44. Chapter 44
Lucian
My hands shook as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I was fucked. So, completely, helplessly fucked. It didn’t take a genius to know I was in over my head. Getting sober was hard enough the first time, but I did it. But this time… every night I promised myself that I’d get clean tomorrow. Then, each day, tomorrow never came .
At least I had the sense to not drive with anyone in the car while I was using, but that caused me to miss Mason’s appointment.
Sure, I could have asked her to drive, but she would have said why and I’d have to tell her that I high as a fucking kite, and she’d tell Sophia, and Sophia would ship me off to rehab, and I’d miss Rosie being born.
I couldn’t miss Rosie being born.
This was fine, as soon as she was here and Mason was settled, I’d go to rehab. For now? I just needed to make sure my secret stayed hidden. I stood on my tiptoes as I fished around on the shelf above the mirror. Eventually, I found the edge of a plastic bag.
I pulled it down, and counted the white pills I had left.
Four and a half. This would be enough to get me through today and half of tomorrow.
After that, I’d need to go to the shop and see if Sera’s dealer would be willing to sell me a few more.
As long as I could prevent withdrawals, no one would ever know what I was doing.
I opened the bag and pulled out the half pill before popping it in my mouth. I winced as it stuck in my throat, but that was a small price to pay for the wave of euphoria soon to wash over me.
I slipped the bag back into its hiding spot and put the hand towel we never used over the top before washing my hands and heading out.
Mason was on partial bed rest right now, which meant she needed to be sitting or laying down as much as possible. Because of that, I got her settled in my room. Until five minutes ago, we were working on songs together, then anxiety crept in.
When I returned to the room, Mason was propped up in bed with a mountain of pillows, she had one of my guitars in her lap and a notebook off to the side.
She looked up as I entered, a smile tugging at one corner of her lips. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve her. Fuck. I really don't deserve her.
“You okay?” Her voice was gentle, wrapping around my shoulders as I tossed myself onto the bed beside her.
“Yeah, I just needed some air.” My gaze lazily shifted to her. “Writing songs is hard. Are you sure I need to do this?”
Her laugh soothed what remained of my nerves as a warm wave of relief washed over me.
“You’ll be glad you did. I hated singing the songs written for me,” she said, her nose crinkling like she tasted something gross.
“Yeah, but you’re good at it… Can’t you just write my songs too? You know what I’m like.”
“Yeah, but for one.” She held up a finger. “We’re different genres and two.” She added another. “I’m only good because I’ve had practice.”
I groaned, threading my fingers into my hair. “Can I at least hear what you’re working on? For inspiration?”
“No, because it’s not ready. ”
Oh, now I absolutely had to look. Instantly, I lunged over her to grab the book, but I miscalculated just how easy it would be to get over Mason.
So, instead of snatching the book, I tumbled off the bed and landed with a loud thud .
Realistically, that should have hurt, but I had one pressing concern.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” I blurted as I scrambled to my feet.
Mason looked startled for a moment before she burst out laughing. “Am I okay? Lucian, you just fell on your face, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, did I get you?” I pointed to her belly. “I felt my arm bump into something.”
“You hit the guitar.” She snorted, holding up the instrument.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I crawled back on the bed and rested my cheek on Mason’s bump before profusely apologizing to Rosie.
Mason’s hand stroked my hair as I let myself relax into her. Between the scare of hurting Mason and the drugs pumping through my veins, my limbs started to feel like jello and my brain started to fog.
“I want another baby.”
Mason paused, and I realized I said that out loud .
“…You realize that one: I’m pregnant, so that has to wait. And two: you have to touch me if you want to make another baby, which you’ve been terrible at recently.” The touch of humor stopped her from sounding mad. “Plus, we need to wait until after the wedding.”
“Why? We’re already married. It’s not like we’ll breed a bastard.”
“You’re the one who’s adamant that we need a ceremony before we tell everyone; I refuse to look like this at our wedding.”
