Chapter 20
CALLUM
For an endless second, I rejoice in the single whispered syllable.
I’ll be damned if I don’t memorize the exact moment Alia chose me.
I’m acting on pure instinct when I grab her by the back of her neck and tug her into me. Her lower lip notches perfectly between mine and everything clicks into place. A kaleidoscope of colors burst behind closed eyelids, her touch igniting the simmering fire I’ve unsuccessfully tried to douse.
Her hands land on my shoulders with a soft thump and I prepare myself for a rejection.
Instead, her fingers curl into my t-shirt, and I lose any will to slow down.
I lock one arm across her lower back and yank her flush into me, swiveling and walking her backward to trap her against the fence.
Cradling the back of her head, my fingers slide into her hair, keeping her in position while I take what I’ve wanted to for weeks.
My tongue traces the seam of her lips, begging for entry.
She shivers, gasping in surprise when I nip at her mouth, tugging her lips apart until her warm breath greets my skin.
I push through, drinking in her sigh as I mold her lithe curves against the hard planes of my body.
I’m a tall man and, with the heels she’s wearing, Alia’s usual height is propped up enough that I don’t have to bend too much to keep our mouths locked together.
Every lash of her tongue against mine, each swipe and suck, makes me harden at the thought of her doing exactly that to my cock. Her muted whimpers shoot straight to my head, dizzyingly delicious. I’m desperate to find out what other sounds she’d make in bed.
I suckle her, tasting the sweetness of her last drink, drawing out a breathy little moan that drives me wild.
My hands shape her back, needing every part of her perfect body to touch mine, dropping one palm to her rounded ass.
Her breath hitches when I squeeze and I almost come when she rises up on her toes, straddling my thigh, pushing my erection right against her hip.
Jesus, I’m so fucking hard and all we’ve done is kiss.
She’s everywhere I need her to be yet not close enough.
My chest burns when I’m finally forced to pull away from her.
“Cal?” She’s breathing heavily and, the bastard I am, I want to make her scream my name instead.
My blood is thrashing so loudly in my ears that I wouldn’t have heard her quiet words if my gaze wasn’t stuck on her lips. Her swollen, kiss-roughened lips. I did that. Caveman-Cal beats his chest victoriously somewhere within me.
“Your hands?” she croaks, finally looking up at me with drugged eyes that make me inordinately proud.
I spread my fingers over the curve of her ass, bunching into her skirt, enjoying the automatic flex of her muscle in response to my touch.
I press my hips closer, making no attempt to hide how turned on I am.
“Would a man not attracted to you kiss you like this?” I husk. “Hold you like this? Get so fucking hard from kissing you that it hurts to stand still?”
Her chest rises and falls in stuttered breaths, brushing against mine in a sensuous torture she doesn’t realize she’s wreaking upon me.
The prettiest shade of red kisses the tip of her nose and cheeks and I groan, dropping my forehead to hers to stop myself from thrusting my tongue down her throat again.
“B-but,” she stammers, gulping audibly. Her fingers clench and unclench against my chest. “That night, after tacos. I thought you were going to kiss me then but you didn’t.”
“Rohan.”
One name is enough for her to understand why I backed away. Why I’ve insisted on maintaining this facade of a platonic friendship for weeks.
“Oh.”
She glances away, lower lip tucked between her teeth in consternation. She fidgets and I unwillingly loosen my grip on her. My body screams in protest when I give her space, already addicted to the sensation of her soft tits pressed against me.
When she looks up again, her gaze is more focused. The oddest sense of loss blankets me because I don’t want her thinking clearly when I’m still shaken. I want that deliciously hazy look of pleasure in her eyes for a lot longer than a couple minutes.
“I’m sorry,” she sighs, defeatedly. “I didn’t realize the position I was putting you in, having to choose between a friendship you’ve had for years and. . . me. Or maybe I did realize and was naive to think it might not matter. You made the right call. I understand.”
Does she? She assumes I’m picking Rohan, but I’m here, my lips tingling from her taste and my entire body aching for her touch.
“What’re you saying?” I’m genuinely bewildered by how quick she is to dismiss our kiss when I feel like my central axis has tilted to a degree I can no longer correct.
No matter which direction I turn, all roads lead to her.
“I don’t know,” she mumbles, her brows furrowing when she lets out an audible ‘damn it’. “Seems to me I don’t know much of anything anymore. What I want or where I’ll end up.”
I struggle to not answer her. Because where I want her to end up is in my bed, bouncing on my cock until she’s left with an imprint so deep no one can fill it except me.
Her phone pings, and she grabs it like a lifeline to escape this conversation. As she swivels to the side for privacy, I catch a glimpse of the yellow notification bar which reveals the dating app she’s using. My insides twist uncomfortably and I have the urge to break something.
