Chapter 30
Corvus
Dalton’s place is a dump. The only time I ever visit apartments like this is to capture or question some lowlife down on his luck, but this… this bachelor pad from hell is where Dalton spent last night.
The trash scattered over counters doesn’t feel like messiness but rather like a naturally-occurring sediment, sand brought in by the tide. As if a place this run-down couldn’t possibly exist without a pile of empty pizza boxes in the corner, or the tiny shower stall tucked by the kitchenette.
In the bitterly cold apartment, the king-sized mattress resting on the bare floor looks almost inviting.
It is one of those places a man might leave utterly wrecked, then roll off onto the floor, cover himself with a garment from the pile right next to the bed, and then proceed to his walk of shame.
A place for the fuck of a lifetime you’d tell no one about.
We could continue our conversation someplace more comfortable, but I don’t want to let go of his hand or wait twenty minutes until I get to feel his skin against mine. I want to be with him, and it doesn’t matter where.
“I missed you,” I tell him, pushing one hand under his T-shirt. He’s mine. The ring on his finger tells me so, and I’ll make sure he always feels worthy of me.
Dalton gives me a soft kiss. “I wanna tease you that it’s only been a day, but I really had a rough time.
It feels like someone took a scalpel and cut you away from me.
” He hastily adjusts the comforter before we sit on it.
“I’m sorry, it’s so messy. I just didn’t think…
Dad did always tell me I’m only good at fighting.
Exes did say I’m a good lay, but no one’s ever mentioned cleaning, I’m afraid. ”
The apologetic smile he offers does something to my chest, and I pull him close to kiss his lips.
“Stop apologizing. Your exes don’t matter anymore, and neither does anything they had to say.
And don’t even start me on your bastard father,” I add, because that man sickens me so deeply I would have gladly played with him in my dungeon, if he wasn’t already dead.
The relationship I had with my own father was difficult and strained, but he cared for me more than he cared for his own life. Dalton didn’t have that, but if he lets me, I will show him there’s so much more to him than he’s been taught.
Emotion wells up inside me, until I’m too confused to dress it up in adequate words. But he’s still watching me, waiting, so I blurt out, “I just want you back with me, so I can feel again.”
Dalton’s eyes soften and he pulls my legs over his lap. “Oh yeah? How do I make you feel?”
I stall, air trapped at the back of my throat as he peels back the layers I use for protection and sees the real me underneath. He’s always been so understanding, never judged me for the things I like in bed, never told anyone. With him… I feel safe.
“You make me feel like I deserve more than the life everyone expects of me. I’ve always been ashamed of my secret, the secret that killed my father,” I whisper, playing with his fingers. “But you always just took me the way I am, and never teased me.”
There’s such comfort and safety in his touch, so when he pulls me closer, I yield without question.
“Because the real you is the man I fell for.” He kisses my cheek, his skin and hair soaked with the familiar notes of cigarette smoke and the perfume I composed for him while I was still in denial about my feelings.
He must have used it today, even though we parted in such a bitter way. “I love it when you lose yourself.”
My heart flutters, as if I am that dumb teenager again, ready to have the tiniest sample of what love might feel like, but this time I’m not in danger.
He’s not here to hunt me down. Dalton cares for me and offers me so much more than just the fleeting taste of lust masquerading as affection.
I open my mouth to tell him he has my trust when my gaze strays to a shining bit of metal resting on the floor by the mattress.
Handcuffs. And not the flimsy sex shop kind with pink fur.
“Oh… wow, I didn’t know you were into… that,” I say, choosing to be brave and pick up the cuffs.
Dalton chuckles but I don’t miss the hint of pink on his cheeks. “I guess I did complain when you cuffed me that first time at the Van der Horn manor…”
That night we shared feels like something that happened ages ago to someone much more ruthless than me. But it’s true. I used him. I wanted him to feel powerless and scared as he fulfilled my desires, and I’m ashamed of it. “Oh God, don’t remind me. Do you like it the other way around?”
“Um… yeah. Sometimes. Is that… of interest?”
I shouldn’t be getting flustered. This man has seen me in so many compromising moments, but I can’t help it. The wave of embarrassment only disperses when I realize how little I know about his preferences and wants.
From the start, I wanted to make everything in our relationship about me, and told myself Dalton was being paid handsomely in freedom, luxury, and my company. All lies born out of selfishness.
