Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
S he was such a child. She’d known that as she’d argued with Luc last weekend, part of her wanting to stop, while something else spurred her on. She’d known so much of what he’d said was true, but hadn’t wanted to face it. Like he’d said, she might be bold on the dance floor, and able to whip a non-dancing hockey player into a Patrick Swayze wannabe, but she couldn’t speak honestly with her parents or whip her own feelings into the right shape. And now he’d left on a weeklong road trip and she wouldn’t have the chance to speak to him face-to-face and deal with the strain that had crept up between them.
Her shoulders slumped as a few raindrops spattered on the office’s window. There was so much she needed to say to him, so much to confess. Like Dance Off ’s official offer for her to be part of another season, and the tour. She couldn’t keep hiding things simply because she was worried he mightn’t like it. That was no way to be real in a relationship.
Luc might’ve departed on a road trip for warmer climes, but his words hadn’t left, rising and falling like waves on the sea. He’d been right, and she’d denied it. And she knew she needed God’s help to push past the years that had shaped her into being this way.
She leaned her head against the glass and closed her eyes. “Lord, I’m so sorry. I need Your help but I barely know what to ask. You know my family all like to tiptoe around the truth, but it’s not healthy, is it?”
Today’s morning Bible reading came to mind. Jesus cracking the whip at the sellers in the Temple. Some might view Jesus as meek and mild but there had been times when He’d been as bold as a lion. And while she could be bold in some areas, other areas—other people—had always made her second-guess what was right. How could she honor her parents and call out her father?
“Lord, give me wisdom to know what to say and when. And please bless Luc in all he’s doing. Help him know I still care. Amen.”
She probably didn’t need to pray that last one though. She could always call him, or send a text, or—
“Bailey?”
Her mom’s voice opened her eyes, and she turned to clasp her in a hug. “You’re earlier than I thought you’d be.”
“I finished my errands faster than I thought, and…” She peered at Bailey. “Honey? Is everything okay?”
She straightened at her mother’s voice. Pasted a smile on her—but no. Wasn’t this more of the pretending that Luc had said she often did? Maybe it was time to speak openly, honestly, and not just about right now but what had gone on before too.
“Actually, Mom, no.”
Her mom blinked, her automatic response whenever bad news dared pass the lips of her child, then she went into phase two: nervous hovering. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Bailey blew out a breath. If they were going to have this conversation, they needed to be somewhere they could be businesslike, and not get caught in sidetracks and emotion. “Mom, I would really like to ask you a few things, but not here.”
“Then where?”
“Can we—?” No, that was more of the same waffling type of conversation she’d always used. She needed to be honest, be direct, speak the truth. “I would like to go to the Coffee Haus.”
“Where you used to work?”
“Exactly. I haven’t been there for a while, but you know the coffee is good.”
“Then sure.”
She motioned to Poppy who was leading a gentle Pilates class for older ladies and walked with her mom the few blocks to the café. Max was behind the coffee machine, and welcomed her with a half-smile. “It’s our celebrity.”
Bailey introduced her mom, placed her order, and went to pay, but Max waved off her card. “I saw all the mentions, and I might’ve boasted a few times about how you two met here, so I feel like it’s only fair that you benefit from me benefitting off you.”
“God bless you.”
Max looked startled for a moment, unsurprising as Bailey had never really owned her faith with the staff here before. But even that was something she should’ve done long ago. Regrets chased her. She offered a smile, less big and fake, smaller but more genuine, and gestured for her mom to take a place on the comfy couch. This conversation was bound to get uncomfortable, so they might as well find what softness they could.
“What’s wrong, Bailey?”
Lord, please help me be honest . She swallowed. “I had an argument with Luc after we left you on Saturday night.”
“You never said anything on Sunday.”
Because she’d been trained to not tell the truth. But even that was a cop-out. She was nearly twenty-five, for goodness’ sake. It was time to stop acting like a child. “I didn’t say anything on Sunday because I get the feeling that Dad doesn’t like Luc.”
“Oh, darling, that’s not true.”
Bailey eyed her mother. “Isn’t it?”
“You know he’s concerned about you.”
“Do you like Luc?” She could high-five herself at being so bold.
“Of course I do.”
Her shoulders relaxed. But she needed to press on, say this while courage remained. “His tattoos don’t bother you? You’re not worried about him being too old?”
“Of course I’m not worried. He’s a lovely man, and very generous, too.”
“He was generous, but did you know that nobody in our family said thank you to him?”
“That can’t be right.”
“Maybe Rhett said something, but I didn’t hear him or anyone else say thank you for the tickets to the game or the dinner at his house.”
