Chapter Twenty-Two
“I’m surprised you didn’t invite either of your boys over,” Jasmine said, pouring them each a glass of sweet tea after wrapping up their Thanksgiving dinner. “Kind of figured things were getting a bit serious.”
Dylan quirked a brow but didn’t reply. Truthfully, he was exhausted since he’d been helping get everything ready with Jasmine.
She’d dragged him out of bed at five in the morning to start prepping.
Considering it was barely past four in the afternoon, he was ready to pass out entirely.
Instead, he continued rinsing dishes before stacking them into the dishwasher.
“So, is it serious?”
“Yeah, ish.” Dylan shrugged. “But Rus had to head home for the holidays, so I figured we’d keep it low-key. No need to rush everyone into family holidays.”
“You don’t want to meet his family?”
“I honestly haven’t really considered it.”
“Oh?” Jasmine retrieved a small bottle of booze from her purse, a giddy expression on her face as she poured it into one of the glasses. “Time for a little tea and tequila.”
Jasmine’s face suggested the tea would come from Dylan more than the glasses of sweet tea on the counter. She had her inquisitive face on.
They didn’t keep alcohol in the house with so many teens floating about. Yet they managed to always find a bottle of something every few months. This wasn’t contraband, though. Oh no, this was the fancy tequila Jasmine liked every now and then.
“So, is Kaiden dropping by later?” Jasmine asked, stirring her glass. “This will be the first year he’s not enduring his family celebration, right?”
“Yeah, add that to the list of things I’m thankful for this year,” Dylan said as he wiped down the kitchen sink. “But he’s working today, so again, we’re just keeping it casual.”
Personally, Dylan liked celebrating Thanksgiving with Kaiden and would’ve loved to add Rus to the mix, but with both of them creating conflicting plans, Dylan settled into the routine of the holiday. He focused on the house and kept things simple.
“Alison has him working the gallery?” Jasmine tsked. “She’s not even in the country.”
“Retail hell,” Dylan said, explaining Kaiden’s desire to earn a little extra this holiday season since he’d moved into his own place. “And before you say anything, yes, I told him about our extra furniture in storage. He’s very much of the persuasion to prove to himself he can do this on his own.”
“Hmmm, well, remind him that support does not detract from independence,” Jasmine said, sipping her drink. “It’s a big step getting your first place.”
“I guess.” Dylan shrugged.
“It’s a big place, isn’t it?” Jasmine asked, offering Dylan the other glass of sweet tea, hold the liquor.
“Meh. Biggish,” Dylan said. “Two bedrooms, two baths, so I guess kind of. More space than he needs.”
“But enough to invite others over.”
“Well, yeah, but even Rus has company, and he lives in a little box of a building.”
“You spend a lot of time at their places. Sometimes more there than here.”
“I don’t think I spend that much time with them,” Dylan replied.
“More than I’ve ever seen from you before.”
“Too much time?” Dylan’s chest tightened, wondering if perhaps he’d dropped the ball somewhere, if maybe Jasmine was using her tea and tequila conversation to allude to Dylan slacking around the house.
Had he forgotten any appointments recently? Were the residents noticing his absence? Were his sleepovers affecting how the house ran?
“If there’s something I did, please—”
“You haven’t done anything,” Jasmine said with a light laugh. “You’re the perfect person to keep this place running.”
Dylan released his anxious breath and relaxed a bit.
“The fact is, it’s a lot of work to keep this home organized and successful,” Jasmine said, locking her gaze onto Dylan. “I closed a few chapters of my life to help others write their own stories. That was a decision I was completely fine with, but it’s still a lot to ask for of others.”
Dylan understood that in a sense. Until Kaiden and Rus, he hadn’t had the best of luck navigating romance, often ignoring possibilities because it complicated his routine.
“You’ve put your life on hold since you were seventeen,” Jasmine explained.
That was a weird way to phrase it. Dylan never considered it a pause in his life, more like a chance to actually dive into his life.
It took Dylan a year of living in Dorothy’s Home before he felt safe.
Took him another year in the house before he truly accepted himself.
Once that happened, he buried himself in outreach activism, doing everything to help the home gain visibility.
His senior year of high school was a terrifying one.
His grades were just okay at best and frightening at worst. College seemed impossible.
