Chapter Nine
I woke up this morning a dead man.
At least, that’s the way it feels. I’m empty. There’s nothing left alive inside me.
Today is the day I send both our souls to purgatory.
Not wanting to look her in the eye when I know what’s coming, I carefully climb from bed and get dressed.
Birdie is worn out from me staying buried inside her all night. I was insatiable because I knew what today would bring. I knew it was the last time I was going to be inside her. I fucking knew it would be the last time I’d get to call her mine. And I motherfucking knew it’d be the last time I’d see love and happiness instead of heartbreak and betrayal.
At the bedroom door, I turn, burning every fucking detail of her sleeping peacefully into my brain.
I bow my head and close my eyes, saying goodbye to the version of me that stands in this room. When I open them, everything around me looks different. It feels different. It’s dull, colorless, and devoid of life.
This place is no longer my home. It’s only a reminder of the life I’m giving up to protect the one sleeping so contently in our bed.
“Fucking love you, little mama,” I whisper before pulling the bedroom door shut quietly behind me.
I don’t look around at this place I call home as I aim for the front door, because when I step foot inside it again, it’s no longer going to be that.
My home will be long gone from Coral Cay by the time I come back here.
I’m on a warpath when I slam through the clubhouse doors. My mood is blacker than my soul, and people move out of my path as I storm through to my office. Most of the brothers understand, all of them carefully avoiding my eyes for now. But none of them appear as if they’re faring any better, and if we don’t get our shit together, the whole goddamn ruse will be over before it even fucking begins.
I stay hidden in my office throughout the day, taking care of shit that needs to be dealt with. I check in with suppliers, reach out to clients, and run through the logs Pretty Boy sends me each week for the club businesses.
Birdie has texted me a few times. I’ve read over them, not feeling shit. I shut off the caring side of myself back at that house, and there’s no way in fuck I plan on turning that back on anytime in the near future. When I’m ready for her to come to the clubhouse, I’ll reply. Until then, the messages sit as read but not replied to.
The brothers drop in over the next couple hours in the guise of needing this or that from me, but I know they’re worried about how shut down I am.
Too bad for them, I can’t find it in me to reassure them I’m fine.
I call for church later that day so we can go over our first run at the Steel Slayers once Birdie and Valkyrie are far from Coral Cay. Cypher and Bugsy have agreed to follow them to wherever they head, ensuring they make it there safely. I warn the brothers that they all need to get their shit together because one look at them and anyone can tell they’re going to do something tonight they don’t really want to do. Their acting skills better be on fucking par when Birdie rolls through this clubhouse later.
They stare at me as if they don’t know this stranger in front of them, and I suppose none of them do. I’ve always said Birdie was the only light left inside me. They were used to seeing that, but this is who I am now—a man without a soul.
By the time I call an end to church and we file out of the chapel, they’re all back to their normal selves.
For the most part.
As night falls, I grab my phone from my pocket and pull up the last message Birdie sent me an hour ago.
LITTLE MAMA
If you don’t answer me, I’m showing up at the damn club and having it out.
I hit the reply button and type out a response.
POPE
So come.
I shove it back into my pocket after Birdie sends me a reply that she’d be here in twenty, and I search through the common room until I find the club whore I’m looking for.
“Diamond,” I bark. Her wheat-colored hair swishes as she swings her head around. I crook a finger. “Here, now.”
When she’s standing in front of me, I close the distance between us and wrap my fingers in her hair. I pull her head back until she’s staring up at me and I see the acknowledgment in her eyes that this is it. She closes them for a quick second, and when she opens them again, she’s in her role. She’s no longer Birdie’s friend but a club girl doing what her President is asking of her.
Leaning down and ignoring the shocked whispers from a few club members, I bury my nose in her neck.
“Twenty minutes,” I warn her, my voice low enough that it only reaches her ears.
She nods, lifting her hands to lock at my waist for appearances, and when the shudder travels over my body, it’s not from desire, as others looking on would assume.
When I pull away, I wink at her with a smirk.
She shakes her head, tossing her hair with a giggle. “You’re bad, Pope.”
Diamond walks away, heading back to the other club whores and leaning in with laughter as if she’s excited about what’s happening.