She gestured to her body, and I really didn’t see the problem.
“What? Sexy as fuck?”
Maybe it was just me, but there was something inherently irresistible about a pregnant woman’s body, specifically Mason’s.
“Lucian, Cameron squeezed my tit during sex last night and it leaked ,” she said with the cutest look of disgust .
Instantly, my blood rushed to the wrong head. Last night when she tried to sleep with me, my high had started to wear off, and I wanted to go to bed before the worst of withdrawal set in, but now?
“Yeah, and that’s sexy as fuck.”
Mason rolled her eyes, and I took that as an insult. So, I did what any completely rational person would do.
I put the guitar on the floor and pinned her to the bed. At first a squeal of her laughter filled the room. But, after a moment of prolonged eye contact, we both went silent. Her chest softly heaved as we sized each other up.
“Well… are you going to do something to me?”
I shouldn’t. She’s too big and, right now, I’m not coordinated enough. But… Right now it felt like I had been lost in the desert for a week, and she was a cool bottle of water ripe with condensation.
I leaned in close enough for my breath to mingle with hers.
“That depends.” My lips brushed hers as I spoke, and it took every ounce of willpower to not devour her when given the chance. “Are you going to be nice to my wife?”
“I am your wife,” she said innocently.
“I know. That’s the point.”
I tried to lift an arm so I could trail a hand down her cheek, but I wobbled too much for my liking and decided to fall to my side instead. But, I did pull her with me.
She pressed her nose to mine. “What’s gotten into you? You’re a mess right now.”
Her fingers brushed against my cheek bone before I pressed my lips to hers. I wanted to deepen the kiss before catching up on the much needed head sessions I’d been missing, but the guilt I’d quietly been denying mounted. I took a moment to breathe her in before pulling away.
“Nothing’s gotten into me, I just love my wife, and I’m always kind of a mess.” My voice was low and gravely.
Concern flashed in her eyes as her touch trailed from my cheek to my chest. “Yeah, but not like this. ”
Fear and nausea churned in my chest as I thought about telling her.
I needed the help, I really did. But, now just wasn’t the time.
I wasn’t overdosing, I was still functioning, all I needed to do was keep it this way until Rosie was here, and then I had to hope Mason would forgive me for this like Sophia and Cam always did.
“I’m fine,” I promised. “I just need you.”
Her eyes softened, but the concern still lingered. “Lucian, if something’s wrong, I need to know. We’re a team, remember?”
If I let this conversation go on any longer, I might tell her the truth. So, I needed to stop it while I had the chance, and I knew exactly how to do it.
I leaned in and captured her lips in a deep, lust-filled kiss. She tensed for a moment before wrapping her arms around my neck, her body melding to mine.
My touch roamed down the side of her body, exploring the curves I knew like the back of my hand. This was the first time in our lives together that I’d ever considered Mason’s body soft but, right now, I couldn’t get enough of her.
I moved lower, showering her in kisses and love nips as I moved from her neck, to her collarbone, and finally I pulled the collar of her shirt down so I’d have access to her breasts. My tongue swirled the sensitive bud as I sucked softly before jolting my head back to make eye contact with her.
“I want you,” I whispered into her skin. “I want you so bad, Mason Castillo.”
Mason’s breath hitched as she threaded her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer. Her touch spurred me on as I continued my journey down.
The first step was peeling off her shirt.
With a mixture of trembling hands and raging desire, my hands slipped up the cotton and over the contours of her body. My breath hitched as I tossed the cotton off to the side, leaving Mason exposed. Something about the sight completely overwhelmed my senses like it never had before.
I needed her. And not in the normal I’m horny and need to get my dick wet way. But more in the If I don’t claim her as mine now, I might explode.
It was the type of need that didn’t even give me time to get out all the toys and trinkets we normally used .
A low growl reverberated in my chest as I pinned Mason to the mattress, my weight pressing her into the bed, my body a cage around her.
