Chapter XLVIII - Heartbroken Already
The words shattered her composure immediately.
"Why does Princess Rui already look heartbroken?"
Shen Li looked up at him silently beneath falling snow while Prince Rui's hands remained warm against her face.
And suddenly-
she realized she truly did look frightened.
Not because war had begun yet.
But because now she finally understood what there was to lose.
Dangerous realization.
Prince Rui watched her quietly for several long seconds afterward.
Then his expression softened almost painfully.
Because Shen Li's eyes already looked reluctant to let him leave.
The realization settled deeply inside his chest.
Warm. Heavy. Dangerously addictive.
Then softly- very softly-
Prince Rui admitted:
"Seeing you look at this prince like that..."
"Makes leaving difficult already."
The courtyard became unbearably quiet.
Snow drifted slowly around them while lantern light flickered gold across Prince Rui's features.
Shen Li lowered her gaze briefly. "Your Highness says things too easily lately."
Prince Rui looked entirely unconvinced. "This prince struggled saying them for years."
The answer startled her.
"...Years?"
Prince Rui's thumb brushed slowly once beneath her eye.
"Not to you."
"To anyone."
Silence.
Because suddenly Shen Li understood something painful again.
Prince Rui was not naturally emotionally expressive.
The man feared across the empire probably spent most of his life silent:
enduring injuries silently,
carrying burdens silently,
surviving loneliness silently.
Yet now- with her-
he spoke honestly more and more.
Not because words became easy.
Because she became worth the risk of saying them.
The realization warmed her chest painfully.
Then Shen Li quietly leaned slightly into his hand.
Tiny movement.
Yet enough.
Prince Rui's breathing softened immediately.
Dangerous woman.
Then Shen Li finally whispered honestly:
"This daughter doesn't want Your Highness leaving either."
Silence.
Absolute silence.
The snow seemed to stop around them.
Prince Rui stared at her motionlessly.
Then very slowly- dangerously slowly-
he pulled her directly against him again.
This time tighter.
As though hearing those words erased the final restraint around needing her openly.
Shen Li's heartbeat softened painfully against his chest.
Prince Rui lowered his face near her hair afterward.
And for one dangerous second-
he simply held her.
No teasing. No flirtation.
Only quiet attachment too deep to hide anymore.
Then softly:
"Good."
"This prince prefers missing each other equally."
The shameless honesty nearly made her laugh despite the ache in her chest.
Dangerous man.
Very dangerous man.
-
Later that evening, after dinner, Prince Rui finally explained the northern border situation properly inside the western study.
Military maps covered the table while snowstorm winds rattled faintly outside.
Shen Li sat quietly beside him listening carefully.
Prince Rui pointed calmly toward the northern provinces. "Enemy cavalry movements increased near the river territories."
"You believe invasion is coming?"
"Yes."
The answer came immediately.
Prince Rui's expression remained calm- too calm.
The calm of someone already preparing mentally for war again.
Shen Li's fingers tightened faintly beneath her sleeves.
Then quietly:
"Will Your Highness need to lead troops personally?"
Prince Rui looked toward her.
Silence stretched briefly.
Then honestly:
"Probably."
The room suddenly felt colder.
Shen Li lowered her gaze toward the military map.
She hated how quickly fear arrived hearing that answer.
Before Prince Rui- she never feared battlefields.
Because battlefields belonged to distant generals.
Now battlefields threatened someone she loved.
The realization hurt.
Prince Rui noticed immediately.
Then he reached across the table slowly.
And covered her hand with his own.
Warm. Steady.
His voice softened.
"This prince hasn't received deployment orders yet."
"But Your Highness expects them."
"Yes."
Shen Li closed her eyes briefly once.
Prince Rui's thumb moved slowly against her fingers afterward.
"Look at me."
She obeyed instinctively.
Prince Rui's dark eyes held hers steadily beneath warm lantern light.
Then quietly:
"This prince has survived every battlefield before."
The reassurance should have comforted her.
Instead, Shen Li whispered softly:
"And every battlefield still hurt you."
Silence.
Prince Rui froze slightly.
Because no one answered him like this.
Everyone praised victories. Admired survival. Feared his strength.
Only Shen Li looked at battlefields and saw wounds instead.
Something deep inside his chest tightened painfully warm.
Then Prince Rui stood suddenly.
Shen Li blinked softly. "Your Highness?"
Instead of answering-
Prince Rui stepped around the table directly toward her.
Then knelt beside her chair.
The movement startled her completely.
"Your Highness-"
Prince Rui ignored the protest entirely.
Instead, he rested both hands gently over hers and looked up at her quietly from below.
The position felt dangerously intimate.
Dangerously sincere.
Then softly- with terrifying honesty-
he confessed:
"This prince became greedy recently."
"Now when thinking about war..."
"I no longer fear dying."
"I fear not returning to you."
The words shattered something deep inside her completely.
Shen Li's eyes reddened instantly.
Prince Rui immediately frowned. "No crying again."
The soft scolding only made her chest ache more.
Then before thinking-
Shen Li leaned forward suddenly.
And wrapped both arms tightly around him.
Prince Rui froze.
Completely froze.
Because this was the first time she embraced him first.
Not from fear. Not while injured.
Just because she wanted to.
The realization struck him violently.
Then slowly- almost carefully-
Prince Rui wrapped his arms around her waist in return.
Tight. Protective. Almost trembling.
His face lowered briefly against her shoulder afterward.
And for the first time since returning from court-
the terrifying war prince looked exhausted.
Not physically.
Emotionally.
Then quietly- so quietly-
he admitted near her ear:
"You make this prince want impossible things now."