33. Ivy
Ivy
I hear sobbing coming from somewhere.
Or am I dreaming?
The sobbing continues, then I hear a low, guttural voice speaking against my ear.
“God, I’ve never prayed to You before because I’ve been mad at You for a lot of things. I was mad that You didn’t give me a good heart. I was mad that You didn’t protect my mother. But God, I need You now! Please, I need You more than ever!
“You know I’ve only ever been in love with Ivy.
I know You placed her in my life for me.
At first, I didn’t realize it, then I got mad at You again for giving her to someone like me, but God, please!
Please save her. You’re the only One who’s able to.
Save her anyway! I’ll give up my own life if You want me to!
And I’ve also learned to love the life You’ve given me aches and all!
Please, God, please open her eyes. I can’t… ”
The groggy, heavy voice trails off as silent sobs sound close to me.
“Open your eyes, baby,” the voice speaks against my ear. “Let me see you, please.”
I want to open my eyes, but I just can’t.
“I love you, Angel.”
Huh?
“I fell in love with you the moment you cursed me out for taking life too simply and I’ve never stopped loving you since.”
Is he…
“Everything stupid I did, the sports I played when I shouldn’t have, I did it all just so you would look at me, baby.
I felt like I would die if I wasn’t near you.
You weren’t wrong when you accused me of intentionally making you listen to my heart.
If you didn’t press your ear against my chest, I would go crazy with need.
“When you had to leave Westbrook Blues, things went to hell for me those four years. I had to get you back. I was ready to confess to you how I felt, not knowing how you’d react, but some things happened that made me realize that I was the danger to you.
The more I stayed close to you, the more your life was a target.
And for that, I’ll forever be sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.
Now, please wake up let me love you. Even if you don’t want me anymore, you still need to live, Angel.
You have yet to do all the things you’ve always wanted to do! Wake up!”
I remain at the edge of consciousness, listening until I feel him unwrap his arms around me and get up. He presses a kiss to my forehead and then he leaves.
Soon after, I hear the nurses come in and the on-call doctors doing their rounds.
This happens a few more times.
He sneaks into my bed, holds me and tells me things, and then he leaves silently.
Then I discover why he’s timing has been so perfect.
“It was some idiot that was after him, but he was taken down by that guy’s people. Yes, he was shot just below the ribs, Grammy, but he’ll live! Forget about him!” Samuel bellows. “My thing is, he should be moved to another hospital altogether! Why is he next door?”
“You heard the doctor,” Grammy answers. “The lot of them do better when they’re close to each other. Look at how much your sister has improved. Besides, you have interfered in their affairs too many times. You had no right even back then.”
“God, Grammy, I always look back to when we came back here and I ask myself if I made the right decision when I told Emmett to reject my sister,” Samuel says in a low, depressed tone. “I just… I screwed up so bad and now all this happened.”
“Forgive yourself, Samuel. You can’t know everything.”
“She’s my baby sister, Grammy.”
“But she’s not a baby anymore. Let your sister be.”
“Yeah, but who called that woman here?”
“That’s your mother, boy.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you are my mother!”
“It’s all right, Mama,” I hear Beverly’s unmistakable voice. “I shouldn’t be here. It’s just when I heard what happened, I had to come and see her.”
“Uh-huh, why don’t you tell us exactly what happened in New York City, then?” my brother demands.
“That’s a long, complicated story, but Ivy saved mine and your half-sister’s life.”
I check out after that, only to wake up later when I feel a familiar weight squeezing in with me.
“Hi, baby,” he whispers against the crown of my head. “Your chart says you’re both doing so well. Good girl!”
My heart skips a beat, and my eyes fly open of their own volition.
“There you are,” Emmett says huskily. “I missed these gorgeous eyes.”
I stare at him, shell-shocked by what he just said.
“You know?” I demand, but my voice is scratchy and horrible.
He knows I’m pregnant.
Emmett silently pours me a cup of water then adds a straw and passes it to me, encouraging me to drink slowly.
“Your boobs were bigger when you came back from Cape Town or wherever the fuck you and that troublemaker went off to.”
“My b-boobs?” I croak.
