Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
OREN
Cleaning the kitchen, Prince glanced up at me, and I offered him a weakened smile. “I-I know… I miss him too.”
We’d stayed in Russia at one of Levander’s compounds for two more weeks after the incident to allow Liam time to recover, while also getting preparations ready to fly back.
Adjusting to life alone was difficult; the past two days without my fian—Thorne, were unbearable. He’d packed a bag as soon as we got home, electing to stay with Matt, who had relocated to the States due to a “family emergency”—family being his best friend.
While it made me happy that Thorne had Matt during this difficult time, it didn’t erase the ache in my chest that I was no longer that for him. A… A safe person he could rely on. Everything solidified when he’d loaded up Mercy’s items into Matt’s car, not even offering a farewell.
I tried to stay strong the moment they pulled away, but I fell to my knees, horrendous sobs rendering me useless.
My panic attack was relentless, and the only reprieve I found was the moment I passed out by the front door.
If not for Prince licking my face, I probably would’ve lain there until morning. Not… Not like I deserved anything else.
The best thing in my life I’d ruined, and while I wanted nothing more than to salvage it, the damage I caused was irredeemable. This was my fault. I broke our vows. I destroyed his trust, and even though the reason was for her, it didn’t matter.
I should’ve told him the moment he reached out about the trafficking ring.
Should’ve… Should’ve told him the entirety of my past the moment I looked at those files on the couch.
Hell, even before that, when we were still in the ranks; I should have told him about Stefan, my sister, and the noose around my throat.
Trust was something I valued, but this? This was the opposite of what I believed in, and Thorne was correct. If I trusted him, I should’ve told him, and that guilt… that shame would rot in me forever.
Stirring the batter one last time, I poured it into the pre-greased pan.
Sliding it into the oven, I closed it with my hip, discarding the batter into the sink.
A tear glided down my cheek at the lack of the pitbull next to me, begging to lick the spoon, but it was his presence I missed most, poking my side as he always did.
There were so many things I missed—small things I didn’t realize he did for me until he was gone.
He always made the sheets, organized my clothes the way I liked them, snuggled next to me on nights when those thoughts heightened, threaded his fingers through my hair in passing, and always found a way to touch me, even if we were busy.
I missed it all, but it ultimately wasn’t what I needed to focus on. If I wanted him back, I needed to change. I… I—
The snap of the front lock caught my attention as it ripped through the stillness, and the click of the door opening informed me of his presence.
Part of me didn’t want to believe it, considering I’d offered a key to Simon in case he…
wanted to visit after what I’d done. But as soon as I heard the patter of paws, I knew.
Mercy sprinted around the corner, her tongue flopping out alongside her cheeky grin. Tail wagging, she nuzzled up next to me, a handful of happy yips indicating her excitement to be home.
Quickly removing the sorrow from my face, I crouched to scratch behind her ears, a soft chuckle billowing from me as she lapped at the remaining salt on my cheeks. “D-Do you want some batter?”
Her bark served as her answer, her weapon of a tail slapping against the cupboards as she bounced between her front paws. While she focused on me, Prince slid across the kitchen tile, nearly ramming into her as his paws met her front leg.
Straightening, my fingers curled around the spoon. I went to turn, but my gaze flitted over the figure I knew better than myself. Lifting my eyes to him, that honeyed hue greeted me, and the utensil clattered to the floor. “I… You… Did… Did…”
Spit it out, dumbass.
He merely lifted a brow, dropping his bag on the ground. “I needed a few changes of clothes and figured I would bring Mercy by for a quick visit since it’s been a couple of days.”
My heart sank, but I swallowed that agony down. “Right.” Hands trembling, I dried them on the towel next to the sink before returning my attention to him. “H-How are you?”
He scoffed. “I think you know the answer to that question, Oren Valens.”
Splaying my fingers on the counter, I nodded.
“I do.” Leaning on my palms, I bit my lip.
