15. Ivy
Chapter fifteen
Ivy
Age Eighteen
The railroad tunnel ahead of us swallows the night as Killian flips the headlights off and kills the engine. The half second we sit in silence is part peaceful and part eerie, and then Killian and Theo share a look. Theo opens the door for me and smirks when I let him help pull me out of the seat.
I realized, as we drove here, that I felt a deepening sense of peace. I didn't realize that I was feeling that because my body was relaxing into the seat, my limbs going into sleep mode. When my feet land on the ground, I can't tell if I'm standing on the cracked asphalt or on a cloud... I feel like I'm floating.
I've never felt so light, so uninhibited. I know it's stupid. I should not be trusting these guys enough to be inebriated around them. But really, what's the worst that can happen?
"Come here, flower." Theo chuckles, lacing his fingers through mine and using the grip to reel me close to him so he can slip an arm around my shoulder.
" Flower ?" I slur, taking offense to the name. They've very rarely called me by my name, which is just as well since I absolutely should not love the flutter that it sends through me every time one of them uses it. I'm usually Bambi, Tiger Lily, or Poison. The first two, I understand, I guess. Bambi was meant to be an insult because I'm always running like a deer. Tiger Lily, because of how my hair looked orange in the sunlight when I was younger, and the splash of freckles across my nose apparently sealed the deal for Theo. I still haven't figured out why Monty calls me poison other than because my name is Ivy, and he thinks he is original. He isn't, but I won't bother telling him that.
"Because you look especially delicate tonight." Theo grins, leading me around the front of the car, where Monty takes up on my other side.
Killian steps ahead of us without even glancing back at me, and the realization settles over me that I shouldn't follow them into the train tunnel. I'm pretty sure it's abandoned, but that doesn't mean it's safe.
Although a moving train may be preferable to what other things could be waiting in there... snakes, a bear, my father...
"Where are we going?" I ask as we step into the tunnel and all the light in the world is sucked away from us. High above my head, the cold stone closes us in, blocking out the light from the moon. "This the way to your secret clubhouse?"
Monty chuckles at the reference to how they used to tease me, telling me I wasn't allowed at their clubhouse because I was a girl, because I was an outsider, because I wasn't one of them. I think I hid it well, as a kid, how much I wanted to be one of them. It's hard not to belong anywhere. I didn't fit in with the kids at my school, or my parents’ friends' kids, or them. I was always a loner, an island unto myself. But eventually they quit teasing me about not being welcome in their clubhouse and invited me there... If I wanted to take my top off, or give Killian a blowjob, or similarly degrade myself for them.
"You too good for the clubhouse?" Theo whispers, his voice crawling inside me and stroking the inside of my spine. I shiver despite the fact I'm not cold and focus on moving forward.
"Maybe not tonight." I say, surprising myself when the last word is off my tongue.
I shouldn't give them any ideas, because I don't know how far they'll try to take it. They've never been good at controlling themselves when it comes to their jokes and pranks, and if I open a can of worms like that, I may not be able to get the lid back on it.
And yet, somehow, the thought of sucking Killian's cock doesn't repulse me the way it did the last time he asked me about it. I wonder if Monty would do the same for Theo if I dropped to my knees and sucked Killian off. I've heard that they like to fuck around. Of course, that information has come from gossip between my parents and their friends who visit the cabin in the summers, so I'm sure it's all a lie. And yet, the thought of watching Monty suck Theo and learning what to do to Killian makes me feel slippery with something I don't understand.
"Talking a big game, Bambi." Killian's voice echoes around us. "Wanna put your money where your mouth is?"
I stare at the back of his head for a minute, wondering if he somehow knew what I was thinking of moments before. Their laughter bounces around us, making me shiver with excitement.
There's a thrill to being here with them, and I don't quite understand it. I do know that I shouldn't feel this way. I should be so scared I never would have gotten in the car, so scared I never would have taken that pill, and so scared that I'd run into the woods alone rather than follow them into the dark.
And yet, for some reason, I'm not.
"I thought you didn't want my daddy's dirty money?" I say, putting an arm out to balance myself as I straddle the railroad track.
"You're right." Killian agrees. "Just his daughter's dirty little pussy."