I’m good about listening to my gut, and I’m secure in the knowledge that she’s only playing her role. I saw the pain in her eyes when she realized what we were going to have to do.
I’m tossing drinks down my throat when I spot the time above the bar.
Fucking fuck. It’s time.
Letting out a whistle, I plaster a fun, playful smirk on my face. “Let’s take this party to the playroom, my brothers. It’s time I let loose.”
The words have my throat tightening, but you wouldn’t know it from the outside. I didn’t take the drama classes that Diamond has, but I’ve had a lot of fucking practice during the first fourteen years of my life pretending to be someone I’m not to have the ability to pull this shit off.
“Diamond, babe, come,” I order.
I let my eyes roll over her as she struts up to me, feigning the desire I’m supposed to be feeling. She’s smiling as if she’s excited about what’s going to happen, but the closer she gets, I can tell how stiff it is.
She slides her hand into mine, and I follow Manic, Cyanide, and the majority of the council into the playroom. There are angry, heated stares aimed at my back, but no one will speak a word against me because of my position.
I lift a brow at Spunky. “Well, what are you waiting for? Turn some goddamn music on and let’s fucking party.”
Her eyes twinkle. “Do I finally get a taste of you, Pope?”
Fuck no.
I don’t say that, though. Instead, I smirk and roll my eyes over her. “Diamond gets that pleasure tonight.” I reach out and run my finger down her cheek. “Maybe later, though, yeah?”
Diamond snuggles closer, getting further into her role and wrapping her arm around me. “Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to brag about how big his cock is so you can be jealous.”
“Bitch,” Spunky breathes, envy written all over her face.
“Music,” I snap, my skin itching to get this over with.
Vortex sends me a text letting me know that Birdie and Valkyrie are at the gates. I told him earlier that I needed him to not let them in straight away as he normally would so we could sell this a bit harder. I make eye contact with each brother in this room to let them know this is it. Game faces slide into place and subtle nods are aimed my way.
I chug a bottle of Devil’s Mark until it’s nearly empty then text Vortex back to let them in.
“Ready?” I whisper, turning to look down at Diamond.
“No, but we’re doing this.”
I drop onto the couch, widen my legs, and let my eyes drop into a hooded stare. “Dance for me, babe. Show me what those hips do,” I order loud enough for the others not in on the plan to hear.
Nothing.
I feel absolutely fucking nothing.
Reaching up, I grab hold of her hips and bring her closer, pretending I’m enjoying this. “Grind that pussy on me.”
Birdie will know if I’m not showing any interest, so for a few seconds, I put her in Diamond’s place. The quick mind swap does the trick and my cock moves behind my jeans as I picture it being my woman climbing on top of me.
Diamond places both knees on the couch until she’s hovering over me, her hips twisting and rolling in time with the song. Her hands run over her body as she dances, cupping her bare tits and rolling her nipples between her fingers.
I groan as I picture Birdie doing the same thing.
There’s commotion coming from outside the playroom, and I know she’s just found out that I’m in here, so I fall deeper into my new persona and stare up at Diamond as if I’m dying of thirst and just found my oasis.
From the corner of my eye, I see Birdie and Valkyrie shove their way through the wall of people trying to keep them out.
“Show me that pussy,” I order, steadily keeping my eyes away from the devastation I can feel coming from that side of the room.
I lift my hands to anchor her hips, helping guide her to a standing position.
Diamond’s eyes turn glassy, feeling the same thing I am, but she slides off my lap in a sensual move and starts to push her panties over her hips. Birdie orders her to stop, and I see in her eyes that Diamond wants to listen, but she just smirks and continues lowering them.
Birdie stops next to us, her betrayed eyes bouncing back and forth between us. “Never, in all the years I’ve known you, did I think you would ever be the one to rip my heart to shreds. I gave you one boundary, and you swore, fucking swore, to me that you would never break it. You knew how important it was. Despite what you obviously think, I’m not stupid, Pope. The moment you started changing, I knew something was going on. I begged you to talk to me. I deserved for you to talk to me. So, I know that all of this,” she pauses, waving her hand around, “is merely a show you put on for me. But it doesn’t even matter because even with that being the truth, you betrayed me. You didn’t trust me enough to handle whatever it is that’s going on. There was one thing that I warned you we’d never come back from, and that was touching another woman in the manner that you just have. You destroyed us, Pope. You and only you. You took this beautiful love we had and you turned it to ash, and I hope it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth for the rest of your life.”
