Chapter 13 - Lila
Being back in Caleb’s house is disorienting, to say the least.
I didn’t spend enough time in it before to gain any real sense of familiarity with the place, but it’s warm and far bigger than anything I’ve lived in before. And now, I feel small and caught between two versions of myself: the girl he rejected, and the woman he forced into a bond.
My emotions have been a mess to begin with, but so long as the bond hums between us, that confusing tangle only gets worse.
With him gone now, off checking the perimeter with his friends, I can breathe a bit easier, but not by much.
Being in the cabin with him was its own battle, but now, I have to face everything else. The pack and their judgement, the Wraith Peak wolves, and doing everything in my power to keep Astrid’s magic from spilling out again.
The others might’ve approved of the bond after Caleb proved just how serious he was about it, but that didn’t have much to do with me. It was more about him finally becoming Alpha and stepping into the role just like they’ve wanted for some time.
And now, I have to deal with their eyes on me, unable to run from it as I did before.
I hate this… and I hate how easily my defences crumble when he looks at me.
I hate how the bond makes everything sharper and impossible to ignore.
More than anything else, I hate how I’m expected to submit to him now.
I have to obey and be the Alpha’s mate in every visible way, since that’s what the pack demands.
He spent years tormenting me with the others and making sure I knew my place. Now, I’m supposed to kneel to him.
The thought alone makes my stomach twist.
Astrid’s face is in mine before I can get too lost in thought, sitting with me on the couch while she looks me over with a toothy smile.
“Mommy,” she says, adjusting herself in my lap. “You took too long.”
Unable to resist that face, I smile at her and keep my arms around her. “I know I did. Did you miss me?”
She hums and nods without hesitation.
“Well, I missed you more,” I return with a soft expression of my own, leaning in to brush our noses together.
Astrid giggles at this, light-hearted and completely unburdened by fear, duty, or bonds. It’s just pure, childlike joy. Just Astrid.
With her in my arms, everything else goes quiet, and nothing else matters.
Eventually, she settles in, curling up as her eyelids start to droop while she plays with the ends of my hair. I stroke her back, both grounding myself and soothing her into falling asleep. Soon enough, she dozes, and the weight of her on my lap is beyond comforting.
Mom walks in with two cups of tea, placing them on the side table between the couch and armchair, and after a quick smile at Astrid’s sleeping form, she looks at me with that worry she tends to constantly carry for me.
“Are you doing all right, sweetheart?”
With some effort needed, I nod. “As all right as I can be… Thanks for watching Astrid.”
“Of course. She was perfect as always. A bit confused about where you were, but she managed well here,” Mom says, kind in the way she speaks to me. She’s one of the only people in my life who always has. “She’s certainly happy to see you now.”
That fact is enough to settle some of my more tumultuous feelings.
As much as I want to tell her about how unbearable the bond feels for me right now, how Caleb’s presence sucks the air from my lungs, or how I’m afraid of letting him in, I keep it to myself. I don’t want her worrying more than she already does.
So instead, we make light conversation, and when she decides it’s time to head home, she gets up. But, she doesn’t leave without gently touching my cheek, feeling both warm and steady.
“Be careful with your heart, Lila… but make sure you don’t lock it away.”
The words move something in me, then I nod, thanking her again. Part of me wishes I even had that kind of choice.
Mom kisses my forehead, gives Astrid’s back a gentle brush, then leaves.
When the door shuts and the house is quiet again, I allow myself to slip into the comfort of having my daughter near again. She still sleeps soundly, and I envy her for it. At the same time, I’d do anything to let her remain unaware of everything else happening around us.
An hour later, the door opens, making me tense up instinctively.
Caleb steps inside with ease, presence flooding both the house and our bond. Heat rushes through me before I can shield myself against it.
He stops when he sees me, and something softens in his expression. It’s almost unsettling how naturally he does it.
“We’re clear for now,” he murmurs, voice quiet as he notices Astrid napping on me. “Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”
“Good,” I say simply, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.
After a brief pause, Caleb clears his throat. “I was thinking… maybe we should do something tonight.”
This catches me off guard immediately. “Like what?”
The way he shrugs is oddly boyish, and it moves something in me. “Something for the three of us to do, since we didn’t get to finish our last day.”
