Chapter Two Caterina
Ear-splitting cries of fear and agony echoed through my ears. Kneeling down onto the clinic floor, I stared into the frightened eyes of a four-year-old girl. “Prometto che non ti farò del male,” I crooned.
It appeared my promise not to hurt her had fallen on deaf ears. Instead of appearing comforted, she shook her head while continuing to cry. I knew it couldn’t possibly be an issue with my translation since I spoke Italian as well as I did English. More specifically, I’d grown up with the same Sicilian dialect as those in the villages around me spoke.
My attention went to her mother who gave me an apologetic smile. “I’ve tried everything to get her to calm down,” she explained.
“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Flavia,” she sniffled.
“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”
With Flavia’s cries waning slightly, I picked up the syringe on the table next to me. I held it out to her. “This is medicine, and it’s meant to help you. You’re only going to feel a little pinch. I bet you won’t even realize you’ve had it.” When her wails started up again, I added, “As soon as it’s over, I’ll let you have an ice cream.”
When her cries abruptly stopped, I knew I’d found the magic word. For some of the children it was ice cream while for others it was candy or maybe a toy. Almost all of them eventually had a breaking point.
“What kind of ice cream would you like?” I asked as I rubbed the alcohol swipe on her arm.
“Chocolate,” Flavia sniffled.
“Mm, chocolate is my favorite, too.” As I brought the needle to her arm, I asked, “What do you like on your ice cream?”
“Sprinkles.”
As I injected the vaccine, I asked, “Rainbow sprinkles?”
“Yes.”
I nodded. After pulling out the needle, I smiled. Just as I had predicted, Flavia barely recognized she’d been given the shot. “Great job!” I exclaimed before putting a band aid on the injection site.
Her eyes popped wide. “It’s done?”
“See, it wasn’t a big deal at all, was it?”
Instead of agreeing with me, Flavia demanded, “Where’s my ice cream?”
I laughed along with her mother. “You’re right. A promise is a promise. I will go grab you one right now.”
As I made my way out of the examining room and down the hall to the kitchen, I smiled and waved at the children in the waiting area. Many of them waved back while others threw me wary gazes. I guess I couldn’t blame them. Although it certainly wasn’t my intention, I was the woman who made other kids cry.
Growing up, I’d never been a big fan of shots myself. My mind flickered back to the times my nanny, Talia, had loaded my brothers and I up in the car to go to the doctor. Of course, our car was actually a bulletproof SUV, and two bodyguards accompanied us. Just like Flavia, I would cry the entire trip. Nothing Talia or my brothers said ever seemed to soothe me. It wasn’t until we swept through the doors of my favorite ice cream parlor that I would finally dry my tears. Just like Flavia, I liked chocolate with rainbow sprinkles.
An ache spread through my chest at the thought of my former life. It happened each and every time I thought about my brothers or Talia. It wasn’t that I was unhappy belonging to the Sacred Heart. It was more that being a novice in a religious order at twenty-one wasn’t exactly how I’d seen my life unfolding.
My shoes shuffled along the aging tile. Our facility wasn’t much to look at both on the inside or outside, but it did so much for the impoverished people of the area. The work my fellow sisters did was a matter of immense pride to myself. I felt extremely blessed to be a part of it.
When I strolled into the kitchen, two large pots bubbled on the burners while two sisters stirred the contents. “Come to help us with the soup?” Sister Lucia asked with a smile.
“While I would love to lend a hand, I’m actually on a mission for something sweet,” I replied as I made my way over to the freezer.
“Let me guess. This one is not for your outrageous sweet tooth, but it’s another bribery for a shot?” she asked.
Laughing, I pulled out a mini container of chocolate ice-cream. “How do you know me so well?”
Sister Lucia winked. “Lucky guess.”
“Any chance we have rainbow sprinkles?”
“I think there might be a jar left in the pantry,” Sister Maria replied.
“Thanks.” After peeking in the pantry, I began eyeing the shelves. Today was a lucky day apparently because I found a half empty jar. Normally, the order didn’t allocate funds for treats. The money we spent went only for basic needs. But I snuck the allowance from my trust fund into the budget to ensure we had treats for the kids and even the parents.
I shoved the sprinkles into my skirt pocket and made my way out of the kitchen. As I walked past a mirror, I used my free hand to tuck back the hair that escaped my ponytail. I didn’t have time to stop and redo it. I’d been eternally grateful when I joined the Sacred Heart that their more modern rules didn’t dictate that we had to wear a habit or robes. Instead, we wore black or navy calf length skirts and white or gray blouses while our hair remained uncovered.
