're hot. No man walks away from a woman who looks like you."
"I try so hard. I got the breast implants because I wanted men to notice me. And some did. It’s not like I didn’t have plenty of sex before meeting Jax, but he’s the only one I’ve ever felt a connection with. And I know he feels it, too. The first time we made love, he cried."
"See?"
I feel a little better as I look down at my green dress. It shows off a good amount of cleavage, something I know Jax appreciates, and it flares just enough that I can hike it up and let him take me in the bathroom later after we share how much we love each other with our friends and family. I opted not to wear panties just for that. We often times have quickies in bathrooms when we're out. That's how much he wants me. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Though, it’s pretty much always a quickie.
"I can't help but feel like maybe we should have done what he wanted. That we should have just eloped to Vegas. This whole thing—” I turn and wave my hand towards the party “—didn't really excite him."
A few people give me strange looks, specifically Sage Hatlin. Allie's best friend has been against Jax and me dating from the very beginning. And the only reason she's still in the picture is because she's the only link to Allie that Jax has left. He'll keep Sage around no matter how rude she is to me. It’s one of the downsides to Jax's caring and compassionate demeanor—he lets everyone get away with everything.
"You put in the work to help him get past Allie's disappearance, and you deserve this, Laura. You should be able to have exactly what you want. And you've been dreaming about your wedding since you were ten." Natalie’s words pull me out of my thoughts.
She's right. I know she’s right. Even before I knew who I wanted the groom to be, I knew what I wanted for my wedding. Not much has changed since that dreaming little girl in her room, lining up her stuffed animals as her bridal party and guests.
"I just... Do you have any idea how hard it is to live every day with Allie's ghost? Once we started dating, he wouldn't let me beyond the entryway of that house. Because it's Allie's house. He's lived there longer than she ever did, but she's still everywhere. I'm talking pictures and knickknacks. And so much fucking red. Even that damn front door is red."
"He just hasn't had the push to get rid of it. "
I roll my eyes. "I bet he still has her clothes in the closet. Waiting. Like she's going to come home for them. And when he listed the house after we talked about how silly it would be to keep both mine and his, he spent two days completely alone and probably drunk. Two days. He refused to talk to me, Nat. It's so frustrating and painful to know I'll never be as good as her in his eyes. I can't compare to his precious Allie."
"You don't have to. Who's the woman he takes to bed at night?"
Scoffing, I shake my head and cross my arms under my chest, threatening to show off my nipples thanks to the low cut neckline of the dress. "Sure, he fucks me, but he doesn't stay over. No, after he's done with me, he goes back to his house. To Allie's house."
"You're not satisfied with your sex life?"
"I used to hear Allie and Sage talking about how Jax could hardly keep his hands off her. How they'd have sex multiple times a day. And I try, Nat. I try so damn hard. I've let him do anything and everything to me. I have outfits and toys. We've done everything. And I mean everything . But he still doesn't seem that interested. Not like he was with her. Sure, he makes sure I get off because he's a gentleman that way, but he's somewhere else most of the time. He's not my Jax when we're together."
She smirks. "You like the weird stuff, don't you?'
"Of course, I do!" I hiss. "But it doesn't take away from the fact that Jax doesn't seem to care either way. As long as he gets to stick his dick in me, he’s fine."
"Come on."
Okay, maybe that's not completely true. "It feels like that sometimes. I mean, sure, as a guy, when I brought the “A” word into the conversation, he was more than interested. But after it was done, he held me for a few minutes, making sure I was okay, but then he still left. Didn't even spend the night. He hasn't asked for it since, and we only do it if I suggest it. I know he enjoys it, but he almost seems... I don't know. Ashamed? After we fuck, it's like he's going to be smacked with a ruler by a nun or something."
"Is he Catholic?"
"Not the point."
She shrugs and chuckles. "Maybe he has such strong feelings that it freaks him out. I mean, you can't blame him for wrestling with his conscience. At times, it must feel like he's betraying Allie, especially when he doesn't know what happened to her. That has to eat at him, never knowing if she's alive out there somewhere, or if he's going to get the call that her bones have been found. But once you're married, you'll be living under the same roof. He'll be going to bed with you every night, just like he did with Allie. And I'm willing to bet you'll have the same issue she did with him not able to keep his hands off you. Just look at yourself; you have the most gorgeous tits I've ever seen. Every man's dream."
Natalie does know how great they are. She's seen them more than once, and she's the only woman I've ever experimented with. I look down at myself again, and I know I look hot in my dress. But Jax always tells me how much he loves red. Red was Allie's favorite color, and it makes me look like a rodeo clown with my copper hair.
"Maybe I should go bigger. Make it really worth his while, you know? He loves tits. And Allie was a D cup. I'm a C, but I could go bigger. Maybe I should go to a Double D. Even bigger than Allie was."
"Only if you want to, but I highly doubt he'd complain once you heal. I mean, he's a guy. Bigger is better when it comes to tits, right?"
My phone chimes, but I don’t check it; it’s probably a congratulations text from someone who couldn’t attend the party tonight. I know it’s not Jax texting to say he's late. He'd call me. But as more phones chime around us, it’s obvious a group message was sent out, and I look at my phone screen out of pure curiosity. The moment I see Jax's name, my heart sinks.
Everyone gasps, and I turn around to see Sage and Jax's family running for the door. Benji and Drew Mason quickly follow behind. "What's going on?" I ask no one in particular.
Deciding to look at the text, I gasp while more people run for the exit as if the building is on fire.
"What is it?" Natalie asks.
"It's a group text from Jax," I say and fall against the wall as I read the two words on my screen that threaten to end everything that I’ve put so much time into these past seven years.
"What does it say?"
The world shakes at my feet. " Allie's back ."