Chapter 44 Malena
Malena
Alow hum of white noise poured out of my headphones.
I spent the early hours of Saturday morning crying and eating ramen. Saturday night, Cora made cocktails and we watched movies. And now, Sunday morning was here and I faced the prospect of returning to class tomorrow, where I’d have to act like I was fine.
So, I decided to ignore the world in exchange for a different one.
A dragon rider, dark magic, a plot to avenge her slain family, and all the rage I wasn’t allowed to express spilled on the pages of my paperback and let me dissociate for just long enough to finally stop crying.
Between the book and the white noise, I’d been sucked into a new world.
“Mal?” A voice cut through right as I got to the part where the heroine was assembling her team.
I looked up from my book and gasped, letting it fall to the bed at my side as I scrambled to untangle myself from my sheets. “Sabrina?”
Her hair was down, and it sat a little shorter and a lot blonder than when I saw her last. I rushed to meet her in the doorway, and before I could say anything, the soft wool from her sweater encased me in a tight hug.
“You’re blond.” I held her shoulders, nudging her back and staring in disbelief.
For years, Sabrina had been dyeing her hair to look less like her very famous family. So this was big. Bravery, for me, was honesty. For Sabrina, it was embracing who she was: an Alders.
“It looks great,” I added, running my fingers through the golden locks. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to come home a little early to sit through some press obligations with my parents. Figured I’d stay this week since it’s a short one anyway.
You finish up classes on Tuesday, right?
” When I didn’t speak, gentle lines spanned her brow and curved around the corners of her downturned lips. “Are you okay?”
She looked over her shoulder and notched her head to the side, motioning me to follow her down the hall. We walked into the bright kitchen where Cora sat on one of the barstools, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.
“I guess.” I sat down at the kitchen island and looked at my phone, the real one. I must have left it out here last night. “They’re radio silent, which is new.”
“What’s the plan with the burner?” Sabrina asked softly.
I shook my head and accepted a mug from Cora, taking a sip of the coffee. “I can’t be two Malenas anymore.”
Aside from the fact that my carefully fabricated alter ego was effectively burned, I couldn’t hurt anyone else. Conrad’s perfect face etched with hurt was all I saw every time I closed my eyes.
“So, which one are you gonna be?” Cora asked.
I shrugged. Probably the “good” one. I wasn’t ready to be disowned. Wasn’t sure I ever would be.
“Well, maybe this will help.” Sabrina turned to her vintage dark leather Pourchet handbag and pulled out two files. One pink, one green. She handed me the green one.
“These are investments?” Cora asked, paging through hers.
“Sabrina.” I gasped as my eyes scanned down the deposits, monthly for the last year and a half.
While Cora was looking at the graph with the rate of return, my attention was caught on the amount. Each deposit amounted to what Cora and I paid Sabrina for rent.
“I told you guys I didn’t want you paying me rent. This place has been in my family for generations,” Sabrina explained slowly, carefully. Cora and I looked at each other then back at her. “But since you insisted, I’ve been investing it. And you two have accrued some pretty good returns.”
Cora handed the file back to her. “Sabrina, this is too much.”
“No, what’s too much is the number of nights you both sat up with me because of the nightmares.” She swallowed and blinked back tears. “We were all sleep deprived that semester, and it couldn’t have been easy.”
While I went through the time-honored tradition of having a randomly assigned roommate as a freshman, Sabrina had been appointed a private room.
Even after she’d requested a roommate, she struggled to keep one because she was fully nocturnal for a while.
It was how we met Cora; she was the one who stuck.
“If you don’t want it, take it up with my uncle Tristan, he oversaw it,” Sabrina added, putting her hands up. “Cash it out, let it grow, I don’t have any say in the matter.”
“When?” I sputtered. “How…”
“When we were freshmen and Malena decided to open up her secret bank account… It got me thinking. Then, we all moved in together last year, and I caved and let you pay me rent. I’ve been putting it away ever since.”
“Were you waiting for my life to implode to give this to us?” A laugh rocked against my body and it felt so good.
“No, I was going to tell you at graduation.” Sabrina smiled apologetically.
“I always figured the wheels would fall off the lie in medical school when your parents tried to shove the idea of marriage in your face like they did your sister. I assumed the commitment would make you crack, and in the time they’d need to come around, you’d have this. ”
I looked at the papers in front of me. It would be enough to cover the rest of my tuition at Winchester plus put a solid dent in at least the first year of medical school. Even more if I let it grow. “Thanks, Sabrina. I—thank you. This means…” I trailed off, voice shaky.
Instead of the instant relief something of this magnitude should’ve provided, my reality weighed heavy. Financial freedom was only one part; the other was my anxiety at being erased from my family the way I’d seen it happen to other kids. I wanted a family, I just wished it wanted me back.
“Money is easy,” Sabrina said, repeating a sentiment she often shared. “If it solved this problem, then you wouldn’t be as tangled up as you are right now.”
“If I lose my family, I lose it all,” I finally admitted to them, staring at all the numbers on the page. “They’re my tie to everything.”
My culture. The holidays I loved. My extended family. I’d have cousins who might talk to me in secret, if at all. I’d miss weddings and get-togethers, and I’d be blamed for the rift because I was “too stubborn” to just fit the mold as expected.
I’d disappear.
And just because I liked the quiet didn’t mean I wanted to be alone.
“Not everything.” Cora squeezed my hand; I looked up at her and then Sabrina, who gave me a sympathetic look. “We can’t replace them, but just know, you’ll never lose everything.”
I nodded, summoning a grateful half smile.
Sabrina folded her hands on the counter. “Have you called him?”
“Twice. He hasn’t answered.” I needed to explain everything. Apologize. But I realized when the second call went to voicemail yesterday that I needed to sort myself out before I dragged him into any more of my mess.
Sabrina was right, it was more than money.
I could go home, take whatever level of punishment they deemed appropriate, and move on.
I could finally fall in line. I had always planned to eventually.
Everything that happened with Conrad had me rethinking it all, but that was short-sighted.
How could I let a guy I’d known for a few months be the catalyst for so much change?
The answer was simple: I couldn’t.
I was being made to choose, and I had to be smart. And now that I sorted it out, I had to apologize and hope that everything I felt for him would eventually fade away.