My kisses were desperate, a fervent dance of teeth and tongue as they roamed over her skin.
I was intoxicated by her scent, her taste, the feel of her soft curves beneath my rough hands.
I needed to leave my mark on every inch of her porcelain skin.
I needed there to be no doubt about who she belonged to.
“You’re mine.” My voice was rougher than I’d ever heard it before. “Mine. Mine. Mine. ”
I spoke into her skin, like if I moved away, Mason would come to her senses and realize how much better she could do.
As I reached her breasts, my bites became harder, leaving rosy indents of my teeth in her skin. She whimpered beneath me, her body starting to shake as her breathing went ragged. Her hands clutched at my shoulders, her nails digging in hard enough for a sharp pain to steal my attention.
I moved lower, only to be stopped by the stretchy material of her maternity jeans on her stomach. My weight shifted to one elbow. It was then I realized I was panting like a rabid dog .
My hands fumbled with the fabric as it stubbornly stuck to her skin. I was trying to be gentle, to just slip the pants down so I could toss them to the side. But a snarl of impatience rocketed through me and I hooked my fingers into her waist band, yanking the pants down with one rough motion.
I didn’t care if I ripped them, it wasn’t like she’d be pregnant much longer anyway.
She gasped as I threw the jeans as far away from us as I could, leaving her bare in front of me. One of her feet inched backwards as she pressed her knees together.
“ Beautiful ,” I muttered, my voice barely recognizable to my own ears.
With her clothes out of the way, my exploration resumed, allowing me to worship her with tongue and teeth. Her whimpers and stuttered moans spurred me on. When I got to her legs, I parted them with one hand.
Her breathing quickened as I trailed a tongue along the inside of her thigh.
“Lucian,” she breathed .
My tongue traced a path to her core, and the moment I tasted her, every thread of restraint I had went out the window. My tongue delved into her as I ate her out with the vigor that only a former fat kid could possess. She tasted like heaven, and I was eager to cleanse my sins.
My fingers sunk into the soft flesh of her thighs as I devoured her.
Her hips bucked against my mouth as her fingers tangled into my hair, pulling it if I dared to get too far away. Her muscles went tense as her knees trembled.
“Oh God, I’m close.” Her voice broke as a moan stole her words.
Good.
I didn’t stop, instead my movements became more frantic. I wanted to push Mason to the brink, to see her come undone and leave her as nothing more than a sweaty mess.
My tongue circled her clit, and after a moment, I felt her shatter beneath me. Her body arched off the bed as she screamed my name so loud that I had no doubt the rest of the house heard us.
I continued my advances until she quivered with aftershocks. Finally, I pulled back and crawled up her body before plopping down beside her. Her eyes were glazed over as she struggled to catch her breath.
I softly kissed her on the cheek before snuggling onto the pillow beside her.
“I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready to get some work done.” I smiled.
She let out a breathy laugh as she turned to face me. “I think you’re an asshole.”
“But, I’m your asshole.”
I'd love to say that after one round with Mason I was fully inspired to write the one song the record label required me to .
Instead, our time together became more like a three hour fuck fest. Sure, I gave her time to catch her breath and drink some water between rounds, but that was really all we got done.
By the time I was actually ready to work, I was distracted by little knocks at the door.
“I got it,” Mason said, and I silently thanked God that I actually let her get dressed after the last round.
When she opened the door, both my kids were there and dressed in turkey pajamas.
Mason gasped like she had just seen the cutest thing ever as she got on to their level.
“Hi, my little ducks,” Mason cooed, resulting in a smile from Jasper and a glare from Juniper. “To what do we owe the visit?”
“Mommy says it’s time to decorate the tree for thanksgiving.”
I fought the urge to groan at the idea of the Holiday Tree.
But, I knew Sophia’s premature festivities were one of the few things that stopped her from being a mess during the holidays, so instead of bitching, I followed the kids out and silently hoped no one would notice if I took a break to medicate myself.