9. Chapter 9 #2
“Serre moi fort.” Hold me tight. Her command was so sleepy her words slurred slightly. But I was happy to oblige.
I pulled her in as close as I could, and she let out a contented sigh. For a moment, I wondered if this was just her wanting my affection or if this was something with her alleged autism. My head sunk into my pillow as I stared at the ceiling. If she was actually autistic, why wouldn’t she tell me?
It wasn’t something to be ashamed of… but the second I started thinking about that, I thought about my conversation with Soph. Would I have even believed Mason if she told me sooner? Hell, I wasn’t sure I entirely believed it now.
The sounds of footsteps in the hallway distracted me from my thoughts. I turned my head slightly to see the light from outside spilling under my door. After a moment, the knob twisted, and Sebastian stepped in.
He carefully shut the door before turning to face me.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
“Because you have my girlfriend.” There was a subtle, unexpected lisp as he defended himself. “I’m not leaving a serial killer–”
“Shh!” I warned as Mason stirred. The last thing I needed was for him to plant any seeds in her head.
It was hard to make out because of the darkness, but I was pretty sure Sebastian rolled his eyes at me.
He continued to plug a phone charger in near the nightstand closest to Mason.
Once that was done, he put the device on the stand and pulled a bottle of water out of his PJ pants before sliding into my bed .
I did my best to ignore his sudden intrusion, but his presence was like a constant itch in the back of my mind. Sebastian slipped his glasses off and placed them beside his phone and bottle of water before reaching for Mason’s hand and closing his eyes.
I envied just how comfortable he looked.
No part of me wanted to share a bed with him , and for a moment, I debated asking him to leave.
But then I remembered Sebastian claimed to know everything about Mason.
And while that wasn’t true anymore, seeing as he didn’t even know the name of my daughter, if Mason had something going on with her brain, he felt like a good source.
I leaned down to kiss Mason’s cheek. When her eyes stayed closed, and her breathing remained deep and even, I knew she was asleep enough for me to hold a conversation.
“Is Mae autistic?”
Sebastian’s eyes shot open.
“Mae, like the month?” He snorted.
There was that lisp again, what the fuck was that about? Never mind, it ain’t important.
I gestured to Mason. “Is she?”
Sebastian hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering between Mason and me. Eventually, he settled for looking at her. His face went impossibly soft with the type of love you could feel. I had no desire to be the object of his affection, but I could feel the warmth in his stare.
“Yeah, she is.” His admission was barely a whisper.
My heart sank a little, both from the guilt of not believing it and because she had hidden it from me. I was the father of her child. I should be the person she told everything… but it wouldn’t be right for me to demand that of her when I couldn’t do the same.
“Can I know why you’re asking?” Sebastian continued.
I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts before continuing. “Soph told me earlier–”
“And you didn’t believe her, did you? ”
I looked down before shaking my head, and Sebastian scoffed. Once again, I considered hitting him. Not hard, just enough to say I did…. Maybe hard.
“Look, as much as I’d love to see you dig your own grave, don’t tell Mason, you know,” he said.
My brow furrowed. “Why not?”
Wouldn’t it be better for her to know I know? When I read into it a little, everything on the internet said things about social difficulties, sensory issues, meltdowns, and a whole bunch of things that sounded easier to deal with if you had someone with you.
“Because she’s embarrassed,” he hissed.
The bitter truth in Sebastian’s words was enough to make my stomach churn. “Why would she be embarrassed?”
“Let me put this in a way that someone as stupid as you can understand: What does Mason do for a job?”
“... She’s a pop star?” Which was something I still had to wrap my head around.
“Exactly. She’s a pop star in an industry that rarely understands or accommodates differences like autism.
She’s spent her entire career hiding who she truly is, pretending to be someone she’s not just to fit in.
” Irritation crept into his tone. “Plus, Mason struggles with loud noises, and concerts are...?” He motioned for me to finish.
“... Loud?”
“ Good boy .” He cooed. “And while she’s okay with it in small doses, she’s playing to sold-out stadiums with tens of thousands of people all screaming her name. How do you think that feels?”
That’s all it took for the weight of Mason’s struggle to become all too real. “Overwhelming.”
Sebastian nodded. “Now, on top of that, add in the interviews, music videos, and social media. Because of all of that, Mason has mastered the art of appearing normal .” He added air quotes around normal.
“But, behind closed doors, she still has meltdowns that result in her crying uncontrollably and pulling her hair. ”
“If that got out, she’d be ridiculed for something she can’t control.”
“Now you’re getting it,” he complimented.
“Mason once told me that her meltdowns feel like she’s actually drowning.
Her brain goes into emergency mode, and she’s overwhelmed by literally every sensation in the world.
Everything is brighter and louder; even smells are stronger, and it feels like everything around her is just crumbling.
But, somehow, she holds everything in until she’s in a safe spot. ”
I looked down at the angel sleeping between us and swept her hair behind her ear. “I had no idea.”
“And that’s exactly how she wants it.”
Guilt gnawed at me as I realized just how little I knew about the woman I loved. It’s possible that she’d been suffering for her entire time here and never told me. God, I had to be the world’s worst partner.
“Now, if we’re done with this conversation, can I go to sleep?” His lisp was really starting to bug me.
“Why are you talking like that?”
Sebastian’s brows knit together.
“Like what?” His words were heavily laced with annoyance.
“The lisp.” I clarified. “Normally, when you speak, it’s really clear.”
Sebastian’s jaw clenched as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “If you must know, I have a retainer. I had braces as a teenager, and I still need to wear it at night.”
“Teenager, like early teens or just a few years ago?”
Sebastian was only twenty-three, and for all I knew, he could have been nineteen when he got his braces off.
“Teenager, as in it’s none of your business,” he spat.
I raised a hand in mock surrender. Sebastian shot me one last glare before closing his eyes.
I had a feeling that even if I talked to him, he wouldn’t talk back.
So, instead of wasting my time, I closed my eyes and snuggled close to Mason.
Hopefully, this night would go fast, we’d wake up early, and I could pretend tonight never happened.