I missed him. This whole time, I missed him desperately, and I couldn’t…
couldn’t handle another night without him.
Before I could stop myself, the words tumbled from me.
“Don’t leave,” I whispered. “Please don’t leave again. ”
“I have no reason to stay. You can keep the house. It’s already paid for. I’ll furnish my own place as I have plenty of funds to do so.” Unfolding his arms, he pushed himself from the wall. “Prince is yours. I’ll be taking Mercy.”
“I know I messed up, I-I know I did, but—”
“But fucking nothing, Oren. When I went behind your back and fractured your trust to keep you safe, you locked me in a fucking cell and tortured me. This? What you did? It goes beyond that.”
“I know!” Heaving, I wrung the towel in my hands.
“I know I did, and it was wrong. I’ve done so many wrong things, but you’ve been the one right thing in my life.
I don’t want this house without you in it!
I don’t… I don’t want Mercy to leave. I don’t want you to leave.
Even… Even if it’s to yell at me, or we sleep in separate rooms, I don’t want you to walk out of that door.
It’s selfish and wrong, and I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to keep fighting for you.
For us. Even if it takes years to repair, there isn’t anyone else for me. Ever.”
“You should’ve thought about that before you told me you trusted me and wouldn’t keep shit from me and then did the exact fucking opposite! You should’ve thought about that when you knew I was fucking struggling because I failed Liam, and yet you refused! You kept us all in the dark!”
Slipping my hand into my pocket, I pulled out his ring, setting it on the bar between us.
“Everything you’re saying is accurate. I hurt you.
I-I’ve hurt you over and over, and you’ve given me far more grace than I’ve ever deserved.
You have loved me endlessly despite my flaws, but I haven’t been that person for you, the person you deserve.
I’m not… not giving excuses because there aren’t any, and I’m not begging, because you don’t deserve that either, but I am, from the bottom of my heart, asking you to stay… chasing you.”
Sliding the ring forward, I fiddled with mine. “I searched for it in the van. It’d fallen between the cracks in the seat, and I wanted to give it back to you. It’s yours. Always yours, just like my heart is yours, too.”
His golden eyes swept over me, and there was a flash of consideration before his anger took over once again. “Give it back to me for what reason? Everything you’ve told me has been a fucking lie, Oren. Everything!”
I shook my head, moving it another inch toward him. “Not you. Not how I feel about you—”
“How you feel about me? When you put all our lives in danger? When you elected to lie to me while claiming you trusted me? We said we wouldn’t do this shit again. You knew… you fucking knew I was struggling and continued with the bullshit anyway?!”
Curling my fingers against the marble, I nodded.
“I understand what I did, and I take full blame. I put your life in danger, Simon, Liam, Lev, Matt… I’m the reason you got shot.
I’m the reason you struggled, and I know that.
I take it all, and I know I have to put in a lot of work.
I don’t… don’t know if I’ll ever make it right. There’s no one else to blame but me.”
Stabbing my thumb into my chest, I inhaled another shaky breath.
“I don’t deserve you. I know I don’t, but I love you.
I still fucking love you!” Tears welled, and I couldn’t get them to stop.
“I fucked up, and I lost your trust, but I’ve never lied about needing you, wanting you, craving you every minute of every day.
And… And if you leave, I’ll die. I’ll beg, Thorne Graves, because I…
You mean everything, but I didn’t show you that. ”
He took a handful of steps forward, planting himself on the opposite side of the island, his hand flattening against it. “And how the fuck can I believe a word you say?”
“You… You shouldn’t. There’s nothing I can say to make you believe me. I have to prove it, and I want to. I want to be different for you. Even if it takes time, I want to be better for you. But I have to show it.”
Exhaling heavily, he dropped his elbows onto the marble as he rubbed his eyes with his palms. “I can’t… Oren, I can’t fucking do this shit.”
“I know. I’m not asking you to, because I understand what I did isn’t acceptable.
And I’m not asking you to make a decision immediately.
