20. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Jax
W hen I step inside the house, I set my lunchbox down on the table and listen for Allie. She and Sage had an appointment earlier today, but she should be home by now.
Noise sounds from the office, and as I walk closer to the room, my stomach sinks. I know that noise. Those sounds. They're the sounds of Allie and me making love. The grunting and panting. The moaning and groaning. The unmistakable sounds of sex.
Stepping through the doorway, my eyes widen as Allie looks up at me from behind the desk.
"I can explain—"
"This is what I like?" Allie asks, cutting me off.
She doesn't look horrified, so I take that as a good enough sign. But I can't read the expression on her face. "How—"
"Sage told me about them." I'm about to turn around and give Sage a piece of my mind, but Allie adds, "I was curious."
"Curious? "
"She realized she probably shouldn't have told me, but it came up. I was worried the cops saw these, and she assured me that you would've made it impossible unless they knew to look for them. They were surprisingly easy to find, though. You've watched them recently."
I try to find a way to explain. To make her not think I'm a sick creep. "Allie—"
"You come in here when you need to find a release, don't you? You pull up one of these videos, and that's what you get off to. Do I have that right?"
Damn, she's good, even though she doesn't remember anything about us. "Yes."
"You don't have any of you and Laura that I can find, though."
"You won't find anything because it doesn't exist. You're the only one, Allie." She doesn't say anything for a long while, and I can't take it any longer. "Are you completely disgusted with me?"
Shaking her head, she locks eyes with me. "No."
"You're not?"
"You could've come in here and decided to watch porn. Well, I guess you did, but it was of us rather than strangers with very augmented bodies and unrealistic stamina."
I breathe a sigh of relief. "I didn't want to freak you out by telling you—"
"Show me?"
"Show you? Show you what?"
"What it's like."
Her words could mean so many things right now; I have to tread carefully. "What are you asking for, Allie?"
"I know you want this. Besides the very obvious state—” her eyes flit down at my groin, and she wets her lips with her tongue “—you’re left in each night, I can see it in the way you look at me. I know you want me. Since the night we kissed, I’ve known."
My breathing hitches, and I feel my cock straining against my fly. "It's still too soon. I can wait."
"I know you can," she says with a smile. "But I want this, too. I want to know what I thought when we did this. What I felt."
Her finger points to the monitor, but I shake my head. "We can't do that. Not right away."
"It looks like I had a lot of fun."
We made a few videos, so I'm not sure which one in particular she's talking about. "You definitely had a lot of fun, but that was after many years of learning what each other liked," I assure her. "But it's so soon."
"Not for you."
Groaning, I close my eyes. "But it is for you."
I catch her eyes looking at the desk when I open mine, and she looks disappointed. "Oh, okay. I understand."
"Clearly, you don't because that was just a front to make sure you really wanted this," I say, making my way around the desk and kissing her.
She wraps her arms around my neck, and I lift her up to stand. Once she’s on her feet, I slide her skirt up to her hips and slip her panties down her legs. Our lips don't part as I move her to sit with her bare ass on the top of the desk, and I feel her smile against my lips.
Pulling away finally, I move to kneel in front of her, the tightening fabric against my groin making me ache in both pain and desire. "Promise you'll tell me if you don't feel comfortable?"
"I promise," Allie says, her voice barely a whisper as she nods her head .
I lift her trembling legs up to my shoulders, and I’m immediately gifted with the scent of her arousal. She apparently gets off the same way I do on watching us make love, and it reassures me she's ready for this. The worry she was doing this strictly for me nagged at me, but as my tongue tastes her sweetness for the first time in so long, I know it's not just me who wants this. She's more than ready, and she jumps as I swirl my tongue around her clit.
"Jax," she moans, and I slide my hands up to cup her chest. "Oh, Jax."
Her breasts aren't as full as they used to be, but they're filling out with each passing day. She used to always tell me that when women lost weight, it normally came from their tits, and that made her reluctant to lose weight. She wanted me to have what I always loved, but she also knew I'd love her no matter what her size was.
Sliding her hand into my hair, she helps guide me to the rhythm she needs as though I don't know. She used to do that early on, when we first started fooling around, to help me learn what she liked. After the first year, she could be tied up, and I'd still know exactly what she wanted. Needed. Craved.
One of my hands moves back down her body to toy at her entrance, and I slide two fingers inside with more ease than I expected, even with her arousal.
"Yes, do that," she pants.
"You're so ready," I whisper against her wet skin, my fingers sliding in and out of her as I take her clit back into my mouth.
The moment I rub my teeth on her sensitive skin, I'm rewarded with her thighs pressing on either side of my face. Just like she always did. My girl's still in there. I know she is. And it takes everything in me not to just take her right here, right now. I know I need to ease into this. Show her how amazing it can be before we get more adventurous .
"Oh, yes, yes, yes!" Allie screams, her body trembling against my mouth.
Getting her off was never difficult, and it fills me with happiness knowing that hasn't changed, either. As she loosens the clutch of her legs against my face, I pull back, sliding my fingers out of her to look up at her. "Happy?"
"Wow," she pants. "That was... wow."
Standing, I let her reach out and feel my desire for her. "I need to be inside you, baby."
"Inside me where?" she asks, and the mischievous look in her eye takes my breath away. That's Allie. My Allie.
