Chapter 33 #3
Continuing, I flicked my gaze to him, relishing the way he fought against the bindings. “Still waiting on those fucking words.”
“What… What words?” he whimpered, bottom lip quivering.
“That you’re mine. That you’ll always be mine to fuck, to cherish, to love, to stay beside until I die.”
“I-I am yours… All of me. Always.”
“Good. Always, baby. Always.”
With the words sinking into my heart, I removed my finger as I quickly loosened the rope, focusing on his hands first. When they dropped against the bed, I unwrapped the thick cord from him, carefully prying it from his marked skin.
It didn’t take long before it rested on the floor, and I gently took care of our semen next. Cleaning him thoroughly, I placed the dirtied towel into the bin before grabbing ointment. Still dazed, I massaged it anywhere the bindings had been, taking care of him the way he always should be.
“They… They got pretty irritated,” I whispered, half hunched over his frame, knees digging into the mattress for support.
He shifted slightly beside me, a fractured breath following. “Oren…”
Placing his hand down to grab his next wrist, I met those honeyed hues. “Hey… Hey, don’t move. I have to finish applying this, or it’ll hurt worse.”
“But…” Tears welled in his eyes. “I… I need… I need you.”
“What… What do you mean? I’m right here.” My palm caressed his cheek, thumb brushing over his reddened skin as I whisked away the falling saltwater.
“I-I’m sorry,” he huffed, that stream of sorrow beginning to flow more freely. “I… I’ve been… I’ve been drowning, and I… I—”
“I know you have.” Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I stayed beside him like so many hadn’t before. “I’m not angry. I’m not… not upset because you’ve deserved far more than you’ve ever been offered. If you need to break, then break to be whole again.”
As if my last sentence were the permission he needed, he sobbed as he curled in on himself. “I’m so sorry… I’ve been so… so scared, and trying… trying to keep myself together for everyone else… And… And I can’t… I can’t… can’t do it anymore…”
Pulling his head onto my lap, my fingers threaded through his hair. “You have been. You… You’ve been so scared, so strong, and so lonely at the same time. But it’s okay to focus on you, to rely on me when you need it.”
“Everything… All of it has fallen apart… You didn’t feel safe enough to confide in me… Matt… Matt accepted Levander's offer to leave the military and stay in the States, and he… He accepted it without question… Even though I’d tried… I’d tried… All I fucking do is try…”
My heart broke at his sobs, a piece of me lingering in the shadows at the pain I’d caused him.
But it wasn’t just me; it was everyone else who neglected his feelings.
“You try all the time, but it hurts… It hurts to be neglected. Especially by your best friend, whom I know you’ve tried your hardest to get to stay here.
I’m so sorry… so sorry, but I’ve got you. Always, and I’ll stay right here.”
“I can’t… I can’t take it anymore, Oren…” he whimpered, burying his face into me. “I’m so… so fucking tired…”
Rubbing circles on his back, I wiped tears from my cheeks. “I-I know you’re tired. You… You always carry so much, but I’m here; I promise. I can shoulder the strain too, especially yours. Always yours.”
“It’s like… no matter what I try, no matter what I offer, it’s never enough…” His throat bobbed as he turned back to look up at me. “Everyone turns their back on me… Everyone already has.”
“I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. But… But I’m not leaving, ever. I love you, Thorne, with everything I have. You… You’re mine, always, and you deserve so much. You’re enough for me.”
“Then… Then why didn’t you tell me the truth, Oren?”
“Because I was afraid of losing you. Because Sasika is vile, worse than Stefan and… and a life without you isn’t a life I can handle,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
“But…” His voice cracked, his jaw feathering. “What about our trust…?”
Blinking back the burning, a shaky exhale left me.
“I’ve always trusted you more than anyone else, because you believe in me as I do you.
But I hurt that trust when I didn’t tell you.
I didn’t want you to carry something else, but it was wrong.
When you died, I…” Clinging to him, the phantom memory of his still chest haunted me, but I released a breath.
“It was the worst moment of my life, and I still had secrets I knew I should’ve told you about, even if there were risks, because that’s what we do. ”
He chased my touch, brushing his cheek against my knuckle as his words came with a heavy dose of grogginess. “No… No more…”
“No. No more,” I repeated, hoping the softness of my tone aided his drifting. “I promise, Thorne Graves.”
“Okay…” he whispered, his body sinking even further as exhaustion threatened to claim him. “Then… I think… I think I want my ring back, Oren Graves…”
Containing my blubbering, I nodded, furiously swiping at my happiness. “Okay. Get… Get some sleep, and I’ll be right here. Always.”
He reached up, lacing his fingers with mine as his lids slowly fluttered closed. “Always, dove…” His utterance trailed, light breathing replacing the rapid pattern that’d fallen from him during his breakdown.
While he succumbed to his dreams, I slapped my palm over my mouth as I cried, undeserving of his forgiveness but wanting nothing more than just that—him.
Thorne Graves.
My love, my life, my happiness. Despite my mistakes, my flaws, my shortcomings, he still chose me. Me, and I wouldn’t tarnish this second opportunity.
This was the start of our new beginning, one where I lowered my walls completely to let the most beautiful, selfless, and caring man in.
My fiancé.