Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
KASS
The party is coming to an end, and I couldn't be happier with how today went.
I'm running on fumes due to my lack of sleep last night and all the energy it took to pull off the grandest birthday party I've ever thrown.
But the look that's been plastered on Clover's face all day has been so worth it.
The last of the guests are leaving, and those of us remaining are picking up all the crap in the back yard.
It seriously looks like a tornado blew through.
Raina and Winnie stayed behind to help, as did Blake.
From where I'm standing in the corner of the yard, I can see all four of my favorite girls.
I take a moment to appreciate what I have, knowing that at any moment some or all of them could be taken away from me.
I fight back the tears that flood my eyes, knowing that if any of them saw me right now, I wouldn't ever live it down.
My bubble of joy lasts all of one minute before it bursts. Coming through the gate on the side of the house is Jade. My blood starts to boil, and I have to take a quick deep breath to collect myself.
"Hey, Lovie, could you and Winnie go grab some more garbage bags, please?"
"Okay," she shouts back before the two girls run into the house.
Raina gives me a confused look, then gestures to the roll of garbage bags down by her feet. I nod toward the side of the house where Jade is just coming around the corner, where Raina can now see her.
Raina takes it upon herself to make her presence scarce. "I'll go inside and help the girls look for the bags."
On her way into the house, she grabs Blake by the arm, likely inviting her to go inside with them. Blake looks over her shoulder and spots Jade. Her mouth opens in shock, but she silently follows Raina into the house.
"Where does she think she's going?" Jade points to Blake and Raina retreating into the house. "I want to talk to her."
"She stays out of this, Jade. You can talk to me and only me."
"I want to see Clover."
As she approaches me, I glance down at the gift bag she's holding. The sun is setting now, but I can see it's decorated with party hats and looks like it has enough glitter on it to cover my living room. "I'll make sure she gets that, but I'm not letting you talk to her. Not tonight."
"You're seriously not going to let me see my goddaughter on her birthday?"
"Yeah, you lost that privilege last night when you threw a party and brought drugs into your home when my daughter was sleeping upstairs." My voice is laced with so much fury that I'm even scaring myself a little.
"Kass, you don't know what happened."
"I truly doubt there's any way that you could explain this that would make me any less furious with you."
She stops a few feet away from me, clearly keeping her distance. I would too if I were her.
"I only invited a couple of people, and it just got out of hand. I was trying to get people to leave, but I couldn't."
"What kind of adult doesn't have control over their own house parties?" She doesn't respond, so I answer my question for her. "An irresponsible one with shitty friends. That's who."
"Kass. You have to believe me. I would never have put Clover in harm’s way. I get that she got a little spooked, but—"
"A little spooked? Jade, she sat in the closet, shaking for over twenty minutes, waiting for someone to come get her. A man was banging on the bedroom door, trying to get in. She wasn't a little spooked; she was terrified!"
She's taken aback. The remaining sunlight reflects off her face, and I can see tears streaming down it.
"I didn't know." Her entire presence has shifted.
She stomped in here looking to pick a fight, but right now, the woman standing before me is crumbling.
"I'm so sorry, Kass. I would never want to make Clover feel that way.
The party got out of hand, and I really should have done more to stop it.
I just—I just—" She can barely get her words out through her sobs.
"Damn right you should have stopped it. Or at the very least, you should have called me, Jade. You should have called me for help or to come pick up Clover. And I think you know you fucked up big or else you wouldn't have waited until the end of the party to show up."
"You're right. I was just afraid you wouldn't," sniffle, "let me," sob, "see her again."
She may be breaking down in front of me, but I don't give a shit.
I don't let up. "You were right. Why would I let you see her again when you clearly aren't responsible enough?
You're a fucking mess, Jade. You always have been.
I made the mistake of trusting you again; that's on me.
But you put a little girl, whom you claim to love, in danger.
Just like you put her mother in danger."
The mention of Daisy has Jade falling to her knees in the grass. Her hands cover her face as she loses it. I don't know what to do other than stare down at her until she's done.
It takes several minutes for her to gain enough composure, but she still can't look up at me. "I'm so sorry."