Dalton instead has been watching and listening to pick up on things that make me happy.
Even now, he’s flipping the question on me, to please me.
He’s always been asking about what I like in one way or another, pulling it all out of me with a gentleness that soothes my abrasive nature.
I appreciate it. But now is my time to know more about him and show I’m not just a taker.
“Don’t do that, Dalton,” I say and kiss him when his smile falters. “Just answer the question. It doesn’t matter what I like. I want to know what you find hot. What you need,” I add and crawl closer, until my hip sits against his.
I know I’ve hit the nail on the head when a new spark lights up his eyes and he bites his lip, so warm and alive against me.
“You know I like to… take charge in bed. But I didn’t want to go this far with you, since you sometimes even get a bit twitchy when I hold down your wrists for too long.
” Oh. So he’s noticed that. Of course he did.
“It turns me on to watch my lover—to watch you squirm, and moan, and… handcuffs can raise the stakes. I like to feel like you have to depend on me to come. That I can push you to your limit. That you might have to beg to get off.”
I find myself listening to him with my mouth open, because he makes it all sound so tasty. “That’s what turns you on? Having someone at your mercy?” I whisper, somewhat embarrassed that I can’t bring myself to talk any louder even though it’s just the two of us here.
He chuckles and nuzzles my ear. “Not in a cruel way.”
There’s a pulsing in my ears, and my skin burns where it’s touching Dalton’s. “Would you like to do that with me too?”
“Yes,” he says as he slides his hand between my legs.
“If you want it. My biggest turn-on is to see you in pleasure. Trembling, and drooling into the pillow as you try to hold in the moans, but you just can’t.
Because of me.” Sparks of arousal jet down my spine when the soft rasp in his voice caresses my ears.
I can’t deny him anything when he’s speaking straight to the wild, lusty animal inside me. Sometimes, I feel like there’s two of me, and Dalton is the only one who’s gotten to meet them both. “Only because of you. I only trust you like this,” I assure him, hands climbing his firm chest.
“Trust me enough to let me use these?” Dalton asks with a glint of excitement in his eyes.
I sneak a glance at the mattress under us. The yellow light of a single bulb above is painfully vivid, and anything but romantic, but as I sink into the depths of his warm green eyes, such details don’t matter. I want to be his. Here, in his space. I want him to never forget this day.
“Yes,” I whisper, pushing my forehead to his.
Dalton gently takes the cuffs from my hand. “But I’d like to leave that for another time. I… I just need to be close tonight. I love you.”
I don’t get to think it through. His kiss is so deep it goes straight to my head.
His breath is cigarettes and mint, and it feels only natural to take a deeper taste with my tongue.
Dalton is quick to take over the kiss, and soon I’m on my back, his bulky form keeping me warm in the cold room as we thrust together like two animals fighting for dominance. But it’s an illusion, because my lover knows how to make my body sing.
His lips never leave mine as he slides his hands over my sides, worshipping me with his touch. It’s always so intense with him, but somehow now, in this dirty room with a single radiator that barely functions, his touch feels like embers flaring up desires I haven’t let myself explore.
Hot breath on my neck.
I arch toward it, wordlessly begging for lips, tongue, teeth, and when he parts my legs, settling between them, I’m overcome by the sweetness of his weight.
I can’t ever allow myself to lose him again.
“I missed you so much…”
“I was losing my mind without you,” Dalton whispers under my jaw as his cool fingers slip under my sweater. How did I miss the moment he became my whole world? I broke all my rules for him, and I’ll never regret it.
We lose our clothes, breaking our kiss only when it’s necessary, and when I pull his sturdy form closer, rubbing my chest against his hairy skin, I’m relieved my hands are not cuffed after all.
I want to hold him. I want my nails to bite into his flesh when he enters me. I want to grab his ass and pull him in deeper.
“More, now,” I rasp when he bites the side of my neck. “Leave your mark.”
“Like this?” Dalton sucks in the skin at the base of my neck to the point of pain, but it only makes my dick twitch between us. I want to see the ghost of this moment on me tomorrow.
I never let sex be about more than physical pleasure. I rejected the real closeness even with Dalton. Now, I’m letting myself feel it all and let emotions wash over me as I think of the ring on his finger.