"Fuck off." I roll my eyes, refusing to let him ruin the mood as Theo trails behind me, his hands ghosting over my hips in case I fall.
We walk for a while in silence, water splashing underfoot, and I'm grateful that I pulled on my sneakers rather than my sandals.
I'm just opening my mouth again to ask what we're doing here when a sound from ahead of us makes me freeze. Looking up, I see the light illuminating Killian's menacing grin.
"If you're not too good for us, then how about a game of chicken?"
My mouth falls open, but anything I'd planned to say is obscured by the sound rumbling all around us, too loud in the dark space of the tunnel.
A train.
My heart stops for a minute before slamming into action again, like it can single-handedly move me out of danger. "Chicken?" I say, my mouth dry. "With a train?"
"Scared, Bambi? Need to go running home to daddy?"
"Fuck you, Killian." I lick my lips, not letting myself betray the nervousness I feel fluttering around inside my stomach. "I'll play your game."
"Daredevil." Theo chuckles, letting his hands settle on my hips. His words seem like they’re meant just for me, his breath on my neck as he tells me, "You'll be able to see the train in just a minute."
My heart stutters like it's thinking of cutting and running, but I plant my feet and face Killian, whose back is to the tunnel and the oncoming train, which is growing closer every second.
Vibrations rattle the tracks and chase shocks up my legs, the power of the oncoming train making itself known in warning.
"First to jump off the tracks is the loser."
"Obviously." I say, knowing how chicken works.
I've never played it, but I know the objective.
"Winner gets to choose something they want from the loser, and the loser can't deny it."
My entire body clenches at the thought of losing, since I'm pretty sure I know exactly what he'd ask for. My virginity.
I’m not saving it for anything special, and as anxious as the thought of giving it up to him in a filthy train tunnel makes me, I almost hope he wins so that he can take it. Let him steal the thing my parents have assured me is my only worth. Maybe they’ll kick me out if I can’t be of any use to them. If I can’t find a worthy husband because I let some filthy hot mountain man pluck my cherry, maybe they’ll just let me go.
"Deal." I agree, my eyes flicking over his shoulder to the lights of the train as they round the curve.
The light is blinding in a whole new way, paralyzing me in place. I can't see anything beyond Killian's smirk, his large body backlit by the light of the train. I wonder idly if it has an actual conductor aboard or if it's automated. Will anyone see us here on the tracks and try to stop? Will they stop the train and then chase us out of here on foot? If they hit us, will they know they just killed a couple of teenagers who have a bone to pick with the world, or will it feel like a beetle hitting your windshield when you’re going ninety on the highway?
"It's getting close." I say, my stomach twisting as it hurtles toward us.
I want to turn to see Monty and Theo to see if I should give up yet or hold out a little longer.
"If you're scared, you can step off the tracks!" Killian yells, his words nearly eclipsed by the sudden angry blare of the train's horn.
I guess they realized someone is here after all.
I lick my dry lips again, glancing at the train behind him and then turning back to Killian. His bright eyes are unusually dark right now, playful and sinister all at the same time. I've never been able to figure out how he manages to be everything all at once. He's my tormentor and also the object of my desire. He's the worst, and yet I can't get him out of my head.
I won't admit it to Killian, but a small part of me wants to stay here on the tracks. A small part of me wants to feel the impact of the train, so heavy and relentless, as it crashes into me. Some part of me wants them to witness my death—to see the girl they loved to hate splatter in pieces around them. It's fucked, I know. Like I said, I don't want to die. But I don't particularly want to live either.
The train whistle blares again, and I see Killian move toward me as I let my eyes flutter closed, steeling my nerves. I can feel their eyes on me; I can feel the heat of the light and the moths that are swarming around me now that I'm bathed in the only glow in the tunnel.
I open my eyes at the last second as Theo pulls me against his chest.
The momentum sends us both careening into the wall, and I feel the rush of the air as it moves around us, blowing my hair back from my face. I don't know at first who moves behind me, caging me between their bodies, but when they fit themselves against my backside and I hear his heart pounding in his chest, I realize it's Monty.
We stay that way as the train rumbles past, never stopping, never attempting to pull a brake. I guess I can't blame them, seeing as I never attempted to move out of their path.
