Chapter 18
THEO
The sound of five dozen people milling around for breakfast faded into nothing more than background noise as I settled back, eyes closed, the morning sunshine warming my face. Simon’s chest rose and fell behind me, the two of us tucked away in our own little corner of the courtyard.
We’d gotten each other off again in the shower after all, my legs wrapped around Simon’s waist and his hand on both of us, slower this time. I was wrung out in the best way, lazy and satiated, smug in my position leaning against his chest in front of practically everyone who’d come to the wedding.
“Eat your breakfast,” Simon murmured, nuzzling the top of my head and pressing a kiss there. “I could feel your ribs last night.”
I could still feel his hands on them, dry from washing over and over at work, rough, but his. I loved the way they’d felt on my bare skin.
I wasn’t sure I could give him up after the weekend. I knew I had to, that I was only getting what I wanted now because, like he said, what happened here stayed here.
I took a bite of the croissant he’d handed me, humming in pleasant surprise as I discovered it was filled with pistachio cream. Thank you Dubai for bringing pistachios into fashion. I loved them.
Simon knew that. Of course he did. He was still taking care of me.
“This’s good,” I said, licking flakes off my fingers. I was going to end up covered in them, but I knew Simon wouldn’t care. He’d seen me at my worst and he was still here, letting me use him as a piece of furniture, tracing idle patterns over my hipbone.
“Figured you’d like it.” Simon pressed another kiss to the top of my head.
“Almost worth getting out of bed for,” I said, letting my eyes fall closed again.
Exhausted as I was, I didn’t want to waste any of the precious handful of hours I had left of this.
If I’d thought Simon would go for it, I would’ve blown off the wedding and shut us both away in my room until it was time to leave.
Of course, the wedding was the excuse for all this, so I couldn’t actually do that.
What I was starting to secretly hope I could do was show Simon just how good I could be to him. Good enough to convince him that things didn’t have to end when we got home. That if I was with him, I could be perfect, because I wanted so badly to be.
He knew me better than that. He’d been right to push me away ten years ago, and it felt like a miracle he hadn’t done it again.
If I had any sense, I’d take what was on offer and not wish for more. That way lay heartbreak.
Unfortunately, I wanted more. I’d always wanted too much from every partner I’d ever had.
I couldn’t risk asking for more from Simon. I needed him. However much of him he’d let me have. If that was being his best friend, I was the luckiest man in the world. It was too greedy to ask for anything else.
“You’re quiet,” he murmured, lips so close to my ear that his breath tickled. “I haven’t got a penny on me, but I could owe you.”
“Nothing important,” I lied. I was having some of what were probably the most important thoughts I’d ever had.
They were just also the one kind of thoughts I couldn’t share with the person I shared everything else with.
“Mostly that I bet Delilah’s complaining to everyone about us. They’ll all know by noon.”
“Well,” Simon murmured, nuzzling behind my ear. A shiver rolled down my spine and curled up in the pit of my stomach, pinching uncomfortably there. This was too good. It was obvious it couldn’t really last.
No matter how much I wanted it to.
“They do already think we’re dating,” he continued.
Think.
“Goooood morning!”
I jumped at the sound of a familiar voice, a spike of anxiety rising all the way up my throat.
“Good morning, Corey,” Simon responded, barely holding back a sigh. His hand moved from my hip to loop around my waist. Protective.
“Beautiful day,” he said, throwing his arms wide and looking up toward the miles of cloudless blue sky. Much as I would’ve liked to argue with him for the hell of it, it was a beautiful day.
“For the summer,” I said, feeling just secure enough in Simon’s hold to poke the bear.
If he’d been planning on telling Simon the truth about why we’d broken up, he would’ve done it by now. If he’d done it, there was no way Simon wouldn’t have reacted.
So I was probably safe. I figured it wasn’t something he wanted known any more than I did.
I still didn’t love the idea of him hanging out with Simon alone, though.
Corey laughed. “You haven’t changed,” he said, giving Simon a slightly too close look for my tastes. “Much, anyway. Sorry to break up this adorable scene, but I need to borrow your boyfriend.”
Boyfriend.
The word made something twist in my gut, a combination of pleasure and anxiety so tangled up together it made me feel a little sick. We’d been pretending all weekend, but I couldn’t remember anyone calling Simon that before now.
The fact that it was Corey…
“I promise to bring him back in approximately the condition I found him in. Better, maybe!” Corey continued, showing off all his perfectly straight, white teeth as he smiled.
One of Simon’s canines was a little crooked. I’d always loved that about his smile.
Simon sighed, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I couldn’t tell if it was more for Corey’s benefit or mine, but the brush of his lips made the loss of his warmth a little less painful as I leaned forward, letting him get out from under me.
“I’ll see you later?” he asked. Corey wouldn’t notice the uncertain waver in his voice, but I could hear it loud and clear.
“I’ll hunt you down if I don’t,” I promised, meaning every word.
I could accept that Simon had agreed to be Corey’s best man, and that meant he’d go through with it, because he was nothing if not true to his word.
I couldn’t accept losing any more of the only day I’d ever get to experience being his boyfriend, for as close to real as I was ever going to get, than was absolutely necessary.
Simon beamed at me, his lopsided smile showing off that one crooked tooth I’d just been thinking about.
I was on my feet before I’d made a conscious decision to rise, pressing my lips against his. The line between for show and for real-ish was a blur now, but that meant I could take advantage of it.
“Don’t be longer than you have to,” I said. It was silly—Simon didn’t want to hang out with Corey any more than I wanted him to, and I knew that.
I was being needy. I couldn’t help it.
“I won’t,” Simon murmured, rubbing our noses together. “You’ll barely have time to miss me.”
“I already miss you.”
Simon laughed, eyes glittering. “I love you, too.”
My knees weakened, threatening to give out on me. He’d said it before, a casual do you know I love you?—normally when I’d done something embarrassing—but this felt different. It felt, almost, like he was saying it the way I wanted him to mean it.
How was I meant to forget about this after the weekend?
“Go,” I said, proud of myself for getting the word out with my head spinning like it was.
I missed him the moment he stepped away, having to fight against the urge to follow.
“Eat your breakfast,” Simon called back.
I took another bite of the croissant still in my hand. I could barely taste it now, too busy watching Simon’s retreating back.