When I arrived back at the examination room, I handed Flavia the ice cream. Then I dug the sprinkles out of my pocket. Her eyes popped wide with excitement. “Thank you, sister.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied. After covering the ice cream with sprinkles, I smiled. “Take care.”
Once Flavia and her mother exited the room, I moved on to my next patient. Anyone who presented with serious issues was moved on to the doctor. In my brief medical course with the order, I’d been taught how to take blood pressure, administer vaccines, and clean wounds. Back home, I would barely be qualified as a CNA, but here, what skills I had were very needed.
After making it through the rest of the patients, it was almost closing time. I’d just come out to the main room when Amara, a blonde girl with pigtails, approached me. “Sister Cat, will you read us a story?”
Although I had a million things to do to close down the clinic for the day, I could never tell the children no. They were truly my weakness. Besides my brothers, they were the thing I truly missed from the outside world, or I guess I should say the world outside of the Sacred Heart. Growing up in a large Italian family, I’d never been at loss for endless numbers of cousins. Before I was ten, I’d garnered the nickname of Baby Whisperer.
Smiling at Amara, I replied, “I would love to.”
She shoved a book into my hand. “Read this one, please.”
“Of course,” I replied, as I eased down in a chair. Amara waved over several other children who were waiting as their mothers visited the food pantry. “Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a beautiful princess who was locked away in a castle…”
Although my eyes focused on the words on the page, my mind became spirited miles away in another place and time. Once upon a time, I had been a princess held captive in a castle. Instead of a faraway land, I’d been born and raised in Manhattan, and my castle came in the form of a penthouse on the Upper East Side as well as a mansion in the Hamptons.
A handsome prince had never come to rescue me from my prison where we could live happily ever after.
Instead, six months after I turned eighteen, a marriage contract had been brokered with a man twenty-five years older than me. A man who I’d never seen, least of all spoken to. The first time I’d met him was when I’d been paraded in front of him in my father’s office. Just the thought of that day sent a shiver of dread down my spine.
Without even a hello or a handshake, Carmine Lucero had leered at me. His lecherous gaze had first focused on my breasts before trailing down. He’d licked his lips at the sight of my legs. After smacking my father on the back, he bellowed, “You’ve produced quite a specimen, Alessio. With those child-bearing hips, I’m sure she’ll give me many sons.”
Carmine’s first wife had died unexpectedly, if not somewhat suspiciously, leaving him with three daughters to raise. Daughters who would make me an instant mother upon our marriage. One of which was only four years younger than me.
After sliding an enormous diamond on my left finger, Carmine asked to be alone with me. Although I knew better than to vocalize my fear to my father, I’d tried conveying it with my eyes. He’d merely given me a disapproving shake of his head before he left us alone.
Carmine loomed over me. I kept backing away from him until I bumped into the wall. “I’m going to enjoy breaking you in.”
When he’d dipped his head to kiss me, I’d darted away from him. But he grabbed me by the arms and shoved me back against the wall. “You will let me kiss you.”
“I’m not supposed to kiss you until we’re legally married,” I protested.
“Our contract is enough.”
Thrashing against him, I shouted, “You will not disrespect me in this way!”
“Listen to me, you little cunt. When we are married, I will disrespect you in any way I see fit. I’ll fuck you in any way I see fit, and you’ll take it because you’ll be my wife.”
In that moment, my disgust and hatred of him overtook my fear. All of the lessons of obedience my mother had forced upon me escaped me. Rage like I’d never known possible rocketed through my veins, and I didn’t stop to question my actions.
I reacted.
Rearing back, I spat into his face.
Carmine had flushed with a hideous violet fury before his meaty palm struck my cheek. “If you ever even think of doing that again, I will let every one of my soldiers fuck you before I traffic you somewhere your father and brothers will never find you.”
At his threat of rape and trafficking, fear overwhelmed me, causing my knees to buckle. I slid down the wall. After cupping my stinging cheek, I feebly protested, “I’ll tell my father what you said. He’ll break the contract this instant.”
Carmine’s lips curled into a sneer. “Who do you think he’ll believe? A well-respected Made Man like myself who brings much to the table, or the girl who is so desperate not to marry that she would say or do anything not to make it happen?”
And as I had cowered there on the floor, I knew he was right. In that moment, the old Caterina had splintered into jagged pieces. Without a handsome prince to whisk me away, I’d been forced to put myself back together again.
I had to rescue myself.
I’d refused to be nothing more than a powerful man’s wife or a breeding machine for his heirs. I’d refused to live with bruises on my body from being beaten or raped by husband. I’d refused to let my life be controlled by a man.