“Well, that might be because you both left so abruptly.”
“I had to leave and get Luc away from Dad. He wouldn’t stop picking on him.”
“Your father is just a little overprotective sometimes.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not coping with it, Mom. And I know I should’ve said something about this long ago, but I… I guess I wanted to keep the peace because I was worried about you and Dad when everything happened with Chrissy. But now I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I love Luc.” Just saying that out loud set her heart ablaze. But fresh regret poured in. She should be saying that for the first time to Luc, not to her mother about him.
“And?”
“I want him in my life, in my future. But I feel like Dad doesn’t, and I want to know why.” No, she had to be more direct than that. “I want your help to understand why, and I want your help to bring Dad around so he’ll accept Luc into the family one day.”
Her mother’s eyes widened. “Are you saying he’s proposed?”
“No. But I suspect he never will if I don’t learn to stand up and start saying what I really think instead of walking around on eggshells trying not to upset you and Dad.”
“I truly don’t understand where all this is coming from.”
Max placed their coffees on the table in front of them. Bailey thanked Max, offering a tight smile, which dropped as soon as Max left. “Luc is worried that Dad isn’t doing a good job with the studio’s finances. The bank has been asking questions, and something Poppy said recently made me wonder again what happened to your dance studio and why you quit teaching.”
“You know I wanted to stay home with you.”
“I know that’s what you’ve said. But is it actually true?” Bailey sipped her chai. “I’m sorry, Mom, if this comes across too blunt, but I feel like our family has always tiptoed around the truth, when we would’ve been better off speaking up loud and proud.”
Max glanced her way, but no, not that kind of proud. She focused on her mother, who was staring at her coffee with a contemplative brow.
“You want the truth?” Her mother sighed. “Well, I feel as though your father has always felt like he had something to prove. As you know, my parents were well-off, and while they welcomed Wayne into the family, they soon learned that he didn’t have quite the same touch as my father did when it came to investments. Your father is a good man, but a little inclined to seeing things his own way, and always felt a little snubbed when they wouldn’t take his well-meaning advice. I’ll admit I’ve found it challenging at times, but thought it best to keep the peace. And yes, I gave up the dance studio because you three were so young, but I also did it because your father was not as clever with the finances as he thought he was.”
Bailey gasped. “But you didn’t say anything when he offered to help me.”
“I didn’t know how much he was involved. I’m sorry.”
Bailey sank into the corner of the sofa, glad for the surrounds that tamped emotion, that helped force her to say what needed to be said. “I wish I’d known this. I have to get a business accountant and probably an audit as it seems like Dad hasn’t been paying some of the bank fees or repayments on time.”
“Oh, Bailey.” Her mother winced. “I’m so sorry.”
This was what happened when people didn’t tell the truth. Cover-ups became lies. Lies held a kind of darkness that could only be dispelled by speaking the truth. Truth that needed to be spoken to break the shackles from the past. And not just about the dance studio’s finances. “You know I left my ballet course in England because I had an eating disorder.”
Mom’s breath hitched. “Oh my goodness. Really?”
Bailey nodded, weight lifting. “I saw a therapist which really helped, and I haven’t relapsed for four years now. I still check in with her occasionally.”
“Oh, honey.” Her mom hugged her. “I wish I’d known.”
Well, now she did. Truth-telling was addictive. So, in for a penny… “I think Cindy hates me. She acts like such a bitch sometimes.”
“Oh Bailey.” A beat. “She does, doesn’t she?”
Her mild-mannered mother agreeing sent a sparkle of laughter through her. “I try so hard with her, but it’s like nothing I do makes a difference.”
“I know.”
She sighed. “I wish Chrissy would contact us again.”
“So do I.”
“We should message her.”
“We should.”
“No, right now. We should message her.”
“But your father—”
“Is wrong, Mom. He’s not acting like the prodigal son’s father but the older brother.”
“Oh, Bailey, now that’s… that’s actually true.”
Bailey was thankful that her mother was proving to be a safe space, but she should be sharing these truths with those who needed to hear it. Starting with her older sister, whom—apart from that recent birthday message which had received no reply—she hadn’t touched base with in far too long. As far as it depended on her, she’d make the effort and extend a hand of grace. To her sister, and to Cindy.
She tapped out a message to Chrissy: I love you, I miss you, I hope we can talk soon.
That was enough, she hoped. She pressed send. “We’ll have to pray God opens Dad’s heart again.”
“I’ve been praying that for years,” her mother admitted, which drew Bailey’s hug.