I shrug, acting as if her words don’t shred me to pieces. “It’s club life, little mama.”
“Bullshit,” she screams, her voice cracking from the pain building inside her. “It’s you being a goddamn coward. Yeah, this is club life, but it’s not our life.”
“Birdie,” Valkyrie murmurs, grasping her arm gently, “it’s not worth it.”
There’s a tone in her voice that has me wondering if she’s speaking on something more, but I’m so fucking empty that I don’t have it in me to figure it out.
Birdie carefully slides her arm from her sister’s hold and turns to face the rest of the room. “You all were my family.” She finds Cyanide. “Especially you. You’re my big brother. You’re supposed to protect me from this pain,” she sobs.
Cyanide shrugs. “I love you, B, but this club is my life and you’re not his old lady. You refused that claim each time he tried to make it.”
There’s something about his words that make her pause. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before opening them again.
And when I see the light no longer there, I know we all have a special place in hell waiting for us.
“I thought this club was built on loyalty. I thought this club meant family. For you all to turn on me like this because I don’t wear that old lady title shows me that everything I thought about this club and all of you is absolute bullshit. I loved every single person in this club, and I would’ve happily given my life for any of you, but right now, I’d happily watch you burn. Congratulations, Saint’s Outlaws, you’re all fucking dead to me. Whatever’s going on, I hope it’s worth it.”
Birdie turns to leave, not even bothering to address Diamond, which tells me just how deep she’s cut because my Birdie would have been the first to put a broad in her place. Valkyrie halts her by grabbing her hand, but Birdie doesn’t turn back around. She continues to face the wall of members standing by the door, and from the way some of them flinch, she’s not hiding the fact we’ve destroyed her.
Valkyrie pins us with eyes shooting murderous intent. “You’re all fucking stupid. I refuse to be associated with people who could hurt someone they claim to love so easily.” She finds Manic, notes the girl on his lap, and smirks. “You’re all the fucking same, and right now, not worth much. Most of you watched the hell we went through when our dad pulled this kind of shit. You knew why loyalty was always so big to us. Especially you, Cyanide ,” she sneers. “You can erase us from the club and your lives because you’ll never see us step foot in here again.”
The girls walk out with their heads held high.
Silence fills the room as we all process what we just did.
A loud sob breaks from Diamond, but I can’t move. Can’t really find it in me to comfort her despite what she just did for me and our club. There’s a bit of relief when Malice wraps her in his arms.
Vortex sends me a text letting me know the girls are off club property, and I nod.
There. It’s done. She’s safe. She’s safe because she no longer belongs to me or the club.
Pain fights its way in, but I viciously shove it out. “Get me a bottle,” I bark.
Someone shoves it into my hand, and I bring it to my mouth. It burns going down, but I keep going, needing something to erase the memory of the expression on Birdie’s face when she heard me order Diamond to show me her pussy. Needing something to erase the agony in her words when she laid herself out in front of us and showed us her damage.
My brothers clear the club whores out of the room until I’m left with only them at my side.
I stumble to my feet, needing to feel something. Needing something to anchor me and tell me I did the right thing. “Hit me,” I roar.
No one moves. They’re all staring at me in concern as they watch me lose what little sanity I have left.
Throwing the bottle against the wall, I watch it shatter and the amber liquid trail down the paint. “I said someone fucking hit me,” I scream, grabbing my hair and pulling.
No sooner do I get the last word out, Manic steps in front of me with a malicious smile and swings.
“Gladly,” he snarls, needing this as much as I do.
Before I know it, we’re all brawling against each other, violence being the only way we know to express the pain we’re feeling.
Tomorrow dawns a new day.
A new chapter of a new story.
One of a man who’s about to set the goddamn world on fire to protect the woman he loves.
Until then, brother against brother, we’re going to fight out our pain.