28. Ivy #3
But… why did everyone in my life go along with this fable?
Grammy, Gramps, and Samuel likely knew all this, but why did they—WHY?
A pain so wretched, vicious, and ugly takes root in the pit of my soul.
“You can tell all those colorful lies to yourself all you want, but the truth is you got rid of me because I was born sick.”
Beverly gasps. “Y-you know?” she asks, walking toward me in a rush. “I told your grandmother to not tell you unless it was necessary.”
I laugh. “Even though you were not in my life, you still wanted to control it! You are such an incredible mother, Beverly! You deserve a crown!”
Growing up, I was always aware that there were things Grammy and Samuel kept from me.
They would give me concerned looks, whisper to each other, but shut up when I asked what was wrong.
The worst thing is, I’ve always been painfully aware that there’s something incredibly wrong with me, and after all these years of wondering, I know it’s connected to my health.
“Your husband obviously knew I wasn’t his. Why did he go along with it anyway?”
Beverly is silent for a while before she clears her throat, but tears are still falling down her cheeks.
“Daughters are much more valuable for ambition in this dark world. Of course he went along with it.”
“In other words, you already knew he’d do all that messed-up nonsense! You knew he’d one day come for me to complete those shady deals, didn’t you?”
A determined look appears in her eyes.
“Politics is incredibly dirty and in order for me to survive to protect my loved ones, I had to fully immerse myself in it. You can’t be ignorant and choose to stay in the backseat while evil makes decisions for you.
That’s not something I’ll ever allow, not when my babies’ lives are going to be used as kindling for the fire. ”
I’m so stunned, I don’t even know what to think or say right now.
“You should remember that,” she tells me in a somber tone. “You’re now part of this, but it’s not roses and sunshine, Ivy! If you can’t be as ruthless, then get out! Get out while you still can, or else who knows where you’ll end up?”
Feeling sick to my stomach, I nod and head for the door to leave, but something else tingles at the back of my head.
“Your friend from back home, it was Daphne Easton, wasn’t it?”
The look on her face is confirmation enough.
“Which means the son she gave birth to was Emmett.”
“She had another child later too. Your grandfather delivered the baby in secret.”
Lara! Emmett’s sister that he rejected and never acknowledges.
“Teddy’s connection in the Easton Family wasn’t through Daphne. He already had one and they planned together to kill her!” Beverly calls after me as I leave. “You were there that night when your grandfather saved Daphne, then the accident happened.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Teddy might be dead, but his contacts now know that the witness to those crimes is you. They will come for you!” Beverly cries. “Get out of here and hide, Ivy! These people are no good for you. As for me, I don’t mind being a prisoner, so long as you’re safe. Leave this place!”
I quickly leave, my mind buzzing with everything my mother just said. Ty drives the cart back to the residence.
Now, in retrospect and with all this information, I see how messed up my life became from just one choice my mother made.
Mothers are crucial to a child’s emotional, psychological, and cognitive development.
A father’s active and involved constant presence shapes the child’s confidence, reliance, and identity.
I’ve grown up with skewed perspectives on relationships, on love, on life, on my own self-worth, even concerning the goodness of God!
I developed this irrational, pathetic need to hang on to things and people that don’t want me, with an indescribable fear that they’d abandon me too.
So is it any wonder that I ignored Emmett’s words, and instead magnified his actions toward me?
I intentionally mistook his kindness, generosity, and fierce protection toward his friends as a sign that he did care for me too and that one day, he would love me too?
But that will never happen.
“Ty?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I ignore that moniker and focus on my train of thought.
“Can you tell me about Emmett’s health over the years?”
At this, Ty glances at me curiously. “Ma’am?”
“I mean, I know he just had a heart transplant surgery. How many of those has he had?”
“Transplants? Only three times. The first was when he was one year old, it lasted for almost ten years until a rapid and sudden regression. Then another when he was ten years old that, well, didn’t last a fortnight.
Then this most recent one,” Ty explains silently.
“But between each one, he has had multiple surgeries, temporary pacemakers, valvular repairs, aortic stenosis corrections, three years ago, he got a ventricular assist device.”
I feel my own heart pause in my chest.
“He got a VAD?”
I’ve studied so much about heart conditions, different types of surgeries… how can I not know about VADs?
Ty is silent for a while, a heaviness I can’t describe falling between us in the cart.
“The young master has fallen into regression and heart failure more times than I can count. The most recent time, the VAD was replaced three times over the past three years. In fact, the time he came back from that Christmas trip, we had to immediately rush him into surgery. He was bedridden for two months.”
Oh God.
He had just rejected me at that Christmas vacation. I never once looked for him, nor did I care what he was up to.
“With the last VAD replacement, the doctor said the young master didn’t have long anymore,” Ty says silently. “It was a miracle when the doctors that have been researching his case called with the news a few weeks ago.”
“Was this surgery not a possibility before?” I ask, my mind racing. “Why didn’t he have the heart transplant before?”
“Young miss?—”
“Please just answer the question, Ty. Why didn’t he get it done before, maybe after that last fail?”
Ty hesitates before he answers, confirming what I already knew.
“The young master wasn’t interested in another transplant. He said it was unnecessary.”
“It was unnecessary, huh?” I mutter to myself. “And he did it this time? Why? Is the new heart more durable?”
“It’s too early to tell.”
I shake my head.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should be jumping for joy, thank God that Emmett is finally fighting for his life for once… but what about me?
What about all the years I spent making it painfully obvious that I loved him? Did he not see me? Was I not enough to fight for then, or did he just enjoy my misery?
All these years, he watched me act a fool, looking for my mother and father, all the while he knew exactly who they were and what happened but never told me a thing!
Is Beverly right? Am I being played all over again? Being swathed and blinded by his vindictive charm.
“Ty, is your boss planning something to avenge his mother?”
“Well, yes, but?—"
“Was marrying me a way for him to gain the power he needs for that to happen?”
“Uh, Young Miss, yes, that’s true but?—"
“Thanks for the info, Ty.”
He didn’t get that surgery for me. He has never wanted to live for me. If he did, he would’ve done it years ago.
He’s doing all this for himself and keeping me on a leash while doing it.
“When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Maya Angelou was right.
I have to believe what I know for sure. Beverly might be many things, but she wasn’t lying.
So, I fish out my phone from my back pocket and scroll to a number I’ve never called but have texted several times.
“Beautiful Ivy,” George answers on the first ring. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Ivy?”
“I need your help.”
“Anything for you. What do you need?”
Here goes…