Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
B
"Hey."
I heard him coming down the hall, but I'm pretending like I'm on my phone, so he doesn't think I was just sitting here, eagerly waiting for him to come back.
"Oh, hi."
The truth is, I considered calling a ride, but I stopped myself. I thought at the very least, I owed Kass some answers. Not about us, but about what all went down tonight. I'm sure he has a million questions for me, and I'll try my best to answer them for him.
"You should have called me." He looks so crestfallen, leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room.
"I know. I honestly thought—" I cut myself off, knowing there's no good excuse for why I didn't. "I'm sorry."
The room starts to feel smaller as he walks across it and sits on the couch. He leaves a whole cushion between us, but it still feels too close. The last time we sat on a couch, facing each other like this, I got overwhelmed and kicked him out of my apartment.
He must feel some type of way about it, too, because he puts his head in his hands and then runs them through his hair.
"I'm sorry she called you because she was too scared to call me."
"I'm surprised I answered."
My attempt to lighten the mood a little falls flat. He's clearly still stressed about what happened. He looks almost...hurt.
"I was at a bar with my friends and the music was loud, but I happened to look at my phone shortly after she tried to call me the first time."
The relief that washes over his face has me wondering if he thought maybe I was with someone else in the way that he wants me. Wanted me.
"I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to freak out right now. Sleep on it and do whatever you want tomorrow when you're not so tired."
"Am I really that much of a hot head that everyone thinks I can't handle my emotions? First Clover, now you."
"Trust me, that would be the pot calling the kettle black. I think you just give off the vibe that you would do anything to protect the people you love, including violence when the situation demands it."
"Am I going to be tempted to get violent after you finally tell me what you want to tell me?"
"I don't think so. It's just added context to this chaos."
I watch the muscles in his arms flex as he clenches his fists. It makes my mouth water.
Focus, B.
"There were drugs there."
The color drains out of his face, now matching his white knuckles.
"Jade came at me from a different room, so I don’t know if she was aware of it or not, but I saw them in the living room." All I can hear is my heartbeat. "I just thought you should know."
Kass nods, eyes fixated on the rug beneath his feet.
"Thank you for going to get her."
"Of course."
"Who was the guy in the car?"
"That was Bear. He's a friend."
"Just a friend?"
"He's dating my best friend, Iris. You met her."
"Mmmm, yeah. The one that lives in the apartment above you."
"That's the one. We were in St. Paul, and an Uber back to our apartment is spendy at bar close from all the way over there. Bear was planning to be the sober driver. Thank god."
"Are you...?"
"I'm sober now. But I wasn't good to drive when I first got the call. This whole series of events has been quite sobering."
He seems deep in thought, like his mind is somewhere else, while his body is mere feet from mine. I check the time on my phone. Shit, it's already 1:30. I open my mouth to tell him I'm going to call a ride to head home, but he beats me to it.
"I can give you a ride home...if you'd like."
"You probably shouldn't leave Clover here alone."
"Right. Right. Sorry, I'm not in my right mind. The whole Clover thing was a lot, and now having you here... Uh, it's like the universe is testing my last nerve."
I unlock my phone. "I'm gonna call a ride."
"No."
I stop what I'm doing, though my mind is telling my fingers to keep going.
"Stay. Please."
The desire in his voice is enough to make a person weak in the knees, but the way his eyes plead with mine is threatening to be my undoing.
"I can't."
"Can't or won't."
"Does it matter?"
"It’s really late. Please just stay here for the night."
I really shouldn't, but I'm only human, and there's only so many times I can turn this man down. He has a way of being very convincing.
"You can sleep in the guest room."
"What an offer," I deadpan.
For the second time tonight, he cracks a smile. It's the first time it's directed at me. "I just figured since you kicked me out of your apartment, you probably wouldn't want to sleep in my bed."
"See, that right there is proof that you don't know me well enough."
"But I do know Clover, and I know that if she wakes up early and finds you in my bed, she'll have a lot of questions."
"Right." I sigh and watch as his tongue peeks out to wet his lips. "Guest room?"
We're playing chicken right now, trying to see who will cave first. We both know the consequences could be detrimental. Are either of us willing to risk it?
"It's downstairs."
"Lead the way."
He stands and, for a moment, I think he's going to help me up, but he doesn't. He walks by as if being this close to me doesn't affect him the way it's affecting me.
Oh, he's good.
I follow him to the basement and to the bedroom at the end of the hallway.
He opens the door and holds it for me. I pass by slowly, making sure I brush up against him.
Am I trying to torture this man? Absolutely.
Why? Because no one has ever affected me the way he does, and a twisted part of me wants him to suffer for it.
I would tell myself that it's my way of maintaining control, but that would mean I'd have to admit to myself that he makes me lose control.
His hand abruptly grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
"Blake."
My eyes travel up his tall frame and meet his.
"Can we talk tomorrow before you leave?"
Not what I was expecting, but I say, "Sure."
He lets go of my arm and shuts the door behind me.
"What the fuck?" I whisper to myself.
I pace around the room, contemplating sneaking out and ordering a ride back to my apartment.
Because, really, what the hell am I still doing here?
I said everything I needed to say to Kass, and he made it clear that he wanted all of me or nothing at all.
Then why would he invite me to stay the night?
Does he think a conversation tomorrow is going to change my mind?
Could it?
Don't get me wrong, I have this feeling in my bones that I need him more than I need air right now, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to give up the life I want for him.
I would, however, give a lot to feel his lips on my lips, his skin on my skin, his lips on my skin, and every combination that ends with us tangled up in his sheets.
I want his pierced dick between my lips and his tatted hands around my neck like a choker.
The door opening startles me, and I spin around to find Kass standing in the doorway. My fantasy feels more tangible now with him standing before me, and the thought has my heart racing.
Just as soon as it came, my hope fades away when he holds up his hand. "I brought you a shirt to sleep in."
Instead of stepping closer, he tosses it to me, as if coming any closer would tempt him too much.
"Thanks."
"Night." The door shuts, separating us once again.
"Night." My words echo off the walls with no recipient in sight.
I bring his shirt to my face and breathe in his scent.
Holding it out, I see what's on the front and start to laugh.
It's a Grumpy Old Bear t-shirt—a band that we both love.
I once told him that I hooked up with one of the band members, to which he responded by tying me to his bed and fucking me until I forgot their name.
I change into his shirt, discarding the rest of my clothes in various places around the room. I crawl under the crisp sheets and lie on my side, staring at the empty spot in the bed next to me.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours pass by, but I can't sleep.
I've slept alone for twenty-four years. Why tonight, of all nights, do I feel the emptiness in the bed, and why is it messing with my mind?
With a frustrated growl, I throw off the covers and crawl out of the bed.
I'm going to go up there and...well, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't stay here.
I stalk over to the door and pull it open with more force than necessary.
I get two steps past the threshold before I'm falling to the ground.
"Ow. Fuck!"
My hands sting from the impact, and the wind gets slightly knocked out of me. What was that?
"Blake?"
"Kass? What the fuck are you doing on the floor?"
"What are you doing on the floor?"
"I tripped over you, you dumb ass."
"Shit. I'm sorry."
"Were you waiting outside the door?"
"No."
It's dark in the hallways except for a little moonlight that's shining through a small window.
"Yes," he admits.
"Why?" My voice is breathy, and I'm breathing heavier than I should be.
"I was waiting to see if you'd come to me."