Careers seemed insurmountable. Life away from Dorothy’s Home was a daunting hill.
Helping around the house was a dream, and Jasmine gladly made room for him to continue helping.
“I was okay with that because you needed that. I’ve watched you ignore your own desires for over a decade now, focused on this house, the people living here, the community that rallies around us, but never yourself.”
Dylan shook his head, dumbfounded.
“So, now that I see you exploring your feelings, finding someone—someones—who make you happy, I want you to know it’s okay if that happiness takes your life in a different direction.”
Dylan didn’t understand what Jasmine was saying, where this was coming from, or why she thought his relationship changed anything. Kaiden and Rus had never once stood in the way of his work.
“It’s not a bad thing.” Jasmine smiled, big and genuine, yet it seemed cruel all the same.
“Are you telling me to move out?” Dylan’s voice trembled. “To quit?”
“No, sweetie. You’re welcome here as long as you want. Personally, this house runs so much better with you in it.” Jasmine gently pressed a hand to his shoulder. “But as long as you are hiding in here, you’re putting your life on pause.”
Jasmine released Dylan, finished her drink, and tossed it in the dishwasher before hitting the start cycle.
“I don’t want you to miss out on something great because you’ve put obligations ahead of your happiness. The only person you’re obliged to is yourself, Dylan.”
With that, Jasmine took her leave, and Dylan attempted to process even a fraction of what they’d discussed.
His life with Kaiden and Rus had kept him afloat for months now, so much so that he didn’t realize the ground beneath him was shifting.
All Dylan had ever known was Dorothy’s Home.
It was his only safety in this world. Did he really want to step away from the house?
But what if Jasmine had a point? What if retreating into the program prevented him from finding happiness?
Would it be fair to Rus or Kaiden to string along their relationship? Was it a relationship if he couldn’t truly commit?
Dylan lost himself in his thoughts, aimlessly cleaning the kitchen and touching up the same areas again and again in his little daze. His phone pinged, alerting him that the group chat had a new message.
Kaiden followed it up with some GIFs of guys throwing money around.
Dylan gave a weak smile, finding Kaiden’s enthusiasm for working on one of the worst holidays endearing. If only Dylan had the strength to jump into the conversation. Instead, he just read through their messages, dwelling on his recent conversation with Jasmine.
Of course, Kaiden could connect with hateful family members, people who never truly accepted him.
It was something that drew Dylan to Kaiden.
Not that his struggle was uncommon from most queer people, it was how he handled it.
Most of the time, Kaiden ignored his family’s barbs, offered them love and support and compassion despite them lacking much of any for him.
Kaiden’s kindness always drew him in. An enviable trait in some instances.
Dylan’s chest heated, thinking about his own family’s disgust with his sexuality, a family that made it clear at thirteen that if he stayed there, he’d be straight or in the ground.
Memories of his past clawed from the shadows of his mind, and Dylan worked to push them back down.
Dylan didn’t dwell on his past, on a family that hated him, on a life he abandoned when he was far too young to make such decisions.
Those memories had gone from festering nightmares to faded scars in the back of his mind.
No, these fleeting recollections rarely came, but damn if they didn’t hit him when he was already down.
Truthfully, Dylan didn’t ponder on his family much at all anymore. They rarely haunted him after working through the guilt and hate and confusion. The fact was that he only really considered Jasmine to be family. Jasmine and every kid that passed through the halls of Dorothy’s Home.
That was part of what made potential changes so difficult. He’d lived with Jasmine since he was fifteen years old. He’d worked toward making Dorothy’s Home a success for almost a decade. It was hard to imagine life moving on to something else.
Dylan shook away the thoughts and returned to reading the group chat, hoping to work up the nerve to respond to anything. He scrolled up, having missed a bit of the chat while lost in his past.
Rus sent a semi-blurry photo of his family members lining a table. Easily ten people, and it appeared that half the table might be missing. He used the edit feature on his phone to circle one member in red. This person scowled from all the way at the other side of the table at Rus.
The texting conversation quickly devolved into silly jokes and random thoughts.
Dylan wanted to be as casual about their relationship again. But now that he had questions about things he’d never considered, the long term, the possibility of change, such drastic change, Dylan didn’t know what to do with himself.