Chapter 31
DOVE
Dehydration, slight malnutrition, internal bruising, internal bleeding that’s not concerning, as well as countless physical lacerations, contusions and two broken toes.
The doctor’s words swirl around my mind later that night as I lie in a bed that feels and smells unfamiliar, in an estate that holds nothing but silence for me.
The moment he told me I needed to rest, I knew it was impossible.
Alex is out there somewhere, lost in the city with Caterina closing in around him and I know if she gets her claws in him, I’ll never be free from torment.
I have to find him first.
I have to.
Those thoughts send me into turbulent dreams I can’t escape due to my exhaustion, but waking up over a day later with an incredible thirst, it’s the first time I’ve felt rested since this entire ordeal began.
Rising and dressing quickly in clothes Bree had tailored for me, I slip out of my bedroom to find an assigned guard resting against the wall.
He greets me with a smile and quickly tells me where Felix is after assuring me that he’s just here to assist me, not watch me.
I’m not sure I believe him but he does fall back and then melt away when I walk into Felix’s room, and stop dead in my tracks.
He faces away from me with his arms high above his head.
Countless dart bruises dot his back and arms, with a few disappearing down into the waist of his jeans.
They’re dark enough that even his tattoos can’t hide them.
His fight with Reese must not have been the first fight he got into, and a lance of pain shoots through my heart.
Everything feels so complicated.
That safe, warm feeling that radiates through me when we’re near each other doesn’t waver, but that doesn’t excuse all the muddled thoughts between us or the painful accusations and revelations.
“Felix?”
He flinches in fright and immediately drops out of his stretch. “Fuck— sorry.” He spins to face me. “I didn’t hear anyone come in.”
“I didn’t knock.”
“Are you alright? Is everything okay?”
I nod, my lips pressed together. “I… I came to talk to you because if Caterina wants us both dead then I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“The same page,” Felix repeats softly. “About?”
“Nico.” His name sours in my mouth. “And Alex.”
“I believe you about Nico,” Felix replies instantly.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s a struggle but I believe you.
I also believe you weren’t the first and for whatever reason, Caterina covered it up.
I—…” He cuts himself off. “I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter how I feel.
What he did to you was beyond disgusting, and I am so, so sorry I couldn’t protect you. ”
My weak smile wobbles. “I’m stronger than you and I couldn’t protect myself. What could you even have done?”
He takes a half step forward. “Protected you. Helped you kill him. Anything.”
“Would you have believed me back then?”
Felix hesitates and his brow knits together as he truly contemplates his answer. While he does, I walk closer to him and then past him to the window.
“I don’t know,” Felix replies eventually, joining me. “I know you wouldn’t lie about something like that. But if I’m honest with myself, it would have been harder with him alive to spin lies about it.”
“I know.” The warmth radiating from his bare torso makes my knees weak so I lean against the window frame. “I knew that back then, too. I never thought you wouldn’t believe me, but I weighed up how I was going to balance everything. He was essentially your brother and I—.”
“Don’t,” Felix cuts in softly. “Don’t underestimate what you meant to me back then. Or now.”
Warmth blooms in my aching heart. “So much happened between us because we were on different paths.”
“Manipulated paths,” Felix agrees. “But did you really believe I had a hand in killing your family?”
My smile fades. “Yes. I believed you’d found out about Nico and were so mad at me that killing everyone would make you feel better. Because he was important to you, even if he was a monster.”
“I’m sorry, Dove.”
“I know.”
“Not just for that. I’m sorry you went through all of that alone and felt like you couldn’t talk to me. I’m sorry that you couldn’t trust me.”
I wince and turn to face him. “I did trust you.”
“No, you didn’t,” he replies. “But that’s okay, I’m not hurt by it. A little mad at myself that back then I praised how well we were doing but I couldn’t create space for you to tell me about Nico. Or Alex.”
Alex.
Talking about him suddenly feels impossible and my throat closes, so I try to derail the conversation. “Where’s Bree?”
“She’s carefully securing some of my assets, bank accounts and the like while I lay low and heal. She’s also providing shelter for my men still loyal to me while putting out feelers to those I know to be loyal to me.”
“Wow. She’s on the ball.”
“You’ve no idea how highly regarded your family was, do you?”
I squint back outside to the blue sky. “I thought most people were afraid of us.”
“Some were. Something about a Nightingale?” Felix smiles warmly. “A myth if I’ve ever heard one.”
“Oh yeah?” I glance back at him. “A ghost story.”
“Exactly. But… Dove.”
I know that tone. My distraction isn’t enough and he wants to talk about Alex. He has every right to, but for some reason, it scares me.
