Chapter 36
Chase
“You’re doing it again,” Diego said.
I looked up from the bench press to where he hovered, hands outstretched, ready to catch the bar if I faltered. I groaned as I shoved the thing upward. “Doing what?”
“That.” He gestured at my face. “The grinning thing. You’ve been doing it since you got here.”
“I’m not grinning. I’m trying not to die under the extra plate you threw on the bar.”
I finished my set, and Diego helped the bar settle onto the rack as I sat up.
“You’re absolutely grinning. You look like you’re one of the bad guys on The Traitors and just voted out the fifth Faithful in a row.”
I wiped sweat from my face with a towel. “I’m just in a good mood. I’m allowed to be happy, aren’t I?”
“Uh-huh.” Diego crossed his arms, studying me with the gaze of a professional investigator—which he was not but thought he was because he watched Law at least, I did. He can be a bit slow on the uptake, if you know what I mean.” Diego sat back and shrugged, a wistful grin twisting his lips. “Sometimes you just know.”
“But what if I’m wrong? What if he’s not feeling the same way? What if I stick my neck out and all he wants is a roll in the hay?”
“Or on the counter,” he shot back.
I flicked him a bird.
“Is he acting like he’s not feeling the same way?”
I thought about Finn’s texts, the way he’d kissed me goodbye last night. I pictured the way he’d looked at me like I was the only person in the world.
“No,” I admitted. “He’s not.”
“Then stop overthinking, you fucking lawyer. You like him. He likes you. You had amazing sex. Those are all good things.”
“I know, but—”
“But what?”
“But I have a track record of putting work ahead of everything and letting relationships die because I prioritize my career over everything else. What if I do that again?”
Diego was quiet for a moment. “Are you working seventy-hour weeks right now?”
“No. I negotiated the modified partnership track, remember? I’m down to about fifty, maybe fifty-five on busy weeks.”
“And are you happy with that?”
“Yeah. I am. I’m getting my work done, the Morrisons are happy with my performance, and I have time to live my life.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem is—” My throat tightened as I tried to articulate the fear that had been lurking in the back of my mind. “The problem is that I’m scared I’ll mess this up, that I’ll fall back into old patterns and hurt him because I can’t balance everything.”
“Chase.” Diego reached across the table and smacked my arm.
“Stop catastrophizing. You’re not the same person you were five years ago.
Hell, you’re not even the same person you were six months ago.
You made changes. You set boundaries. You chose to have a life outside of work.
Those are real changes, mature, adulty changes, as much as it hurts you to admit it. ”
“I know, but—”
“No buts. I mean, yes, butts, but no buts with one T.” He grinned at his own ridiculousness. “You like this guy, and he clearly likes you. You’re good together. Stop looking for reasons it won’t work and start enjoying the fact that it is working.”
I stabbed a piece of lettuce. The fucking thing needed to die for looking at me all happy and hopeful while I wallowed in self-doubt and pity.
“You think it’s working?” I asked.
“You showed up to the gym this afternoon grinning like an idiot because you got laid by someone you care about. So yeah, Chase, I think it’s working.
” He picked up his burger again. “Now, can we talk about something else? I love you like a brother, but if you keep spiraling about this, I’m going to need to switch from beer to vodka. ”
I laughed. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Your kitchen counter?”
“Oh my God.”
“Because I’m just saying, food safety is important—”
“I so hate you.”
“Also, I need more details about this counter situation because I have questions. David loves to try—”
“Absolutely not!”
“Was it comfortable? Because granite is hard—”
“Diego!”
“I’m just concerned about your joint health! You’re not getting any younger—”
I threw a fry at him.
He caught it and ate it, still laughing.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he said. “But seriously, Chase, I’m happy for you. You deserve someone who makes you smile like that.”
“Thanks.”
“Just promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Don’t overthink or self-sabotage. Don’t let fear ruin something good.” Diego’s expression was serious now. “You have a tendency to talk yourself out of happiness. Don’t do that this time.”
I thought about Finn.
About the way he looked at me.
About the way I felt when I was with him.
“I’ll try,” I said.
The minute my car door shut and Diego drove away, I swiped open my phone and typed.
Me: Hey, you. How’s the bar?
Finn: Packed. Benji started another sing-along. He switched to Taylor Swift songs. Send help!
Me: Sorry, I’m off duty. But I miss you.
Finn: Yeah?
Me: Yeah. Do I really have to wait to see you? How about tomorrow?
Finn: I work tomorrow, too, but you could come to the bar? It’s not a game night, so it shouldn’t be a zoo.
Me: I’ll be there.
Finn: Good. Your booth misses you.
Me: It’s officially my booth now?
Finn: It’s had a reserved sign with your name on it all week. That was actually Mark’s doing.
Me: Seriously?
I smiled at my screen, that same warmth spreading through my chest that had been there all day.
Me: Get back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Finn: Can’t wait.