“Paying attention to you has been my only form of relief all our lives, Angel. Of course I noticed you were pregnant.”
My heart leaps into my throat.
“I was also wondering when you were going to open your eyes. I knew you’ve been awake all along.”
“You knew that too?”
“I know everything about you.”
I stare at him, as tears start welling up in my eyes.
“God, Angel, I’m so sorry. You don’t know how much it’s killing me that this happened to you. I know nothing I say or do will ever atone for the pain or the suffering, but I promise, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you in some way.”
“Even if I don’t want you back?” I croak.
Emmett’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “Yes, no matter what you want, I’ll honor your wishes, but there’s no one else for me but you. I just wanted to apologize and tell you it was never your fault! You were never wrong! Everything that happened was my fault.”
Tears, fast and hot, fall down my cheeks as I stare into the green orbs I haven’t seen in a while.
“You made me crash and burn,” I whisper.
“I know.”
“You made me want to die.”
“Fuck.”
“And then you come saving me from it multiple times, why?”
“Because I love you,” he confesses easily. “This was never unrequited love, Angel. You have to know that I have always loved you. How could I just let you die?”
I think this is the moment where I really die. I can’t believe I’m hearing him say it.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I still have to call him out on a few things.
“So you know that feeling, then?” I whisper brokenly. “How do you think I felt when I knew you were just as suicidal, if not more?”
Emmett sucks in a sharp breath, but he doesn’t look away. He’s not hiding this time.
“You knew?” he asks gruffly.
“How can I not know?” I cry. “I know everything about you too.”
“Jesus, Ivy… you have me undone.”
“You lost your family. I did too. I wanted us to start our own because I thought maybe then you’d find a reason to stay and fight.”
To my shock, a lone tear trails down Emmet’s face. “That’s why you wanted a baby?”
I look away from him.
“When you love someone sincerely, you hope that they do well, whether or not they love you back. Three years ago, when I tried taking my own life, you found me in time, got me help and then kept it a secret from my grandmother and brother. You protected me. I just wanted to do the same.”
“Ivy,” he breathes shakily. “You have always been the reason I wanted to stay! I just… I thought it was already impossible between us and the least I could do is stay alive long enough to see you grow up and become whoever you wanted to be. I thought if I kept my distance, I wouldn’t hurt you but support you, protect you, provide you with whatever you needed…
but in the end, I just hurt you even more. ”
“You did,” I say not sugarcoating it. “It was a good plan to keep your distance. Why didn’t you continue?”
“Because each time I saw you, I ignored that plan,” he whispers. “Each time I saw you, my heart worked and failed all at the same time.”
“Huh?”
“When you looked at me, the blaze roared. When King kissed you when we were teenagers, I beat him up badly. And each time you avoided me, I felt a dissolution in my soul that wouldn’t go away until you smiled at me again.
I believed staying as far away from you would not only protect you from those who would seek to come after me, because as you have seen, there are many, but I thought you wouldn’t be hurt when I eventually croak. ”
“Don’t say that!” I snap, hurt by that last part. “Apologize.”
Emmett hugs me to him even tighter, his lips pressing featherlight kisses to my temple, the shell of my ear and the crook of my neck.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters softly, I melt. “I’m sorry for lying through my teeth that I didn’t want you when that’s the biggest and deepest lie I’ve ever told. I’m sorry for doing and saying all that crap just to hide how much I craved you, needed you, obsessed over you and wanting only you.”
I think my own heart stops beating right there and then.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says in a tone so mellow and deep; I start sobbing. “For being so busy in my head and not seeing just how lucky and blessed I already was because you, Ivy Marie Easton, you’re a once in an eternity kind of love.”
“Jesus,” I gasp, burying my head in his chest.
“I’m sorry that I never stopped to confess all this to you, even after we got married.
All our lives since I met you, my one mission had been to keep you safe.
Yes, I was also looking for my mother, but you overrode all other senses in me to the point where I got stuck in that survival mode even after I had you,” he whispers.
“But the truth is, I was struck with fear.”
“Tell me,” I whisper back.
“Fear that you truly hated me and didn’t want me anymore,” he groans sadly.
“Emmett,” I cry. “Why would you think that?”