In the minutes it took her to calm down, I was thinking.
"I don't think you're a bad person, Jade. You're just fucking stupid and irresponsible."
"I know..."
"I'm not going to press charges."
This gets her attention. She looks up at me with the most pathetic face I've ever seen.
"I could, but I'm not going to. Maybe this is another one of my horrible decisions, but as of right now, I stand by it."
"Thank you."
"It's not for you, though. It's for Clover. She's been through enough in the past couple of years, and I don't want her to go through a trial or any sort of questioning."
"I understand."
"She deserves better than that. She deserves better than you."
She nods as more tears stream down her face.
"Get help, Jade. Get your fucking shit together. For you. For Clover. For Daisy."
"I will."
"I won't believe it until I see it. I may not press charges, but there is absolutely no way I'm letting you around Clover until I see actual changes.
I'm not going to help you because I have enough shit going on in my personal life.
This is something you have to do on your own, and someday, when you feel you're ready, reach out and prove to me you've got your shit together.
Then, and only then, will I consider letting you see Clover.
I don't care if it takes six months or six years. You get one more chance. You’d better be sure you're good and ready when you come to me. I won't give you another chance."
She stares at the ground, processing the information. There's nothing she could say right now to change my mind, and, finally, I think she gets that.
I take a few steps toward her and pick up the present that she dropped when she collapsed to her knees. "I'll tell Clover you dropped this off for her. Now please, get the fuck out of my yard."
She silently rises to her feet and walks to the side of the house.
There's nothing she could say to me, and there's nothing more I have to say to her.
What's done is done. I'm not making the mistake of trusting her so easily again.
I thought slowly reintroducing her into our lives was enough, but I was clearly wrong.
I just thank my lucky stars that my mistake didn't end up with someone getting seriously hurt.
After taking a moment to collect myself outside, I'm finally heading into the house.
When I enter, I'm greeted by the sight of Winnie, Clover, Raina, and Blake playing Mario Kart in the living room.
They don't see me yet, so I take the opportunity to observe them silently.
Blake and Clover sit next to each other on the couch, taking turns ramming their shoulders together, trying to mess the other up.
The game ends, and Raina spots me. "You like being a creeper in the corner of the room?"
I hold up my palms. "Just waiting until the game finishes."
"Did you finish cleaning the yard, Dad?"
"Oh, yeah, because that would be super fair. Me out there slaving away while the four of you play games in here."
Clover shrugs.
"I thought maybe we could finish cleaning up tomorrow and instead go on a walk to get some ice cream."
Cover's face lights up. "Yes!" She throws her controller onto the couch and bolts over to me. "Can we stop by the bench?"
I pinch her still chubby cheeks between my fingers, because who knows how much longer I'll be able to do that. "Of course. Why do you think I suggested it?"
She runs down the hallway toward her room. "I'm going to wear my new shoes that Raina got me!"
That reminds me. I walk over to where I put Jade's gift and shove it behind some boxes. We'll deal with that tomorrow. I don't want anything tainting the rest of my little girl's birthday.
We walk along the path that winds around the lake, eating our ice cream. It's cooler now that the sun has gone down, but with our jackets on, it's not too bad.
Blake walks close to me, our shoulders brushing occasionally. She looks gorgeous in the moonlight, even with chocolate on her face.
I slow down my walk, and she follows suit.
I glance at Clover, Winnie, and Raina walking ahead of us, paying no attention to the fact that we're falling behind.
Blake looks up at me, curiously. I come to a stop, grab her jaw, and put my mouth over hers, licking up the rogue chocolate with my tongue.
"You had some chocolate on your face."
"Did you get it?"
"Mmmm, I think there might be a little left." There's definitely not, but I'm not going to waste an opportunity to kiss her again.
"Keep up, you two!" Raina's voice echoes through the trees, and I look up to realize we've got some ground to cover.
We walk side by side at a slightly faster pace, trying to catch up to the others.
"Clover said you guys take this walk every year on her birthday."
"We do. We used to do it with her mom, but obviously, the last couple of years it's just been the two of us, joined by Raina and Winnie."