Chapter 9
Nine
As my confidence in the stables grows, so does my determination to ride.
I’m getting into my new routine now and Jules has to monitor my tasks less and less, which is useful for both of us, although since the party, she’s definitely warmed to me more.
But despite my improved abilities for tacking up a pony and caring for them, not to mention how at ease I am around them, Jules still hasn’t set time aside to give me my first lesson.
Every morning, I give the ponies their breakfast and prepare them for their sets and then have to stand aside and enviously watch on as one of the other grooms pulls themselves up onto one and leads a group of them out to exercise.
Meanwhile, I’m stuck stuffing washing machines with saddle mats.
Clara didn’t get under my skin – I’ve faced a hundred Claras in the fashion world and, frankly, her jabs were mild in comparison – but she had a point that a groom who can’t ride is strange.
It was embarrassing that my lack of skillset was highlighted in front of everyone that night.
I came home after the party with a fire in my belly, determined to ride better than someone as pompously entitled as The Hon.
Clara Fennel by the end of the summer. As the week has gone on, I’ve been getting more and more impatient to start.
When it becomes clear that no one’s going to help me, I realise there’s only one thing for it.
‘I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands,’ I say to myself out loud one morning as I park up the old Volkswagen Polo I’m renting from a friend of Jasper’s.
That evening, I wait until Jules and most of the other grooms have gone home, finding things to busy myself with, and then I go to Serafina’s stables and start tacking her up.
I’ve chosen her because she’s the horse I’ve forged the best connection with.
I’ve purposefully put aside time to spend with her each day and Eduardo has let me take over most of her care now.
Mateo took her out this week and she was still stubborn as hell, but even he made a comment at how much calmer she was when I was around her in the stable.
I felt so elated and proud when he said that, my affection for Serafina swelling in my chest. There wasn’t anything else around here I could claim to be the best at, but at least I had my bond with her.
It was like the two of us understood each other, accepting that neither of us quite fit in.
I think that’s why she’s taken to me – I’m learning how horses tune in with our energy.
‘Okay, my girl,’ I say to her, tightening my helmet and then reaching up to grip the saddle, one foot up in the stirrup. ‘Don’t let me down, yeah? Let’s do this together.’
Hoisting myself up onto her, I hold onto her reins and focus on nice steady breaths as she shifts beneath my weight, getting used to me.
Muscle memory kicks in as I get comfortable in the saddle and I sit up tall and straight, urging her to walk on to the indoor arena by applying pressure to her sides with my legs.
When we get into the arena, I start slow and easy, just walking around in a loop until I’m confident enough to shorten my reins and encourage her into a trot.
I break into a wide grin as my body seems to remember what to do, my core muscles engaged as I lift myself up from the saddle and back down again in a controlled and rhythmic manner.
‘We’ve got this,’ I say to her, tingling with excitement.
My courage is growing and I want to go faster.
I can’t wait for that feeling of cantering again.
I didn’t realise how much I’ve missed it.
Serafina is working well with me and when she pulls her head down sharply, likely bored with trotting round and round in circles and as eager as I am to make things a bit more exciting, I regain my balance in the saddle and say, ‘No, you don’t. I’m the one in control here.’
I’m trying to think back on what I learnt about cantering all those years ago when Serafina loses her patience and picks up speed before I’m ready.
I gasp. ‘Hang on,’ I say, my voice wobbling with nerves.
My instruction has the opposite effect. She launches into a canter and, not just any canter, but a Serafina-speed canter, which is fast. The sudden acceleration throws me into a panic as I grip onto the reins.
I remember that my heels are supposed to be down, but jerk my foot too quickly and my boot slips out from the stirrup, which is left knocking against her as she hurtles around the arena.
I’m too frightened to think about body position or taking back control, instead desperately trying to apply the brakes and slow her down, jerking back sharply on the reins.
‘Wait!’ Mateo’s voice echoes around the arena. ‘It’s all right, don’t—’
Serafina whinnies and slows, bucking and rearing until I feel myself slip, the reins tugged from my grasp as I fall from the saddle, landing on the ground with a solid thud.
‘Ash!’
I hear his footsteps thundering towards me as I grimace in pain and embarrassment.
‘Are you okay?’ Mateo asks urgently, looming over me as he kneels at my side, his eyes wide with panic.
‘Yes,’ I croak, though it doesn’t feel like it.
As I begin to push myself up, he places his warm hands on my arms to urge me back down again. ‘Don’t move. I need to check you over. You can’t rush this.’
‘I’m fine,’ I assure him, slowly bringing myself up to sit and unclipping my helmet, letting it drop to the ground before I look up to find Mateo’s face etched with concern just inches from mine as he continues to scrutinise me.
My mouth feels impossibly dry, mostly from the shock of the fall but a little from our proximity.
