Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
B
"Want to watch a movie?" Fia asks from the living room.
“No. I want to go clubbing!”
"Damn, the talk really was that bad then?"
I peek my head out of the kitchen and hold up my drink, rattling the ice. “What do you think?”
“So what kind of vibe are we going for tonight? Are we celebrating freedom or drowning our feelings?”
I stop and think for a moment. “Both, maybe?”
“I just need to know so I can pick out the right outfit to wear.”
“Would it make a difference?”
“Of course. Are we trying to get laid or break hearts?”
I lean against the doorway and hit my head a little too hard on the wooden frame, my drink already making my brain fuzzy. “Ow,” I groan out. Rubbing the spot that was hit. “Those sound like the same outfit to me.”
Fia makes her way over to me and wraps her arms around my waist.
“What are you doing?”
“Hugging you.”
“No shit. Why?”
“You look like you need one.”
Despite my instinct to recoil from the affection, I melt into her embrace. Fia’s always had that effect on me. “I don’t need a hug,” I lie. “I need loud music and sweaty bodies.”
"Forgive me for trying to check in on my friend," she says as she lets me go, planting a light kiss on my bare shoulder.
Friend. I laugh to myself.
Though Fia’s not my partner in the traditional sense, we both know she’s more than my friend.
Truthfully, I don’t know what we are. But the thing I love most about Fia, other than the blissful orgasms she gives me, is how neither of us feels the need to define whatever this is.
All we know is that we’re here for each other when we need it, but we also have our own lives.
"You're forgiven. Now let’s get changed. Quinn’s meeting us there."
“For real?”
I nod.
“Hell yeah! I miss him.”
We both jump into action, trying on several different outfits before we’re satisfied with our choices, littering our bedroom floors in the process. When we’re ready, we head to the club where I told Quinn we’d meet him.
Quinn is my sister, Lou’s, soon-to-be brother-in-law.
His brother Sam introduced us a couple of years ago when he was planning a surprise date for my sister and needed our help.
We’ve been friends ever since. Ironically, we hung out with the same big circle of party-goers in the city for years, but never actually met.
Or maybe we did, but we were both too drunk to remember. That is a possibility.
That’s the thing about the Twin Cities; it’s small enough that it feels like a tight-knit community, but big enough that you can still constantly meet new people.
My friendship with Quinn, unlike my friendship with Fia, is not sexual in any way.
He’s all gay, all the way. But he’s just as big of a hoe as I am, so we get each other on a level that not everyone else does.
And to top it all off, he’s an insanely talented DJ. Best in the Twin Cities, if you ask me.
He doesn’t have any events he’s working tonight, so instead of having me screaming up at him from the dance floor to play my favorite songs, he gets to be right in the mess with us.
The DJ is playing my new obsession song.
I’m so close to the speakers that I can’t hear anything but the music and my own thoughts.
As I move my body to my own rhythm, I feel myself bumping into the people around me, but the drugs make me numb, and my eyes are closed, so it’s like it’s just me in this room.
My thoughts swirl around my head, but I let them whiz by without so much as a second glance. I don’t want to deal with any of my emotions right now. I don’t want to feel anything but bliss. I especially don’t want to feel the pang of sadness that’s beating at my chest.
Fuck off, I tell it.
I slip further into my numb place, ignoring it.
Or at least trying to, until Kass’s obnoxiously handsome face pops into my mind. And not just his face, his chiseled, tatted body, and his hands, too. His hands are on my waist, warm but assertive, like he’s claiming me. He pulls me close, and I can smell him.
But it’s not his cologne. It’s something more pungent and off-putting. Not the subtly masculine scent I spend days wrapped up in.
I open my eyes and confirm it was just a trick that my traitorous mind was playing on me. There’s a man standing in front of me, grabbing my hips and swaying his along with mine.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I go to push him off of me, but he lets me go first, likely sensing my aversion to him.
“Shit. Are you crying?” He wrinkles up his face like he smells sewer gas and backs away from me.
What the actual fuck?
I pat my face and sure as shit, it’s wet. Was I crying over my lucid dream? Humiliation washes over me, and I frantically turn to find my friends. Fia and Quinn are right behind me, looking on with questioning looks.
“What’s wrong with him?” Quinn asks. “Looked like he was into you, then he just bailed like a weirdo.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I think I’m gonna head home.”
Fia grabs my arm, looking me in the eyes. “Come on. Don’t let one idiot ruin your night. You’re B-mother-fucking-Blake.” She shakes me to emphasize her point.
Usually, I’d be cracking up at her encouragement, but I don’t laugh. I can’t.
I feel nothing.
“I think the drugs just hit wrong, and I’m getting tired.” I have to yell over the speaker for her to hear me.
She must see something in my expression because she nods and doesn’t argue any further. “Okay, let’s go home and have a nightcap. Quinn, you want to join us?”
“What?” he yells back.
He leans over, and we fill him in on the plan. He must decline because he gives Fia a quick hug before waving goodbye and blowing me a kiss. I respond with my usual middle finger, and he winks before turning to the guy next to him.
When we get home, I immediately plop onto the couch, face-first.
I’ve felt way too many emotions today, and I’m exhausted. I’m convinced that’s why I went numb at the club. My brain had finally given up. Now it was my body’s turn.
I hear ice rattling in glasses before I feel Fia sit down on the couch next to my hips. I turn onto my side and curl up into her.
“Can we watch Eurovision?” My ultimate comfort show.