Keeping the peace was important, but not when it was at the expense of real love. Honoring others didn’t mean sweeping the truth under carpets. Being honest meant being real, at times raw, but respectful, and came not from emotion but from love.
Which reminded her to message Luc: I’m so sorry for how I left things with you the other day. You were right. I was wrong. Please forgive me. I can’t wait to see you again as there’s something I need to say to you. In person.
* * *
Luc glanced at his phone, his heart twisting as he read her words, then placed it down again, as the Bible study guys’ banter washed around him. He could barely tune in, was only here because he knew there’d be questions if he didn’t show, but everything in the past few days since his argument with Bailey seemed to drift past. Like Mike had shared in their brief Bible discussion, God was his only anchor, sure and certain.
“Luc?” Mike asked. “Is everything okay?”
“Sorry. I’ve been a bit distracted. What were you saying?”
But before Mike could say anything, Chris joined the chat, his grin bursting from the screen.
“Whoa. Someone looks like he’s got something to say,” Ryan said.
“That’s because someone does.”
“So, what is it?”
Chris shook his head. “Not what is it, but who.”
“Huh?”
Chris gestured to someone off-screen, then a familiar face wearing a baseball cap that said Canucks joined Chris’s screen.
No. Way.
Ryan whistled. “No way.”
“Big fat way,” Chris smirked.
“Zac?” Mike lifted a hand. “Hey, good to see you, man.”
Zac nodded, but clearly looked uncomfortable.
“Sorry, but Chris, can you elaborate?”
“I would’ve thought you guys would’ve figured this out. Meet the newest member of the Northwest Ice Online Bible study.”
“Whoa. Zac? You’re joining us?” Ryan asked.
“Are you really a Christian?” Jai asked.
Phrased like that it sounded too close to something Bailey’s dad might say, forcing Luc to speak up. “You’re welcome here, Zac. And hey, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been a Christian ten minutes or ten years or are still seeking God, we’re glad to have you and you’re welcome anytime.”
“Amen,” Franklin said.
“Thanks.” Zac nodded.
“Well said,” Mike messaged Luc privately in the chat box.
“So, care to fill us in?” Ryan asked.
Chris glanced at Zac, who still seemed as much as of a deer-in-headlights as when Luc first competed on Dance Off .
Zac shrugged. “Chris has been yammering at me for months, and I thought I’d come along.”
“He’s a yammerer, for sure,” Luc said, which earned a wry twist of lips from Zac and a round of laughter from the others.
“So, what’s the deal, man?” Ryan asked. “Like, don’t get me wrong, but you seem to be in a zone above some of us mere mortals.”
“Speak for yourself, Ryan.”
Ryan ignored Jai’s tease. “No, I’m just curious as I’ve never really heard or seen any kind of faith mentioned with you before.”
“Hey, that sounds a little pointed,” Chris interrupted. “Maybe it’s better if we share about our own experiences before expecting him to do the same.”
Zac nodded, and the guys began to share.
“I’ve been a Christian all my life, and have found God to be my rock, especially in recent years when Bree got really sick,” Mike said.
“I didn’t grow up as a Christian but had a friend in school help me find the light,” Jai said.
“I was similar to Jai,” Luc admitted. “I didn’t know anything much about God until my twenties, when my mom got sick, and then I found hope in God. Now I trust Him and know He’s the most important thing in my life.”
He ducked his head as Franklin and Ryan shared, his own words convicting him. If he really was trusting God, then surely he had to trust Him with the mess that was Bailey and her parents? Hey God, I give it to You. Have Your way.
Silence filled the screen, and he looked up. Zac shrugged. “I, um, I don’t know, maybe it’ll make me sound like an arrogant tool, but I’ve been searching for greater meaning for a while now. I’ve had a bunch of people in the past point to stuff but it didn’t really fill me. And then Chris started talking to me about Jesus, and it made a lot of sense, and I guess I want to know more about this.”
Luc nodded. So it didn’t sound like the dude had prayed the prayer and crossed over into faith and following Jesus yet. “That’s cool. We might be weird, but we’re not as weird as some out there.”
“I knew you were weird, especially with all that dancing stuff,” Zac said, which sparked laughter, and Chris’s comment of “True, that.”
“Hey, it takes a real man to put on dancing shoes. Anyway, I’m not as weird as Chris.”
Zac half-smiled as Chris protested, then shrugged. “But Chris was weird in a way that let me know he cared. So I suppose I just want to know more about… about this God stuff.”
“We’re glad you’re here,” Mike said. “What’s the point in having the hope and joy in life if we never share that with others?”