When the last of the train cars rolls past us, Monty moves away from me, dragging a hand over his face, and I push off of Theo, turning to Killian to demand my prize. The adrenaline in my veins feels like it's bleeding out in my every breath, and it's the most glorious feeling I've ever known. Euphoric.
I wonder if it's whatever drug I took or just the brush with death or the dumbfounded looks on their faces that makes me feel so giddy with excitement. Maybe it's all of it, a heavenly elixir that can never be duplicated.
My laugh fills the tunnel, and I expect theirs will join in with it, but nobody else laughs. "I win."
"The train nearly won." Theo says, stepping around to stand at his friend's side. "What the fuck was that?"
"We played a game." I shrug. "And I won. So, I'm ready to claim my prize."
Monty rakes his hand through his short hair, and Theo looks scared, but Killian's face tips into a slow smirk.
"I'm impressed. What's your prize?"
I don't dare tell him. If I try to say the words to vocalize what I want, I'll lose the nerve. Instead, I stride toward him, emboldened by the fact that I just stood toe to toe with a moving train. If I could face that, I could face him.
Killian only raises a single eyebrow, intrigued, as I advance on him. Before I can stop myself, I grab his shoulder and push him against the wall, grinding my body against his and claiming his mouth with a ferocity I didn't know I had in me. I already gave my first kiss to Theo years ago, before they decided they hated me. It had been slow and sweet and wet , and while I've been out of practice since, this is a good fucking kiss.
My hate for him bleeds into the passion of the moment, matched by the disdain he's held for me from the first moment he knew who I was. I'm his favorite target, and he's the most beautiful misery I know, and somehow that twines in this moment into something depraved and wicked and absolutely fucking breathtaking.
Not one to give up control, Killian flips me so that my back is against the wall and he has all the leverage as one hand tangles near my scalp and the other grips my hip, his fingers slipping under the waistband of my shorts. Fear and desire twine together so strongly I can't tell where one begins and the other ends, and for a minute, I think he's going to skate his palm all the way down my panties and slip a finger inside of me. Instead, his nails dig into my skin hard enough to leave little half-moons by the time he pulls away, testing a theory on how much pain I'll let him give.
When I whimper with excitement, the smallest little growl slips out of the back of his throat, and I think he may devour me like the wolf he just sounded like. But he pulls away instead, so fast that it leaves me dizzy, aching, my wet lips cold, and every inch of me feeling desperately empty. I think it's over, that he's going to realize I'm not one of the tall blonde country girls who grew up hunting and fishing and can match his prowess. But instead of leaving, he uses the grip on my hair to force me to my knees.
I know it's wrong of me to feel the way I do when he gets me on my knees, but after years of him taunting me with it, I want his dick. I want the power it will give me over him; I want to see him fall apart, even if only for a few seconds. But he doesn't remove his belt, shoving my head down toward the ground so that I have to throw my hands out to catch myself and keep my face out of the dirt.
"Help me hold her." Killian instructs.
"Killian!" I gasp.
There's the briefest moment of silence as terror pierces the excitement that's been buzzing in my veins, and I think Monty and Theo are about to tell Killian that he's taking it a step too far. But then I feel the movement behind me, followed a moment later by an arm wrapping around the back of each of my legs, hooking around my knee, and effectively immobilizing me.
This is when panic sets in. I've been flirting with danger, wanting to feel something, wanting to feel good, but I don't want this. The three of them, using me like a whore in the muddy train tunnel?
"No!" I buck away from them, trying to dislodge any of them enough to get free.
"Shh!" Theo whispers, stroking my hair. Strands of it stick to my face, which I'm just realizing is covered with tears. I'm crying like a pathetic little bitch, I know, but the terror is racking my body, making everything shake. "It's okay." He presses a kiss to the crown of my head and settles his grip on my leg tighter, pulling me back toward them a little.
"No!"
This is what happens when you're a tease. I hear my mother's voice . What did you think would happen when you got in the car with them? You practically invited this! What did I do to deserve such a disobedient daughter? What will your father say?
Hands reach around to unbutton my shorts, and though I fight him, Killian's fast slipping the button free of the loop and retreating just enough to tug my shorts down my hips. The angle gives him a little trouble, and I shake back and forth in a pathetic attempt to dislodge him, but he's relentless and skilled enough that a horrific thought occurs to me that maybe he's done this before.