Instead, I’d turned to the sisterhood. In spite of attending mass religiously, anyone who knew me would’ve never fathomed I could possibly join a convent. Since I reveled in loud music, designer clothes, and an occasional alcoholic drink, I wasn’t what one imagined in a potential woman of the cloth.
Within a career you make personal sacrifices in order to adhere to the expectations of a company or your boss. I’d done the same thing when I’d joined the Sacred Heart.
Even though I’d come from immense wealth, I wasn’t so spoiled that I couldn’t take the vow of poverty. With a controlling father and an emotionally absent mother, I’d witnessed firsthand how money didn’t buy happiness.
While it had been expected of me to always play by the rules, I’d never rebelled until it came to marrying Carmine. In that respect, the vow of obedience wasn’t an issue either.
And as for the one so identified with being a nun, I was as chaste as they came. Like everything in my life, my virginity wasn’t my own. It belonged to my future husband. To ensure that I was pure, I never had an encounter with a guy that wasn’t chaperoned. I’d managed one brief kiss with a boy from school, but that was it. I was completely untouched by men.
Two and a half years had passed since I’d escaped to the sisterhood. Some days it felt like just yesterday while others felt like decades had passed. My choice still enraged my father as well as my former fiancé. Since the only thing my father truly feared in life was God, he hadn’t dared to force me leave the order. Instead, he’d told me I was dead to him, which I felt was a willing sacrifice to make to earn my freedom.
After I finished the book to a round of hugs from the children, I followed their mothers to the door where I locked it for the night. Before I could start putting away misplaced items, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Because of our remote location, it was necessary for the four of us sisters to keep a phone. When I dug it out, happiness rippled through me as I eyed the screen.
Once I swiped the answer button, I grinned at the faces of my three brothers. Tall, impossibly built, and devastatingly handsome was how they were described in the newspapers and social media in New York. But to me, they were the kindest and most wonderful big brothers any girl could ever ask for.
At twenty-eight, Raphael, or Rafe, was the oldest followed by Leandro, or Leo, at twenty-six, and then Gianni at twenty-five. All three had jet black hair, onyx eyes, and bulging muscles earned not just from workouts in the gym. They were all Made Men, and each held an important rank in the Famiglia.
“Hey guys!”
“Happy Birthday!” they shouted in unison.
I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my cheeks. “Thank you. You don’t know how much it means to hear from family today.”
Although this was the third birthday I’d experienced in the order, I still wasn’t used to spending it away from the outside world. Growing up, my parents had thrown lavish birthday parties with hundreds of guests, tables of food, and outlandish party themes like an amusement park on our back lawn. But their efforts were more a show of our wealth than love for their children.
“I can’t believe our baby sister is twenty-one,” Raphael commented.
Gianni nodded. “It makes me feel so old.”
I snorted. “Like you’re so much older than me, G.”
“But being twenty-one means you’re not a baby anymore, Kitty Cat,” Gianni replied.
“Ugh, do not call me by that old nickname.”
The boys chuckled at my outrage. For as long as I could remember, they’d tortured me with the nickname. As a child, it was only mildly annoying, but it was the bane of my existence as a teenager. Wanting to change the subject, I asked. “How’s Mom?”
Leo rolled his eyes. “Keeping the boutiques and fine restaurants in business with her excessive shopping excursions and social lunches.”
I laughed. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Growing up, my mother resembled the epitome of an ice princess Mafia wife. The boys and I had always been closer to our nanny, Talia. She raised us like we were her own. Since entering the order, my mother hadn’t contacted me, but I spoke to Talia at least once or twice a month.
“We have big news,” Rafe pronounced.
My brows popped in surprise. “One of you is getting married?”
When a chorus of grunts and groans came back to me, I cocked my head at them. “Seriously? I can’t believe Father has let you all stay bachelors this long, especially you Rafe.”
With a roll of his eyes, Rafe replied, “You know how Father has always said a man shouldn’t tie himself down before thirty. His sole focus should be on the Familigia.”
Leo grinned at Rafe. “But rumor has it he’s been in talks about your future bride.”
“I have at least another two years of freedom, thank God,”
“Well, if impending matrimony isn’t the news, what is it?” I asked.
“We’re coming to see you,” Gianni replied with a grin.
“Really?”
Rafe nodded. “We’re going to be in Milan next week for business, and we thought we’d fly over to Palermo on the way home.”
“Oh my God, guys! This truly makes my birthday.”
Rafe winked. “We knew it would, kiddo.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re so humble.”
“What about tonight? Got big plans?” Leo teased.
“Totally. The sisters are taking me for drinks and dancing.” Waggling my brows, I whispered, “Rumor is Sister Lucia and Sister Antonia might even take off their habits.”
