25. Chapter 25 #2
Part of me considered slamming the door harder. I knew I had it in me to break his fingers, and I also knew I'd revel in the sound of his bones snapping, maybe even a startled scream. But then he'd probably tell Mason, and she'd finally see me for the monster I was.
So, instead of risking that, I let go of the door and turned to go relax on the couch. The squeaking of the door let me know that Cameron, unfortunately , followed me.
“Don't you have to ask permission before entering someone's home?” I challenged, patting my pockets to make sure I had my vape before crashing into the soft leather of my couch.
I kicked my feet onto the coffee table as he stared at me, confusion plain on his face.
“…I’m Canadian, not a vampire.”
Welp now was the time to make this moment less excruciating. I retrieved my pen from my pocket and placed the mouthpiece between my lips before breathing in.
“You’re a blood-hungry monster all the same.” I coughed, waving away the vapor as I did.
Cameron looked angry for a moment before hesitating, “…Are you smoking pot?”
“What, come to lecture me, Daddy ?” I mused, cradling my chin in my hand as I watched my intruder.
I thought for sure Cameron was going to tell me not to call him that. And as he got closer, I prepared to do it again just to piss him off.
“I just didn’t take you as the type…Can I sit?” He pointed to the armchair across from me .
I sat a little straighter under Cameron’s lack of anger. If he wasn’t here to remind me just how terrible my life was, why did he come to bother me?
“I tend not to be.” Despite cannabis now being legal in Maine, it was still a drug, and all drugs were bad. “It’s medicinal.”
I felt a little ashamed for having to admit that. I also had no idea why I was telling Cameron, of all people , any of this… maybe it was just to see how he’d react.
“What, is weed used to treat a terrible personality?” Cameron snorted.
It was clear he didn’t believe me. But, that meant I could make the moment incredibly awkward for him.
“PTSD,” I admitted, reveling in the way Cameron’s expression shifted as I did.
That was the ugly elephant in the room, the one no one wanted to talk about. It was easiest to stick me in the box of a psychopath . I killed people for a living, and after years of doing it, death stopped bothering me. No one wanted to acknowledge that I wasn’t always like this.
The undoubtedly rusty gears in Cameron’s head visibly turned as he stared me down. He first wore a cloak of confusion, but it fell to a halo of pity. His head tipped to the side, and he gave me a clenched-half smile.
Honestly, I expected him to fight me on the topic. But it was almost comforting that he didn't.
“How’d you get that?” he asked.
“You’re nothing if not bold, Cameron.” I rubbed the square of my jaw, debating on if I should tell him the ugly truth or a beautiful lie.
Something that made me seem more scary and less sympathetic. But, deep down, I wasn’t a frightening person, just a broken one.
“Can you keep a secret?” I laughed the second I realized how dumb that sounded. “Of course you can, you’ve had a secret identity almost as long as I’ve been alive.”
He smirked at my joke before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. Cameron’s eyes were eerily serious, but his face was judgment-free.
“You ain’t gotta tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just curious. ”
Cameron Cole wasn’t curious ; he was nosy. Usually, that was a reason not to talk to someone… but I also didn’t really have anyone else I could talk to about this stuff. Not without going to prison anyway.
“You know I killed Mason’s mom, right?”
He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I uh… yeah, that ain’t something you forget.”
“Would you like to know why I killed her?”
His hesitation was to be expected. But, after a moment, he nodded.
I took a deep breath to harden my nerves as I closed my eyes, preparing to relive some of the most stressful days in my life.
“At the beginning of my Ph.D program, I was a detective…. Well, I’m still a detective, I just… didn’t, you know .”
“Kill people?”
I never thought I’d see the day when Cameron finished my sentences, but I was almost glad he did.
“That… and I was stationed back in Portland while I worked on breaking down a sex trafficking ring.”
Saving people used to be my passion . I wanted to work on kidnapping cases and return the victims to their families.
And while I wasn’t with that sector of law enforcement for long, liberating sex trafficking victims was easily the most rewarding part of my career.
I liked feeling like a hero; like I made a difference, like the work I did mattered.
“And… I had caught wind that one of the ones in the area would target certain people if the money was right.” A chill ran down my spine as I thought about that.
“What’s that got to do with you killing Mason’s mom?” Cameron was beautifully oblivious to the connection, dumb to the fact that a parent could be as cruel as Holly Albright.
“Holly had money and a hatred of her daughter.”
Okay, so maybe hatred was a strong word. It was more envy on Holly’s end. Mason was beautiful, loved, and kind, all the things Holly hadn’t been for years. Her modeling career ended when Mason was born, and Holly blamed her daughter for that fact.
The disgusting puzzle pieces seemed to click as Cameron’s jaw dropped.
“You ain’t saying what I think you are… right ?” he stammered.
But I couldn't lie to him, not right now. “Holly paid close to fifty thousand dollars to have someone abduct Mason. So, I did what anyone in my situation would do–”
“And killed her?” he blurted.
My gaze narrowed. “No?”
God, why was everything murder with this one?
“I went to talk to her, to ask her to rescind her request, but… things went south.”
When I confronted Holly, I didn’t expect things to go well. I expected her to argue with me, and for me to threaten to arrest her. What I didn’t expect was for Holly to threaten my life.
“She pulled out a gun and pointed it at my head.” I shuttered as I closed my eyes. If I thought hard enough, I could still feel the barrel pressed between my eyebrows.
My bottom lip quivered and suddenly, breathing became a foreign concept. I pressed the mouthpiece of my vape between my lips and drew in another breath, using the cannabis to help quell memories that wouldn’t quite leave me alone. Still, even THC wasn’t enough to make me forget.
“I didn’t want to kill her.” My voice cracked, and my cheeks suddenly felt wet. “I was sixteen, and all I knew was I didn’t want to die.”
My palms covered my eyes as I hid from Cameron the best I could without moving. Letting him in was a terrible idea.
Looking back on the terrible night, I could have easily overpowered Holly. I could have knocked the gun away and handcuffed her. But it’s impossible to think rationally when confronted with your own mortality.
I sobbed into my hands, waiting for a sound other than my labored breathing. Eventually, the couch shifted, and a warm, calloused hand appeared on my back .
I looked up to see Cameron was disastrously close.
My lips tingled with a distant memory of his.
I’d never admit it, but I didn’t hate kissing Cameron.
His beard was soft and not at all like my ex-boyfriend’s.
Plus, I had a feeling that Cameron would give me a choice when it came to if I touched his penis or not. That was something Alex never did.
“You murder people for a living, why did killing someone like Holly bother you?” Cameron’s question halted my impure thoughts: Thank God.
My lips pressed into a thin line as I realized that he might not understand my situation as well as I hoped.
There was no way to save my dignity and tell him I got caught.
He’d never understand what it was like to walk into work after all that and be told it was either sell your soul to hunt murderers or rot in prison.
So, I searched for the best way to describe what happened whilst omitting the terrible truth.
I drew in a breath as I gathered the courage to look at him.
“Monsters aren’t born…. They’re made.”