He really is breathtakingly handsome. I must be a bit dazed from the fall because as he asks me questions on where the pain is, I’m unable to answer coherently, too distracted by the intensity of those dark eyes and long eyelashes, the sharpness of his jawline under the stubble, and the fullness of his lips up close.
He must notice me studying him, because something changes in the way he’s looking at me.
At first, he’s all serious and concerned, his forehead creased, his brow furrowed, his eyes darting this way and that as he tries to work out if I’m okay.
But now, as I repeat that I really am fine, just a bit bruised, the expression in his eyes softens.
His hand lifts to cup my jaw and my breath hitches.
‘Are you sure?’ he asks, his throat bobbing as his eyes search my face. ‘Your head feels okay? Your neck? Do you have a headache? Do you feel sick at all?’ His hand drops to run down my arm as I shake my head in answer to his question. ‘Your arms? How do they feel? Any tingling anywhere?’
‘Fine, everything’s fine,’ I assure him. ‘Serafina slowed to a stop before she reared. I basically fell off a stationary horse.’
‘She wasn’t stationary; as you say, she reared.’ He draws back to look around the arena for her, finding her standing in the far corner, looking bored. He shakes his head, glowering at her. ‘She is such a little—’
‘Don’t insult her,’ I say, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. ‘This is my fault.’
He stands up and holds out his hand for me, using the other to support my back as I get to my feet. I brush the dirt off my jeans and move all my limbs a little to make sure I am genuinely okay and Mateo’s beauty hasn’t distracted me from serious injury.
‘That I won’t argue with,’ he says disapprovingly. ‘Ash, what were you thinking taking her out on your own? She’s the most difficult pony in the yard. You’re a beginner!’
‘I’m not a complete beginner. I’ve ridden before. It’s been a while, that’s all.’ I look over at her, my shoulders slumping in disappointment. ‘I thought I could handle her. It was stupid of me.’
‘You were giving her conflicting commands, jerking those reins back suddenly when you were cantering. And your positioning wasn’t great. I could see how tense you were. She would have sensed that, too. She likely panicked. Both of you could have been seriously hurt.’
I hang my head and nod.
He seems to take pity on me, adding, ‘Although, you did well at first. She was responding to you nicely when you were trotting.’
I glance up at him in surprise. ‘You saw that?’
‘I happened to be passing. I didn’t realise anyone else was still here,’ he admits, which is no surprise.
The most dedicated player on the team, Mateo is always the first to arrive at the stables along with the grooms and usually the last to leave.
‘It was lucky someone was around. Please don’t do this again. ’
‘I won’t,’ I say, my hands still trembling a little from the fall. ‘I know now, I’m not meant to ride, after all.’
He looks puzzled. ‘I meant don’t go out here on your own, not that you shouldn’t ride again. At your level, you need an instructor.’
‘No one round here has the time, and anyway, I think I’ve had my fill for a while,’ I say glumly. ‘I should get Serafina to bed.’
‘I’ll do that. Go and sit down for a bit while I get one of the grooms to look over you and then you can get home. I’ll ring your brother and talk to him about the signs of concussion so he can keep an eye on you,’ he mumbles, seeming troubled by something.
‘Honestly, I’m fine.’
‘Symptoms can be delayed.’
Relenting, I thank him again and pick up my helmet from where I dropped it on the floor before I make my way to the exit, my body bruised, my ego shattered.
In bed that night, I wince at every movement, my limbs aching and my heart sinking at how I’d made such a fool of myself.
I go into work the next day, hoping to bump into Mateo at some point to apologise again for my stupidity, but I don’t see him until two days after when he comes to seek me out as I’m finishing my jobs for the night.
‘Ash, there you are. How are you feeling?’ he asks, his brow furrowed.
‘Better, thanks,’ I say, pushing my hair out my eyes as I shut and lock a stable door. ‘I’m so sorry for taking Serafina out. I feel like such a—’
He waves his hand dismissively to cut me off. ‘It’s fine. What are you doing now?’
‘I… uh… I’m about to go home. Why? Is there something you need?’
‘I need you to tack up Elinor,’ he says.
‘Elinor,’ I repeat in confusion, knowing her to be the most docile pony in the yard.
‘Yes, I’m going to give you a lesson,’ he states.
‘What?’
‘You want instruction. I’m going to teach you how to ride. I can’t promise it will be every day, but when we have the time, we can do it. I have the time now.’
‘But…’ I stare at him, stunned. ‘Why?’
‘Because it’s important that you don’t let the fall put you off riding completely, and you should keep riding. You don’t have any experience, but you’re good at it. I think you could be very good.’
‘You… you do?’
‘Yes, Ash, I do.’ He turns on his heel to stride out of the stables, calling, ‘I’ll meet you in the indoor arena,’ back over his shoulder while I stand frozen to the spot, speechless.