My heart lurches. “Caleb…”
“No pressure,” he adds, putting his hands up in quick defense. “Just something small. Something normal.”
Normal. That word almost feels mocking at this point.
Despite a refusal sitting on my tongue, feeling like the most natural response, I hold it back.
He looks at me so earnestly, like he really does mean it. He just wants us to do something, likely to take our minds off Wraith Peak and everything between us.
So, I end up nodding. “Alright. We can go when Astrid wakes up.”
A spark of hope moves through Caleb’s features, and his lips just barely curve into a smile. “Deal.”
***
I try so hard to be indifferent and not feel any kind of way about our outing, but it’s a lot harder than I expected.
To my surprise, Astrid went out of her way to ask Caleb for a piggyback ride, and not one to be denied, she got her wish without even an ounce of resistance. So, she’s been perched on his shoulders, hands in his hair, while he carries her through town.
She squeals with delight at being high up, laughter echoing between the buildings. Caleb smiles to himself, holding her ankles with a gentle grip, as if he, too, knows just how precious she is already.
It does something awful and warm to my heart.
We drift along, moving between a cafe, a little bookstore, and even one of the nearby lookouts so Astrid can get a better view of the Willow. It’s more mundane than I care to admit, and all the while, I try to remind myself not to let the care in his gaze or his words get to me.
But just seeing how he is with Astrid, as if it’s second nature for him, makes me fail miserably.
There’s a flicker of tension in him still, likely keeping everything about Wraith Peak in the back of his mind, but he keeps it buried for our sake. Not once does Astrid catch it.
More than once, I notice the way Caleb looks at me like he’s trying to memorize something, and each time, I have to look away. I can’t bear everything in his eyes right now.
By the time we reach the house again, night sets in, and my chest feels tight from these traitorous, conflicting feelings.
Even if it was just a few hours, those moments of calm normalcy were enough to let the softness creep under my skin and to throw me into an even deeper state of confusion.
Astrid passes out the moment she’s in her soft pajamas, fast asleep by the time I leave the room. When I return to the hallway, Caleb’s not far, waiting for me as he leans against the wall. His eyes are on me immediately, both soft and almost contemplative.
And just like that, we’re alone again. Without even needing to acknowledge it, that tension is there, alive and doing everything in its power to shake me.
“Lila,” he murmurs, taking a small step closer before I can keep moving. His voice is low, yet straining somehow.
I shouldn’t even look at him, and I know I sure as hell shouldn’t let the bond keep me there. But I do.
The second I look up at him, something squirms inside me, and no part of me can ignore it.
Caleb moves close enough not to crowd me, but it still feels deliberate. His eyes search mine, and for a moment, I swear he almost looks nervous. He’s hesitating, just like I am.
“Thank you… for tonight,” he says softly.
My breath hitches at the way he slowly drifts closer, and I silently hope he doesn’t notice the way my pulse thrums. “I didn’t do anything. And it was for Astrid.”
“I know. Still, thank you for letting it happen.”
Warmth pools in my stomach, and I can feel my inner wolf keening in a way it shouldn’t. “It doesn’t change anything.”
But even as the words register in my mind, I know they sound weak and baseless.
“Maybe not,” Caleb hums, reaching up slowly and carefully, as if testing the boundaries before gently brushing a strand of hair from my face. “But it’s a start.”
Immediately freezing, the reflex to push him away kicks up again, but I can’t move. I should snap and remind him of everything he did to make me feel worthless before.
But the light touch against my cheek causes the bond to surge, all heat and electricity storming through me at once so violently that my legs nearly give out.
Caleb’s eyes flicker down to my lips, and that’s all it takes.
I don’t know who moves first, but before I can stop it, his mouth is on mine, and my fingers are grasping at the front of his shirt. Then his arms are around me, strong and strangely familiar.
Every one of my senses heightens, overwhelmed by the touch and his proximity.
It’s reckless and dangerous even allowing myself to be this close, but no part of me wants to pull away.
So I kiss him back.
The anger, the hurt, and the betrayal slip away, melting away just like the rest of the world.
His lips are soft, desperate, and he cradles my face in his hands like he’s afraid of breaking me. It’s too much. Too incredibly perfect.
Piece by piece, I give in, indulging in something I should never want.