“Sure.” Fia fiddles with the remote until it starts playing. “Here. Drink.”
I sit up and take the glass from her. “Water? Boooooo.”
I try to hand it back to her, but she pushes it to my lips and tips the glass from the bottom.
I open my mouth and take a few gulps before handing it back to her.
“Want to talk about why you were sad girl at the club?”
“No.”
I can hear her sigh as she sets our glasses down on the table.
"Actually..." I sit up and slip one leg over Fia's lap, pressing her back into the couch. "I have something else in mind that might cheer me up."
"Oh yeah? And is that the best way to deal with your emotions?"
"What are you, my therapist?"
"Feels like it sometimes." She runs her hand up my bare leg, and it settles on the curve of my ass.
"Well, can you be my sex therapist tonight?"
"If that's what you need, I think we could figure something out." Her hand gives my ass a little squeeze, and I slide the rest of the way onto her lap, straddling her.
I brush her curls out of her face so I can see her gorgeous eyes and glowing tanned skin. God, she’s beautiful. I don’t tell her that enough.
“You know you’re a 10, right?”
“Mhm,” she mumbles as she kisses across my collarbone and up my neck.
A wave of bliss crashes over me. Now that’s an emotion I actually want to feel right now. My skin pebbles at her touch, something that doesn’t happen often. I mean, the last time someone made me feel like this was….
Fuck.
Fia stops kissing my neck. “What?”
Shit. Did I say that out loud? “Nothing. Don’t stop.”
Kass. It was he who last made me feel like this. I hate that. I hate that with Fia touching me, all I can think about is Kass and the three of us together.
“I need you to make me forget.” I grind my hips against her and create the friction I desperately need.
She pulls my top down to expose my nipple and runs her tongue over it. “Forget what?”
“Not what…Who.”
She takes the other one into her mouth, and I let out a soft moan instead of answering her stupid question.
“Got it.” She pulls my face to hers, and I’m swept into a storm of Fia’s tongue and her soft lips. She pulls away for one brief moment to say, “Bedroom. Now.”
I don’t hesitate, sliding off her lap and heading down the hallway to my room.
"Nope." She grabs my hand and pulls me further down the hallway. "My room."
“Why your room?”
She stops in the doorway and waits for me to pass her, giving me that cheeky grin that always makes me shudder. “You know I have all the good toys.”
"This is true." I crawl onto her bed and make myself comfortable while she pulls out her fun bin—that's what we call the velvet box she keeps all of her toys in. She truly does have the best selection. Next in line to Kass, of course.
Fuck, B! Stop thinking about him.
"What are you in the mood for?" Fia asks affectionately.
"Surprise me."
"Oooo, that's a dangerous game to play."
Staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on Fia's ceiling, I sigh and say the most honest thing I've said all night. "I'm just dead on the inside and need to feel something. So, whatever you think will do that."
The silence that follows is unexpected, so I sit up, propping myself up on my elbows to look at her. I find Fia standing there staring at me, one hand in the fun bin. Her eyes are soft and non-judging.
Without saying a word, she sets the box on her dresser and walks toward the bed, crawling across it until she's straddling me.
"Fia, what are you-"
"Shhh," she cuts me off, cupping my face and slowly lowering her lips to mine.
Then she kisses me. Something she's done a thousand times in the year that I've known her.
But it's different. Where she usually brings the heat, there's only warmth.
Where she's usually assertive, there's only tenderness.
Where her hands usually take what they want, they now brush over my skin with a delicacy I didn't know she was capable of.
She lays me back gently and runs her hand through my hair until she's cupping the back of my neck to deepen our kiss.
For a moment, I think she's going to snap and that I'm about to get the Fia I know, but she continues to slowly kiss down my neck.
Her unfamiliar touch makes my skin tingle. In a...good way?
I don't know what to make of this, but my body can't help but relax and give in to her.
Her cool fingers lift my shirt over my head.
She continues to explore my body with a purpose.
I don't know what that purpose is yet, but I can feel her giving me every ounce of herself with every touch, every lick, every kiss.
She slips my shorts, along with my panties, down my legs, then peppers my thighs with teasing kisses, inching closer and closer to my center.
"Fia," I moan as she presses her wide tongue up my center.
"Did you forget yet?"
"Forget who?"
"Good girl." She utters my favorite praise as she slides two fingers into me.
Then Fia does what Fia does best: she devours me like I'm her last meal.
As my legs start to shudder around her head, she lifts off of me, keeping her fingers curled tight against my G-spot, and shifts her body so we're once again face to face.
Pressing her palm over my clit to give me the pressure I need for my release, she jerks her arm so fast I start to see stars.
She presses her forehead to mine, and we're so close we're sharing breath through our heavy panting.
"B..." she whispers.
"Yeah?" I ask, barely able to utter the word as my orgasm crests. Tears spring in my eyes and roll down my cheeks, but I keep my eyes pressed shut.
She waits until my body stops shaking and my breathing levels out. "Did you feel something?”
I nod, still breathing heavily.
“What did you feel?"
"Bliss."
"No. What did I make you feel?" She runs two wet fingers down my chest, resting just above where my heart should be.
"I don't know. What was I supposed to feel?"
"Loved."
My eyes shoot open to find hers right there. I glance back and forth between them, trying to figure out if this is a joke or not.
"You didn't specify what you wanted to feel. You just said you wanted to feel." Her words and the tone she uses give me my answer. Fia is not joking.
Fuck, maybe I am broken.