My brothers chuckled. “Still our smart-mouth baby sister, I see,” Gianni replied.
“Yes, in more ways than one since that’s Sister Caterina now.”
Their smiles faded. Even after the last two and a half years, they still couldn’t grasp my choice. More than anything, they didn’t want me thousands of miles away. “Remind me again. How long is it until you take your Perpetual Vows and become a full-fledged nun?” Leo asked.
The boys held out hope that as long as I hadn’t taken my final vows, I could leave the order and return back to them. I didn’t know how to get it through to them that I would never be coming back. Not as long as I still faced an arranged marriage from my father. “Three years.”
“That soon?” Gianni asked with a wince.
“Yes.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched. “You wouldn’t have to go through with final vows if Father was dead.”
“Considering he’s only sixty-five and in relatively good health, I don’t see that happening anytime soon,” I replied.
Leo’s dark eyes glittered with malice. “Accidents happen every day, especially to men in our line of work.”
At Rafe’s slow nod of approval, I shook my head. “I won’t let you have that on your consciences.”
“Let us worry about that,” Gianni said.
As I stared into their earnest faces, there was a small part of me that wanted to take them up on their offer. While I was content in the order, it wasn’t what I’d envisioned for my life. But at the same time, I’d made my choice, and I couldn’t let my brothers kill our father just so that I could have my way.
“It’s a mortal sin just talking about it, least of all doing it,” I whispered.
Rafe sighed. “We would do anything for you, Kitty Cat.”
Tears stung my eyes. “I know you would, and I love you all so very much for that.”
“And we love you,” Gianni said.
Leo smiled at me. “Dry your tears, Kitty Cat. We wouldn’t have you crying on your birthday for anything in the world.”
I laughed as I wiped my cheeks. “Don’t worry. They’re happy tears, I promise. Especially since I get to see you in a few weeks.”
“Be thinking of where you’d like to go or what you’d like to see,” Rafe suggested.
Leo nodded. “We’ll fly you anywhere you want to go.
“I think it’ll be more of where I’m allowed to go.”
“Surely sisters get time off.
“They do. But I don’t know how much G-rated fun you guys will be into.”
With a snort, Leo replied, “Like we would take our baby sister clubbing even if you weren’t in a religious order.”
“You guys are no fun,” I teasingly replied.
“See you soon, Kitty Cat,” Rafe said while Leo and Gianni waved.
After blowing them a kiss, I hung up. Cradling the phone against my chest, I didn’t bother fighting the tears. I let them flow freely down my cheeks. My shoulders rose and fell with harsh sobs.
At that moment, I didn’t care about all the good I was doing through the order or my victory against my father. All I wanted was to be back home in New York, surrounded by brothers while eating one of Talia’s famous cakes.
“Caterina?” Sister Lucia questioned.
Sniffling, I swiped my eyes. “Yes?”
“There’s something that needs your attention in the kitchen.”
“Right. Of course.” Ducking my head so she wouldn’t see my tears, I rose off my chair and followed her down the hall.
When I got to the kitchen, I furrowed my brows at the darkness. “Oh no. Don’t tell me the electricity has gone on the fritz again,” I groaned.
The lights flashed on, and “Surprise!” erupted in the room. The waterworks started again at the sight of my three fellow sisters holding a small cake with a lit candle.
“Happy Birthday, Caterina,” Sister Lucia said with a smile.
A grin stretched across my face. “I can’t believe you guys did this.”
“It isn’t every day you turn twenty-one,” Sister Antonia replied in her diplomatic way. Since the day I’d arrived in the village, she’d felt like my long-lost grandmother. Especially considering she was just as strict and stern as my Nonna had been. One of her hands weathered with age motioned for me to blow out the candle. “Make a wish.”
The selfish part of me wanted to argue that as long as I lived in the order, there wasn’t anything to wish for. My life didn’t truly belong to me anymore. Of course, the rational side argued that I could wish for good health and happiness in my journey. But for the first time in a long time, something felt missing.
A strange emptiness had started plaguing me. I’d tried arguing that it was because I was turning twenty-one, which was a rite of passage. Back in the states, it would’ve meant a party with free-flowing alcohol. In another life, it would’ve meant closing in on my last year of college.
When Sister Antonia frowned at my hesitation, I forced a smile on my face. “I’m sorry. I was trying to decide what to wish for.”
“My child it’s as simple as asking for the Lord’s will to be done.”
When I leaned over the cake, I shut my eyes. As I blew air from my lips, I didn’t go with Sister Antonia’s words for fear that voicing a wish aloud might make it not come true. Instead, I wished for my true path to be fulfilled.