Chapter Twelve
Rus didn’t know what to do with himself, so he used the three-day weekend to drive home and finally took his mom up on an impromptu trip.
She’d begged him to return home every chance he had since enrolling in college, and after his assault at Himbos, she’d pleaded even more.
Hell, she threatened to drive up to the college herself, speak to the local authorities, and put pressure on them for results in the type of way only a mother could do.
Unfortunately, his parents had also decided to use this particular three-day weekend as an escape from their routine. They were out of town, leaving Rus mostly alone except for his older sister, who locked herself away in her bedroom.
Rus was hoping for a distraction, clarity, a chance to work through his thoughts, maybe talk to his mom vaguely about what was happening. Instead, all he got was a quiet house to ponder and overthink what happened between Dylan and Kaiden. More like what didn’t happen.
The trails were great for hiking, which meant lots of strangers passing by, so Rus and his friends all learned which off-road paths to wander when looking for a bit of peace and quiet.
He made his way through the woods, deep in the darkness, with only the moon’s light peering between pockets of trees to guide him and muscle memories to lead him.
Eventually, he found his way to a favorite haunt.
A broken-down playset. The pony spring riders with faded colors and cigarette burns around the eyes.
The sandbox dirt had finally grown over with more plants than the actual forest floor around the sandbox.
All Rus cared about was the swing. He carefully rested on the weathered seat and finished his cigarette.
“Ikky!” squealed a high-pitched voice.
Rus balled a fist, then buried his annoyance for the worst nickname in the world.
To any bystander, they’d assume Ikky was icky, and the person shouting at him wanted to imply Rus was gross in the most juvenile manner.
Unfortunately, it was so much worse than that.
Nope, she was one of the few people who knew Rus’ full name and taunted him with the worst nickname ever.
The teachers who knew Rus’ name never had the chance to share it in class since his scowl and quick protest always interjected their attempt.
His parents stopped using his full name when he declared he would only be known as Rus henceforth.
Yes, he used the phrase ‘henceforth’ in his argument, attempting to sound grown at the age of nine.
Then he proceeded to give the entire house the silent treatment until everyone abided by his choice.
His brother broke that pact once on Rus’ tenth birthday and got a black eye and two missing teeth. Baby teeth, but the point was made.
“What brings you to my neck of the woods?” Lana Alvar took delicate steps between the thin trees.
Her flowy pink blouse had a white glow to it under the starry night.
The frayed edges of her short shorts barely peeked out from beneath her top, leaving her legs exposed.
She’d tanned a lot since the last time he’d seen her.
As she stepped between the trees, she gripped one, running her fingers along the bark before swinging a bit.
The slight twirl around the thin trees helped launch Lana forward with her last few steps.
Chaotic and reckless, just as Rus recalled.
Lana barreled ahead, colliding with him and nearly knocking him out of the swing as she turned Rus into a seat of her own. Straddling his waist, she balanced herself on the rusted chains of the swing.
“Well?” She let out a heavy exhale, blowing her blonde bangs out of her face. It’d been a long time since Lana was a blonde. Rus liked it along with the pixie cut she’d gone with.
Rus craned his neck and groaned. He couldn’t tell if Lana was flirting or teasing.
With her, it was never so simple. Part of what kept him locked in her orbit for so many years.
First loves were the hardest to quit. Even if she was the absolute worst fifth-grade girlfriend in the world.
Breaking his heart over lunch and then ignoring him until seventh grade.
But that rekindled spark kept him fawning until ninth grade, and at her side until senior year.
Chances were, Rus would still be attached to Lana if she hadn’t disappeared to Europe shortly after graduation without so much as a goodbye kiss. When she returned two years later, he’d created a new life at college. Though occasionally, in moments like this, he questioned those choices.
“You’re no fun anymore,” Lana said, sliding off Rus and plopping into the swing beside him.
When the entire set shook, both of them clutched their chains like it’d make a difference if the bars collapsed around and atop them.
“That freshman fifteen is hitting me hard.” Lana laughed, pretending her weight had any true role in this decrepit swing set’s rumble.
Lana was a tiny thing, shorter than Rus by several inches, and very slender. Still, for such a small thing, her legs extended quite long and graceful as she kicked back on the swing.
“You’re in college?”
“Community college,” she replied. “Nothing fancy like you, darling.”
“No, smarter,” he said with a chuckle. “You’ll get a real skill and none of the debt.”
“Well, I always was smarter than you.”
“That how you knew I’d be out here?”
Lana smiled, hiding her devious expression behind the rusted chains of her swing. “True love’s spark gave me a sign.”
“Lying ass.” Rus snorted.
“Okay, maybe your sister texted.”
“Snitch.”
“Total bitch,” Lana replied. “It’s why I love her more than you.”
It seemed Rus and Lana had worked their way past the screaming stage of their breakup. He called her every name in the book when she returned, not so much a word, or an explanation for why she’d taken off. He supposed he knew the answer already, but it still hurt that she had abandoned him.