“Exactly,” Jai agreed. “You’ll find we talk through Bible passages, discuss their relevance, and share about what’s happening in our lives. Then we pray, and Chris and Luc tease people, and we try to support each other however we can. I think of these guys as like my brothers.”
Franklin nodded. “And it extends to our families as well. My sister is in Winnipeg and Luc is keeping an eye on her, so it’s nice to know this extends beyond a video call.”
Zac nodded. “Cool.”
“Speaking of that,” Chris said, “How are things going with Bailey’s weirdo admirer?” He nudged Zac. “She’s Luc’s dancer girlfriend, you know from that show? And she’s got a stalker or something like that. We’ve been praying the police find him soon.”
Luc’s heart tensed. “Still no word.”
“That sucks,” Zac said.
He nodded. “Big time.” But the word “stalker” seemed lodged in his heart, like a stubborn splinter. There might be strain between them, but he needed to talk to her. Pronto. And now he was itching to get home. He glanced at the time. There was still time to call her.
“Oh, and Zac, just a warning,” Ryan said. “If you’re going to hang around us, you need to know that Luc might look really mean, but he’s actually a huge fan of all kinds of girly things.”
“Like dancing?” Zac said, with a small smile.
Luc folded his arms, stuffed down a smile. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“And I heard his favorite movie is Barbie ,” Mike razzed.
“And his favorite color is pink,” Jai said.
“Is that so?” Zac asked.
“For sure,” Luc deadpanned.
Zac grinned. “In that case, I’ll send a grand to your cancer charity if you wear a pink suit to your next game.”
“Five and you’ve got a deal.” What was he saying? He didn’t own a pink suit.
“Now this I want to see.” Chris smirked.
“Just make sure your boy there pays up and you will.”
“Bring it on.” Chris clapped his hands together, and again Luc was reminded to call Bailey.
So with a “Good to have you here” at Zac, and a “keep praying for her” for the rest, Luc ended the video call and called Bailey.
Her phone rang, once, twice, then, “Luc?”
“Bails.” He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry about the other day.”
“No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who flew off the handle. And what’s worse is I knew it at the time, but I did it anyway.”
“I don’t like arguing with you.”
“I don’t like it either.” She sighed. “And the problem is, I don’t know how to argue well, because my family, I mean me, well, we—I have always dealt with disagreements by sweeping them under the carpet. So while I don’t like how this feels, I almost feel like it’s good for me, because it means I’m being honest for once.”
That couldn’t have been easy to admit to. He silently thanked God. “I’m really proud of you, Bails.”
“Thanks, I’m proud of me too. But Luc, I need to tell you about some other things.”
He braced, shoving his face in one hand, his too-long hair flopping over his face. It was way past lettuce, more like cauliflower leaves these days. “What is it?”
“Joanne asked me to join the show again next year.”
“She did? That’s awesome. Congratulations.”
“Do… do you mean that?”
“Of course I do. I don’t say things I don’t mean, Bails. I’m really happy for you. You deserve it.”
“But it would mean me being away for a couple of months or so. I’d be away from you.”
His heart warmed. “Then if it’s the same time of year then maybe I can come too. Dan Walton has a camp in Muskoka he’s always inviting us to help out at. I could go there for a few days, and explore the city with you whenever you were free.”
“You’d do that?”
“Absolutely I would.” His heart trickled with excitement. He could get some training in, or fly to see his folks, then spend every night on dates with her. “Just don’t go getting too tangled in the tango, if you know what I mean.”
She laughed. “Well, while I’m being honest, I should tell you that they’ve also asked me to consider being involved in a dance pro tour in January next year.”
More time apart. But this wasn’t about him. “They had to ask you because you’re the best.”
“Oh, Luc. You’re sweet.”
No, he wasn’t. But he was trying to be kinder, to let God’s grace soften his tough heart. “I really appreciate you being honest with me. Please keep saying what you mean.”
“I’m going to try harder,” she admitted. “And I’m also trying to be more honest with my family.”
She was?
“I talked with my mom today. We both got pretty honest about things. And it felt good, really good. I even contacted Chrissy again.”
“I’m proud of you. That must’ve taken courage.”
“It did. But I’m trying to be braver. You help me to be brave.”
Her words, softly spoken, stole inside and clamped his throat. “I love you Bailey.”
She sniffled, like she might be crying.
“Are you crying?”
“No.”
Sure she wasn’t. “Are you telling the truth?”
“No.”
He laughed, and she did too, and at his favorite sound his heart eased for the first time in too long. “I miss you, Bails.”
“I miss you, too. Just hurry home, okay?”
Home. To Winnipeg. And Bailey.