Chapter XXXVIII - Crying for Him
The rain outside softened near midnight.
Inside the chamber, only candlelight and the quiet sound of Prince Rui’s breathing remained.
Shen Li sat beside him motionless after his words.
“This prince thought he died.”
“Because you were crying.”
Her chest tightened painfully.
Because even feverish and wounded— Prince Rui still remembered her tears first.
Dangerous man.
Very dangerous man.
Shen Li lowered her gaze toward their joined hands quietly. “Your Highness should not joke while injured.”
“I wasn’t joking.”
His voice sounded weak from fever and exhaustion.
Yet the sincerity inside it remained devastatingly clear.
Prince Rui watched her silently beneath dim lantern light.
Then softly:
“You rarely cry.”
Shen Li paused.
Because he was right.
For seven years— through humiliation, through gossip, through endless disappointment—
she rarely cried openly.
Not because she never hurt.
But because nobody cared enough to notice.
Yet seeing Prince Rui collapse in blood before her—
something inside her completely broke apart.
The realization frightened her slightly.
Prince Rui’s thumb brushed faintly against her fingers again.
“This prince dislikes seeing you cry.”
The tenderness behind the words nearly unraveled her.
Shen Li looked toward him slowly.
Prince Rui still appeared pale from fever, dark hair loose against the pillows while bandages wrapped tightly across his shoulder and back.
Too many wounds. Too many scars.
Too many years surviving alone.
Something warm and painful spread quietly through her chest.
Then before thinking—
Shen Li reached up slowly.
Her fingers brushed gently through his damp hair away from his forehead.
Prince Rui stilled immediately.
The atmosphere shifted softly.
Not heated now.
Only deeply intimate.
Prince Rui closed his eyes briefly beneath her touch.
And for one dangerous second—
he looked tired enough to finally rest.
Shen Li’s voice lowered unconsciously. “You should sleep more.”
Prince Rui opened his eyes again slowly.
Then:
“Stay first.”
The words came quietly.
Not command. Not princely authority.
Only honest request.
Shen Li’s heartbeat softened immediately.
“…I’m not leaving.”
Prince Rui looked at her silently afterward.
Something vulnerable flickered briefly through his gaze.
Gone quickly.
But Shen Li saw it.
Because Prince Rui— the terrifying war prince feared across kingdoms—
still did not fully believe people stayed willingly beside him.
The realization hurt unexpectedly.
Then suddenly Prince Rui frowned faintly. “You haven’t eaten properly.”
Shen Li blinked. “…Your Highness is feverish.”
“And you skipped dinner.”
The direct observation nearly made her laugh helplessly.
Even injured and exhausted— he still noticed.
Dangerous man.
Shen Li sighed softly. “The physicians said Your Highness must stop worrying.”
Prince Rui answered immediately:
“Then stop giving this prince reasons.”
The room became quiet again.
Warm quiet this time.
Shen Li looked toward the medicine bowls nearby before reaching for one carefully.
“Your Highness needs another dose.”
Prince Rui looked entirely unimpressed instantly. “Bitter.”
Shen Li almost smiled despite herself.
Seriously— how could this terrifying prince hate bitter medicine so much?
She held the bowl toward him patiently. “It will lower the fever.”
Prince Rui remained unconvinced.
Then slowly:
“Will there be candied plums afterward?”
Shen Li stared.
Then suddenly laughed softly.
Actually laughed.
Prince Rui watched her immediately afterward.
The faint exhaustion in his expression eased slightly seeing it.
Then quietly:
“Better.”
“This prince prefers that expression.”
Her heartbeat betrayed her instantly again.
Impossible man.
Shen Li eventually managed to coax the medicine into him while Qingyu—secretly spying outside the inner curtains—nearly became emotional witnessing Prince Rui obediently drinking medicine because Shen Li asked.
Their terrifying prince truly had no future left.
—
Much later that night, the fever finally began breaking properly.
The physicians relaxed enough to leave temporarily while Shen Li remained seated beside the bed beneath dim lantern glow.
Rain had stopped completely now.
Only soft dripping water echoed outside the windows.
Prince Rui appeared half asleep again, breathing steadier than before.
Shen Li finally exhaled quietly in relief.
Then suddenly—
Prince Rui spoke without opening his eyes.
“…Shen Li.”
“Yes?”
A long pause followed.
Then softly:
“This prince had a dream earlier.”
His voice sounded rough with lingering exhaustion.
Shen Li adjusted the blanket lightly around him. “What dream?”
Prince Rui remained silent for several moments.
Then finally:
“The battlefield.”
“Northern snow.”
“Everyone dead.”
The room cooled instantly.
Shen Li stilled softly.
War memories.
Nightmares.
Prince Rui’s expression remained calm— too calm.
As though discussing death meant nothing unusual.
Then quietly:
“This prince looked for you afterward.”
“But couldn’t find you anywhere.”
Something sharp twisted inside her chest.
Because somehow— he sounded frightened remembering it.
Prince Rui opened his eyes slowly afterward.
And for the first time since Shen Li met him—
she saw genuine vulnerability there.
Not weakness.
Loneliness.
Deep unbearable loneliness.
Then very quietly— like admitting something shameful—
Prince Rui confessed:
“This prince realized…”
“Losing you feels more frightening than dying.”
Silence.
Absolute silence.
The words settled heavily through the chamber.
Shen Li’s breath softened faintly.
Because no one had ever loved her like this before.
Not carelessly. Not casually.
But deeply enough to fear losing her more than death itself.
Her chest hurt suddenly.
Warmly. Terribly warmly.
Then Shen Li did something gentle.
Very gentle.
She leaned forward slightly.
And pressed a soft kiss against Prince Rui’s forehead.
The room became still.
Prince Rui froze completely beneath her touch.
Shen Li’s voice came barely above whisper afterward:
“Then Your Highness must stay alive properly.”
“Because this daughter feels the same.”