“You want to know about Alex,” I say weakly.
“I do. You hid my son from me.”
“In my defence, I thought you slaughtered my family.”
“But at dinner when you learned that wasn’t true, why didn’t you tell me?” There’s no anger in his voice, no hurt or blame. Just an aching desire to understand.
Facing him, the sexy expanse of his torso serves as a mild distraction. “Because I don’t want him in this life. I wanted him to have a normal life.”
“I understand,” Felix murmurs. “But deep down, you had to know that was never possible.”
Felix’s words cut far too close to my buried truth.
“He’s my son. And your son. You, Dove Healy. This life of organized crime is in his blood. It runs thicker than anything else. Clearly he already has a streak for crime if he’s stealing cars.”
“He was just acting out,” I reply as I gaze up into his striking eyes. “He deserves normal.”
“That might have been possible before all of this, but now? Now he’s known. I have no intention of giving up my life either and this life won’t let me go. It won’t let you go either. Don’t you think it would be better to give him a chance to survive?”
I purse my lips slightly. “You want to train him.”
“You already have,” Felix points out with a light smile. “Why else did you teach him to drive or how to survive in the city alone? That’s not what normal parents do.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No,” he laughs and it’s such a warm sound that a smile tugs at my lips. “When he’s home, you need to teach him everything. Train him and then let him choose. Maybe he will turn his back on this and you will get your wish. But you can’t force it now that he knows.”
“I…” Hesitation weighs down my tongue. “I thought you’d be asking different things.”
“Like?”
“Like what it’s like to be a parent and if I’d even let you.”
Felix’s brows twitch, then he nudges into me with a smile.
“I think I’m still reeling from the revelation that Alex is mine.
It doesn’t feel real but at the same time, it feels like a missing part of me has finally come home.
And… I feel like talking about anything like that should be reserved for when he’s back with us. ”
My heart squeezes slightly and I nod, glancing back outside as if Alex will materialise in the garden.
“I like that idea. I just… I tried so hard to give him a regular, normal life where he never has to worry about coming home to a dead family. Now it’s all gone to shit and I honestly don’t know how to salvage it. ”
“Then let me help.” Felix moves closer until his chest bumps my arm.
“I will stop at nothing to find him and bring him home. After that… it’s up to you if you tell him the truth.
You raised him for fourteen years and I’m not going to intrude on that until you are ready.
All I can do is care for you, Dove, because I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.
And I can care for Alex and support him too, if you let me. ”
“If I let you,” I repeat softly, then I follow the urge to cup his face gently. “I could never fathom an outcome to this where you didn’t hate me.”
“How could I hate you?” he replies softly. “You’ve done nothing hate-worthy.”
“Well after—.”
“Don’t say his name.” Felix turns his face into my palm and presses his lips to the hell of my hand. “Not ever again.”
“I never fathomed you’d choose me, that’s all.”
“Then I never showed you well enough how obsessed I am with you.” His eyes darken slightly and he leans forward just enough to show his intent while giving me enough time to reject him.
That thought doesn’t even cross my mind.
I lean up as he leans down and his mouth gently covers mine, firm enough that lust ignites in my heart but gentle enough not to aggravate any wounds.
At first.
The longer we kiss, the hotter my blood boils and the idea of pulling away fades in my mind.
I want to feel like me again.
I want to erase every bad, harmful touch on my body and replace it with something good and nice.
I want to trace the beautiful art across Felix’s body and lose myself in his arms.
Pressing up into the kiss, I deepen it and slide my hand from his jaw to his dark hair.
Felix presses into the kiss and steps into me, forcing me back against the window frame while cradling my lower back with his other hand.
Each kiss grows more frantic than the last, turning every parting of lips into desperate gasps for air.
I need more.
“Show me,” I gasp, tugging slightly on his hair as the strands slip past my fingers. “Show me how obsessed you are.”
“I’ll never stop showing you,” Felix growls, shoving his entire hot body against mine. His tongue dances across the seam of my lips, then presses inside with a soft growl that rumbles through his chest.
Heat flushes through my chest and trickles south, pooling low in my gut where my core clenches and my mind is granted a beautiful moment of respite where nothing exists but the hungry desire to fuck this man until I feel nothing but the ache of his cock.
“Felix!” Rapid knocking on the door kills that urge instantly, and Felix’s lips press firmly against mine, then he lifts his head.
“Toph, I’m going to kill you.” His panting breath ghosts over my forehead and a shiver steals down my back.
“I’m sorry—oh I’m so sorry!” Toph stumbles to a halt as he enters the room with a gasp. “But we think we’ve got a lead on Alex!”