But… But I love you. I’m sorry… Not that the word means anything right now, but I am.
If I could cut my heart out in offering, I would.
” Swiping my sleeve over my eyes, another tremor wracked through me.
“I am sorry,” I whispered. “But you were hurt way more than a simple sorry can fix.”
Raking a hand through his hair, he lifted his gaze to meet mine. “I have nothing more to give, Oren.”
“Then… Then let me do what I should’ve done and give to you. All of me. No more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding. No more shelving shit. Just offering myself to you and… and being there for you in the capacity I always should have.”
“No more secrets? No more lies? No more hiding? These were all things you told me when we took the next step in our lives. And look at where that got us.”
“It didn’t get us anywhere. Not what I wanted and not what you deserved. What you did… How you reacted was valid, and I’m not asking for forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. But I’m going to be open with you. A-Any question when you want.”
His jaw feathered, fingers scratching against his stubble. “ I don’t… I don’t fucking know.”
“That’s okay.” Blowing out a breath, I picked up the cleaned spoon.
Giving Mercy a quick pat, I dropped it into the sink, returning my gaze to him.
“I just… I want you to know everything, and that… that I deserve nothing from you, but I want you. I always do, and I’m working on being that person for you. ”
He pushed himself to stand fully, tongue dancing across his lips. “Fine.”
“Fine?” Swallowing, I curled my fingers around the sink to keep from swaying.
“Fine. I’ll stay.” Striations danced across his jaw as he drummed his knuckles across the marble.
My lips tugged, threatening to form into a smile, but I stopped it from fully spreading. This… This was only the start, and I needed to do a lot of work to prove to him I took this, us, seriously.
“Okay. I have a cake in the oven, but there’s leftover pasta in the fridge if you want some. I’ll heat it and… and the bed is already made. Laundry’s put away too if you want clean clothes, and Mercy’s bed I vacuumed too if she wants to rest.”
He dipped his chin with a slow nod. “Alright. I’m going to uh… head up and take a shower.”
“Towels will be in the closet and should still be warm. Do… Do you want me to make you anything?” Twisting my ring back and forth, I flicked my gaze to him.
He glanced down at his bag. “The pasta is good. I’ll start my clothes when I finish up.”
“No!” I blurted, holding out my hand. “Sorry. I-I’ll do it.” Swinging around the counter, I wrapped my fingers around the strap.
Grabbing my arm gently, he stopped me. “Oren. I can help. You don’t have to do everything.”
Shaking my head, I hauled it to my chest. “I know, but… but I got this. You can get the next load—”
Before I could finish, his mouth met mine. Knocking the bag from my grasp, he grabbed my hips, pulling me against him. Deepening the kiss with the movement, he took a step toward me, forcing me back against the counter.
Melting instantly, the burning I’d hidden cascaded down my cheeks, mingling with our flushed lips as I allowed him to swipe his tongue over my molars. My arms curled around his waist, removing any inch of space between us.
He groaned into me, gliding one hand up my side before it coiled around the back of my head.
Fingers tangling in my curls, he tugged me closer, planting a few more kisses against my lips before slowly pulling away.
His forehead met mine, a sigh following as he stayed there in silence for a few seconds before finally electing to speak.
“God, I fucking missed you.”
Breathing in his scent, a stifled sob left me. “I missed you so much.”
He inhaled, slowly loosening his hold on me as he pushed himself away from the counter. Scratching the back of his neck as he came to stand, he cleared his throat, but I didn’t miss the light blush on his cheeks.
“I’ll… go shower.”
“Okay. I’ll heat the spaghetti, baby.”
Was it okay to call him that?
His reply came as what I assumed was second nature as he headed down the hall. “Okay, dove.”
Smiling for the first time in days, I turned around, opening the fridge to pull the container out. Slapping spaghetti into a bowl, I finally loosened a breath. He was home. He was everything, and I would prove it to him one step at a time.