Before I can react, she unbuttons my jeans and frees me from them, sliding them down my legs. Her mouth wraps around my tip, but when she takes me into her mouth, it doesn't feel right. Not the way she used to do it, and I don't even know how to begin to describe what she used to do.
"No, baby," I say, pulling out of her mouth. "I need you ."
She looks a little disappointed, but I'll quickly change that. Stepping out of my jeans, I lift her into my arms and carry her into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. She doesn't resist when I strip her nude, and I pull my polo over my head to match her nakedness.
She watches me as I climb onto the bed and spread her legs wider, my tip at her entrance. "What are you waiting for?" she asks.
"You're sure about this?"
"Get inside me, Jax," she orders, and I smile. "Now."
Again, Allie's back. Obeying her orders, I thrust inside her, making her gasp. "Yes, ma'am."
Moving my hips in the motion she likes, her hands reach up to pull my face to hers, kissing me as I grind against her, loving the feeling of being in her wet heat. It surprises me when her hips roll with every thrust, and it honestly feels like she's relying on muscle memory. Her body moves exactly as it used to, and I love the way she pulls away from my mouth to stare into my eyes as she makes desperate whimpering sounds.
"I'm so close," Allie pants, her hips shifting faster against my pelvis. "So close, Jax."
"You feel perfect," I mutter, driving long and deep inside her. With every hit, she whimpers, moving closer and closer to the edge of her orgasm.
"Jax, please," she begs, her eyes darker than they were in the office. "Please, please, please."
She clings to my biceps, and her nails dig into my skin as her back arches, pressing her hard nipples against my chest. I pick up speed, giving her what she begs for, and her pussy clenches around me, taking me with her as we both succumb to our orgasms, our bodies shuddering. I fill her, my eyes closing with the pleasure of finally being with her again, and when I open them, she lies beneath me with a quivering lip.
"What?" I ask and pull out of her, lying next to her as my cock falls limp against my leg. "What's wrong?"
The tears start, and she hurries to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. My heart aches, and I worry we went too far, too fast.
Jumping up, I walk into the bathroom, not bothering to knock, and find her sitting curled up on the bathmat in front of the bathtub. Tears stream down her face, and I feel like absolute shit.
"Allie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. We went too fast," I say and crouch in front of her. "Please don't cry."
"It's not that," she says and reaches out for my hand. "It was great. You're great. I know from what I saw this was very mild, but it was fun. "
I'm confused. "Why are you crying?"
"It's stupid," she says, avoiding my eyes.
"Not if it's upsetting you. Talk to me, baby. Please?"
Sniffling, she glances up at me as a fresh wave of tears starts. "I thought... I really thought when we finally made love that the memories would come back. There was a memory, a snippet of a memory, I guess, and I thought... I thought it would work. That it would bring me back to you."
I pull her into my arms and carry her back to the bedroom. Until now, I never realized how difficult it must be for her knowing nothing prior to the basement. "I love you. Just you. Whether the memories come back or not, I'm here. You're the only one I want to be with."
"I just... I want it all back. I don't want to be the one who doesn't know all these wonderful things from our past. I want to be the girl in the videos screwing your brains out. Making movies together to watch later while we screw each other's brains out some more. I want it all back. I don't want this dark void anymore."
I kiss her temple before pulling the blanket up over us as she shivers. "It's okay."
"It's not. You deserve Old Allie. I can't seem to give her to you."
"Allie, you are just you. Old or New, I love you. And I have faith the memories will come back. But if they don't, that's okay, too. We'll be okay. We'll start over, and that's just as much fun."
Sniffling, she nods. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Not making me feel crazy. Although I was about to lose my mind when it took you forever to push me over the edge. You know how to deny a girl, don't you?"
I laugh. "I'm sorry. "
"That was a lot of fun. How long until we can start doing what we did in those videos?"
Her tears stop, and I look down at her. "You think we should keep doing this?"
"I'm convinced this is the key to getting everything back. And considering how good this was, I am willing to make the sacrifice and fuck you a thousand times, if I need to."
I laugh, and she wraps her arms around my neck. "I'm grateful you're willing to make such a huge sacrifice."
"I know. Orgasms that I’m pretty positive make me leave my body as I shake in pleasure is a price I'm willing to pay, though."
Again, Allie. It's like she's back without knowing she's back. "I think I can make the sacrifice to give you amazing pleasure with my hands, mouth, and your favorite part of my body."
"You think that's my favorite part?"
"It's not?"
"I mean, I only got a small taste, but I think it was kind of okay."
Laughing, I roll her onto her back and kiss her neck. "Kind of okay?"
She giggles as I lavish attention on each of her breasts with my mouth. "Yeah, just okay. Oh! Oh, that's... I like that."
I nibble her nipple while I tug and twist the other between my fingers, and she bucks her hips against me. "You want more?"
"Yes," she pants. "I want it all."
That's exactly what I want to hear as I move up to slide into her again, this time more like we used to. If she's right, and sex is the trigger, then maybe we can get her back to us sooner. I'll quit my job and spend all day making love to her if that's what it takes.
Even though I say it's fine if she never remembers, I can't fathom the thought of her never fully coming back to me. I love her, and I'll be with her no matter what, but I miss my Allie. My girl who knew exactly what I thought and wanted without me ever needing to say a word. I want my girl back.