Once he gets them down to my knees, it gives him the access he needs, and I sob hard enough that he tells Theo to clamp a hand over my mouth. He smells like cinnamon, a smell so familiar and comfortable, and yet it makes me want to throw up. My stomach heaves as tears spill down my cheeks, but nothing comes up. There's a small schwing in the air, and then I feel the cool metal of the blade as he trails it over the globe of my ass.
"Relax, Bambi. I know how much this must hurt you—not being able to run when you're scared. But where's the girl who stood in front of a moving train, hmm?"
I feel the resistance disappear as he slices the string on one side of my thong and then the other, letting the fabric fall away so that nothing stands in his way. Every part of me tenses, waiting for the white-hot pain, the intrusion of a finger, or the sudden force of his cock. But none of it ever comes. Instead, a featherlight touch caresses my ass cheek, sending a shiver of confusion up my spine. And then the blade bites into my skin, the burn as it slices through my flesh making me scream out in shock.
The sound echoes around us—a haunting and desolate sort of noise, but it's not long-suffering. He moves the blade through my skin, picks it up, and then drops it down again, letting the tip dig into the unmarred skin next to it. And he does it again and again, until I think he is literally just torturing me, trying to make my mind snap at the heady combination of fear and pain.
"Shh!" He soothes, one hand caressing the skin next to where he began his work. "It's okay. Halfway there."
A gasp leaves my throat this time instead of a scream, and confusion steeps my brain. Halfway there? What the hell is he doing?
I feel Theo's hot breath on my cheek and turn to look at him, happy to focus on something other than the sharp movements of the blade.
"I told you he liked blood." Theo whispers. His voice sounds strained, like he's trying to keep it under control, and at first, I think he's trying to choke down objections to his friend's abuse. But then I realize it isn't that at all. Theo isn't disgusted by what he's witnessing; he’s turned on.
I exhale a breath, trying to control the whimper, breathing through the pain and humiliation. My breath over Theo's mouth is his undoing. He closes the distance between our faces, pressing his lips against mine and stealing a kiss.
Compared to Killian's, it's soft, but I wouldn't call it sweet. He's not trying to tame the pain or distract from it—he's trying to taste it through me.
"Almost there, Bambi. Sorry, it's just such a long name." Killian chuckles as I try to whip around to face him.
"Your name ?" I gasp, realization slamming into me about as hard as the train would have.
"Of course, my name." He chuckles, the blade making one more smooth glide through skin before I feel him move away. "This moment belongs to me."
"But..." I gasp at the cool air as he blows gently over my skin, which feels like it's on fire. "I won!"
That gets a laugh even out of Monty, who's been quiet enough that I let myself believe maybe he didn't love what his best friend was doing to me. But when he presses a kiss against my bare hip, I know the truth. He's just as sick as the other two. How the fuck did these psychos find each other? And how the fuck did I get involved with them?
A hot tongue presses against my mutilated skin, making me shiver and sending something that feels deceptively like pleasure from deep inside me. Theo chuckles next to me, his breath on my forehead, still not letting me go as Killian laps at the cuts he made like a man who's found the last drop of dew in the desert.
When he pulls away, I hear the loud smack of his lips, followed quickly by the sound of a slap against my other bare ass cheek, setting that one ablaze too.
"Let this be a lesson, Ivy. You can play the game, but I will always win."
Theo and Monty follow some unspoken command to release me, and with a last kiss to my temple, Theo pulls away.
"You did so good, sweet, sweet poison." Monty praises, smoothing a hand over my cheek and chasing away the tears that fell earlier.
I don't scramble up as they move away, suddenly unable to make myself move. Half of me wants to collapse into the dirt and stay there. I don't think Killian cut deep enough for blood loss to be a concern, but if I stay here long enough without moving, then maybe death will find me one way or another. No doubt my blood will draw some other predators.
I hear the music when the car rumbles to life, all the way at the other end of the tunnel, but I don't bother getting up until after the sound recedes.
When I do stand, I ease my shorts as gently as I can over my ass, not appreciating the feeling of my jeans against my wet pussy.
And the worst part is, I don't know how much of it is my blood or how much of it is because some sick, twisted part of me was turned on by what they did.