“Are you serious about that?” I point at her phone.
She picks her words judiciously. “I need experience. If not you, then someone. I don’t want to repeat the mistakes I made in my marriage.
I want to go on casual dates and figure out what I do and don’t like.
I can’t do that sitting at home. Now is my only chance to.
. . try.“ Her lips firm in a straight line, her expression serious. “When I go back to India, I’ll be surrounded by well-wishers mourning the failure of my marriage, wondering which poor man will do my parents the favor of taking me off their hands.”
“Why go back at all?”
“I have no reason to stay.”
And there it is. She has no reason to stay. And I have no reason to think I can give her reasons to stay.
“I won’t ask you to kiss me again.”
Her words wrap around my lungs and squeeze until I physically ache.
“I realize what I’m trying to do seems foolish to you,” she adds, oblivious to my turmoil. “If Rohan finds out, he’ll think I’ve gone crazy. Maybe I have. Please forget this conversation.”
“I don’t think I will.”
“Callum.”
I shove one hand in my pocket, the other spearing my hair as I roughly massage my scalp to soothe my own frustration.
“You should do whatever you want to do, irrespective of whether that makes Moore or anyone else uncomfortable,” I say. “It’s your life.”
“Really?” She watches me skeptically, not sure if I’m truly agreeing with her.
“People hook up all the time, Tots. Why shouldn’t you?”
Worry and interest clash in her eyes as she considers my statement. “But if Rohan finds out. . .”
“He won’t. No one will. We won’t tell them.”
“I’ve had no luck with ChatTrick, though.”
My insides react so violently to that suggestion, it’s a wonder I don’t upchuck the contents of my stomach right then. Guilelessly, she waits for my response and I’m hit with the realization that Alia has no clue what she does to me.
“It’s not going to be someone from an app.”
“Then—?”
“Me,” I exasperatedly declare, jabbing a thumb into my chest. Jesus fuckin’ Christ, I’ve never felt so desperate to be seen.
“But Rohan?”
I shrug. The situation isn’t ideal and I’m aware what I’m about to do is selfish. But Alia with another man will drive me to an early grave. Or jail.
I desperately need my crush to run its course so I can go back to focusing on hockey without feeling like I’m missing out on something important.
More than that, watching her struggle with feeling like she isn’t enough hits uncomfortably close to how I feel about my personal life.
If exploring this madness with her is how we bring at least one of us peace, then I concede.
The only way this doesn’t happen is if she doesn’t want it to.
“Do you want to attempt those experiences?” I ask, clarifying immediately, “With me?”
“Yes.” She swallows hard and nods, like she’s making a commitment to us. “I do.”
The annoying voice in my head notes those words sound like vows.
I rub the back of my neck, willing my goosebumps to subside.
These are not vows. It’s a friend accepting help from another friend to experience something in a safe environment.
In return, I get a taste of the forbidden fruit so I no longer crave it.
“One last thing,” I add. “You don’t look for other men.”
Her brows arch so high, it’s a miracle they don’t shoot right off her forehead. “I don’t?”
I shake my head, my voice firm. “No one touches you except me.”
“I don’t think that’s how friends-with-benefits works, Cal.”
I know. I simply don’t give two shits what the norm is when it comes to Alia. I abhor the idea of someone taking advantage of her vulnerability.
“We make our own rules, Tots. This part isn’t negotiable. We need to be exclusive.”
“You’re supposed to be a player.” She sounds bewildered, unable to believe I’m suggesting this. I’m surprised as well.
“Yep. But you’re my friend and I happen to like you, so the player rulebook has been thrown out the window.” I wink at her, all calm and nonchalance on the outside while mayhem churns within my gut.
“It’s unfair you can be charming in a conversation like this. How does anyone say no to you?”
“I don’t care about others, as long as you don’t. So, do we have a deal, gorgeous?”
I know I’ve got her when she exhales a laugh, still shaking her head. I want to celebrate. Preferably by kissing her again.
“Deal. And don’t worry, you can still be a player. I won’t cramp your style.”
“Meaning?” I cock my head curiously, waiting for her explanation.
“Meaning I don’t have the same condition. You can be with whoever you want.”
This is the kind of jackpot of which any guy would be envious. Instead, disappointment threads through my chest, irritating me.
“Did I kiss you so well your brain glitched?”
Her brows furrow as her cute nose scrunches in question. With a low chuckle, I step into her space, reaching up to fiddle with the ornament on her forehead.
“If I expect you to be exclusive with me, I won’t be looking at another woman either.”
Drawing my thumb down the side of her jaw, I enjoy her blush at my casual touch.
“It’s just you and me, now.”
Another vow, the voice in my head whispers dangerously before I shut it off, bending down to fuse my lips with hers.