Rus stared at the tattoo on his wrist, the Valentine’s Day he’d never forget. Not for a million lifetimes.
“Where’s your head?”
“Lost on Lana.” Rus puckered his lips and pressed a hand to his mouth, dramatically blowing a kiss.
“Damn straight.”
“Ugh, never straight.”
“True. Even your dick is curved.”
“Seriously?”
“What?” Lana shrugged. “It’s a good thing.”
“Uh-huh.”
Lana kicked herself closer to him, using the momentum to nudge Rus. He played into it, swinging wonky himself, and soon their legs ended up intertangled as they weaved back and forth on the swings.
Their laughter echoed in the woods. Rus’ heart pounded so loudly, so loudly he couldn’t hear anything else. It allowed him to fall back into old memories. Love and loss and life and Lana.
Somehow, their rusty chains ended up twirling round and round each other until Rus and Lana were face to face, breathing heavy, and lost in each other’s eyes.
Lana leaned forward, lips almost grazing against Rus’ until he pulled away.
The silence was awkward, chilling even on such a warm night. It took seemingly forever for their swings to untangle from each other, eyes meeting every time they twirled around, slowly unwinding and returning to their own space.
“Smart call.” Lana chuckled, staring up at the moonlit clouds. “We never work, do we?”
“Unfortunate but true.”
“I’d burn the world for you, darling.”
“And I’d hand you the match, love.”
“Is there someone else?” she asked.
“Maybe I’m just not that into you.”
“Wounded.” She gasped, feigning insult.
“And yeah, there is sort of someone.” Rus awkwardly shrugged, like he was weighing things. He was, in a sense. Weighing how much of his life to elaborate. “Sort of someones else. Plural. It’s weird.”
“I’m intrigued.”
“There’s these two guys, and I don’t know… I like them both, but…”
“Why choose, darling?” Lana raised her brows. “And if they find out, just remind them you’re not monogamous until there’s a solid convo stating otherwise.”
“No, not two guys like that.” Rus rocked his head side to side, trying to find the words. “Like, we all kissed. Not at the same time, but sort of. In the same room, together, back and forth. There was a chance of more. Between the three of us.”
“Oooooh.” Lana’s eyes went wide. “Poly boys. Fun. I am so jealous, darling.”
“Don’t be,” Rus said. “I’m not sure what to do. Like, I’m not sure if things fizzled out because, you know, logistics or it being overwhelming or whatever…”
Rus worried that maybe Kaiden or Dylan or both of them just weren’t into him.
Maybe Rus was just the necessary conduit to spark the romance they’d been tiptoeing around.
They’d been friends for a while. So long, they never realized how they felt for each other.
Maybe Rus was getting in the way of what they could have with each other.
He didn’t want to be an obstacle to their romance, but he also didn’t want to step aside.
Not either of them. Rus wanted both of them.
“Did you consider just talking to them both about it?” Lana asked, pulling Rus from his thoughts.
“Yep, then I ended up coming home for the long weekend.”
“Coward.”
“You’re one to talk.” He regretted the comment the second it left his lips, resenting why he couldn’t just let things lie between them. He always dug up the past with Lana, and she always chased a different future. They just ended up locked in a weird present.
Lana made a gun gesture with her hand, placed it under her chin, and pretended to fire. “That was a critical hit.”
“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
“And we were being so civil.”
“Perish the thought.” Rus gestured dramatically, placing a hand to his forehead. “It’s so very unlike us, I had to fix it.”
Lana laughed, soft yet carefree. She took one final swing, then jumped off and landed with a firm stance, showing she hadn’t let herself slack off even if she didn’t train as much as once before.
Part of Rus wanted to ask everything she’d been up to since last they spoke. Well, since the last time they shouted at each other. But if he unraveled the mysteries of her days since his absence, he’d spend all night entrapped. All weekend. Unable to tear himself away and return to classes.
“Well, I think you should pursue this little polycule,” she suggested. “You only live once; you might as well love as many people as you can.”
“It’s just kind of complicated.”
“The best romances are.” Lana leaned in closely, lifting her knee and setting it on Rus’ thigh. Her lips almost pressed against Rus’ but she pulled back right as she exhaled.
It left a shiver of reminiscence. Rus contemplated for a fraction of a second what life with Lana would be like.
In moments like this, he wanted it with every beat of his heart, but Rus reminded himself that those feelings were fleeting.
They were bad together. Quite literally.
Rus brought out the worst in Lana, and she ignited his fury for others like no one else.
They’d ruin each other and the world around them if they tried again. Some loves were best left in a memory, reminiscent of the possibility, but mindful not to live the tragic reality. Love couldn’t always fix broken people, and they were two very broken people.
“Glad you came back, Ikky.” Lana backstepped, sauntering away into the woods.
The moonlight illuminated her footsteps, and she twirled around one final time, waving goodbye before disappearing into the dark.
He savored the silence, the quiet, the chance to consider what he wanted and how he’d go about getting it.
Rus wanted Dylan. Rus wanted Kaiden. Rus wanted them to want each other. Most of all, Rus wanted them to want him.